The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

....... but apart from that Ahlot is a ....................

........ good sort who spends considerable time on the beach in Bali where he has both of his feet rubbed by that Balinese lady who rubbed Rhonda's in the advert.

 

 

 

When other foot rubbers would approach, she would so "No ......... Ahlot is mine, he has nice BRAKE FOOT, but I do wish that he would wear pants, as when you are sitting down this end it is .............

 

 

[Bryon]

...cover his little boobles which are so enticing and....

 

 

[Guest Andys@coffs]

At this point Andy interrupted....... to put right a mistake that Rat had unknowingly put forth....firstly there was no Ketut! with Ahlow rather the word was Kentut!!!

 

And the complete sentence that Ahlow was repeating over and over was "Saya Cinta Kentut" !!!!!!

 

and for those that can drive www.translate.google.com the reason for Ahlow muttering those words over and over as he popped zipped down to his local bank was all too clear already!!!

 

 

[Captain]

At this point Andy interrupted....... to put right a mistake that Rat had unknowingly put forth....firstly there was no Ketut! with Ahlow rather the word was Kentut!!!

And the complete sentence that Ahlow was repeating over and over was "Saya Cinta Kentut" !!!!!!!!!

However the NES Gentle Readers were shocked that a potential RA-Oz Board Member would use such language, so reports were provided to the Moderrattti Magnificentti Splendifferosso (and Eeeen) and Andy was in the poo to a depth equivalent to an incipient spin while turning base (shiploads of AvRefs).

 

 

 

"Did you see what Andy wrote about me?" said Steve (the real Arlot the Harlot) when he and Ratty met for their usual bi (NTTIAWWT)-weekly coffee and cake "I'm worried that Turdy and the Foot-long are now going to jump in and take this rotten truth to new depths, where Tink might also mention that time where ....................

 

 

[turboplanner]

...........it............but Turbo was the model of loyalty to his friends. What happened in the gay bars or wherever they went stayed in the gay bars or wherever they went. He, like the ladies of the North Wagga CWA were more concerned about the bad language that had been going on.

 

And that led to one of the most shocking periods in Wagga Wagga turdid history.

 

With flags and banners in hand, one the way to protest in the main street about this bad language, Effie walked past the bob and heard........................

 

 

[Captain]

......... our beloved Harlot say "Aks, chimley, waps, Mextorians, Eeeen, vergina, nucular, soccer, Antartic, athelete, Old-Timer's disease, a blessing in the skies" ...... and he used them all in one sentence.

 

 

 

"You shoulda heard him butchering the lingo, and they used the word "gay" when it didn't mean happy, plus they ............

 

 

[turboplanner]

lowered their voices, prompting Effie to take a nervous step into the doorway for a closer look.

 

It was all innocent, Ahlow had said to the Rat in an embarrassed voice "I was cleaning out the hanger (sic) [Ed: not knowing the difference between a hangar and a hanger is like a kid not knowing about Maccas] and might of (sic) sat on a splinter. Could you have a look for me.?"

 

Just then Esme and Edith walked up and scared the sh$t out of Effie and there was a nasty exchange for a few minutes as Effie desperately tried to convince them she wasn't a client.

 

In the meantime Ahlot had pulled down his pants, and Ratso had pulled out a needle from the cosmetic case he always carried.

 

As the three ladies jostled each other in the doorway for a better look, the tall concave shadow of the Rat towered over the prone form with the tightly rounded bum all fieries have, and the shadows told a less innocent story, not helped by the little cry of relief from Ahlot when the splinter was removed.

 

It wouldn't have been too bad except that at this stage Ratso decided to apply some of Turbo's patented Possum Jelly to the wound.

 

Being the mean animal that he is, he'd kept it for twenty years and wasn't aware of the original scandal which caused Turbo, although completely innocent of any wrongdoing, to withdraw it from the market.

 

The Possum Jelly story became infamous as the old Truth Newspaper story, "The Locked Dogs of Gumly Gumly"

 

Wally was the butcher's Kelpie, and could always be seen asleep in front of the shop

 

Josy was the Publican's Blue Heeler bitch who would wander down to the Butcher shop each morning from some meat scraps, and from time to time get more meat than she expected.

 

Around this time Turbo's Possum Group had produced a byproduct which Turbo called Possum Jelly. He was aiming at the market dominated by KY, but thought it best to sell to Vets first as a trial soother for burns other minor wounds.

 

Wally was showing signs of soreness from his excess work, so one morning the butcher decided to apply some of Turbo's possum jelly to the sore part.

 

A few minutes later up trotted Josy, and it was on again, but something had gone wrong with the chemicals and the jelly set like superglue.

 

With a howl of pain Josy took off for the nearby scrub.

 

The Gumly Gumly townspeople formed a search team, but the only tracks they picked up were Josy's with the odd scratch marks of Wally's toes every four metres or so.

 

The dogs were nearby because the residents could hear them howling in the night, and two days later they came back to town, still as a twosome.

 

Whenever anyone tried to approach them Josy would take off, with Wally lurching backwards front paws in the air and hind legs desperately trying to keep up (you try it some time)

 

Finally the townspeople formed a large circle and closed in on the dogs.

 

They almost had them when Josy broke away and shot under the little hall.

 

There was a bangbang bangbang bangbang bangbang bangbang as Wally's head hit the joists on the way through, and in terrible pain he finally wrenched his way free.

 

There was a positive side to the story though; one of the residents wrote the Gumly Gumly football song called Ban Bang, and it served them well for years.

 

Turbo advises readers that the Current Affair investigation was a beat up, and things he had said over a three hour interview had been spliced together into a 7 minute segment which gave a completely misleading story.

 

But now, in the BoB Ratso and Ahlot were about to make news all over again, and in front of the CWA..................

 

 

[Captain]

NOTICE .......... NOTICE .......... NOTICE ............ NOTI..........

 

 

 

Tried to reply but there are no words left in today's quota. TurdBro has used 'em all. Regards El Ra..............

 

 

[turboplanner]

Another day, another 10,000 words

 

 

[Captain]

9,995.

 

 

 

And the local paper, the Gumly Gumly Gazette (still owned by Ruprecht Murder) reported:

 

 

 

"Thumbs Up to the brave surgeon who removed a massive splinter from the ding of one of Wagga's leading locksmiffs."

 

 

 

"Thumbs Down to the BOB for encouraging the use of fence palings in the manner that they do. Fence palings are not a toy, nor an aphrodisiac"

 

 

 

"Thumbs up to the CWA for keeping an eye on the nefarious ...............

 

 

[Bryon]

...nether regions of that naughty nymphet known as Ahlot-the-harlot, the ne'er-do-well who has a penchant for nobbly knees and french knickers which....

 

 

[turboplanner]

....stand out in Wagga Wagga, especially in the main street, where.............

 

 

[Bryon]

........during winter, the icicles hang like ........

 

 

[turboplanner]

..........stalagtites from the noses of the young girls, and.............

 

 

[Captain]

......... similar to what goes on at Stalag-luft Bange-It-Holme, otherwise known as Cassa TurdBro, where tights are forboten, the possums are nervous, and young girls are ..........

 

 

[Bryon]

...ready to run at the first sign of a loose possum skin jockstrap which....

 

 

[Captain]

...ready to run at the first sign of a loose possum skin jockstrap which....

....., as every WW lass is taught from birth, it doesn't matter how tight is the possum G-string, thong or j-strap, if the wearer's skin & the morals are loose that will surely be your downfall.

 

 

 

Then they are all put in a bus and annually taken to Temora for Easter where they are driven around NatFry to see the breadth of depravity that a bunch of old pharts can get up to ..... and to attend seminars on typical TurdBro seduction sayings such as "Hey, madam CWA President, do you want to come with me and see me pull a rabbit out of my baseball cap, or alternatively I can pull a hair out of my ...............

 

 

[turboplanner]

"...ferret,and ...................."

 

 

[Captain]

"...ferret, and ...................."

........ let me assure you and all of the ladies of the CWA, that mine is a fine, powerful, muscly ferret .......... with merit .......... and ...........

 

 

[turboplanner]

"...rarely makes an...................."

 

Word credit 263 [Ed: Good work Turbo, wish there were more like you xx]

 

 

[BLA82]

Sound except when hanging by...l.

 

 

[turboplanner]

...le balles, in which case he screams and bites, so Madame, please do not touche les orbs, or.........

 

 

[Captain]

...le balles, in which case he screams and bites, so Madame, please do not touche les orbs, or.........

....nithologiclly speaking, if you give his agates a tweak he gets annoyed too, or as we say it en Francais, "Ne donner sa calcédoine un tirer", but then who can be certain that Turdy's ferret is a male, just because .......

 

 

Ma Tante says welcome to BLA82 and she also says "WOO HOO what a ride."

 

 

[Captain]

ASIDE ..................

 

 

 

El Ratpoo is riding up to Natfly today and intends to walk the length and breadth of the joint calling out for "The Turdy Plonker" and "Ahlot the Harlot".

 

 

 

Will report the result to our dear NES readers if I am not arrested or rump checked (AvRef).

 

 

 

Regards Ratty

 

 

[turboplanner]

CASA was quick to respond to Ratso's taunt.

 

A CASA spokesman said: "We can think of better things to do that looking up a Rat's Axxx"

 

"What?" asked Turbo who was in Cogneto's machine.

 

"Would you like a check?" said the surly CASA man giving Turbo "the glare"

 

"Go ahead, make my day" said Turbo, and.............