The Never Ending Story

[FlyingVizsla]

"Would you like a check?" said the surly CASA man giving Turbo "the glare"

 

"Go ahead, make my day" said Turbo, and.............

 

 

.... turned his celebrated rump for the check .... this explains the deserted scene on the Ratfly webcam and the title:

 

Natfly Temora Airport 2012 Looking to the North

 

 

 

[Captain]

......... and on arrival, the CASA Inspector stepped out from behind the dunny & invited Ratso into the hangar for more than just a rump check.

 

 

 

It was a full CASA cavity search in accordance with Regulations section 126, subsection 291.(a).i.vviii.xxl.26 paragraph 29.1.3.6.9 (as amended) and on hearing all of those numbers all CASA & NTSB employees barred up.

 

 

 

So being a compliant member of the public, your beloved Rat submitted himself and the Inspector took rubber gloves from his flasher's coat then thwacked them on.

 

 

 

But in mid-search, during that particularly embarrassing bit, the lights came on and your beloved Rat was on the stage in Hangar 5 providing the warm-up entertainment for a crowd of about 50 who were cheering (until they realized that they were next) and had come to hear a talk by Macka on how much CASA love their brothers at RA-Oz, are there to help, and want to .............

 

 

[turboplanner]

..........show them the freedom of flight.

 

We can't tell you what went on in that hanger hanguar hunger hanar [Moderated] for family reasons, but it was told through many eyes teary with laughter that Macca took a flight which outlasted the famous WRight Brothers event, and then.....

 

 

[Captain]

....... ridiculed poor Ratty, who though that a cavity search was a free dental check-up.

 

 

 

But imagine your beloved rodent's surprise when he opened his mouth for his freebie and under Macca's delegated authority (and delight) some government safety authority clown (who wasn't even very "civil") stuck his finger up ..............

 

 

[turboplanner]

........the other end.

 

Rattus departed the tarmac like a fully optioned Brumby , but since he had his mouth fully open, collected a bee which stung him on the stettus lingus, causing him to......

 

 

[Captain]

........the other end.Rattus departed the tarmac like a fully optioned Brumby , but since he had his mouth fully open, collected a bee which stung him on the stettus lingus, causing him to......

...... consider that other 'lingus before his throat swelled too much.

 

 

 

Some interest was shown by the Temora CWA, but ............

 

 

[turboplanner]

...old Edna said "It's not like it was in the old days at Narfromine, they were MEN up there who knew how to organise a r[Moderated, Edna has been watching too many news stories]"

 

Off in the distance across the cold icy landscape of Temora a faint glow could be seen in some trees, and the faint sound of guitars and banjos could be heard "Crick go the Shears boys, Crick Crick Creck"

 

It was the "Descendants of Cowla Escapees Trip" organised by Scenic Tours. They had all flown out in a Gulfstream specially chartered, and had been issued with Alpine sleeping bags and heated tents.

 

As they sat around the fire and the excited chatter died down, one said "Soichiro Junior, why you have American name?"

 

"My grandfather, Soichiro Honda wanted to sell bikes to Americans, so he took marketing advice; I think it clap"

 

He went on "For that matter Yamaha San why did your grandfather make motor bikes"

 

"I can answer that" said Suzuki San who was dressed like a ponce in white leathers to match his white poncy bikes. "When Honda San, Yamaha San, Suzuki San, Toyoda San and Matsuda San went on weekend trips to Turbo's grandfather's farm, he gave them a BSA Bantam to ride around the paddocks hunting rabbits.

 

"This thing couldn't pull skin off Lice pudding" said Yamaha San, "It slower than Labbit" said Suzuki San (keeping the name for future use)

 

"If we couldn't do better than this we deserve looting" said Honda San.

 

Toyoda San and Matsuda San were very stuck up people and didn't join in the hours of planning so they went off and did other things, but when the others got home the hills around Kyoto soon echoed to the scream of these "two wheel Ninjas"

 

At first they were not realiable, in fact they nearly threw as many rods as Harleys did.

 

But here today were their grandsons, arriving in a Gulfstream, and............

 

 

[Captain]

........ the Gulfstleam was a Geee 550 frown by a Japanese-Skippy looking pirot who intloduced himself as Mitch.

 

 

 

"Wow" leplied Soichiro Jnr the third "That is a vely Aussie name (Mitch was also often heard leferring to this Gulfstlean model as a "Geez and Cricky by-Jingo 550" which was a bit of a giveaway.)

 

 

 

"No, mate, not at all, as I my full name is Mitch Ubishi and I have to formally say that it is a gleat honour to be tlansporting the nippers of the great & oliginal Honda San, Yamaha San, Suzuki San, Toyoda San, Zelo San and Matsuda San .......... but I think that we might have a ling-in as he pointed to Sam."

 

 

 

What's your full name?" demanded Mitch "Solly" leplied Sam, "But I am honoulable Sam Sung ....... San ....... and I am a ...................

 

 

[turboplanner]

....nightcrub dancer in the Ginza.

 

He Sharp San think, said Tachamida memory been destroyed by roud noise from band, and...

 

 

[Captain]

..... from self abuse.

 

 

 

"Hey Sam" called Mitch "Did you know Kim Jong Ill?"

 

 

 

"Too right" replied Sam "He was a china-plate of mine (although in this case he was a Korean-serving-dish of mine), but I knew him before he became Ill, as when I used to hang out with him he was just crook with the flu."

 

 

 

"G'day Sam" yelled one of his other mates, Warren Undai.

 

 

 

"Oh, Hi Undai" replied Sam who was also .............

 

 

[turboplanner]

...in a career that was quite different from his grandfather who had been a Japanese slave.

 

There was a loud metallic pop followed by the jangling of metal parts on the road, and a few minutes later a shadow emergerged.

 

"Who are you/" asked Matsuda San.

 

"Davidson..........Harley Davidson" said the tall figure and they all started giggling.

 

"Thanks for ringing doorbell" giggled Honda San and they all burst out laughing, and then.............

 

 

[Captain]

..."Thanks for ringing doorbell" giggled Honda San and they all burst out laughing, and then.............

..... out stepped a gorgeous creature wearing all the latest fashions.

 

 

 

"Geeeez" said Harley involuntarily "She's a stunner. What's your name darl'n?"

 

 

 

"I'm Sue" she replied wearing a lovely white dress and with a body that was to die for.

 

 

 

But it was not our very own Sue, the Flying Vision of Loveliness, and she sidled over next to Harley for a chat & a flirt (but not a Furt) ...... and to examine his flexible 1940's frame.

 

 

 

"She's much better rooking than you" yelled Mitch to Harley.

 

 

 

"You are unbelievably beautiful" said Harley as he tried to crack on using his favourite pick-up line "Who are you and what's your star sign?"

 

 

 

"I am Sue Zuki, from the M109R galaxy" she replied "I like being ridden fast & hard, I handle well, I am reliable and I am a .............

 

 

[Bandit12]

.....very wide ride when viewed from the rear."

 

At this Tubby woke from his cat nap/microsleep/avgas sniffing induced coma, stretched luxuriously and pondered the benefit of a wide rear.

 

"I'll give it a whirl" cried Tubby, reaching for his......

 

 

[turboplanner]

ERSA, which as usual was up to date.

 

"I'd like to see your ERSA" said Sue Zuki

 

"Wouldn't everyone" replied Turbo with a smirk on his face.

 

"I am a CASA inspector" said Sue Zuki...........................

 

 

[Captain]

"I am a CASA inspector" said Sue Zuki...........................

......... and therefore I am here to help you enjoy your recreational flying even more than before. So flash your ERSA, let me see its use-by date, and show me your wait and balance. I command you to now wait 5 minutes while balancing on one leg .... and erky-perky you can put that ERSA away again now as I can see teeth marks in it."

 

 

 

Tubby zipped up after putting his ERSA away, and stood on one leg impersonating Mr Miyagi from the Karate Kid, but while looking more like Kung Fu Panda, what with his 2 beady black eyes, his wet sticky nose, those black podgy ears that have made him unique on WreckFlying, his flat feet and ...........

 

Tinky Wink standing atop the Grampians with his ERSA almost showing.

 

 

[turboplanner]

....amazing tolerance to the Rat's constant taunts, nevermentioning the mange patch on Ratso's head, the crotch fungus that has pedestrians crossing the street, and other habits which are unmentionable, even on RF.

 

Heads had been raising for the last twenty minutes as various noises were heard out in the bushes away from the campfire.

 

Turbo had given the visitors a short powerpoint presentation on Australian bush hazards such as snakes, spiders and drop bears.

 

"It moving srowry" said Suzuki san

 

"Sound big, probry Drop Bear" said Hinda san in a hushed voice

 

"Get gun Turbo" whispered Undai

 

There were more rustles and then a little white face bobbing up and down through the low brush, and a small man emerged.

 

"What your name" asked Yamaha san

 

"Wall, Great Wall" said the little man

 

"HAR, HAR, HAR" roared Matsuda "It Wobbry Wheels himself!............................................."

 

 

[Captain]

.......... said Ben with a toffy pommy accent.

 

 

 

"Stone the crows" said Mitch "It's Ben Tley and his mate Aston. I hate those blokes"

 

 

 

"Let's all calm down" suggested Hi and when one of them objected he added "Now sit Roen and .............

 

 

[turboplanner]

........you Lady La Da stop picking your nose and join us at..............

 

 

[Captain]

........you Lady La Da stop picking your nose and join us at..............

...... noon when we will go TaTa's to see Taj Mahal" said Ma Hindra.

 

 

 

"Oh crikey" responded Ma Ruti ("Tuti Fruit I want one" chipped in Honda San giving his best Chuck Belly impersolation) "I don't want to go all the way to Uttar Pradesh".

 

 

 

"No, you drongo" replied Ma Hindra "I meant Taj Mahal the singer who is appearing at the BOB (but don't ever let the Harlot lure you out the back into the carpark like he did with me), a taste of which is available at

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O42zwjj-9yI, and then we'll ..........

 

 

[Bob Llewellyn]

...... noon when we will go TaTa's to see Taj Mahal" said Ma Hindra. 

 

"Oh crikey" responded Ma Ruti ("Tuti Fruit I want one" chipped in Honda San giving his best Chuck Belly impersolation) "I don't want to go all the way to Uttar Pradesh".

 

 

 

"No, you drongo" replied Ma Hindra "I meant Taj Mahal the singer who is appearing at the BOB (but don't ever let the Harlot lure you out the back into the carpark like he did with me), a taste of which is available at

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O42zwjj-9yI, and then we'll ..........

the patch of grass behind the men's amenity block. Just then, a white Toyota Coaster drove onto the active runway...

 

 

[Captain]

...... Did his engine runup, emptied his black water tank and made a taxi call, when his wife said "Breaker breaker, bugger this for a lark, can somebody get me a taxi?"

 

And it was at that very moment that Ma Hindra advised the world that she had lost her Chery.

 

"Me too" Replied Tubb "And I also .......

 

 

[Bob Llewellyn]

...... Did his engine runup, emptied his black water tank and made a taxi call, when his wife said "Breaker breaker, bugger this for a lark, can somebody get me a taxi?"

And it was at that very moment that Ma Hindra advised the world that she had lost her Chery.

 

"Me too" Replied Tubb "And I also .......

...but was cut off by Ben Tley: "How droll" he sneered, wishing he had lost his Chery years ago. "Oh, slut up you pommy dlongo!" exclaimed Hy Undai. "You're living in an invisible time walp!". Ben went very red, and reaching out with both hands...

 

 

[turboplanner]

.....and smote Hy a heavy blow to the coxic.

 

This was all Suzuki San needed. He had been seething about falling sales due to the cheap Korean imports but as sometimes happens with Japanese he had a slight brain fade and went for the throat of Great Wall.

 

"We buy Great Wor Ute, consider rebading and export to Australia because they dumb plicks, don't know Suzuki from blick wall, but we find Crutch clap, Steelking clap, suspension clap and blakes clap. When we drive down road go CLAP!, CLAP!, CLAP!"

 

Great Wall immediately hit back, also slightly off target "We buy Mazda Bongo Van, 5,000 for South China Electric Company, go BONGO!, BONGO! BONGO! down load - SCEC say they plefer wheerballow!"

 

From that point things deteriorated fast, when...........

 

 

[Guest Andys@coffs]

Mitch yelled out "Needs to be dlemoclatic!! revryone needs a smote! all smotes are equal!!!!" and proptly gave Harley a smoted eye!

 

Still, these guys weren't in it for the long run and before long ran out of interest in smoting each other....in fact when the dust settled all that was left was NLP and ALP who were related, and they were, as always busy smoting each other furiously........

 

Mitch looked at Suzuki San and Hi and said "AnyWon know who they are??" but the Chinese, Americans and Japanese didn't have a clue until the smiling offsider of ALP Mr Kev07 stuck his head up and said.......

 

 

[turboplanner]

.........Hi I'm Kevin......in Manchurian dialect of course.

 

Great Wall threw his head back and roared laughing "Why you say 'I am a plucked chicken from Sydney, Kevin o7'" and with a further uncontrollable giggle said "What happen to Kevin14 and.........[Moderator: please be nice guys, references to politicians is like these are likely to bring out the fruit loops and fairy danglers].

 

Great Wall threw his head back and laughed, but no sound came out; he had been.........................