The Never Ending Story

[turboplanner]

.................but Madge said "See, told you I was a safe Pilot...nearly lost control for a while there though", but then she realised that it wasn't Ben in the boot but Brine in booties.

 

Now regular NES readers will know that Brine keeps his cholesterol level down by sticking to a diet of whisky, so we would expect him to know his brands, but when he managed to get assorted ERSAS, WACS, spare IPADS, GPS with and without external antennae, and Madge's carefully packed sponge for afternoon tea he was spluttering, and sputtering ".................................."

 

 

[Captain]

........... With every steak sandwich that you buy from the Church group's stall at Natfry, you get a voucher in a draw (to be held on Monday and drawn by Endo) to be "saved", and if you also buy a can of soft-drink your get a discount on a sainthood, so just imagine the benefits if we hook up with them to also offer scotch and sponge cake."

 

 

 

This clever move was designed by Brine (who needs as much help as he can get) to make him a ...............

 

 

[turboplanner]

...............Saint Salty and so qualify for a free counter lunch at the Albion on a Friday where he usually met up with his friends Phouc Tai, Thien Nguyen, Ahmed Abood and Ahmed About, and..............

 

 

[Captain]

...... it actually mattered not to Saint Salty (although he did insist on being called that from here on, however Ahlow being the Ahole that he is, always insisted on calling him Saint Brackish) because Saint Slightly Saline knew someone intimately (NTTIAWWT) who was higher up the periodic table than a Saint.

 

 

 

Not even the deities that are L4's or are CASA Inspectors could rate against His Holiness, our beloved Madgesty, who is a Board Member, an f'n Q'er of high regard eh?, a Lightwing owner, an Axe Manipulator eh?, but even despite that, an all around good bloke, who walked over to the BBQ in his squeaky shorts and said ................

 

 

[turboplanner]

......."I'm also one for the best exhaust pipe welders in the country, but I'll say right now that the exhaust pipe has nothing to do with the Axe engine which is a separate part of the aircraft entirely, and....."

 

 

[Captain]

....... just at that moment there was a deafening noise, and a heap of trucks rolled onto the active runway and headed for the BBQ.

 

 

 

"It must have been the exhaust welding discussion" Turbo said as he knows this truck caper like the back of his back.

 

 

 

The trucks stopped and the blue singlet brigade, who have recently been replaced by the fluro shirt brigade, jumped from their cabs and headed off into the mulga with Nanna and Mavis.

 

 

 

The trucks said g'day and introduced themselves.

 

 

 

There was Kam Az, Des Oto, Dong Feng, Isi Uzu, Peter Bilt and then a big Swedish bloke approached the fire.

 

 

 

"Who are you?" asked Des.

 

 

 

"I am a Vulva FH fitted with a D16G and I am also known as a ...............

 

 

[Bob Llewellyn]

....... just at that moment there was a deafening noise, and a heap of trucks rolled onto the active runway and headed for the BBQ. 

 

"It must have been the exhaust welding discussion" Turbo said as he knows this truck caper like the back of his back.

 

 

 

The trucks stopped and the blue singlet brigade, who have recently been replaced by the fluro shirt brigade, jumped from their cabs and headed off into the mulga with Nanna and Mavis.

 

 

 

The trucks said g'day and introduced themselves.

 

 

 

There was Kam Az, Des Oto, Dong Feng, Isi Uzu, Peter Bilt and then a big Swedish bloke approached the fire.

 

 

 

"Who are you?" asked Des.

 

 

 

"I am a Vulva FH fitted with a D16G and I am also known as a ...............

Mutha of a mover" said the square-looking truck. "Ooooh!" giggled Great Wall, who was dragging a very small piece of ferris wheel towards the dump, "it's One Big Mutha!". The rest of the descendants fell about laughing, when Peter Bilt said...

 

 

[Captain]

Mutha of a mover" said the square-looking truck. "Ooooh!" giggled Great Wall, who was dragging a very small piece of ferris wheel towards the dump, "it's One Big Mutha!". The rest of the descendants fell about laughing, when Peter Bilt said...

...... "I have been there when I went to India to ask permission to merge with Ma Rutti ("Tutti Fluiti I still want one" yelled Nobu from the back to entertain the other Japanese who were getting stuck into the Saki while mixing it with VB), or was it Ma Hindra? The Mutha is a river in western Maharashtra, India, which arises in the Western Ghats and flows eastward until it merges with the Mula River in the city of Pune."

 

 

 

"My fine big buck, Peter, is correct about that, not that we got out of the motel room for very long while he did his "arising" a lot too" responded Ma "And to think that after all that, here he is standing around the fire in good old Temora ("But I'd prefer Narromine" Ma said as an aside to AhLox) looking like a .............

 

 

[Bryon]

...... "I have been there when I went to India to ask permission to merge with Ma Rutti ("Tutti Fluiti I still want one" yelled Nobu from the back to entertain the other Japanese who were getting stuck into the Saki while mixing it with VB), or was it Ma Hindra? The Mutha is a river in western Maharashtra, India, which arises in the Western Ghats and flows eastward until it merges with the Mula River in the city of Pune." 

 

"My fine big buck, Peter, is correct about that, not that we got out of the motel room for very long while he did his "arising" a lot too" responded Ma "And to think that after all that, here he is standing around the fire in good old Temora ("But I'd prefer Narromine" Ma said as an aside to AhLox) looking like a .............

...Pox Doctor in need of a room full of brothel inmates

 

"I resemble that rem...hic...ark" slurred Elratto resplendent in his......

 

 

[Captain]

.......... tent set up well back from the BBQ & fire, complete with its little red light, soft music & velour wallpaper, with Turbo acting as the madam and a line-up of delicious lovelies comprising a Welsh sounding person (they are in particular demand), a Dandenong lovely in a flanno & safety boots, and a LockSchmitt wearing rather revealing lederhosen.

 

 

 

"I wonder why business is so quiet" asked Ratpimp "Is it just that Natfly is a bit subdued or could it be something else? .......... like my lovelies have been hit by the ugly fairy (NTTIAWWT)."

 

 

 

"Hold on there Latty" said Acki "We might be intelested in a gloup late as we hear that you have a Comfort-Schmitt and a couple of Melbournistan veiled lovelies who are ..........

 

 

[Bob Llewellyn]

.......... tent set up well back from the BBQ & fire, complete with its little red light, soft music & velour wallpaper, with Turbo acting as the madam and a line-up of delicious lovelies comprising a Welsh sounding person (they are in particular demand), a Dandenong lovely in a flanno & safety boots, and a LockSchmitt wearing rather revealing lederhosen. 

 

"I wonder why business is so quiet" asked Ratpimp "Is it just that Natfly is a bit subdued or could it be something else? .......... like my lovelies have been hit by the ugly fairy (NTTIAWWT)."

 

 

 

"Hold on there Latty" said Acki "We might be intelested in a gloup late as we hear that you have a Comfort-Schmitt and a couple of Melbournistan veiled lovelies who are ..........

accomplished berry dancers and able to hold our saki... what is that smoke?" The Rat dropped his J, and looked around in mock surprise. "No, fleabrain!" said Acki, "Not the reefer, the back of the tent... uuuurgh" as he was trampled by the Dandenong safety boots. Turbo grabbed a glass of scotch, threw it on the flames, and flew backwards as it exploded. "Ah!" said Hy, who had just entered behind the departing boots. "Old Suntory? Fuggen' OW!" as the Rat displayed the graceful agility he wasn't famous for, and tried to leap over Hy but kicked him in the head instead. Ben looked in and saw the Rat spasming on the floor; Turbo about to be engulfed in flames; Hy kneeling and clutching his head, and a hole in the wall where Rat's stock-in-trade had departed. "OW" said...

 

 

[Captain]

"OW" said...

...... "Ow-about including me in the story again some time" yelled the Bandy 12 Incher who, because of rejection, had sabotaged Ratpimps little tented earner at Natfly (for which Ratty had paid $20 per square metre to the Natfly organisers ..... or alternatively they could have chosen to have $20's worth (10 hours) with one of the veiled Melbournistan lovelies).

 

 

 

"I considered that" replied Bandy "But it puts you off when the veil is a potato sack and you can hear TurdBro sucking in his breath and mumbling "I am not an animal .......... but .................

 

 

 

TURBO LOOKING ALL SEDUCTIVE IN HIS VEIL IN THE TENT BEFORE THE FIRE.

 

 

[turboplanner]

[Turbo respectfully points out that RatsHead couldn't load a photo to save his axxx, and would be most interested to see yet another photo of him in a compromising position (usually taken by government officials)]

 

"..... I have a 350 to feed, so give me a stack of money and I'm anything from Noah's Ark, or .................."

 

 

[Bob Llewellyn]

[Turbo respectfully points out that RatsHead couldn't load a photo to save his axxx, and would be most interested to see yet another photo of him in a compromising position (usually taken by government officials)]

"..... I have a 350 to feed, so give me a stack of money and I'm anything from Noah's Ark, or .................."

'Let's talk about that, Honey" said Don Quixote, pushing him aside. "Now, I represent the intimate entertainment and filthy acts union, and this is UNACCEPTABLE!...". At this moment, the entire tent vanished upwards with a noise like a Star Destroyer class vacuum cleaner (it was the GulfStleam again... in the cockpit, Ben and Maggot were wrestling... greek style...).

 

The sudden disappearance of the burning tent, and the accompanying gust of wind as Rattus farted nervously, extinguished the flames on Turbo. In fact, like smelling salts but fouler, the wind of Rat's passage brought Turbo back to consciousness - and knocked out Hy. The Rat siezed the opportunity to slap Don on the rump, point at Bandy and shout "HE did it!", and run off into...

 

 

[turboplanner]

.....the AGM where he composed himself, raised himself up on his hind legs, shook the dandruff off his mangy head, wiggled his whiskers, and asked: "............"

 

 

[Captain]

.....the AGM where he composed himself, raised himself up on his hind legs, shook the dandruff off his mangy head, wiggled his whiskers, and asked: "............"

.......... "Who cut the cheese?".

 

 

 

Endo looked at him disappointedly from the top table and responded ".............

 

 

[Bob Llewellyn]

.......... "Who cut the cheese?". 

 

Endo looked at him disappointedly from the top table and responded ".............

"that's NOT on the agenda, Ratty... now sit down, and shut up. Are we likely to get a visit from Mole...?" At which point Rat responded "look, it's the AGM, and you work for the members, i.e. ME! so don't tell me to..." "SHUT UP!" yelled Endo. "Your membership is NOT paid up!"; at which point he gloated smugly. Rattus turned puce, which looked strange under the fur, and spat out...

 

 

[Captain]

"that's NOT on the agenda, Ratty... now sit down, and shut up. Are we likely to get a visit from Mole...?" At which point Rat responded "look, it's the AGM, and you work for the members, i.e. ME! so don't tell me to..." "SHUT UP!" yelled Endo. "Your membership is NOT paid up!"; at which point he gloated smugly. Rattus turned puce, which looked strange under the fur, and spat out...

........ "Well this is de-ja-bloody-vu if ever there was one" he thunk "As the last bloke who said that was E. Paul Ette and look what has happened to him."

 

 

 

The NES's beloved Rodent limped broken heartedly back across the active runway without getting permission to cross it ("Stuff 'em" he said under his breath) to the fire and sat down next to Ben Tley and Isi Uzu under the wing of the G550. Yet he knew that he should have been sitting under the wing of a Thruster or an X-Air to show solidarity with the Rag & Tube warriors ............ but they don't have a bar, 4 Hosties and an inside dunny, so "Stuff them too" he said again under his breath and settled for the deprivations of the 550.

 

 

 

"Why so glum, chum?" asked Ben, sipping on his champers with a Hostie on each arm while wearing his smoking jacket, and ...............

 

 

[turboplanner]

............sucking on a Cuban.

 

"Apparently I haven't paid my dues again" he said, "I'll have to find out what Snow white and those little pricks of lolly handling dwarfs have done"

 

Ben looked at him in a strange way.........................

 

 

[Bob Llewellyn]

........ "Well this is de-ja-bloody-vu if ever there was one" he thunk "As the last bloke who said that was E. Paul Ette and look what has happened to him." 

 

The NES's beloved Rodent limped broken heartedly back across the active runway without getting permission to cross it ("Stuff 'em" he said under his breath) to the fire and sat down next to Ben Tley and Isi Uzu under the wing of the G550. Yet he knew that he should have been sitting under the wing of a Thruster or an X-Air to show solidarity with the Rag & Tube warriors ............ but they don't have a bar, 4 Hosties and an inside dunny, so "Stuff them too" he said again under his breath and settled for the deprivations of the 550.

 

 

 

"Why so glum, chum?" asked Ben, sipping on his champers with a Hostie on each arm while wearing his smoking jacket, and ...............

held out a half corona to the Rat. Isi Uzu chimed in with "tlue, don't be sad, be dlunk!", and held up a bottle of Saki. For a moment all of the Rat's depravity flowed back, and he sat fowards; then despair gripped him. "It doesn't matter WHAT you b****y do, aviation organisations are all being run by b****y pilots!". Soothed by the whinge, he took the cigar and lit up. "This is true" said Ben judiciously, "but have you considered the alternative? I mean, just look at the National Aviation Administrator in this country!". Ratty choked, and smoke came out his nose. "WHO SPEAKS JUDICIOUSLY OF THE NAA?" boomed an ex cathedra voice from the darkness. Into the light strode...

 

 

[Bob Llewellyn]

held out a half corona to the Rat. Isi Uzu chimed in with "tlue, don't be sad, be dlunk!", and held up a bottle of Saki. For a moment all of the Rat's depravity flowed back, and he sat fowards; then despair gripped him. "It doesn't matter WHAT you b****y do, aviation organisations are all being run by b****y pilots!". Soothed by the whinge, he took the cigar and lit up. "This is true" said Ben judiciously, "but have you considered the alternative? I mean, just look at the National Aviation Administrator in this country!". Ratty choked, and smoke came out his nose. "WHO SPEAKS JUDICIOUSLY OF THE NAA?" boomed an ex cathedra voice from the darkness. Into the light strode...

"Bugg**!" said Bob, as he tripped over Turbo's post. "TURBO!!! why the *^%()^()^)&%(!! are you leaving posts on the field?" "Just... paying my dues, you misanthropic git!" said the soot-smeared Turbo, lurching fowards. Rattus recovered from the coughing fit and stared at Turbo, his squinty little eyes squinting. "Piss off!" said Isi Uzu...

 

 

[Bob Llewellyn]

"Bugg**!" said Bob, as he tripped over Turbo's post. "TURBO!!! why the *^%()^()^)&%(!! are you leaving posts on the field?" "Just... paying my dues, you misanthropic git!" said the soot-smeared Turbo, lurching fowards. Rattus recovered from the coughing fit and stared at Turbo, his squinty little eyes squinting. "Piss off!" said Isi Uzu...

...this is a plivate palty!" Bob grabbed the bottle of Saki he was waving, and tried to pull the cork out with his teeth, but it had a screw cap. "You... stupid... tur*!" said Rat. "What have you done with MY dues?" "I never...Uuurgh!" said Turbo, felled by a foul blow from Isi. Ben blew a smoke ring, and said...

 

 

[Captain]

........ "Just so that we are clear, old chap, and so that I know whether to continue with this story line from post #8919 , is the Cuban on which you had me sucking named Angelina or Fidel?"

 

 

 

Turbo blushed, remembering all of the other times he had been caught out in the NES (and in the BOB), thought long and hard before replying ................. and everyone fell asleep while waiting.

 

 

 

In the morning, Turdy was still sitting next to his fire-bucket with that same thoughtful yet blank look on his face, then the penny dropped.

 

 

 

"Can someone help me look for that penny please? Come on guys." he called plaintively.

 

 

 

The four Hosties put their uniforms back on and observed "..................

 

 

[Captain]

......... "We are no longer called "Hosties" you dinosaur, we are now called "Flight Attendants"" responded Brice indignantly.

 

 

 

It was then that Turbo's embarrassment (and itch) reached a crescendo when he recalled the back seat of his "Vette" and the other liaison in the .............

 

 

[Bob Llewellyn]

......... "We are no longer called "Hosties" you dinosaur, we are now called "Flight Attendants"" responded Brice indignantly. 

 

It was then that Turbo's embarrassment (and itch) reached a crescendo when he recalled the back seat of his "Vette" and the other liaison in the .............

...fast food business, including the nasty business with the milkshake rollergirl and the scrofula. By this time the sun was rising, and only a sleeping Ben, dazed turbo, and Ben's self-heating flight attendants were left - everybody else was off at the food tent getting breakfast, except the few who had slipped into the clubhouse and...