The Never Ending Story

[turboplanner]

.....the most horrible sound ever heard along the River. Not even the old corroborees were so out of tune....It was NextSundayweek(23rd Nov, 4 - 8pm)I'llbeattheKerangGolfClubfor"JazzontheGreen":clap:withmyJazz/SwingBand(RiverCitySwing)ifyou'retherecomeandsayhello (I'llbetheguykillin'thetrumpet ;))Pete.

 

No wonder he lands a Jab straight, he jus tap to de lep, tap to de rite, hang de trumpet out and straight down de field.

 

Not all was well in Wagga because Ahlovals had sunstroke, and one of the astronauts on the Mir Space station had been blinded when he stuck his head out the window and caught a Canopy Flash just as Ahlovaks was on approach to squeeze in front of an RPT at W2.

 

NASA was coming to get him, and they'd sent...

 

 

[Captain]

..NASA was coming to get him, and they'd sent...

..they'd sent ... their most highly trained, courageous, responsible and 00 qualifed operative ......................Big-Les.

 

"I told yez I was good, didn't I, but there are bugger all navigation features out there in space, where they actually CAN hear you scream, because Caroline does it all the time trying to get away" said Les.

 

"I, like Pete am a trained killer and a ............................

 

The pen in the garden is to keep the guineapigs in ...... good one Goldy. I wish I had thought of that .... did you watch SouthPark tonight too?

 

 

[BigPete]

......mad keen inventor.

 

ComeFryWithMePete :big_grin: has been in the workshop. :thumb_up: While all the cry babies have been lamenting about being grounded "cause it's too hot, and our wings will droop (among other things), :yuk: UpUpAndAwayPete :) has fitted a king post and struts to the top of his wing.

 

Although its knocked 10 knots of the cruise I'mUpHerePete doesn't care. Plan B is to fit wheels up there as well and then AmIReallyUpsideDown:question:Pete can come and go anywhere, anytime, anyway(up or down).

 

:censored:MePete also discovers (quite accidently) that when up side down in a Jabirue on final, selecting 15 degrees of flap had the opposite effect and the Jabiflew instantly picked up 30 knots, overshot the strip and landed in the local tip. thumb_down:censored:

 

As the main gear (newly attached to the top of the wing) touched down IWishI'dThoughtThisThruPete :black_eye: realizes the omission - no bloody nosewheel.

 

In a cloud of dust and dumpings the Jabirooted, :yuk: cartwheeled into the last recycle bay (right next to the main office). Wayne (he flys a Jabiru or two) stuck his head out of the office window and said, "looks like we're even, BigPete. Come and have a coffee".

 

egads

 

:big_grin::big_grin:

 

 

[turboplanner]

Memo from the nonadmistrator: Pete that was getting too much like a serious post...

 

 

[ahlocks]

Memo from the nonadmistrator: Pete that was getting too much like a serious post...

MissedopportunityPete was dismayed when he realised the fact that he could have flung some serious p:censored:h at the "real men fly tail wheel" club.

 

He could have snubbed them good and proper with a "real men land upside down and use the tail fin." 'cuz tail wheels (or nose wheels )are for woosies! :big_grin:

 

Now Bingles, not being one to be upstaged, set about trying to outdo InventivePete.

 

"Yipee kye aye and stuff a dead horse." blurted BigL. "What's this jazz playing tinkerer comin' at? For I am the daredevil adventurer of this thread! He should just stop it and throw another book at himself!"

 

Towbarpainter (who is going to rue the red gum gag) suggested a cunning plan to Biglets....

 

================

 

the pig in the pen in garden likes 'american dad' for chuckles

 

 

[turboplanner]

Towbarpainter (who is going to rue the red gum gag) suggested a cunning plan to Biglets....

"Biglets, with four 40 degree days coming up, I can't use the boat because it will melt/droop, all the refrigerated Vans in Australia will be off the road, and there will be B Doubles all over the country trailing bits of aerodynamic kit (which puts more mass on the rear cab mounts than the biggest Jabittoyou) , due to polyester resin no longer being a thremosetting plastic/global warming/global economic crisis and expert opinions aired on this site."

 

He'd thought these comments were very similar to what the British Generals thought going in to World War 1 when they said "Machine Guns? No they'll never take on because they are prone to jamming and they overheat"

 

Turbo continued, "Let's go up to Echeeka and watch WorksopPete landing upside down....I'll fly....in a borrowed CzSportsczar."

 

"I don't know about that" replied Biglet "I'd rather fly the paper bag up there"

 

"Well", said Turbo very diplomatically "there are no features on the way up, and if we overshoot we'll finish up in Timor, and they've adopted "No Clean Feed" as a standard.

 

"You fly" Biglet shot back, and Turbo thought "how easy it will be to fly and land a CZSportsczar.....

 

 

[ahlocks]

Turbo thought "how easy it will be to fly and land a CZSportsczar.....

.."especially with all those frying eggs acting like vortex generators.":nerd:i_dunno

 

HiHocanlandanywhere was non plussed.:yin_yan:

 

For he knew that tinkytaunter and biglets would be unable to see out of the sweatstar 'cuz of their big stetson hats. Any chance of bettering a HiHo shortfield landing would.....

 

 

[turboplanner]

require some thinking.

 

"I've heard Hihosilver can actually land in the length of a cattle trough" said Turbo "cleans them out that way"

 

"What about his dog?" asked Biglet.

 

"Geez concentrate Biglet" said Turbo, the dog hasn't got any wings but he certainly leaves skid marks all over the verandah"

 

"What we're going to have to do is slow the CZSportsCzar down" he said "Ive been reading some posts lately which promote landing at stall speed regardless of air temperature, wind gusts or weight, because it's interesting, and you can mke good landings that way"

 

"Bu:censored:!" said Biglet, "who'd be so stupid as to take that risk?"

 

"Turbo saw his point, and said "If we use full flaps and hand our hats out of the Canopy then do a big nose up flare we should be able to plop on to the haystack.

 

"From that point it's just a matter of getting out real fast with the fire extinguisher and sliding down the side of the stack, being wary of the odd star picket neatly sited to take out the family jewels"

 

Even Biglet who didn't mind taking a risk now and again and who was proficient at whip stalls wasn't totally convinced this was a good idea...

 

 

[Guest palexxxx]

Even Biglet who didn't mind taking a risk now and again and who was proficient at whip stalls wasn't totally convinced this was a good idea...

...........however, he decided how would he know whether he could do it or not unless he gave it a go.

 

 

[turboplanner]

"OK, you fly" said Turbo but Biglet, only just back from holidays was very sensitive about making trip reports which covered anything more than the date of departure and arrival, very quickly said "B:censored: you, I'll just cop it for being a cowboy"

 

"Cowboy Up!" said Turbo, and, caught by his own explanations Biglet took the controls, marvelling at the array in front of him compared with the sheeter, which had an instrument panel similar to a Morris Minor.....

 

 

[ahlocks]

"Yea Ha! These snortstars go off like a frog in a sock in these thermals!" yodelled Biglets, as they bucked across the hot summer sky.

 

"Reminds me of a 'rodeo' boasted Turbotaunter. "You know the one? Where you tell her that her sister was better and then hold on for dear life" :devil:

 

Biglets nochantly nodded his head and eventually noticed a label affixed to the Czech sex on wings :heart: machine's dash;

 

'cabbage roll JATO'

 

wind gust assist devicesky

 

See POH for operation details

 

"Whats this tube for Taunter " enquired bigguns :raise_eyebrow:, who was not known for his interest in procedure and such things.....

 

 

[turboplanner]

...but there was no need for further explanation, as they'd both been offered cabbage rolls for lunch by the cunning owner, bang! whoosh!..the snortstar took off likea bridesmaid after the bouquet.

 

"Geez, hurry Big.." gasped Turbo, for there was opnly one tube and this was an emergency.

 

Bang! Crack!, Whoosh! and there was a 5 g push in the back

 

"No need to worry about overshooting Echewka this time" said Turbo in his best "Houston, we have a problem" NASA accent,

 

"We're in orbit"

 

He wondered why the rag and bone men always suggested aircraft handling solutions for high performance aircraft when theirs couldn't possibly reach orbit speed - they'd billow like a clothesline full of undies.

 

"I guess you could say that was No Clean Feed" said Turbo looking down on the Pacific Ocean.

 

"Hello! what's this up ahead"

 

"Grizzle Grizzle Grizzle" droned the small plane, "Grizzle, Grizzle, Grizzle" It looked very much like a dragon fly with only two wings.

 

"Hi Ian", said Turbo (Biglet had already ducked out of sight, which was a pretty low profile given the expanse of the SportsOrbiter) "Funny seeing you up here......."

 

 

[Guest palexxxx]

..........."Who's there?" replied Ian, as he wasn't able to see anything outside his cabin as all the plexi was coated with an odd looking brownish semi fluid/solid mixture flecked with cabbage leaf.

 

 

[turboplanner]

This was unexpected good fortune for Biglet who had managed to shrink himself almost flat.

 

"Kevin" he said "I'm the ASIC Inspector for Orbiting Craft. get that Grizzle out of here or I'll be forced to ask to see your card"!

 

Ian wasn't one to be bluffed though, and Biglet quailed when he said "Show me your face, you sound familiar....."

 

 

[ahlocks]

... and that smell!" exclaimed Ian :yuk::yuk: in his usual polite and extremely enthusiastic way, "It's like of a mixture of cabbage gas and bulls:censored:t."

 

Hmmm, ...bulls:censored:t.... That you bingles?"

 

"Garn get nicked" shouted Bingles!! (we'll he didn't really 'cuz he knew he was on best behaviour and would get kicked toward deep space nine if he did) but he did put on his best voice and said "No, I'm......"

 

 

[turboplanner]

.."BigPete" which was very convincing because he let a whistler go just after the "Big", and we'd all come to associate this three syllable expression.

 

However, Ian he Astute still had a nagging doubt.

 

"If I was flying from Tumut to Tocumwal, what geographic land marks would I look for?" he asked

 

"In the Grizzle?" Biglet asked in his Big:star:Pete voice

 

"Of course" said Ian, better known in Underbelly as Administrator

 

"Well in that case two eclipses of the moon and Halleys comet" replied Biglet which was off thread, but got him off the hook.

 

The Grizzle was moving out of orbit and it was time to activate the thrusters. Ian adjusted his Gucci suit and Ray Bans .....

 

 

[ahlocks]

..." two eclipses of the moon and Halleys comet" replied Biglet which was off thread, but got him off the hook.

Took two reads to actually get it.... very droll Tplanter!

 

 

[turboplanner]

Looking down from space, Tplanter realised he had line-of-sight and fired up the old notebook to feed his cravings for www.recreationalflying.com and immediately noticed BigPete offering advice on how to make a towbar for a J230.

 

"must get one of those for the boat" he thought "it would be faster than towing it with the Nissan, but probably a bit harder to keep the ball in the cenmtre in a turn"

 

He'd asked Biglet to find some way of getting enough retardation for re-entry, but nothing seemed to be happening, they were still floating in space with the odd satelite gently floating by.

 

"We need to do something, I'm getting hungry" he thought and turned to Biglet who was fast asleep. He pulled a headphone back and recoiled at the explosive sound of Dire Straits doing there thing.

 

"Never mind them, we're in dire straits ourselves" he thought "We're paying tacho time and we don't have a re-entry shield"

 

He knew they had to do something fast because his cousin Riley had told him about a bad experience they had burying a mate.

 

"It cost us a fortune" said Riley "the funeral costs were bad enough but the big mistake we made was burying him in a suit from Formal Hire"

 

TPlanter shook Biglet but there was no response. He knew he had to do something quick so he phoned Caroline and explained the situation. "!" said Caroline who wasn't one to waste words, and with this Biglet sat bolt upright.

 

"Take off your RMW belt buckle" he said "It's big enough the shield the underside, so we'll strap it on drop down and hit the nightspots....."

 

 

[planedriver]

Mate thats utter bullsh:censored:-t, or to be more precise birdsh:censored:-t, I never ever saw a thing.[/color]There I was looking skywards as air-minded people usually do, when a flock of birds flew over and I copped one in the eye. My Princess said do you want a toilet tissue?, to which I replied, "No point, that bloody bird will be miles away by now"!

 

 

BigThong, quite proud of his new name, new status as Mayor's right hand man for the Thong Festival, which the fly in was now called (they'd managed to book Dusty Springfield, which was pretty hard these days,

 

No doubt about that, the boy obviously has some pretty good connections, she sadly died back on the 2/3/1999 but does have an angelic voice.

 

Having discovered his mistake, BigThong the organiser, burst into song, and with tears in his eyes and started to sing "I only want to be with you. You don't have to say you love me me, followed by "I just don't know what to do with myself"

 

But now i'm the mayors R/H man, it's quite acceptable for a man in my position, (Kharma Sutra No 437), to be consoled by the Riverland Girl, or, She who pays the fuel bill, or anyone else who measure's up ;););) within the electorate.

 

Le Crapee who was deliberately keeping out of this, was behind the scenes trying to woo the Riverland girl to come with him (possibly spelt wrong) to Narromine, since she'd given Planey the flick :rotary:on the basis that she was more intersted in younger fly-by-nite's:crying:.

 

So will she go with with La Capitan:heart:, JabbyGeoff;),or, IlikeitupsidedownPete:hug:?

 

 

[ahlocks]

...So will she go with with La Capitan:heart:, JabbyGeoff;),or, IlikeitupsidedownPete:hug:?

Well, she won't be going with turboOrbiter or Bingles if they don't sort themselves out pretty quick! :ah_oh: While it is rumoured that BigL could probably talk under water, Turbo was gunna have problems breathing soon. :confused:

 

doof doof doof doof.. "strewth and stuff a dead horse, TurboO!" gushed biglets, doof doof doof doof...There's a pulsing peach coloured light emanating from down town chewka! doof doof doof doof! "I think that light is pulsing in time with that sound!" Doof, doof, doof, doof! "Hey Turbz, we could spin the sportzOrbiter into a 'turn of death' and use the beacon as a guide for when to fire the cabbage roll JATO and pull out!!"

 

With oversize buckle heat shield in place, big hats out in the breeze (yeah, yeah there's no air in space, just go with the flow...:clown:) and JATO tube in position:confused:, the sportniktsar started to slow and descend. :thumb_up:

 

...Little did they know that the beacon was actually the dance hall lights reflecting off the voluptous assets of the dancing riverland girl :heart::heart::heart: and the band was about to take a break....:raise_eyebrow::ah_oh:

 

============

 

JATO fuel grows in a czech garden

 

 

[turboplanner]

As the music died down and the Riverland dancer stopped gyrating the men from space lost their beam. "How do we get down now", said BigL looking down "there's no features there".

 

But Turbo had spied the faint luminescence of a speed boat beating up the local caravan park with aquatic donuts performed while not spilling a drop out of his stubby, and this was enough to allow him to do a space shuttle type dive, and, armed with the latest post information that it really is OK to turn back after an EFATO, because seven people practised it regularly and even at 200 feet could get back on the strip without stalling, Turbo held the nose down at VNE, not a dollar more nor a dollar less, pulled out of the dive sharply at 200 feet, sat it up on one wing and entered the death turn, furtunately over Reilly's pig farm where it stalled out of the dive and into the mud of the pig yard, bounced back up just in time but skidded wide, bouncing off the school pine tree, and neatly landed on the runway.

 

Le Crappe, curious at the mud covered object at first said "Phew, what's that smell" but then the canopy opened and the first thing he saw was his dear friend Biglet, back from space.....

 

Footnote: As far as we know the Grizzle is still up there orbiting, waiting for the star studded release of the pilot's new all singing all dancing website, which will be bigger than the inauguration of Barack Obama.

 

 

[ahlocks]

.."You'll be over the moon with the improvements":thumb_up::thumb_up: SiteCoderIan had enthusiasticaly claimed . But being the pedantic and thorough type, (meant in the nicest possible way :big_grin:) he thought that he had better visit 'over the moon' just to be certain that it was a good thing.i_dunno:nerd::confused:

 

Grizzle, grizzle, grizzle....sputter.... cough!! The grizzles engine shook to a halt. :ah_oh:

 

"Hey, what gives??" "These rotaryaxe motors aren't s'posed to get retro carb ice"....

 

 

[turboplanner]

His earth bound friends looked up as a vapour trail, up until now a prefect elipse around the moon straightened out in a long line into lonely Space.

 

"Geez" said Turbo, "he'll follow that line forever, lost in space; we'll never see him again", and the NES team began to cry and wring their hands .... all except one....

 

Biglet sniggered and said "That's what a few bundys in the tank will do - nopw I can say anything I like. Hope he took a copy of the hitchhikers guide to the universe with him."

 

The group turned on him. Le Crappe pulled his hat off and stamped on it.

 

" All right, all right" said Biginthe sh:censored:t, "I'll fix it - give me one of those JATO tubes....

 

 

[ahlocks]

Quick as flash , Biglets swallowed seven whole cabbage rolls , spun around, grabbed ankles :ah_oh: and presented skyward :yuk:. His face turned red. His eyes bulged and he pulled the most contorted of faces...:confused:

 

Rrr, Rrrr, Rrr...Rrr. Rrr, RrGRiz....Rrrrclickclickclick....The Grizzle wouldn't restart....

 

...In perfect sync with the 1812 overture, being played by the chewka brass band skillfully conducted by YoulotaretoocrudePete :yuk:, Biglets fired a salvo of JATO emissions into lonely space, perfectly aimed toward the start of the vapour trail.:confused::yuk:...

 

===============

 

the yarns of bigles might be good for the garden

 

 

[turboplanner]

The desperate crowd look skyward, tears obstructing the view. Nothing seemed to be happening, the Admistrator was moving further into space.

 

Suddenly Avlovak, who knows these things yelled: "He's heading fore the meteorite belt" "No" said Le Crappe, "It's Uranus" Is not retorted Avlovak but then pointed his finger Splat! Splat! Splat! Splat! Splat! Splat! a green fog enveloped the Grizzle and radio control was lost. "He'll never get back to earth without entering via the mouth of the Murray, tuning his radio to 5AD and getting permission from the Murray Bridge Ski association." said Hairdruer Rouer, "Not so" said Brensy " if he gets out the pocket knife and scrapes the paint off the radio panel, the signal will be deflected enough to get through the green fog, whereupon 7 other heroes all offered differing advice based on their experience as chefs, painters, and in one case a snake catcher. " the lot of you" said Mickypoos, I've had discussions on the green fog situation and I'll tell him what to do, Geeez!"

 

Pete who was so distraught he was without an adjective, gave a delighted whoop (or whatever Chucans call it). "The vapour trail is changing direction, the green stuff has deflected the Grizzle."

 

Up in Space, Ian the Administrator was quite unsettled. He had just worked out how to get a re-entry by strapping on a Clearprop sign he'd meant to put up months ago but had left in the Grizzle, when he felt an enormous surge as 5 g's hit him seven times, the air turned green, and then came a terrible smell.

 

The Grizzle's air speed indicator which was the electronic type which doesn't require air (who's a smartie!) showed figures the makers had never dreamed of.

 

"Who wants a Jabortwo now" he thought, marvelling at the rock like steadIness of the aircraft.

 

He looked out to the side: "Oh no, no wing!" he cried, darting a furtive glance to the other side "That one's gone too!" he cried.

 

At the same time, because of the delay in the speed of light, the crowd on the ground gasped as they saw two little vapour trails spread out from the main one.

 

Ian the Administrator was

 

However they had badly underestimated their Administrator. He calmly assessed the situation, then bravely climbed out and strapped the Clearprop sign to the underside of the aircraft.

 

Back at the controls, which were academic because of the speed and vertical descent he thought things through, because he had studied BAK.

 

As the aircraft hurtled towards the ground and the Riverland crew began to scatter, he kicked on a little rudder and elevator.

 

The aircraft spiralled for a while, which slowed it down, and when he was precisely 120 feet above the ground he applied slightly less elevatpr and more rudder and the aircraft assumed a position on its side where the fuselage generated lift.

 

With the speed of a hot cat coming in at ten feet he slammed the throttle wide open, hoping to hang the aicraft on the prop and lower it gently to the gound by minute reductions in power, which he'd seen someone do on TV recently.

 

But life's not like that folks, this was a Grizzle, and the designer figured all it needed was a Retrex, this one being adapted by a walker type street sweeper - NO POWER!

 

The Grizzle was falling tail first straight for the concrete....