The Never Ending Story

[turboplanner]

.....listening to Kelly Osborne's latest hits, he just loved studs and the new ring through the nose, which.................

 

 

[Bryon]

....reminded him of the ring he put through....

 

 

[turboplanner]

...........................Ratso's littlest gnome's nose at Rattus Haus

 

In spite of his down to earth blokesy image he portrays here, he is an out and out social poser, always parking the white Bentley in the parking spot reserved for VIP guests (like Turbo), growing ivy up the wall of, let's face it, a remodelled woolshed, having his suits made in London, smoking cigars (well actually the same one for the past fourteen years - it is put away as soon as you get out of sight), speaks like the Queen, has a similar wave, and........................

 

 

[turboplanner]

NEWS ITEM (AND REQUEST FROM THE ESCAPEES)

 

http://www.theage.com.au/national/cowra-breakout-survivor-pays-his-respects-20140803-zzzlr.html

 

 

 

When Turbo told Nobushi about this visitor, he said "He THINK he is rast, but of course the group of which I am a member was at the Canowindra BNS on the night and didn't get back to camp for another week. We certainly were chased by a property owner with a shotgun, but that had nothing to do with the breakout.

 

"I remember young Murakami" he said "I told him to get into the nearest ditch when the shooting started, because life was more important than death, and I'm pleased to see he listened to me.

 

"Please don't tell him we escaped from the camp and now live a Broadbeach, because we were supposed to go back to Nippon and be ridiculed for surviving; that's how screwed up they were in those days, but now they just dye their hair orange)

 

 

[Captain]

...........................Ratso's littlest gnome's nose at Rattus HausIn spite of his down to earth blokesy image he portrays here, he is an out and out social poser, always parking the white Bentley in the parking spot reserved for VIP guests (like Turbo), growing ivy up the wall of, let's face it, a remodelled woolshed, having his suits made in London, smoking cigars (well actually the same one for the past fourteen years - it is put away as soon as you get out of sight), speaks like the Queen, has a similar wave, and........................

.......... has never been so hurt as he has been from copping this character assassination by Turbo.

 

 

 

"Thank goodness I still have Ahlox to go and have lunch with regularly, then coffee and cake a couple of times each week (even through we have both sold our planes and have bugger all to talk about)" said Ratsack, sobbing quietly as he stepped from the Maybach into the Bentley and picked up the phone which his Drive/Butler/Under-Footman had dialled for him.

 

 

 

'G'day Poxy" he said "Do you want to grab a bite today?"

 

 

 

"No thanks Ratso, I'm meeting Turdboy in a mo out at Gumly Gumly for a milksake milkshake so we don't want a poncy, poseur, drongo, wanka like you there, before we head off to Cowra to ..............

 

 

[Bandit12]

.......beat around the.....

 

 

[turboplanner]

.....brumby yard, and get all the latest gossip about the plan to import numbered boats for the Murrumbidgee cruises which Turbo has modelled on the Rhine Cruises.

 

"We don't need engines" Turbo said "there's too many snags in the big M, so all we need is a couple of horses and some rope, and we'll just turn the cruise boats round and round.

 

"That will take care of the scenery, particularly when Const Doubtfire is cleaning up the river front near the pub, and we'll just feed everyone stubbies and the cheapest steak we can get."

 

"What are we going to do about Ratso?" asked Aholt.

 

"I'm mortified that I upset him" said Turbo, "so I offered to wash every one of his pottery gnomes, all three dozen"

 

"Won't that take days?" asked Ahlot

 

"Ordinarily yes, they are filthy replied Turbo with a grin "But they're all done; I threw them all in the back of the ute and drove through the Wagga East truck wash..............

 

 

[turboplanner]

Turbo notes the deafening silence from Ratso, and apologises for his thoughtless joke about the gnomes; he actually lovingly washed each one individually, and placed them back in the foyer ready for a new load of Minties, and.......

 

 

[Captain]

Turbo notes the deafening silence from Ratso, and apologises for his thoughtless joke about the gnomes; he actually lovingly washed each one individually, and placed them back in the foyer ready for a new load of Minties, and.......

.......... then Andy flew in for one of Ratty & Ahlow's coffee & cake extravaganzas, after which he ducked around to the Rathouse on his way back to YSWG YSWG and filled the Mintie receptacle. However not with sweets, because he was hatless on that day and had eaten a crook profiterole.

 

 

 

Ratso has been unable to respond to recent NES posts until this morning as his keyboard has been soaked in tears from TurdBoy's attacks and thoughtless jokes, plus he has been out at the Wagga East Truckwash with the gnomes again after Andy's latest indiscretion .................................... although Ratso is a bit sympathetic to Andy's plight because he would be the same as Andy if he had to fly Wagga to Sth Grafton tracking direct over the Barrington Tops Bermuda Triangle tiger country in a 230 that is less than 50 hours since the valves were done.

 

 

 

The beloved Rat is now hoping for kind treatment from Turbo and the other vicious NES'ers as he recovers from the latest pummelling at Turbo's attempt at a joke, because Turbs doesn't realise how deeply his quips .........

 

 

[turboplanner]

..........hurt, especially when you're a rat.

 

People don't like us; they recoil from us; they kill us with sticks; they lay bait for us; they set traps for us - you'd think we were a bunch of CASA FoIs, and......

 

 

[Captain]

..........hurt, especially when you're a rat."People don't like us; they recoil from us; they kill us with sticks; they lay bait for us; they set traps for us - you'd think we were a bunch of CASA FoIs", and......

......... he snuck away to his rats-nest under a log (not one of Andy's) where he curled up in a chewed up copy of the Herald Sun from 1993 (which had a topless photo of Joan Kirner on page 3), and longed for a better life.

 

 

 

Turbo, in the meantime, went back to his mansion on the hill, filled with scantily clad hot and cold running Serbian ladies (NTTIAWWT) (one of whom could bench-press 150 kgs [which is almost two Turbos]) and a couple of stripped Johno outboards on the floor of his quadruple garage.

 

 

 

Brine had driven over to Casa Turbo from The Nong earlier that day with his book titled "How to speak crash-hot seductive Serbian" and was about to ...........

 

 

[turboplanner]

...approach on of the Serbian babes when.....

 

 

[Captain]

...approach on of the Serbian babes when.....

........ Salty protested Turbo's last post.

 

 

 

"I was just going to approach one of them, not "on" one, you dill Turbo" responded Salty with feeling "That comes later, after the Scotch and cabbage rolls, which my book says will have your average Serbian weightlifter hottie asking for ..............

 

 

[turboplanner]

........$10,000 to send back to the family within ten minutes.

 

"FFS why would she do that FFS"said FFS Isaac.

 

"FFS don't you know?" asked Itzak "I was only telling Ezekial last FRiday not to touch them FFS! when..............."

 

Turbo doesn't know what this new acronym means, but it seems to attract responses, so he has used it.

 

 

[Captain]

........$10,000 to send back to the family within ten minutes."FFS why would she do that FFS"said FFS Isaac.

 

"FFS don't you know?" asked Itzak "I was only telling Ezekial last FRiday not to touch them FFS! when..............."

......... Dragoslava asked in a deep and husky voice (and appearance) "HEY BRACKISH, WHAT MEANS FFS?" as she finished her 6th weight session for the morning.

 

 

 

Brine thought for a while and responded "Now, now Dragoslava, you don't really look like a husky, so come here my darling ........................... and sit .................................. staaaaaaaay .................. now roll over and .............

 

 

[Guest Andys@coffs]

tell me what it is I should do with this rule that Rozaus has told me I must comply with

 

Tubs lept to the fore and said "stop being so prescriptive...No ones going to give you the answers you seek, merely belt you if it can be shown that you didn't comply!

 

Brine thought for a moment and said "Its what we do when we don't know what something means?"

 

"well stop it" said Tubs "Our answers are modeled after the Microsoft approach which is to technically provide the right answer but one which offers no real world assistance at all"

 

Brine was stumped and after a few moments said "I guess I'll have to write to Madge and seek some FFS help cause unless I know I'll...................."

 

 

[Captain]

Brine was stumped and after a few moments said "I guess I'll have to write to Madge and seek some FFS help cause unless I know I'll...................."

........... always be wonder about it, FFS".

 

"Well" offered a well learnt and well spelt member of the Forum, "It means Fertility and Family Survey, or Facial Feminisation Surgery, or it is a common working-class bad speller's colloquial expression, as in "FF's sake, shut up Turbo"".

 

"No" replied the Twelve Incher (TTI) "It means .................

 

 

[Captain]

........... Frenetic Forum Sequence, which is the opposite to what has been happening here since post # 9392.

 

 

 

"I'm bored" said Andy "So I'm going on the Board to take RA-Oz to great new heights, although it means that I need to guard my reputation, not have any more reference to those suss issues with the hat, and I may not be able to play here quite as much, as I have new responsibilities that may elevate me away from this base form of communication."

 

 

 

"I voted for ya, Andy" said Brine, even though he lives in Mextoria "So can you get my rego done faster, maaaaate?"

 

 

 

"You had my support too" volunteered St Madge of the Blessed Helliview "And I dub thee Prince Andrew of the ....................

 

 

[turboplanner]

..........new Country of F'n'Q."

 

"What do you mean?" asked Brine coming awake slowly.

 

"Clive Palmer has just suggested F'nQ should secede from Queensland" explained Turbo, "and 22 million Australians think that's a great idea"

 

But there was trouble in the camp. Madge the silent, who, as we recall had signed a Silence Agreement had been accused of not telling people what was going on.

 

"What do yer mean?" he said and like a good magician he spun around in his dinner suit, waved his arms and said "Here, I'll do it again so you can see there's nothing I'm hiding" and he....................

 

 

[Captain]

..........new Country of F'n'Q.""What do you mean?" asked Brine coming awake slowly.

 

"Clive Palmer has just suggested F'nQ should secede from Queensland" explained Turbo, "and 22 million Australians think that's a great idea"

 

But there was trouble in the camp. Madge the silent, who, as we recall had signed a Silence Agreement had been accused of not telling people what was going on.

 

"What do yer mean?" he said and like a good magician he spun around in his dinner suit, waved his arms and said "Here, I'll do it again so you can see there's nothing I'm hiding" and he....................

............ dropped his dacks so that nobody could accuse him of hiding anything.

 

 

 

"We haven't got time to be staring and laughing at that" said Brine, who had flown up to F'n Q immediately he heard that Clive had endorsed seceding. "Here" added Brine "Grab a shovel and we'll dig a ditch between Boulia and Maryborough before they change their minds".

 

 

 

But St Madge was a nationalist and ..............

 

 

[turboplanner]

....had also signed the "Pledge of Silence", so he had an overwhelming conflict and not only that but since he had dropped his dacks a growing number of people had loudly begun to chant "There's nothing there, there's nothing there!" so he was in a ..................

 

 

[Captain]

....had also signed the "Pledge of Silence", so he had an overwhelming conflict and not only that but since he had dropped his dacks a growing number of people had loudly begun to chant "There's nothing there, there's nothing there!" so he was in a ..................

........... good position to be admitted into the "Magic Circle" http://www.themagiccircle.co.uk/, because nobody could hide anything substantial (or even small) under or behind that.

 

"Fair go Tubbs" said St Madge "First I go on the Board, then I post stuff on WreckFlying to inform the members and I cop a serve, then they all laugh at my manliness when I expose the lot to show that I'm not hiding anything. I'm starting to get the impression that I can't win, so perhaps they'd like to have the other Major back again."

 

"For goodness sake keep digging as this is our best chance yet to flick 'em" yelled Brackish with desperation from the bottom of the trench "And also for goodness sake pull your dacks back up, Madge, as from down here you look like a ................

 

 

 

Ma Tante is out in the garden writing with her plume and she reckons that she wouldn't let Madge anywhere near her cercle magique.

 

 

[Captain]

........... "For goodness sake keep digging as this is our best chance yet to flick 'em" yelled Brackish with desperation from the bottom of the trench "And also for goodness sake pull your dacks back up, Madge, as from down here you look like a ................

..... cross between Arnold Swartzenegger and Madge Allsopp (did you all see Arny's latest real estate advert where he mentioned Varger Varger?). But forget about that and get down here digging my trench, as once we get it dug, when Clive steps across into f'n Q it will snap off like a scotch finger biscuit and f'n Q will float off to join onto eastern Niugini & Bougainville where they belong, and then we'll see how chipper they are about secession."

 

 

 

"Good move, Salty" said his great mate Turbo, as he grabbed a jack-hammer to .................

 

 

[Bob Llewellyn]

..... cross between Arnold Swartzenegger and Madge Allsopp (did you all see Arny's latest real estate advert where he mentioned Varger Varger?). But forget about that and get down here digging my trench, as once we get it dug, when Clive steps across into f'n Q it will snap off like a scotch finger biscuit and f'n Q will float off to join onto eastern Niugini & Bougainville where they belong, and then we'll see how chipper they are about secession." 

 

"Good move, Salty" said his great mate Turbo, as he grabbed a jack-hammer to .................

...get on with another trench (where, FFS?). Meanwhile, Ratty had visited his local shrink, who had prescribed viagra, which had given the Ratmeister to think filthily (NTTAWWT)...

 

 

[Bryon]

....about certain views of Madges anatomy (NTTIAWWT) and pretend that they were choir boys (Reverend Rattarse ....as he was known then,,.....) gave him a......