The Never Ending Story

[turboplanner]

.......Bible, which Ratso at first thought was to encourage him to purer thoughts, but on closer inspection he found it was a bulletin from the Ops manager explaining that when you paid your fees you were not necessarily allowed to fly because......and it went into ten thousand variations of what might be right and what might be wrong, in simple easy to read English, which was a problem because the Red Rat was at 9,999 feet and.....

 

 

[Captain]

.......Bible, which Ratso at first thought was to encourage him to purer thoughts, but on closer inspection he found it was a bulletin from the Ops manager explaining that when you paid your fees you were not necessarily allowed to fly because......and it went into ten thousand variations of what might be right and what might be wrong, in simple easy to read English, which was a problem because the Red Rat was at 9,999 feet and.....

........ had a clear conscience but an opaque insurance and a misty public liability because he had paid his dough but had jumped in the aircraft without his certificate, with maps there were 3 hours out of date and without the rego label being visible from the port wingtip. (While Ratty did not have the Certificate or the Rego papers, he did carry the credit card acknowledgement and he reckons that is all he needs because nobody's gunna tell him what to do).

 

 

 

"Not many people will be looking from the port wingtip at 9,999 ft" said Ratty with considerable logic, "And I'll land on my farm strip where Bluey has been trained to eat anyone who smells like a CASA Inspector.

 

 

 

"How did you train Bluey to do that?" asked Brackish.

 

 

 

"I took the ugliest scarecrow that I could find, gave it a paunch and a supercilious attitude which made sure it was completely up itself, registered it as a member of the Public Service Union, rented it an apartment in Canberra, gave it a 5 ft X 5 ft partitioned office in an open-plan CASA office, soaked it in stale urine and .....................

 

 

[turboplanner]

".......gave it a pat on the head, and it did the rest, which was rather unfortunate because Epaulette........................"

 

 

[Captain]

".......gave it a pat on the head, and it did the rest, which was rather unfortunate because Epaulette........................"

....... exhibits a couple of those qualities (as does Poxy before his shower each week), and Bluey ..............

 

 

 

 

 

BLUEY PRACTICING.

 

 

[turboplanner]

..........is quietly contemplating those angry eyes boring into him and saying to himself "Wait for it, wait for it, waaaaaait for it, w........................"

 

 

[Captain]

..........is quietly contemplating those angry eyes boring into him and saying to himself "Wait for it, wait for it, waaaaaait for it, ........................"

............... what department of CASA are you from?" as the eyes on that steer look very similar to the 15 yard stare of your average inspector, and of E Paul, except that neither have ever been seen to move that quickly, and the steer isn't wearing a flight-suit (fitted with a zipper that goes down further than decency dictates).

 

 

 

Bluey settled down beside the choock shed that was a lean-to off the hanger by the farm strip, he touched up his canines using the chainsaw sharpener and he waited for ............

 

 

[turboplanner]

.........Madge, who since his elevation to Madge the Silent, had taken to waving his arxx as he walked. Bluey smirked, and saliva started dripping from his jaws.

 

From left field came the delicate little crunch of tennis shoes (which are all you ca wear in a Lightwing, and.................)

 

 

[Captain]

.........Madge, who since his elevation to Madge the Silent, had taken to waving his arxx as he walked. Bluey smirked, and saliva started dripping from his jaws.From left field came the delicate little crunch of tennis shoes (which are all you can wear in a Lightwing) and.................

.......... then Turbs tumbled to what had been going on for years.

 

 

 

The 1956 model Dunlop volleys were worn in the Helliview as a weight saving measure and the numerous visits made by St Madge to YSWG YSWG (he would always leave the aircraft there when attending Board Meetings in Queanbeyan Heights, he was also a regular visitor to the Soirée Nights at the Blue Oyster, and after both types of visits everyone was very gay [meaning happy] NTTIAWWT).

 

 

 

Turbs soon deduced that this was not because of St Madge's great personality or outstanding physical prowess, but rather, it was due to the mind altering effects that comes from St Madge of the blessed Madge-ic Mushroom.

 

 

 

It is an interesting quirk of fate, dear readers, that Ahlox was the only regular at the Blue Oyster whose mind was altered for the better after a night on the mushrooms in the washroom at the BOB. However as those of you would know who have been moderated by the plick, his mind started from a pretty low base.

 

 

 

It turns out that St Madge of the blessed Madge-ic Mushroom was delivering them a tonne at a time in the Lightwing, which wasn't so light on the way down from f'n Q, but he flew the aircraft in typical RA-Oz fashion, saying "Stuff it, it has always been OK before, I'll just tell 'em that the tanks weren't full when I took off, what's a W & B anyway, who'll know when I'm up there at 9,999 ft, and what are the odds of some CASA drongo being there when I land on the grass at YSWG YSWG ...... or which of them CASA dills would be game enough to question an outstanding & dedicated silent Board Member like me about ................

 

 

[turboplanner]

.......whether I was entitled to one bar, or the three I now wear."

 

Ratso continued to explain Madge's secret missions when he wasn't praying in the Holy Church of St Ignition, but realised that Turbo wasn't listening, in fact was sobbing uncontrollably.

 

"What's the matter", asked Ratso kindly. "The hired a DOG minder" cried Turbo and burst into a new round of sobs.

 

"Now all we can expect is................"

 

 

[Captain]

.......whether I was entitled to one bar, or the three I now wear."Ratso continued to explain Madge's secret missions when he wasn't praying in the Holy Church of St Ignition, but realised that Turbo wasn't listening, in fact was sobbing uncontrollably.

 

"What's the matter", asked Ratso kindly. "The hired a DOG minder" cried Turbo and burst into a new round of sobs.

 

"Now all we can expect is................"

........ more notes from the Ops Manager and some 2014 additions to the Bible dealing with the key issues associated with the clandestine visits of St Madge of the Two Ignitions, the Gospel according to the disciples St Weight and Lord Balance, why you are a nuff-nuff if you wear Dunlop Volleys in mixed company and how Flight Suits and gold braid make you look like a real wanka unless you have actually reached the rank of a real Wing Commander in a real airforce.

 

 

 

"And" whispered The 12 Incher to TurdBro who is as deaf as a post "They haven't hired a "Dog Minder", it's a "BOG Grinder" and has been hired in order that Andy can .............

 

 

[turboplanner]

...put into practice, on a trial basis, his new sh$t cooler which ensures CHTs which match Aunt Rhonda. This natty little device has the advantage that it can be fed during flight, provided the aircraft is fitted with opening windows, and works on the principle of evaporation in the slipstream which cools the exhaust, which cools the exhaust valves which due to a runaway principle (copied from the Rockabilly action of Madge every time someone asks a serious question) cools the valve guides which in turn turns the detonator off, and Bob's your uncle.

 

There's no such thing as a free lunch, and unfortunately the process leaves a frozen t#rd at the back end, and this is where the BOG Grinder comes in.....................

 

 

[Captain]

...There's no such thing as a free lunch, and unfortunately the process leaves a frozen t#rd at the back end, and this is where the BOG Grinder comes in.....................

.......... as it slices thinner than the finest Palma or San Danielle prosciutto, automatically adds a few other Tapas type ingredients and these delectable concoctions are then ejected from a newly legislated (See CASA By-Law 28.776.92.(I). (iv) 6.4.8) chute which protrudes from the aircraft right on the theoretical W&B point, and they float down into .............

 

 

[Guest Andys@coffs]

So....Andy who wasn't the smartest log on the woodpile ........ thought about this for a while.......and tried to logically put it together.....he laid a body temp fecal matter....it somehow cooled the inner workings of the engine and at the end it came out frozen.........Ok he thought seems I have better than the basis of a perpetual machine just seems that I need to produce regular dumps and we all know that.........

 

Oops sorry Rat....right over the top of you....in answering you post that I didn't see

 

 

 

[turboplanner]

......and that was the problem with Hatshat - he didn't see, and in fact was legally blind. There was an incident after one Natfly (and this was supposed to be kept confidential so don't tell the board members) where he was ramp checked, and passed with flying colours. In one despicable act of treachery the CASA man said "point to the Duty Windsock!", and Hatso who had been leaning against his wing (a frightening situation I agree) knew the wing was a 90 degrees to the 273 degree heading from his voice coil compass when he parked, pointed to within...................

 

 

[Captain]

......and that was the problem with Hatshat - he didn't see, and in fact was legally blind. There was an incident after one Natfly (and this was supposed to be kept confidential so don't tell the board members) where he was ramp checked, and passed with flying colours. In one despicable act of treachery the CASA man said "point to the Duty Windsock!", and Hatso who had been leaning against his wing (a frightening situation I agree) knew the wing was a 90 degrees to the 273 degree heading from his voice coil compass when he parked, pointed to within...................

....... the CASA bloke's own jacket and then down at his sock, for Andy was well aware that the CASA Inspector had been rolling up onto one cheek every 15 minutes over all days at Natfry after eating 3 big bowls of pea and ham soup at the ......

 

 

[turboplanner]

........Grand Dinner, paid for of course by all the poorer members, reeling from the cost of engine rebuilds and licensing requirements; the peas hadn't even had a chance to thaw, and a couple of times when he rolled there'd been a little accident and frozen peas had broken some of the Terminal windows, and dented the corrugated iron.

 

"I'm going to have to send a communicae out about this damage" said Mickey Mouse, but no one was listening to him because the great....................

 

 

[Captain]

........Grand Dinner, paid for of course by all the poorer members, reeling from the cost of engine rebuilds and licensing requirements; the peas hadn't even had a chance to thaw, and a couple of times when he rolled there'd been a little accident and frozen peas had broken some of the Terminal windows, and dented the corrugated iron.

"I'm going to have to send a communicae out about this damage" said Mickey Mouse, but no one was listening to him because the great....................

..... coup had started, with Miles & Kilometers and Leigh Shore both planning to make a cumback, ably supported by some dopy walloper from over there, an army General, a rabbit cocky, E Paul and ......

 

 

[turboplanner]

....the seven dwarfs.

 

"We'll change the face of f'n'Q" said MK.

 

"NQ" said Turbo who'd received a comunicae on where the border of f''n'Q really was and was in the process of quelling a fist fight between two Queenslanders, one of whom was adamant it started at Launceston, where..................

 

 

[Captain]

....the seven dwarfs."We'll change the face of f'n'Q" said MK.

 

"NQ" said Turbo who'd received a comunicae on where the border of f''n'Q really was and was in the process of quelling a fist fight between two Queenslanders, one of whom was adamant it started at Launceston, where..................

........... such a change will make sure that we win the State of Oranges." he said with that quiet, understated, self effacing confidence that most Queen-slanderers display, then we'll .................

 

 

[Bryon]

.........expose the truth that E Paul is really Harold H Holt who escaped from the Russian submarine by disguising himself as a nuke-le- ear torpedo which......

 

 

[turboplanner]

..........certainly torpedoed Elephant Ears Bill and went careering on in one of the greatest post-war friendly fire accidents we've ever seen.

 

"Oranges?" a little voice called out "I'M the board members' Orange Boy and you don't want to cross me or you'll get an earful, or ..................."

 

 

[Bob Llewellyn]

..........certainly torpedoed Elephant Ears Bill and went careering on in one of the greatest post-war friendly fire accidents we've ever seen."Oranges?" a little voice called out "I'M the board members' Orange Boy and you don't want to cross me or you'll get an earful, or ..................."

...perhaps a noce... Urrgh!"; as a spray of frozen peas riccochetted off one of Andy's frozen turds and nearly decrapitated the speaker...

 

 

[Captain]

...perhaps a noce... Urrgh!"; as a spray of frozen peas riccochetted off one of Andy's frozen turds and nearly decrapitated the speaker...

...... who nonchalantly replied "But jeez this prosciutto tastes good. Don't ya just LOVE Tapas?"

 

"Speaking of torpedoes" commented The 12 Incher "I think that might be one of Andy's .......... and while he says that he may not be the best log in the woodpile (or the least stretchy thru-bolt in the engine), he is a good ..........

 

 

[Bandit12]

...... who nonchalantly replied "But jeez this prosciutto tastes good. Don't ya just LOVE Tapas?"

"Speaking of torpedoes" commented The 12 Incher "I think that might be one of Andy's .......... and while he says that he may not be the best log in the woodpile (or the least stretchy thru-bolt in the engine), he is a good ..........

..........person to have around in a sticky situation. Like that time we were swimming around in the molasses tank, and Andy came up with a different way of cleaning up, by......"

 

 

[Captain]

..........person to have around in a sticky situation. Like that time we were swimming around in the molasses tank, and Andy came up with a different way of cleaning up, by......"

......... walking down into a paddock of particularly good looking heifers and allowing them to ...............

 

 

 

 

 

ANDY IS NAKED AND FORTUNATELY, OUT OF SHOT TO THE RIGHT.