turboplanner Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 Meanwhile, Turbo was sad. He travelled all the way to Tooradin in 43 degree heat only to find this!
Bigglesworth Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 Seems to be expected with a Jab? Bigglesworth is now Biggles-wog after some horrible thing he picked up probably in Tamworth. running nose, etc. Sugest an air cure and he might still get down to Hamilton VIC on the weekend. Its only a 400nm trip. Going to sleep. PS typing this while driving, watch out traffic in the Cobargo area. keep your spaced out story going, if you need some inspiration, I know a lot of dope dealers in this area.
turboplanner Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 Funny you should mention traffic in the Cobargo area. How could you possibly rack up points when the only other visible vehicle is likely to be a Honda 250 rounding up the cows?
Bigglesworth Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 You mean how can they jusify taking points off me when the only other vehicle is a cow, and a highway patrol on an early sunday morning, 50 metres fom the 100 signs doing 74 in a 60 zone on a double demerits weekend. About 3 months ago. 6 points in a hit. On the way to the airport.........
turboplanner Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 It's a bit frightening when they rack up like that. Anyway, go away and have a good cry, then write something spectacular for the Administrator's let down (let down to earth that is).....
ahlocks Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 The Grizzle was falling tail first straight for the concrete.... ....as a heat stressed Jabortoo was making an approach into chewka, trailing a soft and sticky resin material behind it. Who'd have thought that the stinking hot weather might save the day? :raise_eyebrow: i_dunno With a deft flick of the Grizzle's rudder, 'cuz AoA of the missing wings were no longer an issue, Ianthecoder diverted the plummeting grizzle into the safety of the soft polymer web trailing along with the J'roo and was cradled safely onto the concrete. The assembled throng, yes throng - not thong , let out a tumultuous roar. Biglets, who's cheeks were still smarting from the JATO salvo :confused: (and from an introduction to speed zones) was lost for words and looked on in amazement... ================ Biglets with nothing to say:question:.....Now the NES is getting a bit far fetched. :raise_eyebrow:
Captain Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 ....and looked on in amazement... "We didn't know there was an airshow on today?" said a member of the croud. "There isn't" said the TuberPlanter "That is the way Ian always flies." "And our next act, coming in from the NW, will be ChuckPete landing on his kingpost" "Boy, that's gotta hurt" said Planey "You wouldn't get mine anywhere near the tarmac, blue pills or no blue pills ............ and you might get your "pills" hurt too." "Does anyone REALLY look at their speedo when they drive" asked Les "I was busy at the time trying to find some features by which to navigate. By the way, what are those metal things on poles by the roadside with writing on them?" "I've only got a few poiints left, but the copper said he would cut me a deal to give me 2 points back if I remove 3 white aerials, 5 spotlights, 3 CAT mudflaps and 2 longhorn stickers off my Ute" said Leslie "But I told him to nick off as it just wouldn't be me, the girls (including Caroline) & my dog wouldn't recognise me, and I'd look like a ......................... If your image & your ute's not broken, don't mess with it
turboplanner Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 wanker, remembering a line of utes outside a pub in Horsham one year - real utes, Holdens or Falcons... then along came some masculinity-challenged snoozer in a plain Mazda - made you want to throw up. Said he was and ASIC card inspector whatever that is, and just to be safe Biglet told him his dog had already had his shots. BigUte smiled as he remembers the cops reaction to his friendly greeting, and parting advice for the cop to get himself a copy of Hitchhikers Guide to the Universe (google it). In the distance he saw Ian the Administrator approaching, nodding this way and that to the adoring crowd like Smithy arriving after his record breaking flight. Biglet quickly dropped down and hid behind a garden hose. All the town had turned out including one small child who didn't know what it was all about. "I didn't know they had a model aircraft show on today" he said. This, and the fact that his life had been spared by one of the features of the Jabertwo had a major effect on Ian "I think it's about time I bought a real aircraft, one made in Australia" he thought.... clock.pdf clock.pdf
Captain Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 In the distance he saw Ian the Administrator approaching, nodding this way and that to the adoring crowd like Smithy arriving after his record breaking flight..... "I have a cunning plan to get myself one of the finest aircraft in the world, and cheap too" said Ian. "Millenium schmillenium" he added "For Penny Wong said yesterday that this heat wave is tangible evidence of global warming, so the finest aircraft in the world will soon be available at little cost as Jabiru owners unload 'em before they melt" he said "But what if Penny is not wight?" asked le Crepe "And don't forget that Al Bore says that it will get so hot that aluminiminium will also melt" "What shall we do?" asked Boll 'We'll ...............................
ahlocks Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 ...flip a coin, :confused: for it has been reported that the world is also plunging into another ice age... But don't despair, there will be some form of tax scheme (ice trading) to mitigate the problem.
turboplanner Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 Turbo ignored the facetious comments of Avlovaks (how much are ice shares now Av?) and his faster posting trigger and went back one post: ....put some money together and buy a sun shade for you, for a start" said Turbo sympathetically, visualising Avlovaks in a few years time with a face like a fried dim sim and a squint like a mongolian witch doctor. "Then we'll organise a "Switch Off" day when eveyone will turn off their power points, lights, cars trains, buses causing a reverse CO2 spike which will kick start Global Cooling" said Turbo. "What about aircraft" said Biglet "Geez Biglet, don't give the game away!" counselled WiseolPete. "And we can close down places like Wagga Wagga too, which are known concentrations of hot air" said Hihosilver, receiving a cold stare from some of the group we won't mention. "Don't worry, we'll get you!" said Capitaine "we're going to cool the atmosphere so much that the take off roll for shortys like yours will be minus 10 metres, and that will put you right back in the hangar (spelled HANGAR because it's not for hanging suits)" "I'll bomb the coal fields" said Biglet, (this session had to be suspended for an hour or so while the group reasoned with Biglet, primarily using 4x2's and were all invited by Biglet to get a copy of the Hitchikers Guide to the universe. "I'll go out to the coalfields, speak to the managers, and talk them into ceasing production", said Biglet. And you know friends, there was every chance he would succeed, and in fact may even agree to destroy their stockpiles if he would stop talking. "You good guys (Jab Jockeys who could land straight) will be OK in any case" said Rod Limp who'd just flown in on the latest Jabertwo 5100230LSD which was built using an engine...you know, and it was ON because after Brency's clever and inciteful observation, the rear end of the engine protruded into what was the cockpit, also taking care of the CoG problem which another poster had raised. The Jab Jockeys were all ear plugs. "We were laminating a Jab one day and someone went to get some catalyst for the polyester resin. I'd been keeing it in an old Bundy bottle. The idiot walked straight past and grabbed a new bottle of Bundy (note the polar bears signifying Bundy is cool always!) and put that in. Two things happened - the resin froze like spring steel, and at the end of the day when we drank the original bottle by mistake, every step we took glued our feet to the ground and left wavey feathers chunks of boot when we finally wrenched them free. So I can now tell you not to worry about hot days, towing hang gliders or making the turn of death back on to the airfield if, in the almost impossible likelihood you have a Jab engine failure - you can turn them at six G's no worries!" "Really?" said Le Capitaine who could be quite insightful at times "Of Course" said Rod "Why do you think I'm changing my surname by deed poll*...... *This story was written some time ago.
ahlocks Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 Just a tad warm in WGA(x2) [ATTACH]7126.vB[/ATTACH] What hope does a J'droop have??
turboplanner Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 NEWSFLASH! See Narromine 2009 for the latest development in the breaking story about the Administrator and the Jabiru, and remember, you read it first on the NES Rumour file! Avlovakski you cunning devil, you slipped that one in, but you haven't been paying attention. Obviously the ice ream man had been putting his rum in tne ruma and raisins instead of the catalyst....or maybe you were paying attention and it didn't work!.....
ahlocks Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 ...visualising Avlovaks in a few years time with a face like a fried dim sim and a squint like a mongolian witch doctor..... Hmmm...Turbz must be a new age clairvoyant. You know, the ones that see into the present. :clown: ...did I mention that it's hot today ??:yuk: addendum: Just noticed that Ianthepoohbah's partner is a beautician and may be doing some waxing(ouch) at NatFly09.......(betcha can't guess where this is going. ??) ...... ...... ...... Reckon she could use bits that drip off a Jabasyrup for the wax if the weather is still hot??:clown::clown::clown: "Door?---Ok" Lovak slinks off to work(finally).
Captain Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 ....... Lovak slinks off to work(finally). But at which work will he be. Will it be the one where he provides a service to the community, the one where he services any member of the community that wants it, or the one where he gives the community a serve? "I've checked him out" said Swanny "And his records of convictions indicate that while there are a ship-load of other entries, Mr Lovach would never, ever, be involved in doing a cashie ..... which is unusual for someone from his part of the world." "Caroline ...... Caroline ...... Caroline" came the distant call, as Big-amy came round the corner "Has anyone seen my green ........................... The lady-friend of the Bingles is in the garden (in an anonymous location under the witness protection program)
Captain Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 Another double bunger - "Me too" said the Lass ...did I mention that it's hot today ??:yuk: .... goodness it is a bit warm ..... and where is BigPete? He's ....................... If it's hot in the garden, then my aunt must be on the boil
turboplanner Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 Truth is, even with global warming we haven't had many hot summers in recent years. BigPete was drying his thong, but it shrank so much he's had to *fly to Mildura where I'm told they have the big size, to get a new one.
turboplanner Posted January 31, 2009 Posted January 31, 2009 The Mildura shop assistants weren't helpful, and the only one he could find was so tight and elestrator ring would have been decidedly comfortable. As he flew back he was not in a good mood. "I offered these people, who I thought were my friends, free accommodation", he thought "and that was almost a signal for them to wade right in to me. Big Thing indeed! How would you like to be called that? "Not the Man from Snowy River", "Hero of the Fires", or the man wh saved a three year old girl from drowning in the river, but "Big Thong". And the Mayor called me in and complained about the state of the streets - all THEIR fault, and to cap it all of, when I went across to the Moama Golf Club for dinner with a visiting business associate, the Ladies Bowls Club were there and quick as a flash old Elsie came over and said "Show us your thong?" and there were winks all night from the other tables." "Why can't I be a hero?" he absent mindedly asked out loud. "Well personally I think anyone who can land upside down on his king post would have to be a hero" said Turbo who had come to town for a trial run for the Southern 80. He wasn't in a much better mood; he'd launched the boat and started the motor when bang!, another blow up. He turned to BigPete and said "Show us your...." "Shutup" said Pete, I'm sick to deash of being made the town clown" "Im terribly sorry MrPete" Turbo said, but I was merely asking to have a look at your nice Jabiru" "and, I hear you are one of the straightest landers in the country........"
BigPete Posted January 31, 2009 Posted January 31, 2009 "ya got that right TurboTubbyTuba" :thumb_up: said IDoAllMyOwnStuntsPete, i_dunno as he crossed old Elsie off his xmas card list. :yuk: "Every bloody week I ask the bowlers at the MBC (Moama Bowling Club) how many wickets they took and they still can't see the funny side of the question". "Some people just can't laugh at themselves" CourtJesterAndAllRoundFunnyGuyPete mused to himself. :confused: And speaking of the Southern 80 weekend, all I can say is on that weekend the only safe place is in the air. (44 deg or not!) i_dunno Did you know that all of the boats (in the race) will burn in excess of 200 liters (each) in the hour it takes to complete the race. Most of the spectators will be out of their trees, (and heads) lining the riverbank with a stubbie in each hand. WhatTimeIsMatlockOn?Pete sits back, takes another swig from his lemonade :big_grin: and wonders if the Jabirooted :yuk: (still being fixed after his last little misshap) would pull a skier without the propwash blowing him/her off. After all, the Riverland Lass and the fishing rod episode (you'll have to go back a fair way) proved, in theory, that it was possible. :thumb_up: Armed with a new ski rope, 4 rolls of gaffa tape and ideas of a quick release thingy (in case of snags), :ah_oh: McGuyverPete, again, heads for the workshop. regards :big_grin::big_grin: The thong of my Aunt still haunts me.
turboplanner Posted January 31, 2009 Posted January 31, 2009 "Not the workshop" said Turbo "It always leads to something bad", although he thought maybe he should refer 007Pete to Go Faster Mint, who apparently had solved the problems of towing a water skiier, making a Jab hover, and snorkelling from a UFO.....
ahlocks Posted January 31, 2009 Posted January 31, 2009 Thwop:exclamation: Thwack:exclamation: The sharp report of a wet fish being slapped around rang out through the cool morning air. (cool morning...wishful thinking, eh ) For Turbotuba and lovak had ventured out to inject some NESian humour into watto's world :wave:and it went down ever so well. :confused::black_eye: Being the caring type :thumb_up:, Turbz had tried to warn the masses of a corblet startly owner's appetite for munching on jabarues . Especially during the warmer months when they are easier to chew . Well, even Lovak could see the snare being carefully set up :raise_eyebrow:. "Come on up! I've mown the strip so the Jabamorsal won't get weed whapped (obviously he doesn't like to have greens with his meals..) Now Lovak has to get a job :confused:, as if two isn't already enough..... ============== the boil on the aunt, would be painful from the hot in the garden (perhaps she should lance it with the pen?) ======== 44 degrees outside and total fire ban today and some punters rumoured to have decided to burn a small pile of rubbish in their back yard......next to the boundary fence....The Result? Scratch one house.....the neighbour's!
turboplanner Posted January 31, 2009 Posted January 31, 2009 Turbo was keen to see what BigPete came up with next, because he was thinking of buying an aircraft which was versatile, particularly if it would tow a biscuit. Then he could get rid of the frigging boat which cost a sheep station each time it disgorged its innards which was pretty well whenever he turned the key. He liked the idea Gofastmint had of towing hang gliders for fifty bucks a time, although the weak point he could see was that it would blow their beards off. He really liked the idea of putting the eight cylinder in the J230 and moving the seats back, and already had an old Rodeo tow bar he could use, but it would take a bucket of money, so he wrote a letter to his Bank Manager: “There is an opportunity for investing in a large Cat Farm in Queensland near Gladstone. It is our purpose to start rather small, with about one million cats. Each cat averages about twelve kittens a year, and skins can be sold at twenty cents for the white ones and fifty cents for black. This will give us twelve million cat skins per year to sell at an average price of around thirty cents, making our revenues about $3.6 million per year. This averages out to $12,000 a day – excluding weekends and holidays. A good Rodds Bay cat man can skin about 300 cats per day at a wage of $50.00 a day. It will only take 133 men to operate the farm so the net profit would be over $5,000 per day. Now, the cats would be fed on rats exclusively. Rats multiply four times as fast as cats. We would start a rat ranch adjacent to our cat farm. If we start with a million rats we will have four rats per cat each day. The rats will be fed on the carcasses of the cats that we skin; this will give each rat a quarter of a cat. You can see by this, that this business is a clean operation, self supporting and really automatic throughout. The cats will eat the rats and the rats will eat the cats and we will get the skins. Eventually it is my hope to cross the cats with snakes which skin themselves twice a year. This would save labour costs as well as giving us two skins for one cat.” The bank manager…..
ahlocks Posted January 31, 2009 Posted January 31, 2009 ....The bank manager….. ...said "Well Turbotalker, with that business plan, I am sure you'll land on your feet ...every time." ============ the pen aren't in my garden
turboplanner Posted January 31, 2009 Posted January 31, 2009 Buoyed up by the bank manager's positive response, and very mindful of Wattshisname's advice that Turboloafer get a job, Turbo issued a prospectus quietly in the south, and, using Google Earth, found an excellent paddock next to the rail line and close enough to Bundaberg to allow a small pipeline to cater for another bright idea he'd had, which was to reduce the appetites of the animals by feeding them Bundy, so they'd be out of it most of the time. The location he'd found was Colosseum, which had a nice paddock. Turboskinner travelled to Colosseum wearing wide baggy green trousers and a large hat, and announced that he was buying the paddock to conduct a new age sustainable environmental operation which would produce many new jobs and make Colosseum a major transport hub. As part of the development, Pussy Pty Ltd, the new company would be planting a million trees in the area, as funds allowed, and the small building footprint would be surrounded by local native shrubs, even though his research team had not been able to find any so far. This would appeal to the visual sensitivities of local residents; he carefully avoided any mention of odour sensibility, particularly since the site was directly upwind from Wattshisname. There were four objectors at the first meeting. "What about odours?" yelled Wattshisname, who at this point was beginning to regret his throw away line, and made a mental note to count to three next time. Turbo looked across at his Community Engagement Manager, One Eyed Jack, who'd been lucky to avoid being featured in recent episodes of Underbelly. "It's too early to release our world class environmental system but down the track we'll drop in and explain that more fully" said One Eyed Jack. At the end of the night, Turboskinner handed out a free Pussy badge to all participants. After the visit, he realised Colosseum was a very lonely place, and his future emplyees could easily get dispirited, so he decided to use the same principle that the mining companies used for remote areas - two weeks on, then fly them out to the cities for two weeks. He looked around for an airfield and found the waving grass of....Rodds Bay......
ahlocks Posted February 1, 2009 Posted February 1, 2009 Freshly flush from funds fetched for feline farming,() Tabbyplanter's thoughts turned to other product from his feline enterprise. i_dunno:idea::big_grin: "Hot digity!" purred Tabbyplanter, "I'll rend those cat carcasses and sell the goop as landing gear lubricant. :star: Won't matter if someone like inventivePete:heart: loses track of which way is up, he'll always touch down landing gear first!":thumb_up: All he needed now is to find a cat herder to wrangle the live stock.....:raise_eyebrow: Tabbytamer keyed his PTT button.."Rodds Bay traffic. This is free pussy inbound" ============== The cat in the garden is destined for the pot
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