The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

......Turbo became more intrigued as the erudite posts continued, and the story got better and better, so he'd gone to the shed and found the four large cardboard cartons from his wides screen TVs, and with some duct tape and a box cutter (Turbo has caught on the american) made a test cell, and fitted an air scoop to his..................

........... complete satisfaction, and as usual after Turbo's more lengthy posts (some go on and on and on and on, dear reader) he was very pleased with himself.

 

 

 

"No what shall I power it with?" he asked himself, which he often does. "As I have no outboard or mower of diesel or other petrol engines that are serviceable."

 

 

 

Brine, Turbo's great mate and full time engine rebuilder, then suggested "............

 

 

[turboplanner]

"...why don't we put a Jab in it", at which......................

 

 

[Captain]

"...why don't we put a Jab in it", at which......................

....... point Nobu said "Why do I have to get into it?".

 

 

 

"He said Jab, you warry." clarified Salty "Not honoulable Japanese person".

 

 

 

"Ahhhhh" leplied Nobu "Jabilu ............... now I understand, however I am now the head Honda, Yamaha, Suzuki and Kawasaki Agent for Asia-Pacific (have done vely well since I buggered off flom Cowla ..... but we are not a monopory) so we can do you a good plice on one of those, except that our honourlable Head Office have warned me about the TurboPranner and we don't learry want to get involved with him and his nafalious .....................

 

 

[turboplanner]

".........Bernoulli theolies.

 

"I actuary met Bernoulli at an Axis meeting in Berin, before it all turned south for us in WW2. He was an assistant to Mussorini. Mussorini had made the trains run on time with assistance from machine guns, and said to B. 'how I gonna make these Bipranes fry?' and Bernoulli made up a story on the spot.

 

"Worked too, all pranes in all the world used it except for Brent's, but that another storly."

 

"Never mind that" said Salty, reeling from his exposure in post #9486. "are you going to give him an engine?, and are you..........."

 

 

[Captain]

".........Bernoulli theolies.

"I actuary met Bernoulli at an Axis meeting in Berin, before it all turned south for us in WW2. He was an assistant to Mussorini. Mussorini had made the trains run on time with assistance from machine guns, and said to B. 'how I gonna make these Bipranes fry?' and Bernoulli made up a story on the spot.

 

"Worked too, all pranes in all the world used it except for Brent's, but that another storly."

 

"Never mind that" said Salty, reeling from his exposure in post #9486. "are you going to give him an engine?, and are you..........."

.......... mad, if you do."

 

 

 

"I'm-a not-a gunna give-a TurdBoy any-ting" replied Ben.

 

 

 

"G'day Ben" said the 12 Incher "Are you one of the Noulli family from Griffith?"

 

 

 

"No, 12-a. We don't-a mention da Griffith Familia. They are-a bad-a bastarddi. I am-a from the Foot-es-cray Noulli's and-a I-a ..................

 

 

[turboplanner]

".......k a good a songa, so let usa................."

 

 

[Captain]

".......k a good a songa, so let usa................."

........... sing-a da Noulli family song-a, which is-a gunna goes-a like-a dis "....................

 

 

 

 

 

Benny Noulli was a good looker (NTTIAWWT) and is the spit of Turbo when Tubb puts his long wig on.

 

 

 

A popular cartoon from Bernoulli's day, as published in the Basel Morning Chronicle on January 30th 1749.

 

 

[turboplanner]

"Whenna you venturi isa ................................................."

 

 

[Captain]

"Whenna you venturi isa ................................................."

WARNING. THE FOLLOWING POST CONTAINS A DRUG REFERENCE, A SEXUAL REFERENCE AND A WEAK, IF NOT PATHETIC, ATTEMPT AT HUMOUR WHICH SOME MAY NOT GRASP.

 

..... , when you e-venturi wake up in the morning, it looks-a like-a the below diagram (taken directly from Bernie Oullie's "Little Book of Patents") ........... which Turbo uses at the BangeHolme opium den.

 

 

 

"Oh bugger (NTTIAWWT)" said Turbo "I thought that was a penis enlarger, so no wonder it heated up my .........................

 

 

 

[turboplanner]

......but before he could go on and angry Sammy Oulli sent this in with a message to Rat to Go...................................

 

 

[Captain]

......but before he could go on and angry Sammy Oulli sent this in with a message to Rat to Go....................

........... Off ..... like a dunny door in a Force 9.

 

 

 

Sensitive or new NES readers are fortunate that in the above attachment they are unable to see the conquest notches that Turbo has stuck along the side of his 'Vette, like fighter pilots did during the war.

 

 

 

On the Corvette his debauchery is shown using a little Lygon St sign, followed by a sticker for each sordid liaison which shows a pair of cotton-tails on a walking frame.

 

 

 

While on the aircraft he has an insignia which shows the 1.609344 km High Club (not that Turbo has ever been able to hold height with any accuracy [just ask the poor buggers in the Moorabbin tower]) , with each sad event depicted by a cannula rampant on an oxygen bottle (which is fitted with tiny wheels & a handle) and a ...................

 

 

[turboplanner]

...signature that look's suspiciously like the Rat's.

 

Turbo had noted that every time he parked at the RatHaus the line of disrespectful and historically inaccurate sticker became longer.

 

The original line of course represented Turbo's regular "discussions" with Highway Patrol officers, which usually started with "Stop Driver" and finished with............

 

 

[Captain]

....... "Does this Vette really increase the size of your .......

 

 

[turboplanner]

....Chick House, to which Turbo usually nodded with a smile and gave them a free pass to his chook house.

 

Noting two new amateurish rat scratched stickers on the last visit, Turbo had set up cameras in the RatHaus parking area, swung into the driveway leaving a trail of black rubber and blue smoke, slid into Ratso's private parking spot, thrown the keys into the Valet Box (he'd never ever seen a Valet at the Rathaus), grabbed a handfull of Minties from the nearest Elf, strode up to his room, and turned on his remote system.

 

Sure enough, within a short time there was the evil Rat, in his favourite 1940's dressing gown, looking like a Meerkat and darting from rose bush to rose bush with two stickers in his paw.

 

Unfortunately for the creeping little rodent, a stray pit bull was having a crap on the other side of one of the rose bushes, and...................

 

 

[Bryon]

....had taken umbrage (NTTIAWWT) at the Elrattaus using his fur as a wet wipe when in actual fact..........

 

 

[turboplanner]

......since he tries to look human by shaving once a month, his fur is more like a wire brush.

 

The pit bull let go a loud......................

 

 

[Captain]

......The pit bull let go a loud......................

........ "Excuse me my good man, but can one book one's room as far away from TurdBoy as possible", because the Pit Bull (or PB, as he was known on the floor of the Stock Exchange) had been educated at Trinity Grammar and had a hatred for the common classes who didn't drive European collectables.

 

 

 

"My Corvette will beat your M5 any day" responded Turbo (who had fitted a Supercharger to the Vette when he installed the C7 engine, because, as we all know, Turbos are unreliable), as he .............

 

 

[turboplanner]

...... looked across at PB who was reading the Times and gnawing on a kipper, both of which had had to be flown in to the Marree Intercontinental Hotel.

 

"The M5's in for a spot of the old mechanicals" old chap, he said.

 

"Aim an ornithologist, so I planned a trip down from Brisbane along the Birdsville Track" he said with a weary smile "Frightfully rough old chap, wouldn't doo in the old country"

 

The beginnings of a plan started to form in the Rat's mind.........................

 

 

[Captain]

...... The beginnings of a plan started to form in the Rat's mind.........................

......... but all he had so far was the "P".

 

 

 

Which reminded him that he did indeed need a .............

 

 

[turboplanner]

........Pimms, and a private chat with Ahlox about..........

 

 

[Captain]

............ pandering to ...........

 

 

[Captain]

............ pandering to ...........

........ Mextorians from the suburbs of Melbournistan who have a penchant for ...........

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

TURBO AND AHLOX AT 2014 NATFLY.

 

 

[turboplanner]

.....studying, and Ahlox had to spend a lot of time retraining him because he had been classified by an expert who summed him up:

 

"See Mr Turboplanner' comments. He is comprehensively wrong but will not see it. This is called 'Confirmation Bias' where someone only accepts information that fits with their pre-existing view. This has been a significant causal factor is quite a number of airline accidents.

 

Aghast at causing quite a number of airline accidents (other than causing the hostie to spill a tray of drinks), Turbo had booked in online to the "Confirmation Bias University" which promised "highly qualified Associate Professors in a calming rural setting with extensive scenery" and "you will never be the same again".

 

Fearing another airline crash, he asked them to hurry, and half an hour later there was a ring at the front door (Turbo had recorded a possum scream, so he would never miss someone at the door), and there was a limo driver with an airline ticket to of all places Wagga Wagga, and another taxi to the University which was actually a weatherboard in the Wagga Swamp, and who should be standing in the doorway jangling his keys, but Professor Ahlox who.......

 

 

[Captain]

...... has a penchant for ponchos, except that the one he was wearing was see-thru (erky perky), which was one of Prof Ahlow's party tricks at the Blue Oyster after 11 pm (where he is sometimes also known as "Slowpoke Rodriguez" NTTIAWWT).

 

 

 

Freshman Turbo knew his place however, looked through the see-thru poncho and ..................

 

 

 

 

 

TURBO WEARING HIS KEPENEK UP AT MT BULLER THIS LAST WINTER. HE HAS GONE RIGHT OFF SEE-THRU AFTER THE AHLOW EPISODE AT THE UNI.

 

 

[turboplanner]

.....saw Constable Doubtfire in a cute little Brazilian bright red one-piece which matched her crew cut. Turbo couldn't resist the potential spectacle, and ran outside, jumped over the sill of the Corvette, and laid some rubber on the street. He'd laid his fourth pair of black strips when the constable came charging out with her partner for the night, Ratso, who as we know is more DC than AC, and who...................