The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

"........his love of the parchment, the quill and the blotter in this digital age, and who.........."

......... is fully aware that a Commodore 64 is the new parchment up in F'n Q "But these screen are crappy to write on" said Madge who had been amazed at the recent RA-OZ Board Training when he saw the 1850's abacus that has been the central processor in the Cantberra office (and cleverly networked to each employee's desk with sisal string). "Until that training I thought that Abaccus was the god of mirth and wine" said Madge "Because each new moon we celebrate a nude Abaccus festival on the top of Mt Pellier when ..........

 

 

(Apologies Salty. It looks like we arrived at the same time (NTTIAWWT).

 

 

 

(Experienced NES'ers will also be aware that Bacchus is the spit of St Madge)

 

 

[Captain]

Another self-portrait sculpture of St Madge ................

 

 

 

 

And below is one of Ahlox legless at the Blue Oyster, pretending to be Bacchus and hoping to Grab-a-Granny ........

 

 

 

[turboplanner]

Meanwhile Turbo was on the road to Jerusalem. His sandals were hurting, and he was being subjected to the never ending wailing of the Philistines. He picked up the jawbone of an ass, waved it round his head and said ".................................

 

 

[Guest Andys@coffs]

"Look at me mum, I'm a helicopter!" In an excited ( NTTIAWWT) voice reminiscent of when he was.......but then there was a loud bang and a throughbolt shot from his neck, which caused all the Phillistines to grumble loudly about his jabirooter reliability.......tubs got grumpy at that and taking up his lucky ass jawbone started to mightily smite..........

 

 

[Captain]

"Look at me mum, I'm a helicopter!" In an excited ( NTTIAWWT) voice reminiscent of when he was.......but then there was a loud bang and a throughbolt shot from his neck, which caused all the Phillistines to grumble loudly about his jabirooter reliability.......tubs got grumpy at that and taking up his lucky ass jawbone started to mightily smite..........

....... the Siphilistines as they headed for him carrying some timber and a few nails.

 

"We need a bolt to put through these 2 bits of timber please mate" said Ahlox the Poncy Pontious Pilot, the lead Siphilite.

 

"We know where there are thousand of 'em" responded Turbs as he holstered the Arsebone of a Jew with which he had been smiting, and add ".......

 

 

[turboplanner]

".........ed "probably better to put a few nails in there as well Dufus Maximus, just in case the bolt doesn't hold"

 

Turbo looked down upon the Romans and board members, and with the gentlest of smiles said "It's back to TAFE for you pricks for ye know not what ye are doing. plus none of you are wearing Hi Viz vests, and wipe that smile off your face Madge, for I shall cause a storm to be brought in the form of Harriet the Screamer who is going to give you a personal audience you'll never forget, and Pontius old son, could you let me have an Ipad for this looks as if it's going to take some time"

 

Pontius turned to .....................

 

 

[Guest Andys@coffs]

Andy cant help but notice that the statue of Madge seems to be holding a measuring stick.......and its clear to me that in the circumstances when he posed for the sculpture the measuring stick seems to promise much more than Madge was able to deliver...perhaps naked dancing girls doing their thing might have made the measuring stick more suitable to the task.......

 

Pontius turned to his right hand snake and said " Ive heard of this Apple thing... But prey tell, Cuthbert, how will a tablet made of apple be of use to young Turdy? and how was iClaudius involved in its production?"

 

 

[turboplanner]

Harriet the Screamer has just told the writer in a secrect message that he knows the measuring stick was added at a later date and made to a much bigger scale.

 

"iClaudius was a member of the ALP, and a red ragger who stopped the clock at 1975" said Cuthbert "so we can be certain he had nothing to do with the tablet, particularly the memory module, and ......."

 

 

[Guest Andys@coffs]

beside the memory module was made by Rodney Eructus who dubbed it the "iKnow" and suggested that he had a very large one, .......memory module that is, and his customers were more like Shultz....and if they had one they could have all the copies of his manuals which together sounded like the hockey pokey song..."you put your mod ver 1.0 in, you put your mod ver 1.0 out, you put the mod ver 2.0 in and bang it all about, you pays us your money and well poke you all about....

 

Poncy looked a bit disdainful and muttered quietly to Cuthbert "Why does one need one, and in any event why would it ever need to be bigger than 640k in size...... " Cuthbert hissed in an amused sort of way and said "There are very many versions of the Rodney Erectus blame shifting manuals and to read then all is to go blind....just like

 

 

[Captain]

beside the memory module was made by Rodney Eructus who dubbed it the "iKnow" and suggested that he had a very large one, .......memory module that is, and his customers were more like Shultz....and if they had one they could have all the copies of his manuals which together sounded like the hockey pokey song..."you put your mod ver 1.0 in, you put your mod ver 1.0 out, you put the mod ver 2.0 in and bang it all about, you pays us your money and well poke you all about....

Poncy looked a bit disdainful and muttered quietly to Cuthbert "Why does one need one, and in any event why would it ever need to be bigger than 640k in size...... " Cuthbert hissed in an amused sort of way and said "There are very many versions of the Rodney Erectus blame shifting manuals and to read then all is to go blind....just like

...... Madge in both of those sculptures (see the eyes and that 1000 yard stare that all Heliview owners get when they dream of owning 230).

 

 

 

"That sculpture was done on a bad day when it was very cold" said Madge defensively .......... "And I had just been swimming in sub-arctic water. Plus I had a cold. Really, because I can actually .............

 

 

[Bryon]

.....calculate the effects of turbulence caused by a low hanging appendage.

 

It is all based on the amount of curved surface area multiplied by the heat of the meat and divided by the angle of the dangle

 

"All very well," moaned Poxyloxy, "but can it.....

 

 

[Captain]

...... stick its head out just a little bit?"

 

 

 

And for that PoxyLox was given another week's holiday.

 

 

 

"But just watch this" said St Madge "There is a Pilipino lady walking towards me and I will ..........

 

 

[Guest Andys@coffs]

but none could hear what Madge was trying to say over the growing angry noise of the crowd who in general seemed to be suggesting that Rodney Erectus was in desperate need of a crucifixion or a public stoning, or even better a stoning while he was hanging.......

 

Poncy yelled "Shut up you bunch! your like a mob of angry Jabirooter owners that just go on and on...unlike their engines......So what has Rodney Erectus done for you lately?"

 

The crowd milled uncertainly looking for a spokesman who would best represent their needs...what ever they were.....

 

Madge, seeing an opportunity to have the spotlight taken away from his unmentionables leapt to the fore and said.....

 

 

[Bryon]

..."Look not to me as the Messiah, but look to the....

 

 

[Captain]

..."Look not to me as the Messiah, but look to the....

.......... FT as the new deity.

 

 

 

"No, stuff it" said Turbo "Let's just crucify him for fun as there will be a line-up of forum members with hammers."

 

 

 

"I haven't got any nails" said Ratsack "So I'll just hit him where they are supposed to go in."

 

 

 

"Here is a box of techscrews" said Brine-ski who had chucked down a vodka and some whi-ski, trying to be helpful-ski "So can I use a ................

 

 

[turboplanner]

............battery powered drill.

 

"What's a battery powered drill?" asked Isaac, who was always "in character", ........

 

 

[Captain]

............battery powered drill."What's a battery powered drill?" asked Isaac, who was always "in character", ........

..... as was the MethsOozer who said "Where are my 30 pieces of silver, but I only want organic silver, as mining will make the sea levels rise."

 

 

 

"And what are you up to Isaac?" said Torbid "As you can't go begatting anyone on this thread.(Eeeeen's rules)"

 

 

 

"Isaac is about to begat me" responded Mavis "So you keep out of it Turdboy, or I'll get Edna to begat you, using her ..............

 

 

[Bryon]

.....rechargeable battery powered begatter, available on eeeeens-bay with extra........

 

 

[turboplanner]

.......tail wheel, and..............

 

 

[Captain]

.......tail wheel, and..............

 

.......... forget about this lightweight battery powered stuff" said Edna "As I need the 3 Phase 240 volt jobbie that the CWA offers as part of their Life Membership package, along with ..........

 

 

[Bryon]

.......the 300 kilometer extension cord for when I visit PoxyLoxy in his....

 

 

[Captain]

.......the 300 kilometer extension cord for when I visit PoxyLoxy in his....

......... in his man-cave.

 

 

 

"Loxy's blokie hang-out is a beauty" said Salty "As he has a completed airfix kit of a Lancaster Bomber, some of the rare Thomas the Tankengine locos, a 3 phase power point, a great picture of a SportSzara and ........

 

 

[turboplanner]

.....a photo of a burning Jab at Bundaberg Airport with a fire truck parked outside a locked gate, and the fieries slogan "If the gate's locked, park it!"

 

However, on the floor could be seen a........

 

 

[Captain]

.......... bent lock-pick, a puddle of questionable origin, and some underwear from when ..............

 

 

[turboplanner]

........Loxy used to wear his underpants over his Spiderman suit.

 

On the wall hung a portrait of.........