turboplanner Posted February 1, 2009 Posted February 1, 2009 There was no reply. Tabby called again, but there was no reply. Looking down he saw someone on a mower going up and down, up and down and looking bored to tears; he recognised the film star looks of Jabba the Hutt. Tabby had installed gestapo style loud speakers under his aircraft for times when he needed to address public meetings outlining his development plans, and get away faster than the mob. Dispensing with radio formalities, as many of his fellow fliers did he broadcast "Someone's playing with the Corbet Startle. The mowere immediately sat up on the rear wheels, took off like a AA Fueler and rocketed towards the hangar. Tabby saw him fling open the door, then heard the thin crackle of the Startle's radio "Station calling, there's no one here, require correct radio procedure" he said. Even though he now owned the place, Tabby reverted back to formalities, and made a normal landing except that he noticed his GPS was telling him he was seven kilometres away. After formal greetings were over he said to Jabba "How come the strip bends to the left like a banana" "We welcome all Jab owners" said Jabba, "even you" "How come the GPS is off?" asked Tabby "That's for Sczportsczars" Jabba replied, "they can't navigate, they only use GPS, and that's how we keep them away; it's like a Bermuda triangle to everything except Jabs and Corby Starlets Tabby thought "this man's got brains" and sent a quick email to Avlovaks pointing out there was a place in Australia where Jabs were welcome and tin cans weren't......
ahlocks Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 .."That's for Sczportsczars" Jabba replied, "they can't navigate, they only use GPS... Wazzamadder with using Great Piloting Skills?? :ah_oh: What are all the luddites going to use when the map blows out of the window then ....huh??! ================== So many GPS gags, so little time...
Captain Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 this is a test post - please ignore So is this, please ignore mine too. The test of our Admin is stuck up on the post in my Aunt's garden
Admin Posted February 2, 2009 Author Posted February 2, 2009 Crikey Cap't, now I can't delete my test post - I needed to add a post in a thread with many pages to test something so there is none better then the NES
turboplanner Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 Crikey Cap't, now I can't delete my test post - I needed to add a post in a thread with many pages to test something so there is none better then the NES Tabby who was computer literate lterate lityrarte completely understood the fix the Administrator had got into. It wasn't often he was caught, but Ahlocks had pinned him with the catch of the season. Meanwhile the "Quick" and the "Today's Posts" had disappeared, reducing the split second timing required to squeeze in a post opn some of the fastest guns in the West. however back to the quite valid point put forward by Avlovaks. Tabby still remembered the day he put a chocolate wrapper in his mouth and threw the chocolate out the window, and thought how easy it would be to throw the WAC chart out, leaving just a toilet roll to navigate by. Mind you, it would probably last longer than the originally planned trip...
Captain Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 Crikey Cap't, now I can't delete my test post - I needed to add a post in a thread with many pages to test something so there is none better then the NES Feel free to download here whatever you like Ian. Everyone else does, and uses the NES to unburden themselves or test whatever turns them on. "But why should Ian just dump his load here?" asked the Riverland Lass "Because he is the boss and deserves respects" said LickerPete "OK Ian, shoot" said the Lass "I will .............................. The Crapper stays in character, even while talking with Ian ... in the garden
turboplanner Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 ....answer your questions correctly since Turbospitter became lost after answering the question "How many people does a two seater have?, and he answered "four people" not realising there was a trick here and it was referring to a Grizzle, which eveyone knows is really meant for one person........however, it is alway entertaining to watch the wit of Wagga........
Captain Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 ......however, it is alway entertaining to watch the wit of Wagga........ .... climb into his Sportzsar and wing his way awound wagga while winking with his wand in his hand. "I have a wand in my hand, therefore I must be a magician" said the ChinStrap. "Watch this" he said and POOF (not that there is anything wrong with that) a magical apparition appeared. It was .............. Just 40 posts to go to the magical #1000 ....which is less than my aunt had out there in the garden
Captain Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 ... a magical apparition appeared. It was ........ It was .......... Tink and even magical-er, his outboard was going and had been running for more than 4 minutes (which was a first). "How shall I thank you bloke blokes from WW" asked Tink "I know, I will ........... Joining the NES is optional .. but making an idiot of yourself there is mandatory
turboplanner Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 "How shall I thank you bloke blokes from WW" asked Tink "I know, I will ........... "never call you a bunch of fairies again" In fact his outboard had never run so well, starting ten times without hesitation, revving to 5000 until the neighbours complained - and they were half a kilometre away... buit he liked the gutsy sound. He thought to himself "I think this is good enough now to put in the water", not realising he should have put it in the water before he started it.....
Captain Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 ... but he liked the gutsy sound. He thought to himself "I think this is good enough now to put in the water", not realising he should have put it in the water before he started it..... .... for it had popped all the rivets that the Turbo had put in it, and the gutsy sound was similar to what you hear in a Sportzsar when you over-stress it. Pop, pop, pop, pop went the rivets, and click, click, click went the rivet gun. "Oh bugger" said Tubb "I'm not keeping up, I'll have to ......................... If it's not optional, ...... don't fix it
BigPete Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 So. TubbyTurnipPlanter has an air cooled outboard motor that is proving to be more reliable than anything else :thumb_up: (with pistons) he has ever owned. :) BrigadierPete, :big_grin: (cop that Maj Mallard (and get ready to duck)) can see an exciting use for this new power plant. :ah_oh: 1. Attach it to the front of SlartiBustIt's Cheater and give him cultivation (is that a real word?) capability. :thumb_up: While he's doing circuits he's performing some real land care (could claim the tax benefit as well). 2. Or it could be attached to.... regards :big_grin::big_grin:
Captain Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 2. Or it could be attached to.... Or it could be attached to....the windsock at Phillip Island. That way it would only stream straight out at 50 knots (ie all the time) so that if the Skipper flies down there for the Superbikes at end Feb he won't be so frightened with the wind only at 40 knots. "Did somebody mention being a "Super Bike"" said the lass "Because I'm a ....... If it's not broken ... then it must be mandatory
turboplanner Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 ...bike, but not super any more, although when I roll in that Barmah Forest honey, I do get a wriggle on - have to beat the bull ants" Turbo was distracted by the new website appearance. Quickies were back in but Captain, who is a descendent of Wyatt Earp was still too quick for him. However Turbo had noticed that some people had put on new airs and graces. For example StartaBitFaster now had what appeared to be a velvet cushion underneath a photo which was so small Turbo supposed it was a segment of an orange until he got the magnifying glass out and saw it was some kind of aircraft. "Oh well" he thought "maybe he needs it" He'd also noticed the strap line "Flying is simply the art of throwing yourself at the ground and missing" Turbo thought that was true, but not all of the people all of the time actually missed. Wondering whether this might draw a line or two, Turbo turned back to Riverland Lass, the local bike and......
hihosland Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 who was never a really a super bike with out the assistance of the super grass that was regularly flown in courtesy of the "oils ain't oils" spewing 'n burning seagull from somewhere deep in the riverland marshes that theses days are completely marsh free. Free not being anything that the lass was since....
turboplanner Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 D Day when she finished up the most exhausted person on the Normandy beaches, not to mention the terrible sand rash. It was said that the success of the landings was primarily due to her egging the troops on one by one; they didn't stop running until they reached Ste Mare Eglise, which loosely translated means Stuffed English Mare. Some idiot yank said "Hey, that's so good you should sell it!" and so she did year after year after year until......
hihosland Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 Up the beach staggered TooLateToBeANZACPete clutching a bottle of froggy bubbly that he’d liberated in ’41 and was hanging on to until a suitable occasion occurred. The NES millennium perhaps? Looking decidedly neither young nor free But showing the effects of being seriously girt by sea Pet stumbles to a halt and demands “Oh my lordy sandblasted lordy What on earth has happened to your western front?....†Then growing pensive and politely interrogative did ask “ I can tell that your are of the Riverland because……… But do please enlighten me Who have the pleasure of Nana, mother or Lass ?......
turboplanner Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 “ I can tell that your are of the Riverland because……… "You are yellow, as we all are due to washing in and drinking in Murray mud" "That'll be 10 bucks" spat back Riverland Nana/mum/lass "Prostitution is illegal on the NES" said SelfRighteousPete "That's for the car wash" said Nana/Mum/Lass "What you do after that's your business" KindHeartedPete wouldn't deny anyone a shower so he told her to get up into the back of the Ute, proceeded to Deniliquin, where the water was cleaner, and drove through the car wash. As he was driving through, he thought "I'll give her a McDonalds and bus fare to Balranald, but that's that" As he drove out of the car wash and looked in the mirror, he recoiled in horror. There, leering at him was BigWords......
Captain Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 As he drove out of the car wash and looked in the mirror, he recoiled in horror. There, leering at him was BigWords...... ..... BigWordsPete. "I never have been able to get used to the instructions for using a mirror" he said "Hey Geoff, stop plying that Lass with rough plonk and show me how you reckon a mirror can be used for seeing other people, as there is always this bloke looking straight at me and he has a "trained killer" stare that frightens the thong off me". "How'd you blokes like to be girt by legs (not that there is anything wrong with that)?" slurred the Nanna. "No thanks" said Geoff "I'm sure that Peter would prefer to be .................... The pen of my Tante has been back to France and returned to Deni in 3 posts
turboplanner Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 "saving himself for the Antiques Fly In BBQ, where the planes were antiques but the attendees were prime". Meanwhile Turbo had noticedf the thread "Will it take off 2", and although this indicated that "will it take off 1" may have ended in tears, it seemed a brilliant idea, just squirting compressed air over the wing to fly. You could even fly in your garage on a rainy, windy or, in the case of a Sczportszcar, sunny day, and theoretically you could fly out in the open, although it would need fast action when the cord pulled out!. Turboskinner reassured Red Adair that his idea was cutting edge, and on behalf of the Board, offered a grant, and the option of using Victorian development facility, which in this case was BigPete's workshop (he was sure BP wouldn't mind). He thought his in turn may prompt Red Adair to apply his talents to more immediate problems of preventing certain aircraft from melting into the pavement, and others from rattling like a tin can full of stones. If you could go flying while paying your accounts or writing to Clients, all the better. The story stirred Turbo's memory, which was never a good thing, back to the days when he was driving sheep down the Diamantina. He met up with an old dogger (dingo trapper) and in the laconic matter of outback types, with the camp fire blazing and half a bottle of rum under the belt, they talked of times out in the bush, and the subject got on to pain. "Ideveloped appendicitis out on the Murrinji track one night", said Turbo, "but with the aid of a full moon, my pocketknife, a piece of fencing wire and my sewing kit, I took the appendix out, stitched myself up and still delivered the mob of cattle on time" "I'll grant you, that would have been painful, but one night when there wasn't much moon, I got took short, trotted off the track squatted down, and SNAP!!!, a dingo trap closed around me nuts" said tghe dogger. "OOOOOOh! that must have been painful" conceded Turboskinner. "Yeah, it was the second worst pain I've ever felt" said the dogger. Turbo was astounded "What could POSSIBLY be more painful than that?" he asked. "When I ran out of chain" replied the dogger....
Captain Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 ...... back to the days when he was driving sheep down the Diamantina..... "I had a similar experience once when I was driving it up the Roper" said Le Crappe. For it looks like Tink is on a nostalgia trip, just like TOSG is on up in the Gliding Thread, however it is likely that any forum member under 47 may not have hear Tink's jokes before, so it is probably OK and not worthy of ridicule. "What happened up the Roper? That's in the Territory isn't it" asked Tink. "Yes" said Le Crappe "It was Warren Roper's sister, Helen". As Le Crappe ducked for cover, BigPete said "................. It happened in the garden, up there in the Territory
turboplanner Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 "......", ".....", "....." "It appears he is taking his afternoon nap", or is that hammering I hear" said Turbo "hope he's not fitting an air compressor and the inflatable wing....... Flying is simply the art of throwing yourself at the ground, and hissing.
turboplanner Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 ...there was still no response from Chooka except "zzzz", "zzzz", "ZZZZ". Turbo said the magic word "Bigglesworth!", and with a rumble OldPete came to the door. He shuffled slowly down to the ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?' 'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'........
Captain Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 So the TorradinTubby has posted a double bunger, and if Tink can tell old jokes as his creative contribution to the NES, then so can Le Crepe. The Sheriff (of Echuca) walked through the bat-wing doors at the local watering hole and said "Listen up folks, I'm a look'n for the Brown Paper Cowboy. Have any of you seen him" "What does he look like Sheriff?" asked Walter(Brennan)Pete "He has brown paper shoes, a brown paper hat, a brown paper shirt, brown paper pants and a brown paper gun-belt. So have you seen him?" "What's he wanted for Sheriff?" asked the XXXXpots at the bar. "Rustling" replied the Sheriff. "That's a ..............................
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