The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

....... runway at the biennial Narromine Fashion Extravaganza & Airshow (which is bigger than Avalon) where AhLox and the rest of the WreckFlying Magnificent Moderatti do some of their finest work.

 

 

 

Below are all of our beloved Moderatti Magnificenti Splendifferoci strutting their stuff on the main runway at the Narromine Rissole, all looking a tad smug just after giving Oscar another holiday, with Ahlox at centre (where-else) and Eeeeen at left (he is the one with the gold on his jacket funded from all of the Premium Memberships).

 

 

 

Note the 2 CASA dudes at rear left and right in their CASA Inspector's uniforms, having just rump checked a few of the male models.

 

 

 

This event was held just after the Narromine ...........

 

 

 

 

 

[turboplanner]

...........peach pip spitting contest which consistently draws a crowd of spitters and line dancers twice the size of whoever organizes those flying thingys - you know, not the 747s but the little ones, because......

 

 

[Guest Andys@coffs]

its flogging hard to put a 747 in your mouth to then spit...in fact just achieving the first is grounds for global acclaim.....A while ago much was made about a strong man just getting one to move let alone spitting it......

 

Rat nodded sagely before suggesting "So bit like blood from a stone then.....or pushing sh!t uphill..... or getting the truth from the Major MAJOR or getting CASA to...."

 

P.S In post 9761 there is a picture of Nana sizing up the 747 against her falsey's

 

 

[Captain]

Andys@coffs' date=' post: 486486, member: 94[/email']] Rat nodded sagely before suggesting "So bit like blood from a stone then.....or pushing sh!t uphill..... or getting the truth from the Major MAJOR or getting CASA to...."

...... be pragmatic.

 

 

 

"Bugger being pragmatic" was the response from the CASA spin doctor "We have an empire to build and then push uphill."

 

 

 

"We know where you live Andy." added another CASA heavy "So behave and remove that last post or we'll come to Coffs and .................

 

 

[turboplanner]

".....Ramp check you."

 

For some reason Andy's thought turned to a red hot branding iron, still smoking from the...................

 

 

[Captain]

".....Ramp check you."For some reason Andy's thought turned to a red hot branding iron, still smoking from the...................

..... its use at the last CASA office party.

 

 

 

"We legitimately use it as part of our induction training to demonstrate to new employees what it feels like to Wreck Flying members when we move in on the RAA and shut them down. We just get the iron white hot & touch it on our recruits for 10 seconds in an area of soft skin that will usually be covered. It is well accepted and becomes a badge of honour for them. The branding iron says "We are from CASA and we are here to help you have a more enjoyable flying experience" in 2" high roman script, which is pretty funny, yet ironic, don't you think?" said the CASA PR person. "The worthwhile recruits love it and if any of them immediately expose the other cheek we make them a Section Head straight away. But, of course, as often happens in government departments, someone goes too far once they have had a PIMS and the iron then gets used by some office comedian wags during our office parties to ..................

 

 

[turboplanner]

.........commemorate yet another Strict Liability conviction, and next thing you know the office girl is out there warning perfectly good pilots that unless..........

 

 

[Guest Andys@coffs]

and as Turdy pronounced that the CASA folk all fell about laughing "Perfectly good pilots!!"they laughed "Isnt that as likely as an honest politician...or.....a celibate priest.....or an old age cowboy pilot"

 

Turdy mumbled that "yes perhaps that was an overly emotive turn of phrase......but...."

 

 

[turboplanner]

"they don't fly under 500 feet unless there's a caravan park below, and......."

 

 

[Captain]

"they don't fly under 500 feet unless there's a caravan park below, because......."

...... the camels are always skittish when they are likely to be hit by the head of a thru-bolt or a piece of exhaust from a 'Tax.

 

 

 

"Yes, wrack off you Wreck-Flying Infidel" said Achhhhhhkmal as he attempted to settle down his camels while also trying to write down the rego number in sandscrit.

 

 

 

"Steady Prancer, take it easy Dancer, and stay quiet there Rudolph" he said.

 

 

 

"Those are reindeer names, aren't they?" asked Andy, who had little understanding of middle eastern culture.

 

 

 

"Bullsh*t mate" replied Achhhhhhhhhkkkmal "Do you'ze Skippies think you are the only ones with a tradition of gift giving, maaate? We are the world's most friendly and gift-endowed culture and these camels are conscripted annually to pull a broken down '72 HiLux full of AK23.5's for the kiddies (full sized AK47's are too big for the toddlers), and a few .................

 

 

[turboplanner]

"....throwing discs, shown here with their patented carrying pouch designed to clip to the side of a camel (where camels have suitable clips on their sides).

 

"These discs were invented by the middle eastern warrior Kubla Khan at the time when the East was slim and didn't have a middle..

 

"The discs are a metre in diameter and weigh 100 kilograms, and were not popular with the troops who had to throw them, but they sure shortened........"

 

 

 

[Guest Andys@coffs]

The war, cause the troops got grumpy and refused to play anymore when the order to "chuck the imperial ninja triton blade"was given by meoldmate Kubla, especially if it was uphill..... Of course picking up your bat and ball and wandering home when in the middle of a..........

 

"Packa wimps!!" Yelled the Younger Man from CASA " when it comes to pushing things uphill we are masters here at CASA, why just yesterday we.........

 

 

[Captain]

......... opened the window of my office in Can'tberra and yelled "BOOO", at which time half of the Skippy aviation industry went number two's involuntarily. Geez it was a hoot. Aren't I powerful, eh?"

 

 

 

"Those dudes are worse than ISIS" said Achhhhhhhkmal ....... in an attempt to bring balance to the debate "And I know for a fact that ............

 

 

[turboplanner]

'''they don't pray, although they do pray on some who keep their airplanes in hangers, and........"

 

 

[Guest Andys@coffs]

Even more on those that get them out of the hangar....and the most for those who take weight off wheels.....for according to the prophet McCorblyme grandest of past CASA poobah's, weight off wheels is the esential start of any incident where uncontrolled flight into terror firma results in CASA dudes having to sift through the remains asking each other " so after the reading of the tea leaves, what do we then do?"

 

Rat, who owning the Rathaus, was not averse to having CASA dudes, and their govmint credit cards pay him for a visit was known to regularly ring the knobber dobber line and report that he had seen loxy playing with VH things on.......

 

 

[Captain]

Andys@coffs' date=' post: 486955, member: 94[/email']] ....... Rat, who owning the Rathaus, was not averse to having CASA dudes, and their govmint credit cards pay him for a visit was known to regularly ring the knobber dobber line and report that he had seen loxy playing with VH's things on.......

........ stage on a Saturday night.

 

 

 

"Quit that will you AhPox" said Victor Hugo (VH) "And to Andy I say that those CASA guys aren't "dudes" as you suggested. You heard it wrong, as they are actually doodoos, who .............

 

 

[turboplanner]

"are descended from the doodoo tribe in one of the deep valleys in Papua, and who gave the world the name "Cargo Cult" by climbing to the peaks of the mountains and building aircraft made of sticks, and putting out food to attract the Americans back after the War."

 

It nearly worked too; General Macarthur is quoted as saying "I need more aircraft, and that roast pork looks great from 15,000 feet".

 

Not to be deterred, the doodoo tribe wrote a letter to that Great Visionary, Gough Whitlam, outlining their skills at aircraft identification, and he immediately brought them into the country as refugees, putting them up at the Canberra Rex (which still has a doodoo carving in the front foyer), and setting up a body called CA.........................

 

 

[Captain]

As an aside,

 

 

 

Turdboy wrote ........... to that Great Visionary, Gough Whitlam, outlining their skills at aircraft identification, and he immediately brought them into the country as refugees, putting them up at the Canberra Rex ............. where they designed the Trilander.

 

 

 

Now ........ prey continue.

 

 

[turboplanner]

"What's wrong with the Trilander! bristled Odoo, particularly compared to that horrible thing you built, which had more bog in it that the Dartmoor Moor, and no only that but............."

 

 

[Captain]

"What's wrong with the Trilander! bristled Odoo, particularly compared to that horrible thing you built, which had more bog in it that the Dartmoor Moor, and no only that but............."

........... Odoo (and his alter-ego, TurdBoy) didn't just concentrate their venom on the NES's beloved Ratsack, but also turned vicious towards the ever-so-cute Andy and the very attractive Salty, not to mention the sometimes OK look'n AhLox, the very fetching bull-with-a-boner and ..................

 

 

[turboplanner]

......the rest of the Rat Pack who spent most nights at the BOB, ..........

 

 

[Captain]

......the rest of the Rat Pack who spent most nights at the BOB, ..........

....... except for Turbo who prefers BRUCE (NTTIAWWT), and ...............

 

 

[Captain]

....... WODGER and ............

 

 

[turboplanner]

...Wobbert.....and Steve.........and.......

 

 

[Captain]

...Wobbert.....and Steve.........and.......

..... there we have it, Dear Reader, ............ HEADLINE ........... Turbo admits affair with Steve (who we have all known for years under the pen-name of AhLox).

 

 

 

The twisted headlines in the Aviation Press will be something like "WRECK FLYING MODERATOR INVOLVED IN TORID AFFAIR WITH THE MOORABBIN MAULER" , or the subtitle "WHO WILL END UP WITH THE 'VETTE WHEN THE PROPERTY SETTLEMENT IS FINALISED".

 

 

 

"I have a camel that wishes to give evidence" interjected Achhhhhhhkmal.

 

 

 

"And I have something to contribute to that" said Andy to Brine (who had spent a considerable amount of time alone with Tubb at a few previous AGM's) "And that is that .............