The Never Ending Story

[turboplanner]

And Ratso wins the new Falcon Een offered for the 10,000th post in the book he was.......

 

 

[facthunter]

Just imagine what could have been achieved if all that energy was used........................ Nev

 

 

[Captain]

....... for the good of the local community. "He could do such good if only he would apply himself" added Facty, who was forever sticking his beak into other people's beeswax.

 

 

 

"I agree Facty" said Eeeeen "If only that methane could be made use of instead of being a listed HAZMAT Lygon St ignition source."

 

 

 

"Don't worry everyone as I have just had acceptance of my idea for a new TV show, where MisterChef will be doing a program on the use of methane for cooking. The preliminary title is "Cooking with Turbo", where a long high pressure hose will be ............

 

My Aunt is on top of the world (she would be cock-a-hoop if she had one) because the quality of the NES has gone stratospheric (AvRef) because the mighty Nev (LegendAvRef) has deigned to grace us with his ................

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THE FALCON THAT EEEEEEEN PUT UP AS A PRIZE FOR 10,000 POSTS. "Eeeeeen sure doesn't dick around when he puts a prize up, does he?" commented Salty as he watched Ratso going about his conversion training.

 

 

[turboplanner]

...connected to the hot gaseous air in the dining room to run the 24 burners Turbo needs for the exotic dishes he prepares.

 

"No one will be.................."

 

....usual commie commentary, wanting us to do all the work while he lays back and takes our................

 

 

He even came up with a second prize for Turbo - a week at The Voice rehearsals.

 

 

 

[Captain]

...connected to the hot gaseous air in the dining room to run the 24 burners Turbo needs for the exotic dishes he prepares."No one will be.................."

 

....usual commie commentary, wanting us to do all the work while he lays back and takes our................

 

 

He even came up with a second prize for Turbo - a week at The Voice rehearsals.

in order of the above ............

 

..... "Nobody will be ................... surprised that Turdy will propose a Consome of Possum, an Entre of Possum's nuts in a Koala jus, a main of Possum cutlets with a pine-nut salad drizzled with ballsymick virgin oil, and a desert of possum and berries on a bed of Cuss-Cuss toenails."

 

"Geeeeez Louise" commented the chief judge dude in the cravat at MisterChef, that is a masterpiece of Victorian Cuisine and Quaintarse (AvRef) will want that in 1st class by the end of the week, but just because Turbo can ..................

 

..... and takes our ........ womenz.

 

 

....... The Voice rehearsals, .......... and the 3rd prize was 2 weeks at those same rehearsals.

 

 

[turboplanner]

...flame grill a possum rump in 1.22 seconds (Turbo is well aware that no one wants their steak cooked now, just as long as it has stopped wriggling), does not mean he has no other surprises, as guests, as against gate crashers like the Rat found out last.................

 

......and our......dollarz to fund his....Harleez.

 

Which as we know was won by Comrade Foxhunter.

 

 

[Captain]

...flame grill a possum rump in 1.22 seconds (Turbo is well aware that no one wants their steak cooked now, just as long as it has stopped wriggling), does not mean he has no other surprises, as guests, as against gate crashers like the Rat found out last............

........... yesterday when Nev crashed (AvRef) the NES.

 

 

 

"I am 'mazed" commented Brine "The FH just seagulled in, grabbed a chip and crapped on poor old Ratty's parade to 10,000, made no useful contribution (he is obviously dysfuntional at the moment and pissed off about the punches that the Royal 'mission is landing on his Union comrade buddies and the anti windfarm arguments are also sapping his energy), or am I being ungracious and was Facty referring to the wasted energy in the Bangeholme Burglar's methane production? As usual, Facty's posts are the bit hard to see clearly (AvLookoutRef).

 

 

 

"Now hold on there Salty" said Turbo, who is always looking out for the underdog and always wanting fair debate where FH is concerned. "He may have another gem to deposit, or is he just about to grab another chip and then crap on the table again out in Ratsack's aunt's garden?"

 

 

 

"I think FH is just misunderstood" said Andy "He is always fair, unbiased, objective & he is also ...............

 

 

 

NEV'S RECENT APPEARANCE IN THE NES.

 

 

 

AND IS THIS HIS NEXT APPEARANCE?

 

 

[Captain]

........... "I think FH is just misunderstood" said Andy "He is always fair, unbiased, objective & he is also ...............

........ known as a bit of a hottie (NTTIAWWT) in the New Gisborne Bakery where he and Turbo meet on a weekly basis to solve all outstanding aviation issues, to critique the Board and to discuss Madge's posts for the week. (They often laugh so hard that they both walk out showing the dreaded "Dot-of-Shame").

 

 

 

Turbo was disturbed (ObviousRef) ......... that these secret meeting with Nev had been exposed in NESiLeaks and knowing that he is the nearest thing that the NES has to a "Deep-Throat" (except of course for that trick that Andy does), he .............

 

 

Ratty called in at the New Gisborne Bakery recently to try to catch up with Nev and Turbo as part of his his ride from YKKA to YGOR on his way to YPLO for a dive with the YSHARKS. Why GOR you ask? Well it is a world class ride when the weather is good and Ratty thought that a discussion with both Nev and Turdy would enlighten him and certainly not bore him to tears. Ratty also reports that he couldn't locate Yassa Arafat's missus anywhere at YPLO.

 

 

 

Ratty had always thought that Yassa was punching well above his weight when he cracked onto her in her younger days, see below ...........

 

 

 

 

 

[turboplanner]

.....moved to distance himself by removing his black and white polka dot bandana, and having his ponytail removed, as well as.......

 

...unfortunuately the Rat has blurted another secret which will further delay the release by ASIO of Turbo's horrific story about the NOQ branch of Ratso's family and why his ancestors always had to use Naval ranks, such as "Captain".

 

 

 

What actually happened was that when things were getting very hot in YPLO and it looked like [Hatso warning] Yassar's goose was cooked, Turbo was given the black bag op to take care of his partner, and on the basis of the Sherlock Holmes story that the most obvious place to hide something was right out there on the mantlepiece, he arranged a minor makeover for her, persuaded John Howard to stand aside and installed her as Prime Minister of Australia, where .....

 

 

[Captain]

.....moved to distance himself by removing his black and white polka dot bandana, and having his ponytail removed, as well as.......

What actually happened was that when things were getting very hot in YPLO and it looked like [Hatso warning] Yassar's goose was cooked, Turbo was given the black bag op to take care of his partner, and on the basis of the Sherlock Holmes story that the most obvious place to hide something was right out there on the mantlepiece, he arranged a minor makeover for her, persuaded John Howard to stand aside and installed her as Prime Minister of Australia, where .....

......... getting a Brazilian and having his chest (IsThereOne?Ref) waxed. Turbo wasn't all that happy with the result (see the below photo, taken in the Morrabbin briefing room where he was having trouble (again) interpreting the latest NAIPS).

 

"What the ............

 

 

Turbo, who is well known in the Aero Community, amongst truck owners and in the Corvette Owners Clique as a "Maintenance Fanatique", was also insisting that the following maintenance program be followed for his new look ........

 

 

 

[bull]

And convincing #aa that his cert fourly for everybody that he would make a killing on was being laughed at ,this infuriated his training business to the point of demanding all NES players to have a certificate55 in bullshit because he was so good at ...............

 

 

[Guest Andys@coffs]

But as Bull was banging the same old drum Rat found it hard to tear himself away from the maintenance manual he was reading that was written in Brazilian (or Portuguese depending on your ability to comprehend such complexities) ......."Do you need to be an L1 to do that sort of maintenance?" he thought, then a moment later he mumbled "I don't remember seeing anything about that in the online L1 test, especially the bit on riveting!", however if an L1 can do that for his own "vehicle" then perhaps I could be paid to do it as a L2 and I get to look at other's vehicles, he though to himself.........before once again noticing that he had an even bigger headache from the incessant banging of.................

 

 

[bull]

of the judge,s gravel as the law suits built up ,and the rats started deserting the ship. But all was not doom and gloom as turdy was saying ,cried Sir Nobu vhy I,ve been given a floor thingy in my weet.................

 

 

[Captain]

of the judge,s gravel as the law suits built up ,and the rats started deserting the ship. But all was not doom and gloom as turdy was saying ,cried Sir Nobu vhy I,ve been given a floor thingy in my weet.................

........ Bix packet. I'm gunna collect them and make a full sized Jack-A-Cricket, with the clear plastic packets all glued together for the fabric) then submit a builder's log to the Sports Pilot Magazine. It will make riveting (AlAvRef) reading, I'll retain bull to do the spell-checking, the Magazine has contracted to pay me a retainer of $15,000 for the initial précis and the first 15 episodes, and nobody will ever wake up to the fact that bull is actually doing double duty as Professor Avius."

 

 

 

"Obrigado" said Andy, who just loved Barzilians and who, after a few Caipirinhas, would exhibit his to anyone who was sick enough to look.

 

 

 

"Now hold on there just a minute, Andy" interjected Salty (or I think that is how you spell what he did when I met him in the Dandy-Nong Coffee Emporium & Adult's Shop where he was masticating a berry muffin) "As I don't really think that is a ..................

 

 

[turboplanner]

....Spanish term.

 

"What do you mean?" asked the Rat, bristling ever so slightly.

 

"Well" said Salty, "when I was relaxing on Copacobana Beach, just after I flew the Spitfire in Great Britain......"

 

 

[Captain]

"It's not Spanish, it's Portuguese, you Philistine" said Andy who was delighted with his chance to go all biblical.

 

"Hold on" said Phil Stein "Did somebody call me?"

 

Turbo wondered how he would extract himself from the acute embarrassment of his Spanish faux-pas and recalled ..........

 

 

[turboplanner]

.....the best way to do it would just be to barge into the thread like a bull at a gate, speaking of which, he had been influenced by the thousands of recent posts about idyllic grass roots flying, before the ga parasites came on the scene and buggered it up for everyone.

 

Never one to be idle, Turbo had bought a grass roots aircraft (seen here in a shot from the film Mondo Cane, 1962) from New Guinea, had put it in a container, bough a Suzuki engine, and was about to ring Darren at RAA to............

 

 

 

[Captain]

......... rant about the need for the RAA to get back to basics.

 

 

 

"It isn't an Ultralight unless the engine drops its guts every 30 minutes and we stay below 300 ft" said Turbo with considerable force.

 

 

 

"Too right" added bull "As we must stop the GA wankas from highjacking the AUF".

 

 

 

Turbs sat under the wing with the locals and asked "What engine do yez have in it?"

 

 

 

"Bugger off Tink" one of them replied "The pilot has gone off to get a Gerry can of ULP, so can't you see that this is just a ..........

 

 

[Guest Andys@coffs]

.......minimum aircraft and engines are a bit more than minimum!"

 

Tink thought for a moment and then asked "what's the Gerry for then?"

 

"Oh we's about to have a BBQ, the Bull is pretty tough and we couldn't think of anything useful to do with a minimum aircraft, or the Bull for that matter, except burn them both, hopefully tenderising the Bull at the same time...."

 

Salty piped up "I hope you have a Safety Management System that controls the Gerry, the about to be fire, and the almost certain Whoooooff! that will result"

 

Andy was confused, "Bulls don't go Whooof, they just go on.........

 

 

[Guest Andys@coffs]

<BREAKING NEWS!>

 

There are reports today that a man has been taken to the local hospital after a flying incident at Midge Point in F'n Qld. A Local Nana and her Nobu sidekick have told us that the man after hitting the deck was heard to mumble "Bloody Red Bull...They said it would give me wings.....and all I got was heart palpitations and a headache........"

 

Nana was heard to suggest that was taking minimum aircraft to a new minimum......"He shook the can flipped the lid and inserted.........

 

 

[Captain]

<BREAKING NEWS!>

There are reports today that a man has been taken to the local hospital after a flying incident at Midge Point in F'n Qld. A Local Nana and her Nobu sidekick have told us that the man after hitting the deck was heard to mumble "Bloody Red Bull...They said it would give me wings.....and all I got was heart palpitations and a headache........"

 

Nana was heard to suggest that was taking minimum aircraft to a new minimum......"He shook the can flipped the lid and inserted.........

........... a heated pitot tube (AvRef). He then added a ballistic chute and said "Voilà, recreational aviation is now safe."

 

 

 

bull immediately also went ballistic. "Heated pitot tubes are for GA types and ballistic chutes are an unnecessary addition as they can't deploy effectively at just 300 ft, so stick ya modern new-fangled .........

 

 

[turboplanner]

........heated pitot tubes on the 4x4 and see where that gets you in winter time when.......

 

 

[bull]

the fuel price in that cold southern place reaches 4 bucks a litre What melbournian or adelaidey cried Nobu as he sat down next to his new super plastic aircraft, Bloody flight manual for this thing has 60 pages ,Andry can you read it for me as i dont have the time he cried ,as he started taxing towards the..............Hold it Nobu :cried Bull gotta just fire up the jackacricket thingy first and i,ll come with you, bloody two strokesw cried bull after the 50 pull of the starter cord,,anyone got any aerostart.................

 

 

[turboplanner]

and so the rag and tube crackajackawicket sat forlornly by the runway for years, just for the sake of some aerostart, gradually sinking under the layers of bird guano, while Nobu, his sons and grandsons flew their fleet of reliable, comfortable, fast chick magnets anywhere they wanted to go, until.......

 

 

[bull]

............... they come to thier sences and realised that GA,aka RAA was more expensive than the bloody dash great that turdy had parked in the garage,,so they pulled the jackacricet thingy out of the weeds brushed the bird shit off the wings and with a large dose of ,,,start ya bastard,,,,away went Turdys son off into the wild blue with the wind in his hair {and the cobwebs and dust in his eyes] he.............,looked down to see turdy had grabbed an old trike wing and strapped it on to his quad bike with a belt drive off the back wheels ,,,Turdy went charging down the strip and pulled back ,,oh shit he said this thing is arse about as he wobbled into the air then suddenly.....They realised the FUN of just flying a set of wings srapped to your back just for the fun of it . Wow said Turdys son this is so much more fun then just sitting in the spam can ,awesome he said ,now along side flew turdy in his quad bike ,,Watch this he cried as he pulled a weelly and .............