The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

.......... as the wind (AvRef) picked up he climbed rapidly at 75 fpm to find a most favourable cruising (sic) level at 290 ft, where he was only going backwards at 27 knots TAS and a VMG to his next wee-point of minus 31.7 knots.

 

 

 

"At this rate my bladder will burst before I make that next wee-point" he yelled to his rag-&-tube mate in the .............

 

 

[Guest Andys@coffs]

Andy needs to identify that the term rapidly is a relative term and not at all useful unless the scale is declared.... Rapidly climbing in this case was such that despite moving backwards and therefore having an infinite ETA, he was unlikely to ever achieve 290ft. In fact the longest his wheels had been off the ground was the time he went over the pothole. Turdy was starting to be concerned at the cost of "startyabastard" and indeed, if he was able to get off the ground, his ability to swivel round once off the ground and the engine stopped, as it was likely to do about once or twice every ten minutes...or less, and insert the nozzle............

 

 

[turboplanner]

..........of the fuel tanker driven by his mate Salty, which was an ACCO with a Neus engine which was quite capable of firing bits well above Turbos altitute.

 

NES readers will note that Andy had failed to follow NES rules, and was likely to be expelled for six months if Gander agreed, so we pick up the story again at Post #10026:

 

......Volkswagen Kombi ground crew van.

 

"Never mind" said his mate Nobuso "I'm surprised anyone could make a Quad Bike fly so far, and so high. Surely you have to come down with a thump soon."

 

Turbo turned around and looked ahead and there was the fat.............

 

 

[Guest Andys@coffs]

Fun police guy from CASA just ahead with his flashing blue light on his helmet and his "Pull Over Pilot" sign out in one hand and pointing at Turdy with his other........

 

" strewth!" Thought Turdy " what does that mean? Pull over what??" He thought for a moment and then it became clear to him " I have to pull the foggles over my eyes and do the instrument flying thing! Hmmmm might be difficult with the less than full panel I have but what could possibly go wrong!.......

 

 

[turboplanner]

........,and he proceeded to follow the example of the pilot of the yellow Foxbat who pulled some low level aerobatics including a loop over Turbo's shed ignoring the waved shotgun which Turbo had forgotten to load.

 

The Quad Bike entered a steep climb, with Turbo holding his fingers over his eyes to simulate IMC, the Yamaha engine screaming, with no sign of a dropped valve, when he was passed by one of those pseudo ga..........................

 

 

[Captain]

........,The Quad Bike entered a steep climb, with Turbo holding his fingers over his eyes to simulate IMC, the Yamaha engine screaming, with no sign of a dropped valve, when he was passed by one of those pseudo ga..........................

...ucher cells very similar to the one in the photo.

 

"That pseudo-gaucher cell shows that you have a bit of a problem, Tubb" said his caring mate Ratty.

 

"Do you think that you are the 1st one that ever told me that?" asked Tink.

 

"And I was shocked" said Andy "That you are as good with quad bikes as you were with outboards (see the below photo after Turdy took his new quaddy for a slow spin on his front lawn)"

 

"We have banned him flom owning any of our ploducts" said a Yamaha spokesman in a worldwide pless lerease. "And we hope that he switches to Merculy or Bombardier so that he buggers their leputation instead of ours."

 

Andy thought .................................... tick, tick, tick ............................................................................ ......................................................... ................................................................. if'n he goes for lag-tube he could easily ruin McCullough's fine reliability leputation too, before he moves on to ..................

 

 

 

 

[Captain]

WARNING .......... WARNING .......... WARNING ..................... LITTLE KIDS LOOK AWAY NOW PLEASE.

 

 

As part of Turbo's "Black Bag Ops" (see his shocking admission in post # 10009), or as some unkind NES'ers have been heard to call them, his "Old Bag Ops", HEYSIO agent & Chief Investigator J. K. Rodent can make public under a recent Pubic Freedom of Information Request, that Tink has his own website and it's in his native lingo too .......... see www.turboplanner.com ...... and if that's not enough to be banned for 2 months, or injected with plutonium on the tip of an umbrella, Chief IR doesn't know what is, except perhaps for ..............

 

 

My Aunt is out in the garden sunning herself au-naturel, so she was having trouble hiding her pen, but she yelled out that Ratty also has his own website which also includes an aluminium aircraft AvRef .... see http://www.captainratandtheblindrivets.com ...... and in addition, your beloved Captain's latest girlfriend is shown below, exhibiting fitting devotion.

 

 

...... with the following tatt to be added next week, suitably located a little to the right (or centre) ............

 

 

 

 

 

[bull]

the implantation of a web site safety culture notification app in all NES forum respondants, to ensure the double standards issie is addressed fully according to the new NES regulations and they can be tracked ELECTRONICALLY to...........

 

 

[Captain]

........ send them notices about Eeeeeeen's latest NES merchandise, see below, (and please note that the initial 500 T-shirts have been sold out since going on sale at 3 pm today, more stock expected tomorrow) or to have the new Turbo T-Shirt for tykes which discusses the definition of W&B as it is applied to Trikes...........

 

 

 

[bull]

and tikes or should Sir Nobu and eeeeinn ban the aplication of commercial practices from NES the same as raa wont let the Lsa mob fly for business{but they do anyway as selling a 2.6 million dollar property with an agents fee of 4% is not using it for gain they say hahaha}Cracajicket that ,,said Nana i sold my old ..............................

 

 

[Guest Andys@coffs]

Andy notes that the Tubs Tshirt for trikes is a popular beast with all 500 being still available to someone....anyone!!!!!

 

And Bull had burst into NES after announcing to the flying fratyrn....fraternay....bunch! that they could collectively sod off and he was taking his methamphetamols and his cricket jack and ball and.........

 

 

[bull]

once again eeennn Andy has broken NES rules of play ,and should be sinbinned for a month,,anyway back to the story...........as Nana said, i sold my old...subsciption to fantastic plastic magazine for 2 dollars,Bloody nora screamed Turdy i only got 1 dollar for mine ,i wonder how much i,ll get if i sell my,95.10 quad bike trike as it a one of a kind and............ . { ps sorry about gatecrashing the NES i,ll have to go back to the first couple of pages and delete my imput into this forum from the start could take awhile there,s quite a bit{much like my involvement in the auf back in 94 ,,were you in it then pandy asked arhlocks......dont think so said sir Nobu ,he,s always breaking the rules.....}.

 

 

[Guest Andys@coffs]

Nope said Andy I was out with my GA mates (no really I do have some!!) laughing at those crazy death machines flying around at 300ft not crossing any roads etc.....Those were the days! Pimms on ice! wipe the tables clear of condensation with spare $100bills.........but that all came to a halt when I failed my medical, seems I was becoming a bit one eyed and as you know one eyedness is the kiss of...............

 

 

[bull]

the kiss that the bouncer at the blue oyster bar gave pandy on his first visit there back in 2015,,i remember that night said elrato ,why pandy was............

 

 

[turboplanner]

.....a bouncer on the night bullet came in. Those were the days before bullet lost it and became bull, and not surprisingly came under fire from the aka soldiers, wailing in the morning that they were trying to get him, but whistleblowing 2.6 million dollar commercial flight in the afternoon, which should ensure a Land Cruiser at the front door tomorrow morning, and telling Turbo to get lost, which will bring all the possum skinners in Q'nsland on his front doorstep.

 

"he aka are all out to get me" wailed bull "I only...................................."

 

 

[Captain]

....."he aka are all out to get me" wailed bull "I only...................................."

....... like the aka daka records while Bon Scott was the lead singer.

 

"Ah, those were the days" said Turbo "I was a sprightly young whipper snipper working as an extra when they did Dirty Deeds on the back of the semi in Melbourne and I played the bagpipes off screen that made Bon look so good. The girls couldn't get enough of me and my bp's. Then I .........

 

 

[turboplanner]

........bought one of those trikey things and became a feral, and met.........

 

 

[Captain]

........bought one of those trikey things, became a feral, and Met.........

..... allica became my favourite band. Why, me and Slash and Fang and Viper and Andy were well known in HGFA circles as the Bad Boys of Triking (or BBOT, as we used to say acronymically). In those days the new-fangled moving picture talkie "Bad Triker Boys" had just been released at the Odeon so I became known as the James Dean of Bang-it-holme, bull-with-a-boner was known as the Marilyn Brando of f'n Q and Andy became known as the .......

 

 

[turboplanner]

.............Chicken Choker of Coffs, who could......

 

 

[Captain]

...... choke a crook looking chook (he used to take the good looking chickens home ...... but that's a court transcript for another day) with his hands behind his back (a standard BBOT party trick) & using only his .........

 

 

[turboplanner]

.....teeth and left foot. That was until he got ambitious and started chasing geese, who reversed the.....

 

 

[Captain]

.....teeth and left foot. That was until he got ambitious and started chasing geese, who reversed the.....

......... weight and balance calcs in Andy's trike when he would scoop up the geese during flight while they were mid-honk, then before they were all landed (optimistic AvRef) he would buzz the local all-male nudist colony (ShrinkageRef, BeerGutRef & ErkyPerkyRef) and ............

 

 

[turboplanner]

...yell obscenities down at the members beachgoers until he made the mistake one day for doing in when the '56 Chev Club was in residence. They rushed out, started the old Chevies and hit the gas, beating Andy and his geese to the airfield by three minutes, which left him.............

 

 

[Captain]

...... circling (AvRef) and pulling stunts like all good Trikers do when they are filling in time, or don't have a chicken to choke.

 

 

 

In this instance, Andy pulled out his POH and used it to jam the throttle full open so that the Trike roared forward to a staggering 65 knots (to achieve that speed he was also decending a little in order to buzz the Chev club nudists), then he took out the bible of all Trikers, which is kept at hand in all Trike c*ck-pits at all times, and he started to read chapter 6 of "Cunning Stunts for Triker C..............

 

 

[turboplanner]

..retins, reached over to the portaloo lever and dropped 200 kg of liquid on to the Chevies. He was flying at the usual altitude, and looking over his shoulder laughing, when there was a squawk from one of the geese. Whipping around, Andy saw the steeple of the local catholic church right in his......