turboplanner Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 .......Halloweeeen, a hula dancer of such exquisite proportions and gyrations that the United States of America still celebrates Halloweeeen Night every year by carving her facial features in pumpkins, and......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 ......... using two giant cumquats (NTTIAWWT) to ............ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 ......show her beautiful blue eyes. "How come Eeeeen was given a girl's name" asked Andy, who was a bit slow at times. "We were never quite sure" said Ratso who had been told by his father, Captain Jack Rat never to tell...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 ......show her beautiful blue eyes."How come Eeeeen was given a girl's name" asked Andy, who was a bit slow at times. "We were never quite sure" said Ratso who had been told by his father, Captain Jack Rat never to tell...... ........ and kiss, or to kiss and tell, or to rub and ............... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 ......run, except...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 ......run, except...... ......... when Major General Abraham Roots Eaton-Lysholm Supercharger, since promoted to be a full 4 Star, surrounded Bull Run. "Where is Bull Run?" asked Lord Byron using his Ipad from a coffee shop in Dandynong Rd. "It's a run that bull does around the outskirts of Bone each morning and arvo" explained Madge "And I see him quite often as a jog over there from Townsville to keep my body and mind in 100% tip top tune." "Below is a picky of me and my mates going for a jog while the gentry of Bone promenade with an overall feeling of f'n Q wellness and gratitude for being born in such a blessed state." explained bull "But shortly after this it hit the fan when ........ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 .....it was found that Madge had been jogging au naturel. This was no surprise the Harriet who had constantly complained of his behaviour, and also....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 .....it was found that Madge had been jogging au naturel. This was no surprise the Harriet who had constantly complained of his behaviour, and was also....... ......... prone to drop her kit at the slightest provocation (Harriet that is ..... as it is a given that Madge will be eau naturel at every possible opportunity ..... even in the Heliview with those large clear perspex panels at low level (erky perky)). "Someone should tell Madge that a middle aged board member in the razz is a bit of a shock to young viewers when jogging between Bone and Townsville. Do they always hang that low once gravity takes effect on blokes?" commented The Riverina Lass who had never before seen pendular motion so vividly exhibited nor so many small wrinkles nor such a single large wrinkle. Madge thought about this and ......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 ........turned red in embarrassment. He hadn't realised how much the Queensland Sun, and constant aircraft motion had stretched his possessions. That night he got a mirror and a tape measure, locked himself in the bathroom, and the next door neighbours reported sobbing some time after. The NES will bring you the heart breaking history of Madge's physical deformation in future chapters, but back to the previous generation, where Madge's family tree will shock the board members to the core: As Honolulu slowly develolped and the Australian trees started to produce a lush, tropical environment, Dr Bryon Whipple arrived by outrigger canoe, and started a practice on South Hotel Street, downtown, where all the sleazy bars were. He made a fortune repairing injuries from fights, treating the mysterious illnesses of sailors, and doing cosmetic surgery. It was here that he met his nemesis, the demon drink. It changed week to week from Scotch, to Vodka to Metho. Eventually he went on to fly a Spitfire. Old Gnarly, with his three Hawaiian converts, was building a church on Kapiolani Boulevarde. He was hampered in this by some local layabout sailors, Martyr, Old Kelolo, Gasbag, Wilted, Quaver and Monkey who kept on throwing mud and dog dung at the grass walls. Rafer paid a visit to Gnarly Hale's house and was outraged to see Kazz, bent and frail, with eleven children to look after and no running water. The eleveth child, a girl they named Kaz was quite intelligent, and could climb a sixty foot palm tree and bring down fresh coconuts at the age of two. By the time she was eleven she had won the local RC model flying championship down at Ala Wai Park, and at sixteen had soloed in an Auster out at Hickham Field. On December 7, 1941, the first inkling of an attack on the United States of America by the Navy of Japan, came from a pilot on an early morning flight, with the famous words "THERE'S HUNDREDS OF THEM!!!" Due to Official Secreta Act, it has never been disclosed who uttered those famous words, but the NES can now tell you it was Kaz. What she actually said was several words longer, but we've deleted the expletives since this is a family site. Around this time Rafer sold his pineapple business to a little strutter by the name of Andrew Goosefluff Dole who had made his money as a tour guide to the rich and famous (but he never talked). Dole Pineapple is still operating today but under new owners, after the previous ones had spent too much time lounging around on Waikiki beach with the hula girls and….. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 ...... developing a "Human Factors" textbook for the Japanese airforce. "G'day Goosefluff" said a young & pubescent Turbine III, who his mates knew as "Bumfluff". "How's the book going?" "Howdee Doodee, BF. I have lots of material" replied GF "As the first 5 chapters will address the well known syndrome of "Bomb Pearl Harbour Itis" followed by a more simple chapter entitled "Always make sure you have enough fuel for the return tlip". I'll subtitle that chapter "Kama Khazi" which is Hawaiiin-Japanese slang for "Always have enough fuel to make it back to the Dunny", but who knows what the Japanese airforce will make of that subtitle." Turbine III replied "Well my great grandfather, Turbine 0.5, always used to say .................. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 ......... "Kama, Kama, Kama, Kama, Kama, Kama Comedian" .......... and other numerous Boy George classics, from his position (NTTIAWWT) as the president of the Culture Club Fan Club ..... before ............ AHLOX'S RENDITION OF BOY STEVE AT THE BLUE OYSTER LAST WEEKEND. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 Last weekend's BOB was one of the best in recent times. Not only was Ahlox almost in tune, but now that he has toned down his makeup, his character comes through in the song, Not all the audience were enthralled however, and one Mr Gold T. Rat threw a hissy fit when Ahlox wouldn't give a third encore. The stripes down Ahlox's head are not make up by the way, but the remains of a dark chocolate mousse which Rat slapped on to his head in a rage. Rat has been banned for four weeks from the BoB, but has lodged a protest, saying:............... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 ......... "Surely, your Honour, nobody could take umbrage at a bloke donging Ahlow with a Chocky Mousse?" "Spot on, so not guilty, Ratty" said the Judge "Dong him all you like, after all ......... he banned me from WreckFlying recently for ........... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 ......calling him a.............. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 ........ Jabiru owner. "Man, was he ever upset" said Judge Francisco *************, AO, SC, VD & Scar, who shall remain nameless unless he pays up on time. "Those beer-can flyers really do get the irits when the air cooled plastic fantastic are ascribed." he added. Tink and Brine wanted in on this action as Judges, Moderators and Website Owners always have a quid and something to hide, so they ............. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 ........decided to club together and hire a................. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 ........decided to club together and hire a................. ............. stone cold killer, a person with a heart of stone, lungs of a plastic-like substance, kidneys of soft gooey stuff, a leg like a tree-trunk, the hands of a serial killer, the stare of the Medusa and the .............. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 ...........and listening to this description, Turbo froze, and remembered the scandal of the previous generation: As Rafer’s ship slid into port he spied the stringy little figure of Old Madge waiting on the dock. “I didn’t do it, Rafer, I didn’t do it” he balled. “Didn’t do what?” asked Rafer, who understandably was keen to depart for Princess Iolani Palace. “There’s an old Hawaiian tart called Bloody Mary, down at the Purple Parrot, and her family is saying I got her pregnant” he wailed. “I’ll call in to the Police Chief on the way home” said Rafer, “We should be able to wrap this up quickly” Sorry Rafer, but we installed CCTV last month and we have him on tape at it. It was only two seconds, but apparently long enough. So Rafer shipped them both to Townsville to handle the tree seed business from that end, and a few months later a squalling little red faced Madge was born. Madge was so small that Bloody Mary had to breast feed him until he was thirteen. He had a bad time in school, being bullied because of his odd looks, and Bloody Mary would stroll down to the school, all 170 kilograms of her and confront the headmaster. She still had her eye teeth, but all the ones in between had been knocked out in a bar brawl. She was a fearsome sight, and she usually laid out the headmaster. This cycle went on and on, so poor little Madge had a very rough education, which is why there are so many spelling errors in the switch labels on his Lightwing, and…. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 ....... where he had a sign that said "Master Bate" where the Master Switch was usually located .... and some say that is where his Board nickname came from. But that was nothing compared to the fact that he had to pay 5 times the normal price to install the rego numbers that satisfied his high level dyslexia. Then his circuit calls also deteriorated when he called " G'day Ellivsnwot, this is Egdam and I am pu hgih in gniwthgil 8734-42." "On srekcuw Egdam, etaam" replied the pilot of the TPR XER Baas that was also on approach to .............. MADGE'S NUMBERS. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 .........Ellivsnwot. "What are you two on about," called Harriet in his version of CASA's latest radio procedures. "Have I strayed into Russia or something?" "Tsol teg ot uoy tsurt" relplied Madge "pissog erom yna tog?" "I can't hear a word they're saying" mumbled Harriet and........... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 ....... this has exposed a terrible issue with Obrut (or Knit as he is sometimes known), even when he still has his dacks on, and which I must report to my local CASA Inspector (see his ID & CISA photo below)." she added. "Dear Brownie. How can you blokes allow Tink to fly a Jabiru, a Warrior, a PA28, a V115, a AA5B, a C210 and an F15 when his aixelsyd extends to complete sentences being backwards." Harry-ette wrote "And he can't spell, as evidenced by the engraved "Mister Swotch" label in his F15". "Ette-yrrah eerga ew" responded the ASAC Inpestor "And ew lliw ...................... Egdam sometimes impersonated this Inspector. "Egdam for President" yelled my Aunt as she looked at the AUF Board Tollab. "We love Egdam" called Andy supportively as he came out of the shower at my Aunt's joint. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 "..........mih rof hsup" This threw Don Quixote into a spin and a right hissy fit. He had carefully campaigned to help all the unopposed board members win their elections, and he had told the others how they should behave, and now this upstart ASIUC inspector was throwing a spanner in the wheel. You would almost think it was........... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 ..... pretty easy to get the gong on the Board when unopposed, but as we all know, a spanner in the wheel is worth 2 in the bush (or any of the other types of plain bearings). Quixxy looked on quixotically and pretty quickly .......... Turbo playing Donny Q in the school play early last century, with his right hand suspiciously located. "I had an itch" he said, which was his standard excuse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 ........got the message. "If we changed the Constitution to make us all unopposed all the time, we could have a great..............." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 ....... perk, just spending our time between the delights & fleshpots of FishWick, Waikiki & Venus Beach. "But just think of the kudos of being an unopposed board member" said Lord Bryon, who obviously found the prospect quite attractive. Tink, who had dominated the hierarchy of several sports over the years, just yawned and replied ".............. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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