turboplanner Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 ........it does get boring after a while; sometimes the members arc up, but you just tell them they wouldn't understand the intricasies and they nod their heads and go on with attacking each other, so that................. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 .... we, the elite, can keep dominating them and thereby stay at the top or the WreckFlying totem pole". His mention of the "Totem Pole" had a strange effect of Turbo who appeared to have a flashback to the Indian Wars of 1830 when Turbo's antecedents headed west from the Potomac in bright expectation, only to quickly get involved in the Ambela Campaign before the Bunerwals surrendered. "Are you sure that you aren't referring to Tink's aniseedants?" asked Andy who knew a fair bit about Pimpinella anisum and the entire Pimpinella genus in general. "I don't know about Pimpinella" commented Lord Byron "But when he was prepubescent, Tink was covered in pimples and all the boys used to laugh and call him "Pimplenella", if that fact was of any interest to you." Then Andy explained how his ancestors and those of the Turbine gene pool where linked through ............... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 .....the high-intelligence-gene, which enabled them to spot a................................... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 .....the high-intelligence-gene, which enabled them to spot an ................................... ........ imposter like Tink (whose only real "intelligence" related to his previously disclosed "Old Bag Ops") in the wink (NTTIAWWT) of an ........ TURBO ON ONE OF HIS "OLD BAG OPS", PHOTOGRAPHED WHILE TRYING TO CRACK-ON AT A LOCAL "GRAB-A-GRANNY" JOINT ............. AND I ASK YOU DEAR READER, DO YOU STILL BELIEVE THAT HE WAS ON SOME PRIME MINISTERIALLY SANCTIONED CLANDESTINE INTELLIGENCE OPERATION? (HE CLAIMS THAT JOE LYONS PERSONALLY GAVE HIM CARTE BLANCHE ......... OR SOME OTHER TYPE OF FRENCH PASTRY). PS......... IT TOOK 5 OF HIS ASSITANTS TO PULL THE CORSET TIGHT ENOUGH FOR HIM TO LOOK LIKE THAT. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 Turbo wishes to reassure NES readers that his body is as svelte as always due to careful diet, and a regime of running, cycling and weightlifting. He has never worn a corset. On the other hand the Rat, the son of Bloody Mary, can be seen each night at the BoB slobbering into chicken fat fries, his obscenely flabby body draped over the tiny....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bull Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 seat with his tail being slapped by the working girl next to him,as it wandered a bit and.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 seat with his tail being slapped by the working girl next to him,as it wandered a bit and.... ......... do you see, dear reader, how these silvertails like Turbine Esq and Dr bull will never fully understand. "I agree" said Darlene "And what's wrong with me being a "working girl" even if I am only a Doctor specialising in Brain Injury, I still work and if you prick me do I not like it?" Now we all know that Turbine Esq owns half of Melbournistan, however Investigator Ratt has just received a report that Dr bull has relocated from bone to Midge Point where he pokes ....... out into the Coral Sea. For those of you that have never had to endure f'n f'nQ, Midge Point is located a little north of Mozzie Promentary and 300 kms south of Hookworm Bay, but on the very bright side, Midge Point has one of the most active Swingers Clubs and a very large CWA membership, most of whom are lobbying to rename Midge Point by removing the "i" and inserting (NTTIAWWT) an "a" in honour of the service that has been given to the Midge Point Swinger's Club by ............. THE MODEL OF THE "BIG MIDGE" WHICH IS BEING CONSIDERED TO BE BUILT BY THE MIDGE POINT PROGRESS ASSOCIATION NEXT TO THE BOWLING ALLY AND MALL IN MIDGE POINT HEIGHTS (ON THAT VERY DESIRABLE 100 ACRES THAT BULL OWNS BETWEEN JIMMY'S ROCK ROAD AND BUNDESEN AVE). IT WILL BE LARGE ENOUGH TO HOUSE A 300 PERSON/MINUTE ESCALATOR UP THAT BACK LEG AND THE BODY WILL BE USED TO HOUSE THE 2018 NATIONAL CONVENTION OF THE LABOR PARTY. A HELICOPTER LANDING PAD WILL BE LOCATED JUST UP NEAR THE TOP OFTHE PROBOSCIS, A 200 ROOM MOTEL WILL BE LOCATED IN THAT BIT THAT NORMALLY HOUSES THE POOP CHUTE, AND WARRICK CAPPER HAS ALREADY FRANCHISED ONE OF HIS CAPPER-CHINO COFFEE EMPORIUMS IN LEASING SPACE W67 NEAR THE REAR OF THE BODY. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 Turbo has booked a two week holiday at the new Midge Heights Resort, which will be located in the giant creature's left eye, and Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 Turbo has booked a two week holiday at the new Midge Heights Resort, which will be located in the giant creature's left eye, and ....... bull gave a knowing laugh (well, it was actually a cross between a giggle and a chortle) "Tink's booking is the same week as the Qld Swinger's Convention is being held in the 3000 seat (or 1500 lying down) Giant Midge Exhibition Centre and he is sure to be "two weak" after they finish with him, so I reckon that our well respected Turbine IV might actually be a bit of a .................. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 .......dark horse. In racing he always sat back behind the hero of the day and waited until the hero's head started to drop with fatigue and then he made his move. In this case he had booked the express leg slide for 3 am so he could slide down fast and fresh, even thoigh he knew he had to dodge those sharp whiskers................ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bull Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 he had reserved the special whiskers free slide board which when used right would... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 ....send him at express speed into the Giant Midge Exhibition Centre, while bull was caught firmly in the proboscus of the massive insect, with a row of teeth heading towards him, and the insect saying "Call me a parasite will you..........." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bull Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 as bull lit the mozzie coil and the creature {not elrato} screamed.Noooo then decended{avref}into .............. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 ......a decent dance. The mozzie coil began to spin and attached itself to bull's plane. Now, NES readers, if bull had been flying a Jab, the inertia would have been enough to overcome the power of a mosquito coil, but bull had chosen, most vehemently, to fly one of those little rag and stick machines with their tiny little two strokes, and the plane began to spiral at the mosquito coil burned. Round and round it went, almost jerking bull's head off his shoulders, all the way down to the bowells of the monster, where with a convulsion of its body, it expelled bull and his contraption out into space. This, NES readers, is a perfect example of the perils of not using enough aircraft, and.............................. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 .......... the dangers of the home-brand midge coils which are 6ft diameter, contain nitro glycerine, and are made to dissuade f'n Q's f'n HUGE midges. The issue described in Tink's post # 10189 would not be a problem for conservative aviation engineer bull, who had fitted his Loehle Sports Parasol with the latest Jabiru 4400 flat 8 & two 3 blade counter-rotating props (bull is a whizz with a lathe and some billet aluminium). "I admit" said bull "That W&B is a bit of an issue, but Turbine knows all about that and will surely help me." Turbine drew himself up out of his Smoky Dawson authopeadic chair and said "........... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 ........put 143 kg of lead in the tail; that should balance it up nicely...................... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bull Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 but cried Bull, she[the parasol]only weighs 270 kg all up weight and with the new jab engine and counter balance weight i,ll have to register her a an LSA.............. but ,now Bull has an idea about this problem ,but what with fighting the FNq midges and lsa bats this idea has escaped. Turdy than drew himself[very well too with HP pencil]up to his full height of 9 inch,s and said.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 but cried Bull, she[the parasol]only weighs 270 kg all up weight and with the new jab engine and counter balance weight i,ll have to register her a an LSA.............. but ,now Bull has an idea about this problem ,but what with fighting the FNq midges and lsa bats this idea has escaped. Turdy than drew himself[very well too with HP pencil]up to his full height of 9 inch,s and said.... ....... "I was wr...... wr....... wro ..... wro ...... wron..... wron ...... wrong ................ ish" said Turbine who always had trouble spitting that out "But please don't tell anyone ....... and it is no wonder that the wait-shift blokes got so upset with me." "No wuckers Tub, as it will be our little secret" replied bull, who is a real nice, forgiving bloke. "There are 2 ideal solutions, which I fully engineered last night." said Turbo with his usual authority. "(1) It is dumb to fit 148 kgs of lead in the tail (or empennage as us engine-ears call it). The optimum solution would, of course, be to install another 4400 pusher back there and as well as going like the wind, just think of all the spare valves and thru-bolts that provides should the front engine packs it in. (2) Perhaps a more elegant solution is to fit an auxhiliary 150 fuel talk in the tail and then have a screw (NTTIAWWT) operated sliding engine mount in the front which automatically winds the engine rearwards based on automatice fuel consumtion readouts. Both of the above are patented and copyrighted so please send fees and $9.50 for certified plans." bull was amazed and couldn't wait to take his modified aircraft to the Waterhole Creek Fly-In, which is sponsored this year by the Hook-In Takeaway, where other flyboys will ............. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 Turbo has booked a two week holiday at the new Midge Heights Resort, which will be located in the giant creature's left eye. This, dear reader, is another example of Turbo's over-optimistic engineering. Geeez Louise Turbine, old mate, any plonker who looks at the model in post # 10,182 would know immediately that there isn't enough room in that eye to house a Resort. Fair dinkum, Tink, what were you thinking ......... and your best mate Ratface just wishes to point out that this type of error gives the Wait-Shift guys more ammo with which to hammer you over W&B. Anyone with a slide-rule, or a sharp crayon, would know that a Resort would need both eyes with an aero-bridge & a moving walkway between them, and that is included in the existing plans. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted July 20, 2015 Share Posted July 20, 2015 And this, NES readers is why Simple Rat is detailing cars for the Wagga Wagga Skoda Dealer. He didn't look at the Scale on the drawing. If he had, he would have known that the resort has enough space inside the eye to build a water ski lake, which is what Turbo is about to do. He is currently looking for reliable boat motors, and then................ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted July 20, 2015 Share Posted July 20, 2015 Investigator Ratt will consider Turbo's cruel and untrue claims (Ratty is proud of his honest toil) after he finishes cleaning the red Yeti and goes for his 20 minutes smoko, he will prepare a response (if he can borrow one of the salesmen's computers). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted July 20, 2015 Share Posted July 20, 2015 And this, NES readers is why Simple Rat is detailing cars for the Wagga Wagga Skoda Dealer.He didn't look at the Scale on the drawing. If he had, he would have known that the resort has enough space inside the eye to build a water ski lake, which is what Turbo is about to do. He is currently looking for reliable boat motors, and then................ ......... this is typical Turbo, and I must explain further to the many thousands of NES readers and the multitude that also access this forum via the interweb. A bloke comes up with a pretty good concept for the giant Midge and in typical Turbine III fashion, he takes it too far and tries to include a water ski lake. (I reckon he has flashbacks to his time on the good ship Venus in mid-Atlantic and wants to relive that mid-Midge Point). Now while the weight of such a lake is well within the design criteria of the Big Midge, the financial analysis shows that bugger all of the Midge Point residents or visitors will use it unless they can sneak through the gap in the wall beside the Midge's anal cavity. Ratty is also concerned about possible wet patches in the roof of the revenue earning Opera Theatre behind the main auditorium. Also in typical Turbine III fashion, he responded " ............ Ratty thanks Salesman Bradley for the loan of his Ipad and will now be resuming his Skoda Cleaning Training followed by his "Skoda Factors Course". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted July 20, 2015 Share Posted July 20, 2015 Investigator Ratt had fallen on hard times after the conviction. Although he only received a suspended Sentence, all of Waaga Wagga soon knew what exactly he had been investigating, and it wasn't crimes, but....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted July 20, 2015 Share Posted July 20, 2015 Investigator Ratt had fallen on hard times after the conviction. Although he only received a suspended Sentence, all of Waaga Wagga soon knew what exactly he had been investigating, and it wasn't crimes, but....... ......... dear readers, your dedicated and lovable Ratty still says that he is very proud of his honest toil in 6 jobs to keep his toys fed with Premium Unleaded. He sees no reason to recoil from Turbo's disgraceful exposé and even after his recent conviction and subsequent $10 million good behaviour bond, Ratty continued his investigation of how the heck any rational builder can be expected to construct a water skiing lake atop the new Big Midge. However when Ratty cleverly identified the possibility of that lake being used to provide head for the water supply in Midge Point and all points north, which in-fact would have enough head to blow the tops off taps and hot water systems throughout f'n f'n Q and the Torres Strait, it made the Big Midge much more financially attractive and it soon became the F'n Q equivalent of the Snowy Mountains Scheme, where ................ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted July 20, 2015 Share Posted July 20, 2015 STOP PRESS The f'n Q chapter of the AUF has announced that it has decided to break away to form the f'n QAUF and will locate its operations in office 137 of the Big Midge, just next to the new Qantas and ETIHAD head offices. The f'n QAUF has also leased the floor space on both wings and will be building two 1000 m strips with the left wing oriented 27/05 to take care of the sou'westers and the right wing 30/12 for when the norwesters blow. "This is a great victory for Queenslanders" said Kilometres, flanked by Madge and the Mini Minor. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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