bull Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 AS THE BLISTERS I SEE ON YOUR HANDS AT THRE LATEST raa MEETING ,AND THEY BWHER NOT FROM POLISHING HIS .....
bull Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 doorknob,and as Bull was suffering from a bout of dislexia he decided to fly the brand new you super dooper plastic plane that he brought from china on the interweb for 130 dollars,,,bloody bargain too said Bull as he fired up the hochinamax 120 hp 4 stroke and taxied to the end of the strip. as he lined up,,,,, a bloody lear jet swooped over his head closely followed by a blackened jab with stressed wings,holy toledo batman cried Bull as he pushed the throttle to the max and .................
Captain Posted July 26, 2015 Posted July 26, 2015 ......... took off (AvRef) to practice his instrument approaches to Midge Point International in the Parasol (which is fitted with a clock, a thing that shows how fast you are going in mph (f'n Q goes metric in 8 years time), and a dial that shows bull's height in fathoms (he is 0.7 of a fathom). "I don't know what's so hard about this instrument flying caper, eh, as going solo to practice instrument approaches under the hood is just the same as ..............
Captain Posted July 28, 2015 Posted July 28, 2015 ....... when my lady friend (NTTIAWWT) asks me to put a bag over my head before she agrees to have .........
turboplanner Posted July 28, 2015 Posted July 28, 2015 lunch with me, because I squelch when I eat t.........................
dazza 38 Posted July 28, 2015 Posted July 28, 2015 lunch with me, because I squelch when I eat t......................... turnips and the leave my breath smelling like i just ate ...............
Captain Posted July 28, 2015 Posted July 28, 2015 turnips and the leave my breath smelling like i just ate ............... ...... atenolol. "Now hold it right there, bull" said a nearby member of the CASA Inspectorate. "I believe that atenolol might be an aphrodisiac and also prohibited under the WADA code, which means that your recent win in the Midgeville & District Aero, Gliding & Drinking Club Inc's short landing and flour bombing competition can be appealed by Madge in the .............
turboplanner Posted July 28, 2015 Posted July 28, 2015 ..........next french fries night. "I have a lot of appeal!" bristled Madge, who, as usual, misheard the statement. "How are they swingin up your way!" yelled Loxie, who was never one to..................
Captain Posted July 28, 2015 Posted July 28, 2015 ........... allow his standing as head Moderator to stand in the way of a double entendre, or a good in-your-endo, or a triple .........
turboplanner Posted July 28, 2015 Posted July 28, 2015 .........in tent oh, but.... Alert NES readers who were watching the Today Show this morning and saw Stevie Jacobs having the first drive in Australia of the new Ferrari 488 GTB may have noticed Stevie leaning out of the car and yelling "Turbo!" as he revved its head off. Turbo had received a call from Channel nine telling him to watch the show, but advises readers he has no time for that small engined stuff
Captain Posted July 28, 2015 Posted July 28, 2015 .......... he always experienced problems opening the flaps (of the tent). "These zips are tricky" said AhLox as he continued to try to move the slider thingy "They must have been made by Assa Abloy or his brother Nasser." "Did you see that Turbo got a mention on the Mourning Show today" commented Madge "What a dick". "I saw it" said Benny Tley "It was a joke, as we all know that Tink only gets turned on by a cast iron block (and alibi), a transverse leaf (he can be bit of a tea-leaf sometimes) and natural aspiration through a downdraft (AvRef and HolleyRef) ...............
turboplanner Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 .....but Benny Tley, who actually drove a 1956 VW Karmann Ghia, which had all the power he could handle sometimes got his facts mixed up with his.............
Captain Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 .....but Benny Tley, who actually drove a 1956 VW Karmann Ghia, which had all the power he could handle sometimes got his facts mixed up with his............. ........ impacts on the NES's redacts. "Anyway" said Ben "The '56 Karmann Ghia is a rare appreciating asset collector's item (ExcuseToGiveYourWifeRef) (see spectacular photo below so who wouldn't want to own one) and is so much better that a "Vette or a Viper." he added so as not to give the impression of being one-eyed. Turbine III esq looked at the below photo, loved the sporty colour, walked outside to look at his red 'Vette, then gazed in the mirror and said "............. BEN'S KARMANN GHIA. A RED VIPER WHICH BEN THINKS IS A DOG. TINK'S CORVETTE.
turboplanner Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 "........You're bloody lucky. If Ben owned you, you'd have a poncy white paint scheme, white walls and the skinniest tyres he could buy" The Vette just sat there looking smug, and just the slightest drip of oil dropped....... Looks like Ahlox at the wheel of Ben's car.
Captain Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 ....... from the front cam seal onto Turbo's ............
turboplanner Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 .......ear. He'd been under there looking for a spanner, which was one of six which had dropped down into the technical maze as he was doing a minor tune up job. "I don't worry too much if I can't find them, he said, they eventually fall out on to the road, and..................."
Captain Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 ........ after I pick them up I sell them as spanner bracelets (see Turbo's promotional photo below). These products have been added to Turbo's line of possum skinned lingerie and all sell like hot rocks. "When I bought the 'Vette the valley was full of a complete set of AF ringys, 7 plug sockets & a few spare Jabiru thru-bolts that the previous owner had dropped down there, all of which I have used for .............. TURBO'S LATEST METRIC LINE AFTER HE MADE ENOUGH TO UPGRADE TO THE GOLD PLATING.
turboplanner Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 ".........melting down and resale as 'Hospital Grade' steel for Operating Theatre instruments, which was another side line doing well until..........."
Captain Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 ".........melting down and resale as 'Hospital Grade' steel for Operating Theatre instruments, which was another side line doing well until..........." ........ it was found that the previously well regarded "Turbo's Hospice" brand of hospital swabs & scrubs were actually made from the bit of fawn coloured fur (This is turning into a major scandal as subsequent forensic investigation has shown that this bit of fur was never acceptable or saleable as part of Turbo's line of possum skin bikini bottoms) from around the possum's .............
Bryon Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 ........ it was found that the previously well regarded "Turbo's Hospice" brand of hospital swabs & scrubs were actually made from the bit of fawn coloured fur (This is turning into a major scandal as subsequent forensic investigation has shown that this bit of fur was never acceptable or saleable as part of Turbo's line of possum skin bikini bottoms) from around the possum's ............. ..."Moom-ba" yelled ElRatso which we all know is one of the Rats ancestors famous curses inflicted upon Mexitoria Every year, people afflicted with the curse don their best bird like cozzie and launch themselves off a ramp into the great blue yonder praying to Turdboy (the God of all things feathery) to deliver them to the other side Well, sometimes he does, and, sometimes he......
Captain Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 ..."Moom-ba" yelled ElRatso which we all know is one of the Rats ancestors famous curses inflicted upon MexitoriaEvery year, people afflicted with the curse don their best bird like cozzie and launch themselves off a ramp into the great blue yonder praying to Turdboy (the God of all things feathery) to deliver them to the other side Well, sometimes he does, and, sometimes he...... ......... just sits back sipping his best Chateau TurdBoy Chardy and doesn't give a rats about anyone else. "I shall take the top down this weekend, slip into my fluoro mankini (which he recently lent to Sam to go down the slide at the MCG) and I shall drive to Brighton and promenade with all the beautiful people ........... before I head to DandyNong and YKKA to also see a few of the fugglies." said Turbo in that dismissive voice of his that he usually uses to the servants. But, dear readers, as you all know, Melbournistan was alive with the spirit of Moomba and had been flooded with interstate and overseas visitors who marvelled at the 1953 rustridden Bedford hidden under the float made out of a couple of packing crates and covered with a display of native grasses, but mainly paspalum. As a result, Tubb was standed in Normanby Rd with the mankini splitting him in 2 and the 'Vette overheating and dripping oil. "G'day Tink, old chap" yelled Nobu from the crowd that lined the street. "ConItchyBum and what are you doing here, Nobu old mate?" responded Turbo after he realised that he couldn't ignore Sir Nobu. "As well as enjoying the debauchely of the world class Moomba Festival, I have come back for the leunion and yeary cereblation of the Cowla bleakout" lesponded the Knob "And I ................... THE MOOMBA FLOAT, ABOUT TO LEAVE FOR THE PARADE. THE FUN THEME OF THE FESTIVAL THAT YEAR WAS "BIODIVERSITY AND THE AUSTRALIAN CONSTITUTION". .............................. NOTE THE PRICKLY PEAR FARM IN THE BACKGROUND, PARTS OF WHICH WILL BE THROWN INTO THE CROWD AS A PROMOTION OF THE BENEFITS OF THE USE OF PRICKLY PEAR AS HEDGES IN SUBURBIA.
turboplanner Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 "....enjoy mixing with fellow Aussies, and drinking, dancing and telling unbelievable stories. Ret me introduce you to my friends, Muhammad Bahsee, Gunar Singh, Sally Bok Choy, and Jakob Nugyen." " I'm a little concerned that you are right here next to the Bidrman Rally" said Turbo. Nobu gave an inscrutable little smile "See that Car Carrier Ship pointing downstream? It going to Tokyo; Tonight's fireworks display will be two rockets short, so should make deck!" Walking further along Southbank, late in the afternoon he had to step around many people who had passed out from the effects of alcohol, and in the distance he heard "More Vodka, more Vodka" - it was a pathetic sound, and as he approached..................................... 2014 Moomba Birdman Rally, led by W2 Gold Rat, and representing a number of expert rag and tube flyers. It definitely shows that two strokes make the difference.
Captain Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 ........... he heard booing from a large group of supporters of the Dandynong "BarStewards", the local AFL team, that had come into town to be culturally insensitive and get pissed. "I am offended, you bunch of heartless and insensate barstewards" said Turbo "As this is culturally insensitive to the Turbine peoples as a whole, and our Cork-Asian background" he added as he did an ancient tribal display to show how proud he was to be a Cork-Asian. The crowd from the "Nong" booed even more and one even said "................
turboplanner Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 .........."go home Turbo YOU $#@!"" Turbo responded with a war dance and then all.........
Captain Posted July 31, 2015 Posted July 31, 2015 .........."go home Turbo YOU $#@!""Turbo responded with a war dance and then all......... ........ the BarStewards fell about laughing and some even did a bit of a whoopsy again (resulting in the "dot-of-shame" on their DandyNong Bowls Club cream dacks). (And as we all know, dear readers, the barstewards were very astute, because Turbo is, indeed, a $#@!.) Turbo's "War Dance" is shown below (as performed by Turbine and the Bang-It-Holme Boys) and Tink is the bloke in the centre wearing the Cowra prison stripes and the Central Tablelands Visitor Centre Beany. But one of the barStewards was actually a bit interested in Turbo and asked "What's it like to be a Cork-Asian?" "Well" responded Turbs " While I am lactose intolerant, I float better than a 777 flaperon ....... and .............
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now