The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

...STUFFED!”

 

Turbo still resented the time he innocently put a 10 cent piece up......

 

.... his own ......

 

 

[turboplanner]

.......nose to ......

 

 

[Captain]

.......nose to ......

 

.... disguise his 20 cent habit of.....

 

 

[turboplanner]

.....testing doctors to see if they were genuine. This one wasn’t and couldn’t even get ten cents out of him to.....

 

 

[Captain]

.....testing doctors to see if they were genuine. This one wasn’t and couldn’t even get ten cents out of him to.....

 

... touch Turgid's .......

 

 

[turboplanner]

....RealDoctor Meter Off, even at the "Quack" level, and the interviews went on for months and Turbo was called to the AMA to give evidence that the doctor couldn't even get a ten cent piece out oif someone's nose, and he was evenually struck off, but went on to become Prime Minister of.....

 

 

[Captain]

....RealDoctor Meter Off, even at the "Quack" level, and the interviews went on for months and Turbo was called to the AMA to give evidence that the doctor couldn't even get a ten cent piece out oif someone's nose, and he was evenually struck off, but went on to become Prime Minister of.....

 

... Knew Zulland.

 

"But make sure" added the Doc "That every time you inset a 10 cent piece, or anything else, that you count how many go in and then account for those that come out. With your inability to count above 3, Tink, you are at risk of clogging up your works, and also always remember that where the 10 cent piece(s) come out of doesn't always reflect where they went in."

 

Turdy's close mate onetrick looked pensive and thought, with disgrace and embarrassment, about the time that he was feeling Toey (against Toey's will I might add) and inserted .......

 

 

[turboplanner]

..... a twelve foot blade.......

 

 

[Captain]

..... a twelve foot blade.......

 

..... which is a fair sized prop on a ......

 

 

[turboplanner]

...Cat D7 dozer, when it's set up for.....

 

 

[Captain]

...Cat D7 dozer, when it's set up for.....

 

..... pushing excreta uphill, which is what Turbo does in most of his serious posts in RF. An example of this is .....

 

 

[turboplanner]

......attempting to inject more AVREF into the NES when the Captain’s around, things such as stories on a proposed policy to get the parents of FoIs to marry, and a book in how to speak English for ATCs, who really are such nice people, and....

 

 

[Captain]

......attempting to inject more AVREF into the NES when the Captain’s around, things such as stories on a proposed policy to get the parents of FoIs to marry, and a book in how to speak English for ATCs, who really are such nice people, and....

 

..... are some of the hottest lovers known to blokes, blokettes and blokelmpbqs.

 

"That is why I got into aviation in the 1st place" said HidyHody "As I knew way back then, after Tink sent me that naked photo that is also on his ASIC card (although in his case it is an ASICK card), that there were more than 2 genders, but then again ......

 

 

[onetrack]

.... the Rat is now another non-specific gender, since he was coaxed into entering into Onetracks surgery. However much the Rat liked playing with balls, he can't do that with his own anymore, so he seeks out other balls to play with. But playing with balls in places where you aren't supposed to, usually get you into a lot of trouble - as the Rat soon found out, when ....

 

 

[turboplanner]

.......he slipped out the Airport (Avref.........missing from some Wreckfline recent posts) Road to the Gumly Gumly Pool Hall.

 

Now since some NES readers have expressed doubts about the existence of the town of Gumly Gumly, Turbo has helpfully provided a map showing the town, which in the 19th Century was the equivalent of Griffith's Bagtown.

 

Also shown, is a close up of Gumly Gumly's Chez Capitane Auto Motel, which has fallen on hard times due to an infestation of tiger snakes in the old cars.

 

You'll notice that East Wagga Wagga ends sharply at the north-South Tasman Road, and this is due to our old friend Constable Doubtfire who used to fling Wagga Wagga revellers clear across the road if she found them intoxicated at the GG Pool Gall.

 

For new readers, Turbo's first experience with Constable Doubtfire was during a business trip to Wagga when he innocently went down the street looking for a cafe to have lunch. There was a poor homeless woman (later found to be Captain's wife) lying in the street, which brought a tear to Turbo's eye, and he was just about to offer her money when there was a screech of tyres as a Divvy Van came to a halt and tghis uniformed she man jumped out, unlocked the door, walked over to the footpath picked up the lady and flung her into the Divvy Van so hard that there was a CLANG!!!! as she hit the front wall. Turbo has alwasy driver at 5 km/hr below the speed limit in Wagga Wagga since then, because..........

 

 

[Captain]

………. his spell-checker was stuffed and all the thousands of NES'ers had to waster half a day each trying to work out what the stuff he was talking about.

 

Tinky Wink's fautly spell checker also got the attention of a few Fly-Boys (and Fly-Lasses & Fly-Its [Gender neutral reference]) when he labelled the main runway at YSWG as 06/250 ……….. and that was the start of the great Wagga Wagga grass strip experience (and experiment), where REX and Quaintarse (Alan Joyse reference) fitted mud wintertreads to their regional aircraft and ………………..

 

Tink having a quick durry after completing painting the numbers on the strip at YSWG

 

 

Turbo after being outed by The Onetrick …...

 

 

 

[turboplanner]

.....made it mandatory for all aircraft to carry chains after he labeled Hotham as the alternate to Tullamarine International Airport. At the crash Inquiry, he explained, I’m a glass half full person and don’t believe in wasting my life looking at maps or reference information, that’s for those glass half empty people. After the unfounded complaints from people getting bogged at Wagga, I made the logical decision to locate the Melbourne Alternate high enough that Joyce’s Jets would never get bogged.”  It was after he accused the Judge of being a glass half empty that the water jug was tipped over him and....

 

 

[onetrack]

... Constable Doubtfire was called in to restore order. "Yer 'onour, I think this pair of laggards need a ride in my divvy van!", he said - at which he grabbed the Rat and the Turd by the scruffs of their respective scrawny necks, and dragged them outside, to the waiting 'van. "What's the charge?" wailed Turgid. "Errorism by smartphone, capable of inflicting searing damage to the eyeballs of thousands of readers of NES!", stated Doubtfire grimly - "The very worst of the Errorism charges list!". "You ain't got nuffin' on me!!", squeaked the Rat. "Yes, I have", said Doubtfire with a grimace. "Aerial terrorism of the worst kind - actually pretending to be a pilot!". "You can't jail me!" squeaked the Rat, "Because I'm entitled to special treatment as a non-specific gender person! Even I don't know what sex I am now, so how are my enemies going to work that out!!" "Oh, they'll work that out alright", said Doubtfire, as he prepared to ....

 

 

[Captain]

.....  It was after he accused the Judge of being a glass half empty that the water jug was tipped over him and....

 

…. The Judge said "Go try 15 days in the slammer and see how you like an ass half full".

 

 

[turboplanner]

"Can I take my teddy bear DF in with me?" asked Turbo in a most respectful, manner. "Take whatever you like!" said the Judge.

 

And that's how Constable Doubtfire came to be locked up with Turbo in the Wagga Wagga Correction Centre.

 

Turbo reluctantly brings a "slight mistake" (Ref: Saint Mary McKillop) by Onetrick to the readers attention. Constable Doubtfire is a female. It was an understandable mistake, because CD had been "Wrapping" for some time. She prided herself on condicting her own arrests unaided, and she'd had a problem when running after Wagga's criminals, and some of those such and Loxette and Laxette could run at the drop of a hat.

 

She has two problems; her gun holster would fly up.......well she had three problems; just as her ample endowments would flop down, and the wrapping had worked except for one day when the clip finally broke and the whole lot went off like a Takata Air Bag.

 

She had been a slim little thing and Miss Wagga in 1986, but the Captain had started his own version of "Grease" in the Riverina. Unfortunately there was less dancing and more grease than the ONJ version and she just kept growing wider.

 

Still, all at the Station had to admit, no one could catch a crim like Doubtfire; once she squirrel-gripped them they didn't dare to move.

 

Turbo knew he was protected from the other long-termers in the prison, including Captain Mockbel, but how was he going to protect himself from Doubtfire?.........

 

 

[Captain]

Then it dawned on Tink (who always had the hots for Dawn Lake), and as Tink often said "I am the Carl (or is it Roberta) Williams of 2019 & I will retain Lawyer Y & Lawyer Z as well as Lawyer X as they had complete access into the Vic & NSW Wolloper Service and could surely ......

 

 

[Captain]

... Even I don't know what sex I am now, so how are my enemies going to work that out!!" "Oh, they'll work that out alright", said Doubtfire, as he prepared to ....

 

...... undertake an internal examination, for Constable (I think that is how you spell it {as this is how you put the "stable" back into the Constable}) Doubtfire is a lady constable of the female persuasion.

 

This, dear reader, just proves how androgynous are WA persons generally and the one-trick pony in particular.

 

"I agree" said Anne, who is a key member of the Drogynous clan out of Geraldton, and who sexes crayfish in her spare time ... about which remains an open case within the RSPCA as at mid October.

 

 

[turboplanner]

..in relation to the sexing of a crayfish which was under......

 

 

[Captain]

..in relation to the sexing of a crayfish which was under......

 

.... the influence of one of the Turbit's date rape drugs, which he usually reserved for .....

 

 

[turboplanner]

......special occasions, when he would invite a few of his special friends around, for, regardless of their normal morals, a long and at some times tiring session of eating crayfish.

 

Turbo wishes to reassure regular innocent NES readers (and he says that because he knows there are a few who are far from innocent) that he has never used date rape drugs on innocent young girls; you don't have to when you look like Rod Stewart; in fact it's a bloody nuisance when you can't walk down the street without being accosted by females, and through the years Turbo had invented and now sold "CatFat" through his Turbine Cat Farm. This product, if left in the hot sun for a few days clears any street.

 

The crayfish (or for out two remaining US subscribers rock lobster) story is one of systematic plunder, which as a rule Turbo doesn't approve of. In his childhood crayfish were so plentiful that factories cooked them, twisted the tails off and sold the tails to the US restaurant market, wheeling tonnes of cray legs each night out to tip them back into the sea. (This was the concept Turbo later used for the rats to eat the cats and the cats to eat the rats). Turbo, and the other poor street urchins would be riding on the rail cars cracking legs and gorging themselves until they went home with distended stomachs.  These days there were so few crays, the fishermen would four or five in from a day's pots, and dealers in four tonne trucks (when all they needed was a motor scooter), and huge wads of money change hands for each one.

 

One drunken night someone suggested to Turbo that he should use a date rape drug to catch more for the feast, and that;s exactly what he did. The crays became addicted and swam miles whenever he poured it out, and he caught hundreds at a time. Don't tell anyone.

 

One day.......