The Never Ending Story

[bull]

That bull from bone "the mostess best awesome jackaroo pilot in all of Aus"fly in to snatch {avref I think ] him from danger.   Well the jackaroo was seen flying in the direction of the local pub and …………………..

 

 

[turboplanner]

.....with bull that’s a bad sign. Bone has a pub on each corner and they lure people in with chook raffles, but they found him sawing off the tips of the Jab’s wings to.....

 

 

[onetrack]

... stop the Jab from taking off, if he won the chook raffle - because bull was still arranging for himself to hold the winning ticket for the chook.

 

However, he was short on cash to swing the raffle result, so he had to tap the Cappy, to see if had some spare cash in a brown paper bag.

 

But when he tapped Cappy on the shoulder, Cappy jumped a metre high in fright, thinking it was a member of the Fraud Squad that was tapping his shoulder.

 

"Fxxx!!!!", exclaimed Cappy, "I wish you wouldn't do that!! I'm already a nervous wreck, expecting CASA to nail me for stealing an aircraft - and even further back than that, there's all those brown paper bags of cash I've handed out over the years, to make problems go away!" "But Cappy", said bull, "I only want ....

 

 

[Captain]

...... to borrow a lazy $20 to chuck (turbulence avref) into the raffe, eh"

 

"No worries, eh" responded the ever generous and supportive-of-his-mates Skipper.

 

Bull bought the tickets & hoped for the best.

 

There was silence at the bar as the raffle was drawn and bull had his fingers crossed, as the silence was making bull nervous.

 

"Geeez I hope we win" said bull to nobody in particular, because there was nobody else there.

 

Bull's borrowed $20 won the $2,50 chook, however it was late october in bone & the chook was already manky, which just goes to prove that halal certification isn't everything and that ....

 

 

[turboplanner]

.....not every chook should be raffled.

 

Not many people know this, but long ago, when Turbo was working at Batchelor in the NT on the Base he bought a ticket in a raffle for a DH82B, and won. The raffle ticket has only cost him $20.00, but it cost $3,000 to get the thing shipped to Melbourne.

 

Even less people know that the DH82B was also called the DeHaviland Queen Bee, apparently named after the actres Olivia De Havilland.

 

As he walked around it, Turbo immediately saw that the wings were very high loading, the coupling was a bit too short for comfort, and the undercarriage was a little too far back. Aerodynamics hadn't been perfected to the standard of the Sonerai in those days.

 

Despite these shortcomings, Turbo knew, with his precise touch, that he could handle it easily, but he thought of how his mate Foxhunter would love to fly it, so he put in a call to the Mongols headquarters. The moll there said Foxy was out with the others shooting up the bandidos HQ, but would call back.

 

NES readers wil recall Foxhunter's frequent comparison of any engine and any aircraft with the DH82 he used to fly, and how difficult and unforgiving it was.

 

It doesn't come through in his posts, but Foxhunter used to knock around with Biggles and the team and spoke with the same affected gung ho accent.

 

The phone rang and the familiar "Helleau!" rang out, and before Turbo could answer "Or you receiving me?" and to Turbo's invitation to come and fly the kite, he said "Of course old chep!"

 

An hour later he turned up at the airfield on a 1927 Indian patched in his Mongols colours, and tears came to his eyes when he saw the DH82B.

 

"Hop in, let's go!" he said  (Astute readers of this forum will notice that FH never talks about pre-flight; 12,745 posts but not a word about preflight; in Biggles days they thought preflights were for girls.

 

Knowing what was likely to happen, Turbo declined the offer, citing a sore throat, but Foxhunter said "you wouldn't want me to tell Captain you're a coward would you?" and he was into that cockpit like a rat up a drainpipe. "Er, you'll have to get out again to swing the prop, Old Boy" said FH, and Turbo turned bright red.

 

The engine caught on the 37th swing and Turbo jumped back into he seat, there was no engine runup, just a fast taxy, with the aircraft swinging wildly from side to side, due to the short coupling.

 

Turbo should mention at this point, that Foxy had made literally thousands of references to his, many flights in the DH82, the Tiger Moth, but this was a different piece of equipment, designed to be sling shotted off a destroyer for surveillance, with no particular need to come back once the enemy was sighted.

 

A series of grunts, groans and oaths coming from the rear cockpit indicated Foxy was just fining this out, and as the aircraft jumped into the sky, Turbo saw the ground, the sky, the ground again, a close up of the control tower and blue sky.

 

Turbo was quite composed, because he had flown in TAA Boeing 727 three holers with Foxy for many years, and this was the way he took off every time, but what happened next was.....

 

 

[Captain]

..... frightening, when his hand slipped off the end, and his .....

 

 

[turboplanner]

.......sleeve caught on the throttle. He hadn't noticed and when Foxy........

 

 

[Captain]

.......sleeve caught on the throttle. He hadn't noticed and when Foxy........

 

... -Loxy (as opposed to Ahly-Loxy but similar to Goldy-Loxy although different to Poxy-Loxy) pulled out of ......

 

 

[onetrack]

....the rapid climb he'd initiated, the airspeed shot up to frightening levels, such that Turbid started screaming at Foxhunter, "the throttle!! THE THROTTLE!! - YOU'VE CAUGHT YOUR SLEEVE ON THE THROTTLE!!"

 

But Foxhunter wasn't listening, as usual - mostly because he'd left his hearing aids behind - and he continued on at a merry pace, blissfully unaware that.....

 

 

[Captain]

...... for want of repetition, he had caught his sleeve on the throttle.

 

"That's not his sleeve" interjected Eeeen, who had been keeping a close eye on the NES of late, afraid as he was of a boycott or backlash from the CMFEUPZ, or the LMBTQOS or the Halal Certification Phatwaa Association, or the Letterbox Wearers Conglomerate, who are affiliated with the Save the ISIS Brides Cabal (geez they are adding up eh?). "It's his .......

 

PS - The new legislation will protect the journalsts of the NES from such consequences.

 

 

[turboplanner]

......Foxwhistle which he normally uses to attract foxes. The fix hears a sound like a rabbit trapped by the leg and creeps towards the sound and gets his head blown off by a 30.30, but now and again.....

 

 

[Captain]

......Foxwhistle which he normally uses to attract foxes. The fix hears a sound like a rabbit trapped by the leg and creeps towards the sound and gets his head blown off by a 30.30, but now and again.....

 

.... the rabbit fakes it (a bit like Quo used to do with Tink ... "It wa onru a quid after all, so what he expeck?" She exprained) and the wabbit pulled out his own ....

 

 

[onetrack]

...wascally whistle, and it sounded just like a fox with its paw caught in a trap. But Foxhunter was having none of the wascally wabbits tricks, he'd watched a lot of cartoons with Elmer Fudd and the wascally wabbit, and he knew just how many tricks those wascally wabbits get up to. So Bugs decided it was time to hop it, because he could smell and hear a gun getting unsheathed from its scabbard. But, just in time....

 

 

[Captain]

.... onetwack was exposed as being Mel Bwank, and showed his best wascawy twick when he .....

 

 

[turboplanner]

..............jumped into he Beech Staggerwing and got out of there fast.

 

Not many people know that Mel Blanc, who made millions impersonating a rabbit was a member of the OSS near the end of WW2. The OSS was the predecessor of the CIA.

 

With his wacky style of speaking and expert acting he was chosen as the person to go in to Japan and find the best targets for the new weapon, the atomic bomb, which.....

 

 

[Captain]

..he new weapon, the atomic bomb, which.....

 

...... made a little bit of a difference to the outcome of the war.

 

"Bwang & capow" they went.

 

One other little known fact is that the Yosemite Sam character was based on that great Aussie outback bloke SUCarby, Foghorn Leghorn was styled after an up and coming great pilot, Foghorn Wontwick,  Daffie Duck on a past pwesident of the AUF and ........

 

 

[turboplanner]

.......these three formed the Australian War Committee (Bob Menzies being in London as part of the British Cabinet) which sent 105 Australian kids up to Kokoda to take on 2000 Japanese, who must have been led by .......

 

 

[Captain]

.......these three formed the Australian War Committee (Bob Menzies being in London as part of the British Cabinet) which sent 105 Australian kids up to Kokoda to take on 2000 Japanese, who must have been led by .......

 

……. Tacka's uncle, who was known by his tloops as Wacka (Wakanabi).

 

"2000 of us is about the light latio for 105 blave Aussie boys" said Wacka "Except that SUCarby's uncle, Weber, was one of the 105 and he ………..

 

PS … Recent research from the Skippy War Memorial makes it evident that the Uncle of bull from bone "the mostest best awesome jackaroo pilot in all of Skippyland", (and his snatch {avref, bull thinks]) was also in Kokoda at that time. "What's a burr and where is boner?" asked Wacka, who had a fair bit to learn about FNQ & their weirdo customs, … eh?

 

 

[turboplanner]

......was always out of tune and required a specialist to make him work. The specialist was bull's uncle, whose grandfather had taught him how to sort out people of German descent, primarily by a 303 bullet  to the front of the head, but Weber's grandmother's second husband was......

 

 

[Captain]

......was always out of tune and required a specialist to make him work. The specialist was bull's uncle, whose grandfather had taught him how to sort out people of German descent, primarily by a 303 bullet  to the front of the head, but Weber's grandmother's second husband was......

 

.... named Stromberg (a lauded Germany family just one behind the Krupps) and he had a special technique that ......

 

 

[turboplanner]

......involved taking someone's eyeball out while conversationallly inviting them to give away classified information, like what they were given for breakfast, how they found the Sergeant Major, did they get blisters and other military stuff. If you helped him, he would put your eyeball back and give you a friendly wave goodbye, but this time he was to meet his match in a Bren Gun toting Sergeant named.........

 

 

[Captain]

......involved taking someone's eyeball out while conversationallly inviting them to give away classified information, like what they were given for breakfast, how they found the Sergeant Major, did they get blisters and other military stuff. If you helped him, he would put your eyeball back and give you a friendly wave goodbye, but this time he was to meet his match in a Bren Gun toting Sergeant named.........

 

……….. Brendahhh (because the Skippy military were first to embrace [that was one of the main reasons] gender equality on the Kokoda [since then called the Koklesskoda] track).

 

"And to answer your very insightful question, dear SU, we found the Sergeant Major to be totally excellent ….. down in the bushes by the multi-sex latrine, examining his ……….

 

 

[turboplanner]

......map.

 

"We have two ways to go" he said to the north are 40 million Japanese, and to the south is General Blamey sitting in Brisbane ad calling the shots based on who's winning at Doomben. "Which way would you prefer to go chaps?"

 

"NORTH!" they all shouted at once, "and we hope he's losing"

 

And this was the beginning of the story of the Kokoda Trail where an American commander with an Australian general sitting out in the hallway claimed victory for something they didn't do in a place they'd never been.

 

Brendahhh started the march north by spraying 14 Japanese off the track with the Bren gun, but twenty more stepped into their tracks and the Australian troops were forced to edge firmly south, slipping and sliding in the mud, when along came a Fuzzy Wuzzy called Mark, and from there....

 

 

[Captain]

…… nobody was game to mention that bull's uncle was a bit fuzzy about the details. "Wuzzy?" questioned Brendahh and …..

 

 

[turboplanner]

.......Brendahhh hit him in the teeth with a mortar barrel and, suitably primed, ran down the trail.

 

What happened next is recorded in the book "Kokoda" by Paul Ham.

 

"....one of the few survivors of a Platoon which had been overrun and severly cut about by the enemy. [Kingsbury]  immediately volunteered to join a different platoon which had been ordered to counterattack. He rushed forward firing the Bren gun from his hip through terrific machine-gun fire and succeeded in clearing a path through the enemy. Continuing to sweep the enemy positions with his fire and inflicting an extremely high number of casualties .....Private Kingsbury was then seen to fall to the ground shot dead from the bullet from a sniper hiding in the wood...."

 

[in memory of Private  Kingsbury, posthumously awarded a VC  for saving his battalion's Headquarters and prevented the Japanese streaming down into Port Moresby. His actions inspired his section; ten men of the 2/14th Battalion remain the most highly decorated in military history, winning a Victoria Cross, twoMilitary Crosses, three military medals and several mentions in despatches.]

 

The troops were forced south by the horrific odds until they came within range of the Australian artillery which had been dragged up the mountains as far as it could be dragged. Now it was the Japanese turn to run out of food and supplies and the Australians began the steady advance north on the heels of the Nankai Shitai, with General Hori suffering from blisters bringing up the rear, and...........