The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

.... as long as it took one of the boat drivers to have a chat to the Vicpol guys about the benefits of brown paper bags & red t-shirts.

 

"We aren't the Labor Party" said one, while pulling off his best Globetrotter moves, which is not easy in a Harris Scarf suit and a Leonard Teale Homicide hat.

 

"How did you spot us, bro" he asked while still dribbling.

 

"It's your snapper road" replied Vincenzo the druggy "As if you are gunna pretend to fish, you need a snapper rod, ..... but no harm done, as you look like you are pretty thick, so you'll probably know one of our dealers from out Moorabin way where he has taken over the Moran's distribution network. He is known by some as Tinky Winky (or is it Tinky Wanky?)"

 

"Yeah, we know him" replied the copper with the road "As he's been knocking off Nicola X too. What do you want him for, is your Freightliner overweight? "

 

"No, one of my 200 Evinrudes has shit itself and its well known that he's a whizz on fixing them, because ........

 

(Apologies for the language dear readers, but these are rough druggy types and it is essential for the ongoing authenticity of the NES)

 

 

[onetrack]

....he's been known as "The Fixer" for years!" However, less than 5 seconds later, the sound of an approaching Zero made all the heads in the group turn, like rubbernecking car drivers, driving past the scene of a major crash.

 

At the controls of the recently-reconditioned Zero, was no-one less than Nobishi-san! "You want Moorabin flattened?", he called out to no-one in particular (as if anyone could hear him over the sound of a screaming 14 cylinder, 1,130HP Nakajima Sakae, with a firewalled throttle) - "Well, I can do that for you!! - Easy!!" - and as he peeled off, out of his dive from FL200, the horrified onlookers could only gaze on in terror, as they sighted the ugly rack of Type 98, No. 25 bombs hanging below the Zero. "Gawd!! - He's aiming to hit the town centre!!", yelled out one of the assembled crowd of wallopers, "Get the......

 

 

[turboplanner]

.......Mayor!!!!!!!!

 

The Mayor, Cr Axehead responded immediately with a long speech, and there was so much hot air that the Zero was deflected.......

 

 

[turboplanner]

........but as he turned to make another run, through the static on his radio he heard: "Airmen of Japan. This is your Emperor Hiro Hito. The War is now over. We rost, but good news is we about to sell millions of cameras, camrys and of course superbikes. Return to your homeland. Trains now running on time. Fight no more."

 

This caught Nob totally by surprise: "I never have to fly home before" he thought " How I going to get enough fuel?", but with immediate obedience he turned the zero to the north.

 

"How did you pull that off Turbo?" asked Onetrick incredulously, I didn't think you could speak Japanese let alone mimic Hiro Hito.

 

"At one time I took acting lessons and the old CB's a bit scratchy" replied Turbo wondering whether he should put a call through and warn The Captain who would probably be walking down tha main street of Wagga Wagga complaining about any sweet wrappers or single use bags lying discarded in the street. "Stuff him"  he thought, and picked up the mic. "On your way back to Japan, Hiro's voice said, could you drop in to Wagga Wagga and.........."

 

 

[Captain]

........ "How did you pull that off Turbo?" asked Onetrick incredulously, I didn't think you could speak Japanese let alone mimic Hiro Hito ......"

 

..... "I speciarised in working on Japanese tlucks, Hinos & Isuzus are the duck's guts" exprained Turbopranner san as he stood and faced the lising sun and I therefore speak fruant Japanese, prus, I bought the Nob a 1st crass ticket home on Arr Japan Airrines just because he has been a gleat servant of the NEStoly. Because that's the kind of guy I am". And apprause were heard in the distance (crap, crap, crap they went), because ....

 

 

[turboplanner]

..... "I speciarised in working on Japanese tlucks, Hinos & Isuzus are the duck's guts" exprained Turbopranner san as he stood and faced the lising sun and I therefore speak fruant Japanese, prus, I bought the Nob a 1st crass ticket home on Arr Japan Airrines just because he has been a gleat servant of the NEStoly. Because that's the kind of guy I am". And apprause were heard in the distance (crap, crap, crap they went), because ....

 

.......when he left the Philippines, Nob had said “I shall return” and when they broke out of Cowra Nob said “I shall return” and the minute he landed at Narita and saw the price of a can of coke he would be saying “I shall return”, but they all knew they would get so many free flights in the Zero while he was away that he would have to spend the rest of his life .......

 

 

[onetrack]

......slaving away in the bowels of a Japanese oil tanker to raise enough money to rebuild the worn-out Zero, upon his return. But then, the ancient Japanese Gods smiled upon Nobishi-san, and he fell in love with a Japanese businessmans daughter, whose name was Saiko (pronounced Pyscho). The Japanese businessman was named Yudai (pronounced You-Die, which sounded great to Nob, who always wanted to be a Kamikaze pilot, but he missed out by just 74 years. Nob also wondered why Kamikaze pilots always wore helmets, too - but that's a question for another day). 

 

Yudai just happened to work for one of the sōgō shōsha - and he was loaded. Nob couldn't believe his luck, the bloke thought the Rising Sun actually shone out of Nob's bum, and he was happy to bestow on Nob, virtually anything Nob requested. Nob went to him one day, after Saiko had been giving him a hard time, and he.....

 

 

[turboplanner]

.....said “How would you like to go halves in a beached tanker near the Spratly Islands full of oil?”......

 

 

[bull]

I learn,t about this ship whilst slaving away in the engine room of the Nippenyourtips maru [pronounced any way you want too]back in 2015]the word was...…………..

 

 

[Captain]

I learn,t about this ship whilst slaving away in the engine room of the Nippenyourtips maru [pronounced any way you want too]back in 2015]the word was...…………..

 

.... that she was jointly owned by "Medicines sans Frontiere" and "Hookers sans Frontiere" and was therefore able to .......

 

 

[Captain]

FOR NEW READERS OF THE NES, YOUR BELOVED CAPTAIN HAS WRITTEN THE FOLLOWING AFTER CONSIDERABLE ORIGINAL RESEARCH, IN ORDER TO SET THE SCENE ON OUR RETURN TO THESE ISLANDS. (I AM CURRENTLY RESEARCHING WHAT A "HOOKER" IS AND WILL REPORT ON THAT NEXT WEEK {OR NEXT MONTH IF THAT RESEARCH GOES WELL}). The Spratly Islands are a series of Islands in the South China Sea, lying off the coasts of the Philippines, Malaysia and Vietnam. The Chinese have claimed ownership, and with the help of Australia have built a spectacular airfield, coincidentally long enough to take their fighter aircraft.

 

© Cappy's Copyright is asserted.

 

 

[onetrack]

.....service a very wide range of clients. The ships motto was, "Knock Them and Dock Them", with the docking part referring to Doctors ability to empty anyones wallet. Meantimes, Yudai was very interested in the ship that Nob had mentioned - mostly because it was one of his ships, and it had recently disappeared, with the ship and the crew reportedly taken hostage by a group of raghead Uighurs, who were intent on forming a Muzzie Caliphate in China. You won't hear much about this on the news, because the Chinese Commies are very good at suppressing news about events such as this - usually by sinking the ship without trace, along with the crew and the ragheads. But President Erdogan got word that some ethnic Turkish Muzzie long-distant cousins were under threat of annihilation somewhere in China, so he assembled his top military brass, and said, "Listen, men ....

 

 

[Captain]

.....service a very wide range of clients. The ships motto was, "Knock Them and Dock Them", with the docking part referring to Doctors ability to empty anyones wallet. Meantimes, Yudai was very interested in the ship that Nob had mentioned - mostly because it was one of his ships, and it had recently disappeared, with the ship and the crew reportedly taken hostage by a group of raghead Uighurs, who were intent on forming a Muzzie Caliphate in China. You won't hear much about this on the news, because the Chinese Commies are very good at suppressing news about events such as this - usually by sinking the ship without trace, along with the crew and the ragheads. But President Erdogan got word that some ethnic Turkish Muzzie long-distant cousins were under threat of annihilation somewhere in China, so he assembled his top military brass, and said, "Listen, men ....

 

……. I am a direct descendant of Genghis Khan (my old great, great x 8 grandma got around a bit [she also spent some time with Alexander the Great, who she said was better than "great", he was "absolutely fantastic"]), so I must be a bit of a raghead & a sandman myself (The Holden shag'n wagon was named after me) and I think we can easily capture that few kms of ground between Turkey and China, so let's go and ……. 

 

 

[turboplanner]

..........excise 30 km of the Chinese border.

 

Turbo, who has been suffering from a fractured picklefork,  was unavailable for this expedition, but offered to....

 

 

[onetrack]

....supply a well-worn HJ Holden Sandman van (for Erdogan to use as a recreational vehicle during the expedition), and 4 used, but repairable F-111's (recently dug up from the Swanbank Landfill during a night raid by Turgid, who was convinced that the F-111's being buried was the greatest waste of good aircraft he'd seen, since the RAAF burnt all the surplus WW2 Mosquitoes).

 

Turgid was aided in the F-111's recovery by Cappy, who was always ready to get involved in something shady - and he'd brought along several brown paper bags of money to pay off any security guards or other nosey individuals who might start asking awkward questions about digging in the Swanbank Landfill during the dead of night. 

 

The whole idea was to offer the F-111's to Erdogan so he could boost his airpower, seeing as he'd lost a few aircraft in recent years, with military excursions and other unrelated incidents.

 

But then came the problem of getting the Sandman and the F-111's out of the country. Ever since Border Force had been ramped up, and Surveillance Aust got new aircraft, it was getting harder and harder to get stuff both into and out of Australia. Suddenly, Cappy said, "Hey, I know a bloke....

 

 

[Captain]

... who can make certain that the Border Force are always looking offshore as you leave and checking inshore as you go past 'em. It's Ahlox, who is a rear Admirer or rear Admiral or something like that, and all I know is that the rumour had something to do with his rear, his propensity for pyromania, and his .....

 

 

[bull]

Admirals costume left over from his Blue Oyster days.  These days after getting the top job on our border security force,he can only manage to visit the old club when he is...………………..

 

 

[turboplanner]

..........not Commander of a strike force, and he's so good at telling others what to do that he's in demand virtually seven days a week.

 

Gladys Berylfeloffabicycle recently said he was in line for an Award (which was political speak, missing the part ....and the line is seven kilometres long)

 

Turbo regularly advises Ahlocks and in return gets information which will never be released to the general population.

 

For example, on his last trip, they drove for a couple of hours, stopped for ice creams, broke a windscreen on the next leg, stopped for ice creams, had a look around from a safe vantage point, left the strike vehicle at the airport flew home to the old Blue Oyster Bar, which had been renamed the Bespoke Oyster Bar to attract Y Generation patrons. As we all know but don't repeat, Captain was banned from the BOB after.........

 

 

[Captain]

.... he Spoke up about the terrible scandal at the BespokeOB when PoxyLocksy ( the epitome, as well as the pits of the Gen Y dipsticks) ate .....

 

 

[turboplanner]

.....Oh No Captain, don't DON't tell that story about...........

 

 

[Captain]

..... Ahhh Lox the poxster, do you mean? That story is vital to the NES because it reflects .....

 

 

[Captain]

Bull (apologies for the capital letter, but it's the start of the line) who also speaks fluent french but has the shift key broken on his computer, not to mention his broen heart (I thought I said not to mention zat?) wondered about the terrible scandal.

 

"was ist das scandal terrible, silver plate" ill requeste?

 

 

[turboplanner]

.......that's him, that dastardly piece of flotsam who hides.......

 

.[you want a request form for sick leave?]

 

 

[Captain]

NES EXCLUSIVE BREAKING NEWS ...... As a result of an item recently posted on a popular section (well, 3 people are involved) of a Wreck Flyboyz forum on the interweb ....... NSW ICAC TO PROBE LEVELS OF ICECREAM PURCHASES DURING RECENT QLD FIRE EMERGENCY was the headline. "They deserve it" was the quote from the Moorabistan dibber dobber. "We are innocent" said an 18 stone Ahrocksthegirlssoxoff as he was photographed tucking into the last of a 5 kg tub of HabensieDas chocky chip & boisenberry ripple.

 

 

[Captain]

.......that's him, that dastardly piece of flotsam who hides.......

 

....... under the nom-de-plume of bull-from-bone or his porn name of .....