The Never Ending Story

[turboplanner]

"Oh NO!, that will get Victoria's IBAC looking for what I accidentally posted about us on September 27, 2009" cried Turbo "I may have to leave the Country and hole up in the Ecuadorian Embassy and................

 

 

[Captain]

MORE EXCLUSIVASIVITY FROM OUR UNDERCOVER REPORTER ...... AhPox has recently issued a statement that was read by his barista bull-with-a-boner "my client is innocent as they needed the icecream to put out the fires, what with pfas being banned and water in such short supply, icecream is cheaper. The water what we was issued to us up in fsq was specifically designated to keep the river mouth open at goolwa and to stop the naughty salt water from cuming into the coorong, so we let it escape into a creek that headed west, there4 the coorong will be saved when it gets there in about 2057. my client is not only innocent, eh, but he is also a climate warrior eh (although a rather porky icecream laden one at that) and has formed the radical action group fantifa (that should have caps but my shiftlock is stuffed)" said bull as he wrapped up the press conference.

 

 

[turboplanner]

The Melbourne Fire Brigade issued a Press Release saying they’d been trying to tell Chairman Dan and his red shirts that Victoria’s volunteer anti communist CFA were still using water to try to put out fires. “We at MFB” said Arthur Fattocks “switched to ice cream years ago. Ice cream is cold, fires are hot, just makes sense” he continued “and you can take your meals on the job........”

 

 

[Captain]

...... plus BFFs (big fat firies) blot out the sun and keep each other cool, plus they csn wear the same gear as the humongous big-arse flag marshals at Phillip Island when the race meeting aren't on. "Icecream is an international & cross disciplines currency" said Robyn the red breasted flag marshal.

 

Ps .... Few know the Phillip Island was well know, before Lindsay bought it all, as Turbo Island (just as Heron Island was called bull island) because .....

 

 

[turboplanner]

.......Turbo would take the Corvette down there on a quiet day and drive round and round, and still holds the record for the most number of laps; he never did find out where the penguins come ashore.

 

The Phillip Island track fieries must also have been using ice cream quite early; there was an old riddle: "How many fieries can you fit on a Holden 1 tonner?" Answer: "Two"

 

It's good that the Captain has raised PI  (as us crossovers know it). In those years he breathlessly followed his heroes, Dean Martin, Frank Sinatra, Sammy Davis JR who formed the Rat Pack, and fancied himself as one of them; even had a rat avatar, stank like one too, and called himself the racing rat, on his pink Suzuki. He was an entertainment drawcard, because you'd see the International riders come flying through, dragging the footpegs along the ground and other sh!t that bikies do and then at the end of the field we'd see the rat, sitting erect, giving it bursts of throttle, and holding both legs out wide at every corner. Where it got entertaining was about lap three where some drivers would lean down, their upper torsos flying under his legs and you could hear him screaming "Stop it, STOP IT!"  Those were the days.......

 

 

[onetrack]

...when Cappy had to get permission from the marshalls to take the trainer wheels off the Suzuki. It was bad enough that he'd drag his feet on the ground for the first 400M, fearful of putting them on the footpegs, in case he lost his balance and fell over.

 

He'd go to great lengths to explain, that dragging your feet on the ground, when you're moving on your bike, helps greatly with bike control - because you don't have to waste time putting your foot down, when you become fearful of falling off - your feet are already down!

 

But what caused the Rat's demise at Phillip Island wasn't anything to do with riding whilst dragging his feet on the ground - nor wearing a leather jacket with a rat patch on it - nor stealing other bike competitors fuel while they were at the bar (because he was too tight to buy his own racing fuel) - no, it was that fateful exercise, when the Rat decided to.....

 

 

[turboplanner]

....put his own bike and a stuffed effigy of himself in the Legends Museum; how embarrassing, how.......

 

 

[Captain]

....put his own bike and a stuffed effigy of himself in the Legends Museum; how embarrassing, how.......

 

..... droll, but how handsome was the eff'er-"geeze he's hot" said all the ladies & the lmbtq community "I wish he'd get off the Suzuki and give me a go" they said in unison as the Cappy's souvenirs continued to see like hotcakes.

 

"I'm worried" said Lindsay "As soon that Cappy chappie will have as much money as me & Turbs, and then the fan will really hit the ...

 

 

[Captain]

Stromberg, bull-from-bone, the onetrack-mind and the other hundreds od NES contributors were speechless at the crappy cappy's post #10758 and couldn't reply for over half a day. They had what Billy Shakespeare often referred to as writers block. As he said in his once long lost tome, King Lear-Jet, "Ask not what the NES can do for you, ask what bullshit you can contribute to the NES".

 

 

[turboplanner]

Turbo respectfully responds to the Captain's accusation of writer's block, with the observation that the rest of us were lucky enough to have been in Prep the day we were were taught to spell "of", but he'll attempt to respond to the Captains cleverly constructed lead.

 

".......radiator [truck term].  As Paula says all the time, I'm a simple man, and after you skun me with the deal we made carting your cat products, the last thing I need is another poser landing his helicopter next to our compound at Portsea and..."

 

 

[Captain]

Turbo respectfully responds to the Captain's accusation of writer's block, with the observation that the rest of us were lucky enough to have been in Prep the day we were were taught to spell "of", but he'll attempt to respond to the Captains cleverly constructed lead.

 

".......radiator [truck term].  As Paula says all the time, I'm a simple man, and after you skun me with the deal we made carting your cat products, the last thing I need is another poser landing his helicopter next to our compound at Portsea and..."

 

YOU NOW UNDERSTAND, DEAR READER, of the difference between fossils like AmalPlannner and the hip/with-it Captain (Marvel?), where Amal is unaware that the word "of" has been replaced by the well accepted term "od" by most edumacated persons under 70. "I agree" said bull, who is particularly hip (after it was replaced) and the onetrack-mind thought long and hard about Amal's odd od comment, which shows a bit of unjustimafied contempt od Cappy's schooling.

 

……. flying (avref) like Tink does, as he thinks that a chopper is a 3-axis (avref) aircraft (aircraftref) ("What's a collective (avref) (other then a Kibbutz …. or a קִבּוּץ קיבוצים as the Skipper always prefers to say, by using the correct Hebrew term)?" Tink asked quite often) which creates a bit od a problem for the Portsea ………..

 

 

[turboplanner]

..............set,  Turbo mistakenly said to Lindsay one day "ךאפתאינ יס א סמארתארסע" not realising Lindsay spoke fluent Hebrew after years of coaching by his friend Sol, and Lindsay snapped back "All I want is a little bit of profit" and Turbo thought "I should od kept my mouth shut!."

 

Turbo doesn't remember the Amal, must have been popular in the previous generation, when.......

 

[Note to NES readers: What the Captain said was "your father has a fat chest"]

 

 

[onetrack]

.... she was a lawyer, rather than just some actors wife. But the Portsea set claim they have the original rights to stuffing up on typing words, with their claim that they produced "covfefe", long before Prez Trump did.

 

But Captain Rat, always noted in the school yearbooks, as the school dunce, thinks that "covfefe" is a perfectly good English word, and he used it in his last game of Scrabble with the Ladies from the Wangaratta CWA - who protested loudly that it was not a known or accepted word.

 

"It sure is!", stated the Rat proudly - "If the Current Supreme Prez of the U.S. uses it, it's a formally acceptable word, along with his other great, useful words, such as, "od", "s***hole", "smocking", "weak", and "fake"!"

 

But Turgid, as well as the CWA ladies, wasn't impressed either. "You lost every school debate you ever went into, because you didn't even know the meaning of all the big words you used, let alone how to spell them!", he said.

 

"Look", said the Rat, "If it's good enough for the Greatest Prez the world has ever seen, to stuff up words and phrases and utterings, to make up new words, and to simply pour scorn on people to win arguments, then it's good enough for me!!".

 

With that, the Rat turned on the assembled Ladies and poured withering scorn on them, that made Trump look pale by comparison - and the Ladies were so shocked, they.....

 

 

[Captain]

.... With that, the Rat turned on the assembled Ladies and poured withering scorn on them, that made Trump look pale by comparison - and the Ladies were so shocked, they.....

 

..... turned their backs and all mooned the delighted Skipper in unison.

 

"I'd prefer the 3rd one from the left" the Skipper said to MikuniPlanner as Captain (Courageous) reeled from the Mikuni's (Mick's for short) news that he was moving to Adelaide to lead the new Aussie Submarine Contract.

 

"But that goes for 50 years" said Chrissy Pine who had been hoping to get the gig "So the Mickster will be 135 before it's over)" And the MickyPlunger will build 'em with wheels, a cruise control, a 6 speed diff & a radiator".

 

The FlatSlideMikuniPlunger was dismayed and said .....

 

 

[turboplanner]

"...I can neither confirm nor deny what's going into these flying submarines, but can only say they will be more versatile than submarines which have been built from before the first world war until now. The government has realised the biggest disadvantage of submarines of the past was that they operated under the sea, where they couldn't see what was happening on land, and we're going to change that and......"

 

 

[Captain]

..... les manufacturere du submarininere du Francaise et totalitere onside, mon cher Capitaine" comunique les Tuerbo Sportif.

 

"That's all newse to moi" commented Chrissy Pinenuts "So je had better get sur top of zees rapide stix or my lobbying gig will be caput".

 

Od course, le SUPlaniere knew all about zis, as ill does most uzzer sings (as Wreck Flying members know to their cost .... and boredom) ..... et SuperchargePlanniere mange ......

 

 

[turboplanner]

......pommes de terre pur avois dupois. Mais dejune il mange oeufs.............

 

 

[Captain]

......pommes de terre pur avois dupois. Mais dejune il mange oeufs.............

 

..... "Cest easy for you to say, mon cher et amis" said bull, who was fluent in 3 languages europene & 3 aboriginal lingoes, plus FNQ speak eh?

 

"And I know the 4barreldowndraftplanner's dastardly plan too for our AussieFroggy unterwasserschiffs. He is gunna fit em with new-clear reactors for their unterwasser bits and 6600 cats when travelling overland ..... because the rootesplanner is a c......

 

 

[bull]

Bull with a bone,,,,,,Now now fellow NES contributers  no reason to start bringing up the incident!!!! It was such a long time ago and has started fading from the memory.  Now old Ahlox and the captain have much much more interesting stories about their time as the patrons of the BOB[blue oyster bar] backin the seventies,,why I remember one story about Ahlox that...…………...

 

 

[Captain]

Bull with a bone,,,,,,Now now fellow NES contributers  no reason to start bringing up the incident!!!! It was such a long time ago and has started fading from the memory.  Now old Ahlox and the captain have much much more interesting stories about their time as the patrons of the BOB[blue oyster bar] backin the seventies,,why I remember one story about Ahlox that...…………...

 

..... would have been a big problem these days with all the mobile phone videos and faceplant/twatter and all. Nowadays,  it would have been a huge scandal, but would have also boosted BOB attendances, if Ahlox again would have flopped out his ......

 

 

[onetrack]

....... fur-lined flying gloves, and demonstrated his little trick of pouring beer into them, and them skolling the contents, in 5 seconds flat. But no-one does that today, after learning of the volume of bacteria that hide inside all gloves, particularly flying gloves.

 

Then there was the bar stunt initiated by the Captain - who was the greatest show-off the BOB has ever seen - when the Cappy would jump up on the bar, and lower his.....

 

 

[turboplanner]

....singlet trying to mimic Taylor Swift, and sing his Country songs. It was a sad sight because the key he sang in belonged in a door, and the pitch at times was like fingernails on a blackboard.

 

It wasn't always like this though. Not many people know that the Captain was a Vietnam War Veteran. He was a Sergeant then, carried a machine gun and pioneered the Australian technique of clearing out the Viet Cong tunnels by going down head first on the grounds that he could see to shoot faster. He'd never tell you, but he won both the Australian VC and the US Medal of Honour, and has a place reserved for him at Arlington National Cemetery.

 

He keeps his medals in an old vegemite jar out in the shed.

 

After the war he suffered terribly from PTSD, but his life changed for the better when he found Country Music and started writing songs. In those days people would come from near and far to hear him sing at the BoB. Turbo drove up from Melbourne once a month.

 

He was so good. He'd walk out on to the stage in his black denim, never told anyone why it was black, (it was for the members of his platoon that didn't make it, and this was what put so much feeling into the songs.)

 

Mo Pitney recently released his version of "Who's gonna fill their shoes" Mo sings about US singers, but this song was written about the Captain. I won't mention his stage name because the memory of that era should be preserved intact.

 

Here's Mo's song about the Captain:    

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BqV9NZSGIa4

 

 

 

 

 

[Captain]

....singlet trying to mimic Taylor Swift, and sing his Country songs.

 

……. and that, Dear Reader, just demonstrates that the SolexPlanner is a-sexual (similar to being anosmic) where Anosmia is the medical term for loss of the sense of smell and Asexmiup is a term for the loss of sexual awareness) because Taylor Swift is a lady singer and Tink has given her a male epithet & assignation. What a dick (Turbo, not Taylor).  

 

 

[Captain]

who was a struggling US ballad singer picked it up, and the rest is history......

 

......... because you need to always bear in mind that you need to know when to hold them, know when to fold them, know when to turn away, know when to run. (which many on Wreck Flying have done with Turb's umpteen million posts)

 

And bingo, another song is written, another million is banked and another yacht is ordered.

 

Mavis pricked (milehighclubref) up here ears at the caching of cash and said "I didn't want to mention it, but did you see Epstein's flight manifest that has been published recently? As well as Billy C there were mentions of bull & his boner flying to EI (Epstein Island) more times that Bill.

 

bull retained another barrista and issued the following carefully prepared statement.

 

"It was great" said bull "And I ...................

 

 

[Captain]

STOP PRESS.

 

bull's barista has just rushed out onto the steps of the bone courthouse and has added to his dynamic earlier announcement.

 

"While bull really loves "it", plus he really liked Geoffrey E, he certainly is not a paedo and while he definitely likes young(er) women he always insists that his younger lady friends be at least under 75.

 

bull will take further questions in another press conference at 8 pm this evening.