The Never Ending Story

[onetrack]

....the offender had a family relation who was a member of the police "Purple Circle", and as such, was untouchable. He hinted at close family relationships with Russ Hinze and Joe Bjelke-Petersen, and the cop went white, fully remembering what happened to the copper who had the temerity to try and book Russ Hinze.....

 

 

[Captain]

.... and this triggered in Onesy, the question of whether there is any link between the Qld purple circle & Tubb's purple hangers.

 

The link was tenuous but nevertheless sinister because.....

 

 

[Captain]

Onesy also contemplated the similarity of body shape between Tink and Russ H.

 

Round is indeed a shape, he concluded.

 

 

[Captain]

Then Onesy thought further & in depth, as he always does with his highly investigative mind.

 

And their (Tink's & Russ's) ethics are the same too. With this Onsey's pious religious ethics kicked in. "XXXX me", he thought. "What a XXXX".

 

[Eeen has often thought that Russ had buggered off to Mextoria in a witness protection program and had popped up again, like a carbunkle, as the Turboplotter. ... MOD]

 

 

[turboplanner]

It is true that Turbo ran into some trouble at the cat farm when the cats at one point became inbread and breeding numbers were down, which meant he had to hand feed the rats to save them from starving and ran late with his tax payments, but that was all smoothed over, and Turbo has continued to run a legitimate, albeit unique business, and is in the process of franchising it to places like   XXXXX, XXXXXX, XXXXXXXXXXX, and XXX, and then....

 

[Nice try MOD, Turbo can neither confirm nor deny rumours like that, but he knows where he lives]

 

 

[Captain]

..... a franchise opportunity came up in XXXXX-XXXXXXXX which really excited Turbs because he always wanted to ......

 

 

[turboplanner]

....ski to work and........

 

 

[Captain]

.... unicycle up the ....

 

 

[turboplanner]

......North Face over the ice with....

 

 

[Captain]

......North Face over the ice with....

 

… great difficulty, as the XXXXXX-XXXXXXX referred to in post #10831 was actually Burkina-Faso where the temp averages a tad under 38 C, but this didn't matter to Tubb, who is a snow skiing tragic and ……. 

 

[WE HAVE DOUBLE CHECKED TINK'S IP ADDRESS AND HE REALLY DOES APPEAR TO LIVE IN OUAGADOUGOU, WHERE HE IS A HIGH SOCIETY XXXX …….. MOD]

 

Chez Tink in Ouagadougou

 

 

 

[turboplanner]

“We’re supposed to have some anonymity on this site” said Turbo “and now it’s come out that I’m the Crown Prince of Ouagadougou and will be restricted in what I can say; that XXXXXXX Captain!”

 

 

[onetrack]

......but as Crown Prince of Ouagadougou, Turboid was merely showing African dictators how to really cream in the bribe money (to be fair, he learnt this off the Captain, with his N.S.W. system of brown paper bags of money, development approval payoffs, mining leases made out in politicians names, etc, etc...). But after Turboid saw what the other African dictators were already creaming in, he decided he couldn't really teach them anything, as they made him look like an amateur.

 

So, to improve his already substantial bribe income, Turboid decided he would get into 419-type scams, and he reckoned selling non-existent aircraft via Trade-A-Plane, would be ideal.

 

It was simple - rich clients, fast and easy contact via email, the anonymity of the internet - except for that nagging problem of the Cappy finding his IP address.

 

He decided that something had to happen to that inquisitive Rat from New South, he could arrange to....

 

 

[turboplanner]

....emasculate him, which had always been his preference, but thought he would settle for taking an arm of and feeding it to his favorite Hyena Giggles.

 

Or he could...

 

 

[onetrack]

...arrange to have him visit, and offer to show him the wildlife of Burkina Faso, with a specially-guided tour of the local Wildlife Park, where unbeknowns to Cappy, he would "accidentally" fall out of a Park tourist vehicle, into the path of a pride of hungry lions....

 

 

[Captain]

....emasculate him, which had always been his preference, but thought he would settle for taking an arm of and feeding it to his favorite Hyena Giggles.

 

Or he could...

 

... just accept that he had been emascuating himself since he was 12, when his mum caught him ("treating his body like an amusement park" she said), and in B-F this also meant that they might .....

 

Credit to Seinfeld for the quote.

 

 

[Captain]

...arrange to have him visit, and offer to show him the wildlife of Burkina Faso, with a specially-guided tour of the local Wildlife Park, where unbeknowns to Cappy, he would "accidentally" fall out of a Park tourist vehicle, into the path of a pride of hungry lions....

 

.... but having braved the Condobalin CWA, a gay pride of hungry lions was ....

 

(It is a little known fact that Lions have sex up to 7 times per day every day, which really pisses off the members of Rotary ..... Mod)

 

 

[turboplanner]

...nothing for Captain who normally just insulted them with LGBTIFA jokes sending them into hissy fits fighting each other.

 

But these were Burkina Faso Lions, not on the normal tourist track, much bigger, and not a XXX one amongst them.

 

They all focused on the scrawny little Captain, they knew there would be slim picking on those mangy bones, and they started to move closer in a circling move, ever tightening. Captain wet himself.

 

Just then Turbo's rich Royal voice boomed out  "Nukumo Eato!" which in the Ouagadougou language means "Don't eat him, you'll stink for days!", and the lions obeyed the Prince immediately....

 

 

[Captain]

..... "Come back and fight you pussies" yelled the brave crappy Cappy defiantly (for he really was crappy after having been encircled by Lions club members and being asked to make a donation towards some seat in some poxy park or Blokes's Shed that they were building.)

 

"Turdgirl is our Akela" they said in justification (in Burkina Fassian lingo) before they .....

 

[Does his above post prove that Turdy is a member of an African gang in Moorabistan? ..... MOD]

 

 

[onetrack]

..... slunk away with empty collection tins, knowing full well, that the Captain reserves all his cash money in brown paper bags, just for when he needs to get out of a sticky spot, or for when he needs "a big favour" from someone in a position of great power, to ensure there's no penalty for his transgressions.

 

But the Turboid has now been outed as a Sudanese gang member, not a Burkina Faso Prince. One has to expect this kind of sleazy misrepresentation from people from African States, the origin of the word "scammer" comes from a Hausa word, meaning "rip off the rich white people as often as you can".

 

This explains much of the Turboids behaviour in recent times, where it's been noted, that he's been seen closely examining the aviation sites for ways to hack into the systems to install a wealth creation scheme that involves much illegality, and as little morals and ethics as Mexican drug cartel runners. As Turboid was known to brag, "I've been illegal all my life, and I sure ain't going to become legal, now...."

 

 

[turboplanner]

Turbo was wounded by the quick mood changes of Captain and One Trick, the Lilo and Stitch of the aviation industry. "How could they say I'm illegal" he said "I'm the only person in the meat industry that isn't under attack from the vegans for killing animals with stun guns. My cat farm is pure, the cats kill and eat the rates and the rats kill and eat the cats, so I don't even kill animals for food" "What about that Roo?" asked Hi Ho, not really aware of how delicate this discussion had become........

 

 

[Captain]

.... because HiHo had left the "t" off.

 

"And" added HiHo "I don't reckon Turbloid is from Burkina Fasso, although he sure is a Fat Burke".

 

bill, who was an old cub said "dib, dib, dib Turd-Akela, we'll do our best" little knowing that his best would never be good enough for this callous Akela XXXX.

 

The NES fell silent with a loud shhhhhhhh and ......

 

 

[onetrack]

..... there was a knock on the door and upon Turboy opening it, an RSPCA Inspector was standing there. "I'm here to ask some questions about cat slaughter in a possibly unregulated slaughterhouse", said the Inspector.

 

"What slaughterhouse? What cats?", said Turboy, trying to close the door on the Inspector, who had managed to jam his foot in it, preventing it from shutting.

 

"You should be aware, there have been some outrageous stories in the media, about unauthorised slaughterhouses found to be operating well below accepted standards, recently", said the Inspector.

 

"I have heard some rumours you are operating an unauthorised cat slaughterhouse, with the possibility of other unnamed species included in the kill, and you are reportedly supplying a well-known black market for meat of suss origins, mostly for shady Indian, Malaysian, Chinese, and Vietnamese restaurants, who bury all their mystery meats in thick, impenetrable batter, and large quantities of sauces and gravies, and cover up the unusual tastes, with loads of spices such as super-hot chilli." 

 

"We are most interested in the true origins of the meat in "Claypot Chicken", "Beef Rendang", "Lamb Korma", "Vietnamese Stir-Fry", and many other dishes of mystery ingredients", continued the Inspector.

 

The Turboid was desperately trying to get the door shut, this was getting too awkward, and before long the Inspector would be asking to inspect the slaughterhouse itself. Turboid knew he couldn't risk that, because....

 

 

[Captain]

"And don't forget that Turbs is a facile old burke from Burkina Fasso, too" added Ahlox making his cutting cumback.

 

 

[Captain]

……. the cats kill and eat the rates and the rats kill and eat the cats, so I don't even kill animals for food" "What about that Roo?" asked Hi Ho, not really aware of how delicate this discussion had become ........

 

In addition to the onetrack pony's recent post, Turbo had his 1st threesome (but he was expecting it to be more fun) when the Moorabin Mayor fronted up at the same time as the RSPCA Johnny.

 

After the RSPCA chap explained his position the Moorabistan Mayor said "And it's just not on, comrade TurjidPlonker, for your cats "to kill and eat the rates" when we need every $ we can get to support my next trip to our sister city, Paris (for uninformed NES readers, Moorabistan and Paris were twinned by Napoleon because of their common tourist attractions and ambiance [or ombeeooncee as Napolean used to say] where Paris is on the Seine and if you live in Moorabistan you must be insane).

 

"That was a typing error Mr Mayor, you dopy XXXX," said Turdbro "As my eyesight isn't what it used to be and my XXXX (another typing error by Turbs) is …………...

 

 

[Captain]

..... The Turboid was desperately trying to get the door shut, this was getting too awkward, and before long the Inspector would be asking to inspect the slaughterhouse itself. Turboid knew he couldn't risk that, because....

 

….. he had converted half of the bloodiest bits into a place of religious worship for tax reasons ("As those buggers are exempt" he explained).

 

As Brother Tink further explained it using his italic holier than thou voice "Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully, as when they do it from religious conviction …….. and I'm into evil with a capital ……...