The Never Ending Story

[turboplanner]

........e

 

And he said to the RSPCA man  "enter, but having entered thou shalt never return, and thou shal from henceforth after entering carry a burden, no man should have to carry; Captain's weekly rubbish bin, and inhale an odour no man should inhale; Captain's BO and the Phenyle he uses as underarm deodorant, and....." but the RSPCA man had left the building without looking back....

 

 

[Captain]

........e

 

And he said to the RSPCA man  "enter, but having entered thou shalt never return, and thou shal from henceforth after entering carry a burden, no man should have to carry; Captain's weekly rubbish bin, and inhale an odour no man should inhale; Captain's BO and the Phenyle he uses as underarm deodorant, and....." but the RSPCA man had left the building without looking back....

 

….. after all, the RSPCA doesn't pay well enough to have to listen to Turbo's verbal diarrhea.

 

But the Mayor persisted, for he was used to Tink's bile, and said …………….

 

See below, for those interested in the source of the TurboPlanner's bile.

 

I always knew he was "odd" but didn't realise that he had a sphincter named after that one of his personality traits.

 

 

 

[Captain]

And as an aside …………. to continue the theme, here is Turbo's bowel impersonation house in Moorabistan, Mextoria.

 

"I was boweled over when I 1st saw it" Turdy said.

 

 

 

[onetrack]

...but the Mayor then spoke up and said, "Do you have Moorabbistan Council planning approval for that building monstrosity? It looks like something that fell from an aircraft at FL100, without a parachute! Living in a giant colon is positively disgusting!"

 

The Captain piped up, "I always said Moorabbistan was the XXXXhole of the Earth, and now Turdboy has only to make an exit from that prominent pungent end, and thereby prove that he's the nothing but the product of an large inflamed sphincter, for his whole life story to be complete!! The smell he carries with him after being exuded from that giant abominable sphincter, would overpower my underarm deodorant!!"

 

"Hang on", said Turdboy, "You've got this all wrong, this is....."

 

 

[Captain]

.... a traversty and the handsome Skipper knows it is"

 

"I do"said Skipp, with frank honesty "And I'll have no more sticking it up Turbs (figuratively speaking of course, as what he does behind the bus stop is his own business), because Turds is a good mate, and mateship means ......

 

 

[onetrack]

.....little on the NES, as proven by my constant sticking it up everyone who posts here".

 

"Whoa!", said Onetrack - what's all this stuff about, 'what he does behind the bus stop?' - Is he a phantom pooper, too, like those joggers they've been catching in Sydney??"

 

"Oh, no!, it's much worse than that!", said the Captain. "You know those blokes down Moorabbistan way, they have this.....

 

 

[turboplanner]

........old building which has been turned into a History Centre, and in this history centre is a section of that old building, which as everyone except the Captain knows, was pulled down in 1972. It wasn't Turbo's house, it was to be the Moorabbin Opera House. The Councillors copied Sydney  in designing an Opera House, but the difference was they didn't hire an architect, and the result was what often happens when you build a building and let a builder design it instead of an Architect. Thousands of letters were written to newspaper editors over the years and it became known as Bowell House. The Moorabbin Council never had an opera in it because all the Opera singers politely refused to sing in a stomach. It saw reasonable success as a rock venue, but its main use was for Council retreats where Councillors would debate bright ideas like narrowing Beach Road. It was demolished in 1999 after one of the Councillors suggested that if it caught the Y2K bug it could grow. An injecting room has since been built on the site, bringing it to life. Turbo is not concerned that once again the Captain has his facts wrong; we know only too well that this is a medical issue and he can't control.....

 

 

[bull]

The strength of the gold tops,,,,nor the blue meanies that are the primary ingredient of ……………..

 

 

[turboplanner]

.........the mushrooms that make up his staple diet. We've all tried to help him over the years but this has just driven him deeper under cover, where he's been mixing with the likes of................

 

 

[Captain]

.........the mushrooms that make up his staple diet. We've all tried to help him over the years but this has just driven him deeper under cover, where he's been mixing with the likes of................

 

………… AhLox the toxic poxy loxie.

 

It was here that the thousands of NES readers realised that Turbo was actually a savant (like the bloke that Dustin Hoffman played in that movie) as the entire mushroom connection with Cappy had never before been discussed or exposed, partly because of a coverup by ASIO because of the Skipper's previous undercover operations.

 

The coverup involved the little known fact that the Death Cap mushroom had been named after the Cappy, after he had used it successfully against Lee Oswald, Jack Ruby, Bobby K (the gunshot to the head was just a sideshow), Jimmy Hoffa, Muscillini, Hitler, Stalin, Kim Jong whatever's brother, Mao Tsi Tung, Harold Holt, Ivan Millat and a few other XXXXs.

 

"we'd better be careful" said bill with concern "and be nice to our best mate cappy."

 

Turbo agreed and immediately employed a taste tester for his food, drink and toothpaste.

 

But for some strange reason Onesy remained unconcerned, possibly because he lives in south Indonesia and it is 1974, but Onesy thought …..

 

The Death Cap mushy that is the source of the toxin which made Cappy's reputation.

 

"when did they take that picture of me in the shower?" commented bill.

 

 

bill when he sees a pretty under 75 CWA lady at the bone rissole.

 

 

bill's workshirt

 

 

bill's pj's (Mavis luvs 'em .... especially the quick release mechanism)

 

 

 

[turboplanner]

“......I might need to be more careful sticking it to the Captain” 

 

He’d spoken his thoughts out loud, but Turbo reassured him “He won’t be around for long” Turbo said “73 people who said they knew who killed JFK have died in mysterious circumstances. He’s just cooked his goose. Around the coffee pot at the CIA we’d often discussed our thoughts that he was an ASIO rogue......

 

 

[Captain]

“......I might need to be more careful sticking it to the Captain” 

 

He’d spoken his thoughts out loud, but Turbo reassured him “He won’t be around for long” Turbo said “73 people who said they knew who killed JFK have died in mysterious circumstances. He’s just cooked his goose. Around the coffee pot at the CIA we’d often discussed our thoughts that he was an ASIO rogue......

 

……. but ever so loveable, we concluded."

 

This didn't help Onesy who, by no fault of his own (and certainly not because of the quality of his posts) had become the centre of attention of the NES.

 

"I'd urge extreme caution though" said Turbo, whose CIA training kicked back in again as he leaked information once more to the Democrats "As the black hand of the ASIO death squads can easily reach to south Timor where you live (once they hitch hike across the Nullabor and have a week off in The Dome in Esperance to get over it), so eat nothing, lick nothing, suck nothing and ……..

 

 

[turboplanner]

......don’t tell the Captain he’s being bugged......

 

 

[onetrack]

"It's unfortunate that Cappy has turned into a bloke who's smoked the drapes once too often, and comes up with these outlandish statements and photos. As soon as they starting talking of their secret undercover spy work, and knowing who killed JFK, you know they've lost the plot, and their mind is gone", mused Turbo.

 

"You'll see! You'll see!! I'll be proven right, you unbelievers!!!, screamed the Cappy as he was ejected from the BoB for making unbelievable and outrageous statements and claims - as well as dribbling while he talked.

 

"It's sad that the Cappy has fallen this low, isn't it?", mused Bull, while he sucked on his stubby. "You can always tell that these blokes have smoked too much strong weed or chowed down too many magic mushrooms, when they start on this drivel".

 

"Yes", said Turbo, he's actually been admitted to a mental health programme at one stage, but they decided he was too upsetting to the other participants, so they had to stop him from coming. In fact it was suggested that a trip to the West, particularly Perth, where the air is cleaner, the sun shines brighter, the ocean and beaches are just stunning - and where he can't get his favourite mushrooms - is probably what he needs to recover from his fragile mental state...."

 

 

[Captain]

......don’t tell the Captain he’s being bugged......

 

…… but as usual, Tinky was a week behind the action, for the Skipper had already undertaken his own cavity search, had located the bug and removed it with the efficiency of your average LAME (eventuallyabloodyavref).

 

"How the heck would that bug pick up anything when it was all the way up there?" Cappy asked.

 

The Skipper checked the website howtoinsertandremoveabug.com.au and he located the answer, which was ………………….

 

 

[Captain]

"It's unfortunate that Cappy has turned into a bloke who's smoked the drapes once too often, and comes up with these outlandish statements and photos. As soon as they starting talking of their secret undercover spy work, and knowing who killed JFK, you know they've lost the plot, and their mind is gone", mused Turbo.

 

"You'll see! You'll see!! I'll be proven right, you unbelievers!!!, screamed the Cappy as he was ejected from the BoB for making unbelievable and outrageous statements and claims - as well as dribbling while he talked.

 

"It's sad that the Cappy has fallen this low, isn't it?", mused Bull, while he sucked on his stubby. "You can always tell that these blokes have smoked too much strong weed or chowed down too many magic mushrooms, when they start on this drivel".

 

"Yes", said Turbo, he's actually been admitted to a mental health programme at one stage, but they decided he was too upsetting to the other participants, so they had to stop him from coming. In fact it was suggested that a trip to the West, particularly Perth, where the air is cleaner, the sun shines brighter, the ocean and beaches are just stunning - and where he can't get his favourite mushrooms - is probably what he needs to recover from his fragile mental state...."

 

 And with this vicious post Onesie proved, once again, that WA blokes never do evil so completely (and cheerfully), as when they write a post in the NES picking on an Aussie patriot and looking for a conviction.

 

This is a really serious position when a national icon like the Skip is being impeached by the WA arm of the Deep State and I'm certain that that loveable other patriot, Turbo, will ……..

 

 

[turboplanner]

[captain had double-threaded again - shows we’re getting very close to the truth, so we’ll start with the last one]

 

.....normally it wouldn’t record but in your case it’s th chimney effect from too much hot air.

 

.......and so Captain started the long trip to the side of Australia few normal people every visit. We used to be protected from them by the rabbit-proof fence, and they in turn married into families from the north. “We know ASIO have a drop at the Dome” so we’ll leave him some instructions; should be able to keep him out of our hair for a long time.....

 

 

[turboplanner]

We apologise for Captain’s actions in TRIPLE threading, but we understand he has been shocked to the core at finding out he was under CIA surveillance, but that’s nothing .......

 

 

[onetrack]

....compared to the claims he's still making up. He's being seen now, dodging from lamp post to lamp post, and peering from behind the curtains every 5 minutes, convinced he's being followed.

 

In fact, he jumped half a metre in the air when some firecrackers went off at a Chinatown celebration, convinced he was being shot at. It's very obvious the poor bugger is in a particularly fragile state, and he needs serious help.  Claims of being an "Aussie patriot" obviously stem from him watching excessive amounts of American Patriot spy/action movies, which appear to be his exclusive TV-watching fodder - thus depriving him of the real news in the world. In fact, he thinks "1984" has yet to come, even though it's already been. It's a sad day when....

 

 

[Captain]

…. somebody with the Skipper's intellect gets so criticised.

 

Here he is, hitching across the Nullarbor while running 3 threads and giving advice to Scott and Donald.

 

"wow" said bill "I didn't realise what a bright XXXX he must be, but I still don't understand why ZenithPlanner and Onesie would be so concentrated on …………..

 

 

[turboplanner]

...........his frenzied state.

 

"He's about to be chased by the Mafia" said Turbo because he siad he knew   OOOOOOO about who killed OOO, OOO, OOO and OOO, and if he survives them he'll have the record of being the first.......

 

 

[Captain]

..... to .....

 

 

[turboplanner]

"....escape being dealt with by the Mafia when" but he didn't get any further because there was a loud BANG!, and he dropped to the ground......

 

 

[bull]

But it was just the old radial in Sir Nobu,s recently resurrected zero backfiring[avref] as he came in to land,,, the cappy could be seen to be...…………...

 

 

[Captain]

But it was just the old radial in Sir Nobu,s recently resurrected zero backfiring[avref] as he came in to land,,, the cappy could be seen to be...…………...

 

…….. admiring the Zelo as it randed, while simultaneousry evacuating his ……..