The Never Ending Story

[turboplanner]

........bails."Jump on" [Zero Ref; you take a look in the cockpit] and the Captain was up on that fuselage like a Melbourne Cup jocky.

 

Nobushi slammed the Zero's throttle home, and that familiar but very deceptive huffing and puffing sound started and the Zero was off down the runway and into the air.

 

Captain was startled to hear the almost Centenarian singing "Walzing Matilda, WALZING MATILDA!" as he flung the stick from side to side, and he felt himself slipping. This was worse than being shot at by the Mafia. "Stop that you JAP  XXXXXXXX BASTARD" he yelled, and Nob, whose memory was failing was mortified at what he had just done to his mentor, friend, and financial saviour.  He used to say "Captrain tort me Engrish, Ratin, Gaeric and rook after me alway."  he was right about being rooked.

 

Soon they were safely back........

 

 

[Captain]

…… at cruise throttle settings and The Nob was reraxed in the same way he was at Midway when ……...

 

[The Nob had earlier turned to the Skipper, who he admired greatly, and asked "Is Tubb's ding really as big as the one attached to that red house?" ……. KNOB]

 

 

[turboplanner]

........he was about to take on the fleet of Admiral Nimitz, and it was only pure luck that the US fighters were parked and half the gunners were sitting on the jetty fishing and the other half were in the pool. He dropped his bombs, missed the island and hurried back to his carrier where he performed a perfect landing, beautifully anticipating the 5 metre swell. On the deck, the CAG said "What are you doing back here? You were supposed to stay there.......

 

[Captain]

……. I am Camaback pirot, not Kamakazi.

 

The CAG turned yerrow with lage and raunched into The Knob like a ……….

 

 

[turboplanner]

...........Roppongi Tom Cat, but Nob smiled and said "Emperor has formed new scradron called Camaback, copied from Orstralian air force where fighters are recycled. One day Single Use Aircraft will be banned in Orstralia.

 

The CAG bowed to the Emperor's new rule............. 

 

 

 

 

[Captain]

..... "Don't wolly" explained Nobu "We always bow, to Empelor but it reary means bugger all. His missus is an extra good sort and we rike to rook at her creavage when she bows back"

 

"Geeez that shows that you are a good bloke and a bit of a perve like the rest of us Aussie cobbers" volunteered Scott "And what you said here is enough to make me see that you have fully integrated enough for you to become an honourary quiet Australian (although you do still look a bit like the bloke that shot my uncle Jack in Kokoda in 1942)".

 

" You rittle bottrer, that's beauty bonzer, you are my best mate, Scott, old son" leplied The Knob.

 

"Don't overdo it" retorted Scott as he turned for guidance to his National Security Advisor, the highly decorated Skipper, "As we still need to resolve that matter where Nob ......

 

 

[turboplanner]

.......attacked our loyal and generous Ally, the United States of America, at Midway........

 

 

 

 

[Captain]

.......attacked our loyal and generous Ally, the United States of America, at Midway........

 

..... but the charismatic Captain thought for a moment, turned to Scott with a serious countenance consistent with his standing as the next Governor General designate, and said "Midway schmidway, Scott, old mate. We can hardly hold a minor act of war against him and besides, The Knob was never declared to be a member of .....

 

 

[Captain]

The Captain (2 X AO & GD des) then stepped to the side while in mid conversation with Donald (or Trumpy, as he had told the Skipper to call him) to quieten Nobu down after he heard the Midway accusation "Turbo is a dead set XXXX to bring that up now, and geez louise, fair suck of the sav, Scotty old mate, you attack a couple of aircraft carriers and some plonkers, like TinkyWank, want to hold it against a bloke for the next 75 years. What a bunch of dicks yez all are."

 

However the Captain had rescued the situation once again, Aussies generally & the thoussnds of NES readers can rest easy, as Scott and Matias hadn't heard Knob's rant, all was well, so back to post #10883.

 

[What the world didn't know was that your beloved Skipper had anticipated Turbs being the XXXX that Nob discussed above, he had mentioned it to Trumpy (when he called to urge Cappy to marry Evunka) and Trumpy had said "It was only a couple of Carriers and a few Destroyers, so no worries my Captain]

 

 

[turboplanner]

........Hiillsong Scott flinched somewhat, then laughed, and said “We can forget about old times Nob, but I KNOW you’re a member of Hillsong and I hear your XXXXXXX raspy voice every time I start to sing and it makes me.......

 

 

[Captain]

........Hiillsong Scott flinched somewhat, then laughed, and said “We can forget about old times Nob, but I KNOW you’re a member of Hillsong and I hear your XXXXXXX raspy voice every time I start to sing and it makes me.......

 

..... get a tingle up my leg, and a bit of a w.......

 

 

[Captain]

The Captain (2 X AO & GD des) then stepped to the side while in mid conversation with Donald (or Trumpy, as he had told the Skipper to call him) to quieten Nobu down after he heard the Midway accusation "Turbo is a dead set XXXX to bring that up now, and geez louise, fair suck of the sav, Scotty old mate, you attack a couple of aircraft carriers and some plonkers, like TinkyWank, want to hold it against a bloke for the next 75 years. What a bunch of dicks yez all are."

 

However the Captain had rescued the situation once again, Aussies generally & the thoussnds of NES readers can rest easy, as Scott and Matias hadn't heard Knob's rant, all was well, so back to post #10883.

 

[What the world didn't know was that your beloved Skipper had anticipated Turbs being the XXXX that Nob discussed above, he had mentioned it to Trumpy (when he called to urge Cappy to marry Evunka) and Trumpy had said "It was only a couple of Carriers and a few Destroyers, so no worries my Captain]

 

Onesie gave bill a quick call after he read this post.

 

"How lucky are we to have The Captain as part of the NES. He's an international celebrity and here he is, solving serious aviation (avref) for us in the NES & on Wreck Flying generally."

 

"I know" said bull "I'm in awe,  we'll have to do all we can to keep him I reckon, so I hope that that Mexican XXXX doesn't do anything to alienate our mate Cappy. Don't worry Onsie, dear friend, I'll have a quiet chat to the TurboXXXX & tell him to pull his head in.."

 

 

[turboplanner]

.....and he did.

 

What bull didn't know was that Turbo was an Ancestry expert, and long ago had put the subject of bull's parentage, and why King Edward had prohibited the Bull family from using capital letters, and now he qietly explained these things and how it might be best to keep his mount shut.

 

He also explained how the grandfather of the Captain, who squandered his fortune and became penniless married into the Bingham family on terms that required him to marry one of the daughters, and that the Captain's father was Lord Lucan, who did a runner when England least expected it..........

 

"It's surprising" said Turbo "how fortunes can change in the family for better or worse, "and it would be most inauspicious (bad) if this came out right now. For a start he'd get a phone call from Trumpy to say 'You're fired', and Sally from the White House would stand up at the lectern and tell all the journalists the whole sordid story, and just in case people said 'well a lot of people do that', and She would then point to the 56 page Addendum I would supply, with the advice that they were free to use anything they found in it."

 

bull didn't quite know how he was going to put this to Captain;

 

 

[Captain]

.... "Get rid of Turdgirl's blue dress," bull urged, and ......

 

 

[turboplanner]

....was about to go further when a bystander threatened to choke him. "That's not a dress" he said, that's a surgical gown, and we are poor formers and graziers and dairy farmers lined up here waiting on Turbo to do cataract operations on our eyes. He never charges a cent for it, adn we think he is a Saint, and will not hear a word against him. Where do you come from?

 

And bull knew that if he said bone, he'd have a face like hamburger meat in ten seconds because in terms of rotten fruit, bone was known all over southern Australia as.........

 

 

[Captain]

...... a throng of NES readers butted into thr NES and asked "Is Tink really Fred Hollows?"

 

"He thinks he is because he has 13 mm thick goggles and he asks the girls to look up into his eyes before he gooses them, plus we all kicked in to get him a plot in the Bourke cemetery,  with a compulsory use-by date of Feb 22nd next year" responded bull who had just flown (avref) back to bone from bourke.

 

The onetrick-pony added "He's really just a hollow personality, rather than a clone of Fred, and once his blue dress is safely incinerated, Tink will probably ....

 

 

[Captain]

…. He never charges a cent for it, and we think he is a Saint, and will not hear a word against him. .........

 

These words resounded with the Skipper as sainthood is one of the awards that has so far eluded him.

 

He therefore contacted his close mate, Dr. Google, to check this out in detail and he found that there is indeed, a St Turbo.

 

He must have moved from Moorabistan recently as he is now located at 1 Bis Boulevard des Frères Bouliveau, 28200 Châteaudun, France métropolitaine.

 

"XXXX moi" Le Capitaine expresse.

 

Captain is normally reticent to express strong opinion but now he is speechless and reverent in the presence of greatness. (Cappy always thought that Mary McKillop was a good sort and he will be interested to see what St Turbo thinks of her when he joins her in the joint where the saints hang out).

 

Regarde  https://www.st-turbo.com/ sil vous plait, Mesdames and Messieurs (and masseurs)..

 

 

[turboplanner]

Mon Dieu! Je suis snaille?

 

 

[Captain]

Mon Dieu! Je suis snaille?

 

..... Tu sens l'escargot ......

 

 

[turboplanner]

...Vous vilain garcon......

 

 

[Captain]

Où est la référence de l'aviation, monseur le St MerdeGarçon?

 

Et Merdey responde .......

 

 

[onetrack]

....I think it's high time we stopped this wXXky pseudo-Froggie talk, and got back to the real NES - that is, the one where Onetrack invited The Rat (aka The Captain) to visit the Land of Paradise in the West, where the women are stunning, the blokes are laid back, everyone is nice to each other, and no-one ever criticises another blokes choice of aircraft."

 

However, The Rat, fearful, rubbish-tip-dwelling creature that he is - with a definite aversion to light - was fearful of being exposed to too much light in the Glorious West, and declined to visit.

 

It steadily became obvious that The Rat was intent on keeping up the old East-West hatreds, and stories of how the bogeymen would eventually come from the West to conquer the East, and enslave all the Eastern men, and cause all the Eastern women to become the concubines of the conquering Westerners.

 

While Onetrack mused on the potential in this scenario, he thought about the number of concubines he already owned, and decided it wasn't likely he needed any more - as owning a concubine was more expensive than owning an aircraft - and they made about as much whining noise, too.

 

But The Rat was still steadily spreading his anti-Western bile amongst the population of Sydernee, who are just about all Proper Real Easterners, anyway - and they took with gusto to his poisonous tale of the coming Western onslaught on the East - because it was in their national history, that the Dreaded Westerners had dismantled their fine Qing Dynasty system of Emperors and Vassals.

 

But The Rat had this cunning idea, that if he rallied the East against the West, he could become an Emperor - while Turdboy, Bone, and Onetrack, etc., would be turned into Vassals, under his control.

 

He cackled with glee at his marvellous scheme that he'd hatched, and decided it was...

 

 

[turboplanner]

....I think it's high time we stopped this wXXky pseudo-Froggie talk, and got back to the real NES - that is, the one where Onetrack invited The Rat (aka The Captain) to visit the Land of Paradise in the West, where the women are stunning, the blokes are laid back, everyone is nice to each other, and no-one ever criticises another blokes choice of aircraft."

 

However, The Rat, fearful, rubbish-tip-dwelling creature that he is - with a definite aversion to light - was fearful of being exposed to too much light in the Glorious West, and declined to visit.

 

It steadily became obvious that The Rat was intent on keeping up the old East-West hatreds, and stories of how the bogeymen would eventually come from the West to conquer the East, and enslave all the Eastern men, and cause all the Eastern women to become the concubines of the conquering Westerners.

 

While Onetrack mused on the potential in this scenario, he thought about the number of concubines he already owned, and decided it wasn't likely he needed any more - as owning a concubine was more expensive than owning an aircraft - and they made about as much whining noise, too.

 

But The Rat was still steadily spreading his anti-Western bile amongst the population of Sydernee, who are just about all Proper Real Easterners, anyway - and they took with gusto to his poisonous tale of the coming Western onslaught on the East - because it was in their national history, that the Dreaded Westerners had dismantled their fine Qing Dynasty system of Emperors and Vassals.

 

But The Rat had this cunning idea, that if he rallied the East against the West, he could become an Emperor - while Turdboy, Bone, and Onetrack, etc., would be turned into Vassals, under his control.

 

He cackled with glee at his marvellous scheme that he'd hatched, and decided it was...

 

....foolproof.  Unfortunately for him, he'd told Onetrick of his intentions while in a gin filled stupor one night, and of course now that Onetrick had spilled the beans on Wreckfline, it wasn't too long before Turbo and bill, not to mention Ho Ho found out.......

 

 

[Captain]

.... that he would start his takeover of the west by impeaching whoever the Neville is who is the unknown Premier over there.

 

But the impeachment coup failed at the 1st hurdle because they took the peaches off him at the Ceduna quarantine station ("Sacre blu" il said) as well as impounding his cumquats and a bucket of ......

 

 

[turboplanner]

..........Pecan nuts they's brought across especially for Onetrick, and suggest they might help him lose weight; that should get him started.

 

Turbo had once been called a Wise Man from the East when he suggested the Bond Breweries truck bodies could be made two tonnes lighter by using body building methods pioneering in the eastern States in 1924, and he was so insnsed by the ingratitude that he had used his CIA contacts (bit don't tell anyone) to cut off all the major lines of credit to Alan Bond, and then they didn't need any new trucks. A credit squeeze in WA could work quite well. And he would get a Royal Commission into the treatment of Red Dogs as well; it was disgusting how they'd been let loose on the roads to fend for themselves, having to hitch rides with truckies until the truck hit a roo. He could further destabilise the government by pointing out that the eastern States had grass, and expose the wine watering that went on over there (well it might not be watered down, just poor quality grapes).......and that was for the first day, .....