The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

.... a 2 timing XXXtard (TinkyWinky was heartbroken) ..... as Raoul was supplying Argentinian timber flagpoles to another and a woody to ....

 

 

[turboplanner]

[Turbo had made a post, but was lucky enough to be able to take advantage of the3 nanosecond edit time of WF.

 

...a third Party we won't mention . It got worse, Raoul was.....

 

.....a lying, snaky, Money grubbing con man. As soon as the first summer came, Turbo's vast crops of cotton on the cheap land he'd bought in the Simpson Desert died. so he moved the facility to Queensland and built a dam.....

 

[Elephant Stamp for continuity - MOD]

 

 

[Captain]

.......a third Party we won't mention . It got worse, as Raoul was.....

 

....... on the phone after he had been called by Abraham Onesie (who had been promoted to the position of Pharisee).

 

Abraham O's call was steeped in contoversy so was made on a encrypted burner phone and even Raoul was shocked when AO the P asked "Do you supply crosses?"

 

This was to become such a sensitive issue around New Jerusalem (not to mention on the little hill just out of town) that your scribe, Peter the Skipper, who had already started to write a Gospel, decided to leave it there and head over to Tubb's 2nd thread .......... except that .....

 

 

[turboplanner]

....the thread has disappeared.

 

'WHERE ARE MY TABLETS!?" Moses Turbine yelled to his wife Rachel. "I'm sure I brought them down from the mountain yesterday!"

 

"I'll have a look dear" said Rachel absentmindedly as she watched Dr Phil.

 

AO's burner phone was no match for the tools Moses had developed in his days at the CIA, and he received a tingle in his wrist indicating a message was coming though from Turbine Security HQ...........

 

 

[Captain]

....the thread has disappeared.

 

'WHERE ARE MY TABLETS!?" Moses Turbine yelled to his wife Rachel. "I'm sure I brought them down from the mountain yesterday!"

 

"I'll have a look dear" said Rachel absentmindedly as she watched Dr Phil.

 

AO's burner phone was no match for the tools Moses had developed in his days at the CIA, and he received a tingle in his wrist indicating a message was coming though from Turbine Security HQ...........

 

……… plus a tingle elsewhere when Raoul also tried to call.

 

The call from Turbine HQ was just to advise that Moses had left his glasses on the console (a-bloody-gain), that they were sick of cleaning up after him, and next time could he please try to get it all into the trough.

 

But he was further distracted when Rachel yelled "Hey Moses, you XXXX, I just found your tablets. They had fallen down behind the cushions on the lounge when you fell asleep watching the wrestling last night."

 

"No wuckers Rache" he responded giving the biblical concept a touch of good old Aussie lariken,

 

Then Rachel, daughter of Mohetep, asked the big question of our age "Hey Mose, who is for the high jump on that middle cross?"

 

MosesPlanner fell strangely silent (for verily you can usually never shut the XXXXX up), …….. then ………..

 

 

[turboplanner]

.....he remembered his own high jump case on his first day in prep.

 

The teacher said Now children, who can tell me some farmyard sounds you’ve heard.

 

Little Skye put up her hand and clucked like a chook. Little Tayler put her hand up and made a noise like a dog. the teacher said “VERY good Taylor” and so on around the class, finally asking Turbo. He stood up and took a huge gulp of air.....”Rooster” the teacher thought, and then he silenced the room with: “GET OFF THAT XXXXXXX TRACTOR!!!!”

 

 

[Captain]

And with Tink's farmyard joke, which had the NES readers rolling in the isles and wetting their dacks, the Skipper thought it safer to head back to the other thread, although Planey might want to continue along this line. 

 

 

[Captain]

.....a lying, snaky, Money grubbing con man. As soon as the first summer came, Turbo's vast crops of cotton on the cheap land he'd bought in the Simpson Desert died. so he moved the facility to Queensland and built a damn.....

 

…… fine statue to himself and he came up with a revolutionary proposal to take all foreign FIFO members and organise an emu parade down every road from St George to Gunnedah and pick up all the cotton that had fallen off the trucks or used cottonwool buds after the ear wax was cleaned off.

 

"I'll make more than with building that poxy wall under the temple, with less ……..

 

 

[onetrack]

.....effort, if I import some 457 Vias workers from Argentina - so I'll talk to Raoul about it".

 

Now Raoul turned out to a notoriously shifty individual, as you'd expect, from a Cotton Pickin', Chicken Pluckin', Son of a Gun. It disturbed Turbo enormously to find that Raoul was involved in some very shady operations, and he decided it was best that he cease contact with him, particularly after he found himself constantly being shadowed by men in sharp suits and fedoras.

 

Turbo made his way to Mexico, a country better known for honest, upright, and trustworthy people, and ran into a fine gentleman by the name of Jesús - no, not THAT Jesus, just an ordinary Mexican Jesus.

 

Jesus was known for his attention to detail, plus he owned a large Pheasant farm - even though he came from a poor upbringing, and his father resorted to begging for enough money to raise his large family.

 

As a result, Jesús was known locally as a Nit-Pickin', Pheasant-Pluckin', Son of a Bum. It pleased Turbo mightily that a man from such a poor background had made good, as his background was not dissimilar, having been raised in the poor suburbs of Melbourne, and having had to fight his way to the top of the corporate ladder.

 

Of course, it did help that he was known to viciously undermine anyone who was in his way to the top, or who posed a barrier to his advancement.

 

While he was in Mexico, Turbo decided to investigate the potential for becoming an Australian agent for any local light aircraft manufacturers based there.

 

However, he soon found that there were none - but they had a burgeoning submarine-manufacturing industry, with an accent on regular cargo submarine travel between Mexico and the U.S.

 

Turbo understood this was most likely due to the increasingly-restricted access to America for Mexicans, caused by Presidents Trumps Wall.

 

Turbo thought there might be some potential in becoming an agent for Mexican submarines in Australia, but it seemed their submarine-manufacturing facilities were very secretive, and very difficult to visit, so he gave that idea away.

 

He ended up disappointed in the potential trade results of his trip to Mexico, so, a little disheartened, he prepared to board a flight to return to Australia.

 

Upon entering the VIP lounge, Turbo was quite surprised to run into the Captain, who was holding up the bar again, in the best pilots fashion, and expounding on the virtues of Jabiru aircraft to a couple of puzzled bystanders.

 

"Hey, Cappy!", said Turbo, "What a surprise to find you here, this far from home! What are you doing here?" "Well, you see", said Cappy, "It's like this, I was just....."

 

 

[turboplanner]

............tradies, and how hard can it be to train FIFOs how to pick up cotton from the Newell Highway" he thought to himself."

 

First, the FIFOS wrecked the Boggabri pub (which is saying something because it wasn't all that unwrecked before they started)

 

Then they brought 36 B Doubles to a standstill as their Flag Moll made them wait while the emu parade moved slowly south picking up a piece of cotton at a time.

 

Then sixteen freecampers in Land Cruisers and 8 metre tri axle Vans with signs on the back like "Bill and Beccy are on Channel 40", "Honk if you want to Pass" "P!SS OF", "Darwen or Bust" tried to squeeze past the B Doubles in the black soil drain, one getting bogged down to the axles, and one taking the bull bar off the front truck, and that's when........

 

 

[Captain]

QUOTE ….. Upon entering the VIP lounge, Turbo was quite surprised to run into the Captain, who was holding up the bar again, in the best pilots fashion, and expounding on the virtues of Jabiru aircraft to a couple of puzzled bystanders.

 

"Hey, Cappy!", said Turbo, "What a surprise to find you here, this far from home! What are you doing here?" "Well, you see", said Cappy, "It's like this, I was just....."

 

…. looking into the Mexican Haysoos caper.

 

"After all my other awards, I thought that a boost to Captain Jesus might be appropriate, but perhaps just a little presumptuous which is just not my nature. So Cappy Haysoos might be the go" explained the Crappy.

 

But then he remembered the middle cross outside New Jerusalem so said "Holy XXXX …...

 

 

[turboplanner]

.........but it certainly was not Holy XXXX. People have certainly referred to it, usually just before some catastrophe, like running up the back of the car in front; why they do that is a mystery, but 90% of the time Holy XXXX does drop on them, but they are the only ones. The middle cross outside New Jerusalem was certainly not made of Holy XXXX, because Turbo had made it from injection moulded plastic with a realistic wood grain, and his company Turbine Blessings, which also produced $2.00 Q'rans was in full production.

 

[Historical Fact: Every official in the Catholic Church is required to carry on a chain around his neck a small part of the cross on which Jesus was crucified; there are 18 million officials]

 

As gently as he could, Turbo explained to Cappy that Haysoos had an aura, a character about him glowing with humility, clean living, and gentleness, whereas the Captain was ever so slightly short on these items, and......

 

[The Captain as he was puting the case to add Haysoos to his name]

 

 

 

[Captain]

……. your beloved Captain, dear Readers, dropped to his knees and was very contrite.

 

"Indeed, I am not worthy" he confessed.

 

He then flogged himself …….. but we can't say any more about that, nor show a video, as a banning may quickly follow.

 

So Cappy finally bowed with reverence, then kissed Turbo's ring (quickly while he wasn't looking) and ………..

 

Captain being contrite just after he flogged himself.

 

 

 

[turboplanner]

.....thanked the Lord for having a friend like Turbo.

 

“What are your plans?” asked Turbo.

 

“Would you.........”

 

 

[Captain]

.....thanked the Lord for having a friend like Turbo.

 

“What are your plans?” asked Turbo.

 

“Would you.........”

 

.. think that if I can't be Heysous, I could be Ponsy Pilot ........ but then again Onesie already has that title, so how about .....

 

 

[turboplanner]

.....Turbo was about to say “How about the  donkey which carried the Virgin Mary into Bethlehem. His second choice was Judas but the resulting tantrum wouldn’t be worth it so he said “How about ‘Barrabus’?”

 

The Captain exploded “He was a THIEF!”

 

Now not many people know that the disciple Paul was really Saul, first class con artist, and he had a plan to make billions.  The name Jesus was true enough but Christ translates as the teacher. So he was just Jesus the teacher. Barra is on the other had translates as Son of God. If you were Pontiac’s Pilate which one would you crucify?

 

Turbo explained this to Captain and...

 

 

[onetrack]

.....Cappy promptly threw a tantrum and said, "I want to be Judas the Double-Crosser!! - seeing as I've been double-crossing people for a long time, and silver crosses my palms on pretty regular occasions!"

 

"Hmmm", said Turbo, "I guess that could be arranged" - while he pondered what kind of Judas outfit he could dig up for Cappy.

 

Meantimes, Onetrack had organised for the construction of the Walls of New Jerusalem to proceed, with a new supply of tradesmen - seeing as Turbo's 457 Visa workers had all been stopped at Perth Airport by Border Force, and promptly returned to Argentina, when it was found all their Visas were dodgy. It was also discovered that all their Mastercards were dodgy, too - but they don't count, when you're trying to enter Australia.

 

And so it came to pass, in the peacefulness of the West, the Rabbis were happy that work was proceeding at a cracking pace on the building of the Walls of New Jerusalem, under Onetrack's excellent managerial skills.

 

Then it was discovered that amongst the few remaining workers of Turbo's company, still working on the Walls, there was not a one, that was a registered card-carrying member of the Temple Builders and New Jerusalem Wall Constructors Union (TB&NJWCU).

 

So a Union Organiser was sent from NSW (home of the Radical Unions since 1788), and he insisted that every single one of Turbo's workers had to sign up to the TB&NJWCU, whereupon Union Fees were extracted from them, to pay for a large slap-up feed, with drinks and strippers provided, in the beer garden of the Gibson Soak Hotel.

 

Then, when Onetrack was doing an inspection of the work on the walls, he spotted Cappy in his Judas outfit, scurrying between trees, trying to avoid being seen.

 

"Cappy!! What are you doing here", said Onetrack, peeling out a scroll. "I have information on the scroll here, that you've been banned from going anywhere near this place, as......"

 

(note Onetrack in his finest outfit, below)

 

[turboplanner]

".....I'm from CASA" said the Captain saying the first thing that came into his head "and we have deep pockets"

 

OneRobe had been a CASA Dodger for years; part of the CASADodger Army of 18,000 pilots, led by Pontius Pilot who these days mainly flew into a rage.

 

"Why would you be watching me?" asked OneRobe, "we're just building a wall!"

 

"God made Sh!t; XXXXX (avref) gave it wings once, and we don't want to risk the same disaster again; a flying wall (avref) could cause immense damage."

 

OneRobe marvelled that even in a flea-ridden, hot, dusty, fly blown place like New Jerusalem and FOI would be so keen as to come after OR.

 

All he had done those many years ago was try to build a good aircraft from...............

 

 

[Captain]

...... scratch, and look what happened on that occasion, when .....

 

In parallel with all of the above wallbuilding by Abe Onerobe (who refused to ever go to the theatre), the Fuckir and Arse-Armour were convening a meeting of the Board of FIFO with membership the only agenda item.

 

"The simplest way to increase our membership is to take over another like minded organisation and integrate them into FIFO" said the native Aussie donut maker 'So put your thinking heejabs on and tell me what is the biggest terrorist organisation in Aussie? I want youze to identify the one most like IS#S."

 

The board members thought long & hard, scratched their dates (for lunch had arrived) and after 5 minutes they all turned as one and said ............ "It's CASA" ,

 

So a plan was hatched to take them over CASA via an amalgamation with the NTSB via IATA and then a backdoor reverse takeover of CASA, ........ and that is how .....

 

 

[turboplanner]

....Foxhunter became CEO of CASA.

 

"I didn't want the job" he told the press "but CASA have deep pockets and I can see several advantages in........"

 

 

[Captain]

....Foxhunter became CEO of CASA.

 

"I didn't want the job" he told the press "but CASA have deep pockets and I can see several advantages in........"

 

.... such an amalgamation, after all, my blokes carrying an AK47 will add immeasurably to their authority & prestige when they ask some poor schmuck of a pilot' whether his maps are current, or ......

 

 

[turboplanner]

.....he's got his lunch with him, and....

 

 

[Captain]

.....he's got his lunch with him, and....

 

... if a LAME is a .....

 

 

[turboplanner]

...Llama. This was an important question because the fliers had been agitating to get away from LAMES, and words like ANYTHING else would be better had been coming from the flyaway campsites frequented often by three or four finger pilots who......

 

 

[Captain]

...Llama. This was an important question because the fliers had been agitating to get away from LAMES, and words like ANYTHING else would be better had been coming from the flyaway campsites frequented often by three or four finger pilots who......

 

... got Cappy's post totally wrong. He was referring to Lamé (/lɑːˈmeɪ/ lah-MAY) which is a type of fabric woven or knit[1] with thin ribbons of metallic fiber, as opposed to guipé, where the ribbons are wrapped around a fibre yarn. It is usually gold or silver in color; sometimes copper lamé is seen. Lamé comes in different varieties, depending on the composition of the other threads in the fabric. Common examples are tissue lamé, hologram lamé and pearl lamé and below is the cute little number that bull wore to his "coming out" at the bone debutant and LMBTQPLAG ball last week, where he embarrassed himself by .....