The Never Ending Story

[turboplanner]

...we (in both cases) will have to have him certified.

 

"Hang on!" said bull, who was known for fairness; "who wrote the book?"

 

"Captain" they all said at once, well all except one who had said either "Rat" or "He's a rat"

 

"We'll it's clear then" OneShip said "he's gone into Rat mode and is squeaking about his own writings."

 

Once again the Rat had been caught in his own trap, but....

 

 

[onetrack]

.....being the slippery customer he is, The Rat has now managed to free himself from the trap, and burn all the copies of the book, so there's no trace of anything that was written.

 

"Heee Heee Hee", chortled The Rat, "They tried to blame it all on me, but everyone knows my middle name is Teflon, nothing sticks to me!!"

 

Just then, some men in white coats turned up, and grabbed The Rat. "Whoa!! What's going on??", he cried. "I'm not going with youse lot!! (note his use of "youse", showing that The Rat has been associating with criminals, and jails, too).

 

"Oh yes, you are!!", cried the men in white coats. "We've been given orders to have you certified! You've been behaving strangely enough, for long enough, to raise suspicions in many official quarters!"

 

"This is a travesty!!", squeaked The Rat. "I'll have you know, I.....

 

 

[turboplanner]

.....am related to Captain Cook.

 

"Har Har Har" said one of the operators who was born pre-millenial, "we know all about the hills behind Cooktown, and we've been treating membetrs of the family for years."

 

The Rat didn't know whether to tell them the family secret, or....

 

 

[Captain]

.....am related to Captain Cook.

 

"Har Har Har" said one of the operators who was born pre-millenial, "we know all about the hills behind Cooktown, and we've been treating membetrs of the family for years."

 

The Rat didn't know whether to tell them the family secret, or....

 

... to give the NES a miss until the subject matter changes, but he decided to come clean.

 

"I'm related to Cookie by gastronomy" he said.

 

Tink, Onesie and bull-from-bone were flummoxed and looked quizzically at each other (not a real pleasant experience).

 

"My family is from Hawaii (where we also pioneered surfing   the Duke was my grandpa) and on Valentines Day in 1779 Cookie was opening a V Day card when my great great x 6 granddad munched on one of Cookies thigh bones. We know that because we have dna tested one of my grandpa x 6's .......

 

 

[turboplanner]

....tentacles, and found......

 

 

[Captain]

....tentacles, and found......

 

..... dna signs of one of Cookie's texxticles in one of his long buried .......

 

 

[turboplanner]

.......cousins from Tenterfield, where.....

 

 

[onetrack]

.... the inhabitants all have six fingers, and only three surnames amongst the 4066 inhabitants - thus explaining why Cappy can count to 12 so quickly.

 

But Cappy still insists he has Hawaiian ancestry, and this is possibly backed by the fact that he kisses everyone on the cheeks, hugs everyone when saying goodbye - and uses "mauka" and "makai" instead of cardinal points of the compass when giving directions - even when in an aircraft. He also refers to anyone in his region as an aunt, uncle, or cousin.

 

Despite all this.....

 

 

[Captain]

.... the inhabitants all have six fingers, and only three surnames amongst the 4066 inhabitants - thus explaining why Cappy can count to 12 so quickly.

 

But Cappy still insists he has Hawaiian ancestry, and this is possibly backed by the fact that he kisses everyone on the cheeks, hugs everyone when saying goodbye - and uses "mauka" and "makai" instead of cardinal points of the compass when giving directions - even when in an aircraft. He also refers to anyone in his region as an aunt, uncle, or cousin.

 

Despite all this.....

 

..... everyone still loves his grass skirt when he goes commando, then swings his legs out of the aircraft, and his .....

 

 

[turboplanner]

.....hand woven lei made from stinkweed, and ....

 

 

[Captain]

... the lei covered up his impressive ......

 

ONE OF CAPPY'S RELOS.

 

 

THE LIKENESS IS UNCANNY

 

 

 

[turboplanner]

........bust line, which we won't talk about.  The photo reminds Turbo of his own Hawaiian ancestry and the parties at Princess Iolani Palace, where Turbo and Captain would run riot, with some of them lasting three days.

 

Photo shows Kamehameha Turbine standing in the front garden in the days when the family had money  (Source: to-hawaii.com)

 

[onetrack]

The money problems started when Kamehameha Turbine started getting involved in cattle and aircraft. As we know, these are the two best ways to lose lots of money.

 

But Turbine was intent on becoming the biggest rancher on Kauai, as well as owning the largest number of aircraft in all Hawaii.

 

However, a volcanic eruption from Kilauea in 1960 put paid to all his best laid plans (and planes) by burying everything he owned, under 2 metres of volcanic lava and ash.

 

It was a devastating time for the young Turbine - but he managed to recover some of his fortune by selling his lava-covered land to NASA for experiments with moon landers, and other moon-landing-related research.

 

He moved to Australia to leave behind his bad Hawaiian experience memories - but the sight of Cappy in a grass skirt brought all Turbines repressed memories of financial loss and PTSD to the surface, and he started going crazy.

 

He ran up to Cappy and started to tear at his grass skirt, convinced that Hawaiian bad luck was following him, in the form of Cappy in a Hawaiian outfit.

 

Of course, the worst part was, Cappy was wearing a Hawaiian floral shirt, which only antagonised Turbine even more. Cappy became alarmed, he'd never seen Turbine at his worst, and now he was seeing.....

 

 

[Captain]

He ran up to Cappy and started to tear at his grass skirt, convinced that Hawaiian bad luck was following him, in the form of Cappy in a Hawaiian outfit.

 

Of course, the worst part was, Cappy was wearing a Hawaiian floral shirt, which only antagonised Turbine even more. Cappy became alarmed, he'd never seen Turbine at his worst, and now he was seeing.....

 

… Turbo's behaviour akin to Jeff Epstein on Paradise Island just before Bill and Hillary arrived.

 

"That's 4 or us but I need an 8-some for the 8 person shower." Tubb explained.

 

"Leave me out if Hillary is involved" said your beloved Captain, who has standards, and with that he tore a palm leaf off a tree and wiped his ……….

 

TURBO AND HIS GUIDED TOUR OF THE ISLAND (The palm tree that crappy used is on the right).

 

 

 

[Captain]

THE ABOVE PHOTO OF THE TABLOIDPUBLISHER AND HIS NAFFARIOUS DOINGS ON THE ISLAND HAVE NOW BEEN INCLUDED IN THE RAA'S HUMAN FxCKTORS COURSE IN A SEPARATE SECTION ENTITLED "PERVERSIONS", FOR WHICH TINK IS A POSTER CHILD …………………….. MOD

 

PS - ONESIE WILL BE SUBSTITUTED FOR THE COURSES TO BE CONDUCTED IN WA-NKERVILLE TO KEEP IT RELEVANT, and when you see the below, is it any wonder, the filthy XXXX?

 

.

 

 

[bull]

Meanwhile , Bull had had enough of this self flatulence of some of our NES members as the room was starting to pong a bit ,so fired up his trusty jackaroo and flew off north , before he went he could be heard talking to himself muttering ,,True virgins make dull companions, True virgins make dull companions over and over again,,,,,,,,,,,,,,now whats all that mumbo about virgins cried out the Tink??? Don't really know said Cappy ,but I think he was trying to navigate somehow as he had had his plotter/gps knocked  off while he had his hair cut .   Suddenly...………….

 

 

[turboplanner]

......ear which had been bitten by an Oahu spider, which is about the size of a Queensland fruit bat eh, and was weeping badly. “ You’ll be in hospital for three months with that” commented helpfully, and sniggered......

 

 

[turboplanner]

[Turbo humbly apologises to bull for missing his well-written rejoinder]

 

 

[Captain]

[Turbo humbly apologises to bull for missing his well-written rejoinder]

 

Same from me, and I feel terrible about it.

 

 

[bull]

Meanwhile , Bull had had enough of this self flatulence of some of our NES members as the room was starting to pong a bit ,so fired up his trusty jackaroo and flew off north , before he went he could be heard talking to himself muttering ,,True virgins make dull companions, True virgins make dull companions over and over again,,,,,,,,,,,,,,now whats all that mumbo about virgins cried out the Tink??? Don't really know said Cappy ,but I think he was trying to navigate somehow as he had had his plotter/gps knocked  off while he had his hair cut .   Suddenly...………….

 

Holy scumolly cried Bull! Putting down his beer and reaching for his glasses he moved closer to  the screen and read the last couple of posts on NES again,,slowly turning around he said,,,,,,that posts of cappies and turdy where sooo nice,,,maybe I,ll get an upgrade from ,"well known member" to maybe Well paid member???

 

 

[onetrack]

But bull was obviously drinking some potent beer to actually believe what he said to himself. The simple fact remains, that Turbin and Crappy were only being nice to him because they wanted something from him.

 

That something wasn't immediately obvious to bull, but unbeknowns to him, it was bound to cost him dearly, if he continued to believe the cXXXp about "well-known members".

 

They were only well known to certain areas of the nations Policing Depts - mostly CASA compliance inspectors - but there were also some run-ins recorded with other law-enforcement agencies, too.

 

It wasn't widely known, but both of these individuals are bound to be included in the Nicola Gobbo Royal Commission - you know the one, that investigation where it's been determined that law enforcement and lawyers were sharing beds with the crims they were trying to arrest and jail. A sorry story, and one where Crappy and Tubewhines parts in it, are yet to be exposed (literally), in a major revelation.

 

I can only reveal a small portion of their activities here, but it involves politicians, developers, police, sex workers, lawyers, local councillors, brown paper bags full of cash, and a breathtaking level of corruption and eavesdropping, at all levels.

 

I can't say any more now, I'll have to.....

 

 

[bull]

get back to you after I get back from our labor party meeting after paying off shorty to be quiet.  Cant have those NES people knowing too much about...………….

 

 

[turboplanner]

..........Nikky and Turbo (this will be killing the Captain, who had been rejected; "I just couldn't stand all that garlick on his breath", Nikky had told Turbo in a tender moment, and since Turbo never talks, that's all he had to say about that., so bull was left to.....

 

 

[Captain]

..........Nikky and Turbo (this will be killing the Captain, who had been rejected; "I just couldn't stand all that garlick on his breath", Nikky had told Turbo in a tender moment, and since Turbo never talks, that's all he had to say about that., so bull was left to.....

 

.... wonder whether Nikki had ever really been that desperate.

 

"She seemed to have been an alright sort back during her ok BMI stage and she surely wouldn't have needed to go all the way down the food chain to Turbo, would she?" He asked Planey (a great confidant of Tink's), but that was just .....

 

 

[turboplanner]

....supposition on the Captain's part. Turbo's lips had been sealed by a 357 magnum held close to the ear, and you know what......