The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

........ I do accept that it could be more environmentally friendly."

 

"How dare you" said Gretta, who had floated down on a raft made of used Ikea packing crates because she hates flying (avref) and supports non democratic globalist regimes (socialistwankaref) like FIFO, SOROS & the EU "Dont you know that there are children dying, Turbo's wasting resources on looooooooooooooooooooooong posts and your tunnel is now a .........

 

 

[Captain]

[FOR OUR THOUSANDS OF NATIONAL & INTERNATIONAL NES READERS, AN EXPLANATION IS JUSTIFIED .... IN RSA IN AAAFRIKORNS, "SOROS" IS AN ABREVIATION FOR "SORRY-OLD-RICH-ORRRR-SOLE"] ...... NELSON THE MODERATOR

 

 

[hihosland]

'tis true Greta that the children  are dying, however the tunnel will supply with minimal CO2 or Methane release an endless supply of quoka mince pies to hold off their starvation thus allowing their parents ore time to get on with ..............

 

 

[turboplanner]

.........mining, since that waqs the primary function nd the work was..........

 

 

[Captain]

.........mining, since that waqs the primary function nd the work was..........

 

..... stopped as there was an as-built tunnel approval issue.

 

"The plans call for a ventilation pipe every 5 kms" said an officious building inspector chap or chapette from Southern Cross.

 

"How dare you" said Greta.

 

"No wuckers" responded Turbid who was used to fixing major stuffups (CASAref). "Chuck me that last breeding pair of quokas,  a bit of poly pipe and .....

 

 

[onetrack]

...... a hamster wheel, and I'll place the quokkas inside the wheel, couple an air pump to the wheel, attach the poly pipe, and the quokkas can run like crazy while the male chases the female, and we'll have all the air we need, pumped into the tunnel!"

 

"Sounds like an entirely satisfactory solution to me", said the BI from SX. "It's also clean, green, and low-methane (apart from the occasional quokka fart, which barely registers on the methane-measuring scale), so everyone, right down to Greta and the OWHHCbTIBDHAETEGGCGNVC, will be happy. 

 

Suddenly, a gent posing some authority appeared. "Horld awn", said Fanie De Jaager, "I'm the lawcal mines inspuctor, and I demund un inspuction of this tunnel, whuch appars to not have uny official RSA authorisation".

 

Turbo promptly whipped out an official-looking document. "Here you go", he said to Fanie, "Here's all the documentation you need, it's all been authorised from JZ himself". Turbo congratulated himself silently for having the foresight to acquire as much forged documentation as he thought might be needed - and the forged Zuma documentation was just what he needed, right now.

 

"Hawld orn", said Fanie, "Zuma is naw longer awr President, he resigned in February 2018!". "Yes, I know", said quick-thinking Turbo, "But this was authorised by him when he was still in power. It's taken a while to complete the project you know!"

 

"U'll have to invistigate thus", said Fanie. "Zuma was a cawrrupt crook, you know? There may be some maejor inquiry into thus prawjuct, becawse naw dut Zuma got a kuckbuck out uv it".

 

"Kickback?? Did you say Kickback!", said Cappy, his attention suddenly diverted from counting his money to what Fanie was saying. "How did I not know about this.........?

 

 

[Captain]

"Kickback?? Did you say Kickback!", said Cappy, his attention suddenly diverted from counting his money to what Fanie was saying. "How did I not know about this.........?

 

….. and has little Bobby Mugabe approved it?"

 

"How dare you" screeched Greta "Don't you realise that cute little kiddies are dying from the climate epoxalips and here you are trying to make money, you grasping capitalist pigs."

 

"Pipe down you little twerp" responded bull, who was getting sick of being told what to do. "I am not an animal" he added in the style of the Elephant Man.

 

Meanwhile, the flood of fresh air into the tunnel, powered by the pair of quokkas was making everyone happy, including Greta because it was not powered by fossil fuel or by the old fossil flyboyz on Wreck Flying (avref), but the Palestinians, who are usually so easy to get along with, were still ………….. 

 

THIS IS HOW BULL SPOKE & FRIGHTENED THE HECK OUT OF THE CROWD AT THE TUNNEL ENTRANCE.

 

TURGID IS THE BLOKE IN THE HAT AT THE BACK.

 

GRETA WAS HAVING A KIP AT THE TIME AND GOING THRU ONE OF HER SILENT PERIODS.

 

 

 

 

[turboplanner]

.....acting up. Since the tunnel had now been built, and the ore was going to be mined by Xhosa warriors, who would find new ways to wreck the excavators, dozers and haul truck, the company didn't need Palestinians, so they were given a handsome bonus  and given a free ticket on the bus to the north, heading or their homeland.  They reache Zimbabwe what Ahmed said "Why don't we try a bit of terrorism; these people look like they'l scare easily.........................."

 

GRETA MOSTLY GOES THROUGH SILENT PERIODS; THIS IS BECAUSE HER MINDERS KEEP FORGETTING TO PUT THE KEY IN HER BACK AND WIND THE SPRING UP EVERY DAY.

 

THEY ALSO FORGET TO CHANGE THE TAPE.

 

 

[Captain]

.....acting up. Since the tunnel had now been built, and the ore was going to be mined by Xhosa warriors, who would find new ways to wreck the excavators, dozers and haul truck, the company didn't need Palestinians, so they were given a handsome bonus  and given a free ticket on the bus to the north, heading or their homeland.  They reache Zimbabwe what Ahmed said "Why don't we try a bit of terrorism; these people look like they'l scare easily.........................."

 

....... as Zanu PF are a bunch of pussies and the MDC Alliance are akin the Santa's elves ..... not even to mention ZAPU (splitters)."

 

"Good on ya Ahmed" said Machmood to Sal (previous Salman but he had gone all Aussie) "I reckon we should take them on best out of 5 at AFL then Snooker and then Dibbles, before we see whether we need to fight 'em, because .....

 

 

[hihosland]

...der is 'd rumour that a couple of renegade Harvards left over from the Mau Mau ops across  the border are mouldering away in a hay barn in Bulawayo and with suitable application of kumi kumi to both the carbys and the pilots things could get really interesting due to the........... 

 

 

[Captain]

"Geez Louise & stone the goats" said Ahmed to Machmood "It might be Xmas & all that (good will to all men & similar crap), but HidyHody is trying to drag the NES back to aviation (avref) topics. If he wasn't such a nice bloke and a fluglift (avref) guru I'd be tempted to actually censure him via Rule Semtex and strap a .......

 

 

[turboplanner]

......cluster on his jewels. HiHo grimaced, But decided to consult with three epaulet wearing Pilots he knew, Rackmood, Backmood and Tackmood who knew a bit about Harvards, having.....

 

 

[hihosland]

never studied at Harvard, Oxford or anywhere else with Angus Taylor who after stuffing around in his current portfolio is likely to being promoted to minister responsible for CASA a situation that has absolutely no relevance to NES, a totallly aviation free zone, currently residing without benefit of visa in the glorious republic of SA.

 

Never the less their studies did involve a serious investigation of physical principles leading them to suggest via a multiply-referenced and footnoted position paper that the grand WA-SA tunnel be fitted with a conveyor belt  upon which the Captain can test his hypothesis re a Harvard (avref) on a conveyor belt.

 

Tubs on hearing of this grand proposal whipped out his Faber Castel slide rule and proclaimed loudly ....

 

l

 

 

[bull]

thou shall NOT mention a conveyor belt again OK...………….that subject is taboo,,now how about solving the mental illness problems of todays youth [example"Greta]and the fiscal budget of SA after you girls/guys/whatevers design this bloody airship ,,no more mucking about proclaimed turdy...Bull grab this ak47 and watch these boffins for me ,oh and if they get out of line ,you can shoot them ,but only one at a time ok meanwhile...………………..

 

 

[Captain]

....... "I just proved that all these years later my slide rule still fits into my back verandah"

 

"Is that still Rule 303?" asked Breaka-bull "Or is it now Rule 7.6?" showing his knowledge of modern weaponry.

 

"How dare you" yelled Greta.

 

"Stick a sock in it you Swedish twerp" responded the Palestinians, who were 7.11.53 up against the Zanu PF's 5.15.45 and Hamsa was also getting out his best pouch of agates. "These Zanu clowns can't kick for nuts" he added.

 

"Yes" said Turbo admiringly, "They are well h.........

 

RULE 303

 

 

 

 

[turboplanner]

handled. His eyes began to swim, and he swayed ever so slightly, the thread starters weren't coming easy lately, and he didn't know whether he was Mahmood, Gina, a tunnel borer or a football referee.

 

Someone told him the Xhosa wouldn't start digging, and he was galvanised into action; he grabbed a Sambok and walked up to the nearest Xhosa who promptly grabbed it off him and............

 

 

[onetrack]

......starting whipping Cappy with it. Cappy grimaced, but he was actually enjoying it, it had been a long time since he'd indulged in a bit of BDSM.

 

"Oooh, tie me up now, you naughty boy!", Cappy chortled, as the Xhosa bloke whacked him a few mroe times.

 

"I don't understand this?", the Xhosa bloke said to one of his mates standing nearby. "I start giving this whitefella a good bull-whipping, and he's actually enjoying it!!?"

 

"They're a strange lot, those blokes from Kappookistan", said his mate. "I tell you what, how about we tie him to a tree and really belt him up?"

 

Ooooooohhh!!", exclaimed Cappy in excitement. "Will you really do that to me?? What about putting a nappy on me, too, to add to the excitement!??"

 

"Nappy??", exclaimed the Xhosa together. "This bloke has really lost it, let's let him go, he's too weird for us!!"

 

Right about then, a Harvard roared down out of the blue. It was Hi-Ho, clad in his best pressed, old Rhodesian Air Force uniform, dragged out again for the day - and he was aiming right for the Xhosa - who promptly scattered.

 

"Wheeeeee-Haaaaaaaaaa!", they all heard Hi-Ho yell, as he dived, and then pulled up into a sharp bank over their heads. "Long live Rhodesia and the Smith Regime!!"

 

"Hi-Ho's gone nuts!! He's lost it!!", cried Turbo. "He thinks he's still back in the 1960's. It must have been that bush brew the Xhosa gave him!!"

 

Hi-Ho firewalled the Harvard, looped around, and came back for a second strafing run, but........

 

 

[turboplanner]

.....he'd forgotten about the Church of the Good Warrior Dimizulu.......with the spire..........and the rooster weather vane........and the prophesy "when the cock leaves the spire, the bloodbath begins!"

 

The Harvard's prop cut it clean off, and it fell at the feet of the big Xhosa, who picked it up and gave a hoarse cry: "Ukuhlala ixesha elide Kevin Rudd!"

 

Turbo stiffened; he realised that although the big Xhosa was very fat, he was short, and the way he moved and gave little laughs was vaguely familiar.

 

He walked up and asked "where did you meet Rudd" and the big Xhosa said "worked with him, ha ha, he was a BUM ha ha"

 

"Where was this?" asked Turbo. "Canberra, ha ha they were all BUMS ha ha" he shouted, and Turbo was sure he'd seen him many times, but couldn't quite place him.

 

"Do you know me?" he asked the big Xhosa who responded "Yes, ha ha, when I was Minister of Aviation, ha ha, you're a BUM, ha ha" and he broke into this song:

 

"Bum bummy bum bumby bum bum bum ha ha

 

"Bum bum didly bum bum bum bum ha ha"

 

The song went on for several verses and Turbo noticed, that in the heat his skin was beginning to melt......no it was make up! He had done a Trudeau!

 

It was Albo!!!!! 

 

Albo himself had come to the NES, and was...........

 

 

 

 

[Captain]

Albo himself had come to the NES, and was...........

 

………… looking to bond with a group of Scott's "Quiet Australians".

 

"you won't find too many here" said bull, who was a big fan of Anastasia Pallachuck and a loyal long term member of the bone Worker's United Club (where Mave was still turning tricks).

 

"Ah comrade" said Albo "It's nice to meet a man after my own heart, a soldier for the workers, someone who stands up for their rights (well, their lefts really).

 

Then they joined arms (touching each other tenderly) after flying (avref) out to stand under the Tree of Knowledge where they sang "Solidarity Forever" to the tune of that Guns and Roses ditty "………..

 

THIS IS ALSO THE ANTHEM FOR THE PERSECUTED FLYBOY MEMBERS OF WRECK FLYING.

 

bull is dressed as the 4th lady from the left and Albo is the bloke that looks like Eddie Obied. Daniel Andrews sent his apologies as he was up in China at the time signing his One Yellowbrick Road deal, and giving away Mextoria's future.

 

 

 

 

[bull]

Official Notice," To whom it may concern [but mostly to the rat] Bull has never been ,never was a wretched "alp" voter,,,NOR WOULD ever want to be,,,,,I vote my way ,and you vote yours ,,,, defamation cases have been started on less .  Bull has always voted liberal end of subject...…………..

 

 

[turboplanner]

.....and after reading that explanation from Bull with a capital B, Albo made sure bone was crossed off the llist for the next Big Bus tour of Australia, and Captain was red faced and apologetice, poring over his notes and wondering how he'd mixed up the names.

 

It didn't take the Xhosa long to dig the first 2000 tonnes of ore, but carrying it on the backs of mules over the ranges was a nightmare and it was a relief to get it all on board the first train which headed down the tunnel for Rottnest Island......

 

 

[Captain]

..... where the rejoicing was greater than at a BBL game when the Perth Thingamejigs are playing the ........

 

 

[turboplanner]

......Kalgoorlie Nutcrackers, an eye-watering experience.

 

It was HiHo who ruined the party. “What are we going to do with 2000 tonnes of Iron Ore?.......

 

 

[hihosland]

"sell it to Gina; who can as a tax effective gesture install a conveyor belt for the full length of the tunnel, and get a fleet of fully autonomous MI-26 to haul the ore over the ridge from the mine to the tunnel portal.  The tax break on that exercise should give Albo...

 

 

[onetrack]

.....an apoplectic fit, particularly when he also sees how much Gina gave to the LNP, as compared to her Labor donations. "But think of the job opportunities for Aussies in the conveyor belt construction!", said Tanya, trying to sooth Albo.

 

"You sound like Gina herself", snarled Penny Wong, who would have preferred the conveyor belt be built in China, so her ancestral family and friends would be able to cream some froth off the top of the deal.

 

"Tell me more about these fully autonomous MI-26's", said Karen Andrews, who was yet to find out even where W.A. was located on the map, let alone where W.A.'s iron ore mines were.

 

Karen was one of the original developers of the Canberra bubble, and knew that Australia would crash into a black hole if Canberra didn't exist.

 

"They got shipped in in seatainers, as Automotive parts and accessories, right under Border Force and AQIS's noses - while BF and AQIS were too busy looking for Chinese knuckledusters and illegal pork products", said Michael McCormack.

 

"We didn't even know they were there, and at work, until one of our RAAF flyboys was taking a leisurely jaunt from Sale to Curtin in one of the F-35's - trying to see if it would keep running for that long, without a major component failure - when the onboard Enemy Identification System picked up a Threat Frequency and tried to shoot down one of the fully autonomous MI-26's!

 

Fortunately, the F-35 weapons system failed, as it does regularly, and the MI-26 went on it's merry way, unmolested. I guess we can be thankful it wasn't a genuine Rooskie Military MI-26, or all our Iron ore mines and LNG plants would just be piles of rubble by now, given the capabilities of the latest Rooskie nukes."

 

"That's terrible!", complained Turbine. "Do you mean to tell us those F-35's that cost us mega billions, are now about as useful as the proverbial hip pocket on a singlet!?"

 

"I wouldn't go so far as to actually say that", said MM. "What I would like to say is.....