The Never Ending Story

[hihosland]

while quoting "never flown a tornado while atavaring a minister" re the F-35's ( should be an avref ) multiple failings we still have those Harvards which can be re-purposed to fly close protection roles for the Mi-26s, That should keep the ore supply flowing at least until Greta.....  

 

 

[Captain]

"That's terrible!", complained Turbine. "Do you mean to tell us those F-35's that cost us mega billions, are now about as useful as the proverbial hip pocket on a singlet!?"

 

"I wouldn't go so far as to actually say that", said MM. "What I would like to say is.....

 

..... that they are going to offer a nett saving when recycled to be part of the new submarines."

 

"Don't you think that might be a nett wank and waste" said bull still doing his best impersonation of Bob Menzies as the Lib's # 1 supporter, and until Greta .........…......

 

The lovable Rat has a mind like a steel box and is often caught out when he refreshes this page but the thread goes over to the next page, so aaaaggaaaain he apologies to the HiHoSlanderer about jumping ahead and has deftly included HidyHody's ending in here.

 

 

[Captain]

For the benefit of our thousands of NES'ers who don't know or appreciate him, here is a recent photo of bull as the number 1 supporter of the Libs.

 

In this picture he is preparing to go to the bone barber shop to have his eyebrows trimmed.

 

He and John Howard often meet up there, as the barber in bone specialises in cutting wire.

 

 

 

 

[onetrack]

The problem with the Nice Rat is, it appears he has a mind like a steel trap that has sprung. He often fails to notice that this is the NES - the Never Ending Story.

 

The story often gets very fragmented, with the Nice Rats regular failure to keep up.

 

Meantimes, Hi-Ho has apparently flown a Harvard back from Saffie-land with the intention of running some kind of escort on MI-26's hauling buckets of iron ore.

 

But he fails to realise that those huge buckets of magnetite have screwed up his compass, and he promptly gets lost, thinking he's on 35° bearing, when he's actually on 96° bearing.

 

Hi-Ho ends up in the middle of the Gibson desert, and the fuel gauge shows empty. He's way past trying to find an alternate, so he picks out a suitable-looking claypan, and sets the Harvard down.

 

As he rolls to a stop, and looks down, he suddenly spots some camel harnesses, some tin cans, a few pots and pans, and realises he's found the remains of Ludwig Leichhardts Lost Expedition!

 

"Woooo-Hoooo!!", Hi-Ho yells, "I'm gonna become famous! Except, I have to.......

 

 

[turboplanner]

...survive. So he goes online and does some research on the Leichhardts expedition on Wikipedia. He realises the story is wrong about John Gilbert being helped by blacks, and they would have been African Americans, but the final location seems close enough to his dead reckoning. After a short walk he comes to an Acacia Petrolus tree beside a pool of water and find an Aboriginal calabash beside the water.

 

Not many people know about the Acacia Petrolus. Jack Absalom nearly found it, but he stopped to show people how to stuff a spare tyre with grass, and dsidn't look up.

 

This tree, if covered by a sheet of plastic, produces petrol with an octane rating almost identical to Avgas, and it's lead-free., and so calabash by calabash over 45 days he filled the Harvard with food and flew home.

 

Back on Rottnest there was a problem; Gina didn't want to buy the South African Ore. "Why would I" she said, "I've got plenty of my own", and at that moment Turbo realised the NES crew, including Two tracks had made a slight mistake. The intent in building the tunnel had been to sell Gina's Iron ore to South Africa, not the other way round.

 

Fat Rat was rolling on the ground with tears in his eyes laughing for hours until the decided that someone would come after them lookng for the money for the ore and the tunnel, so they had a meeting at Cappy's place, ate his pizzas and drank his gin.

 

Finally Gina said, why don't we form a Joint Venture and sell both lots of ore to the Chinese, so they invited a Chinese delegation to Perth itself and held a meeting in Perfth's top Chinese restaurant.   The delegation was led by Wu Fat, and Turbo had the suspicion he'd seen that surly face before, but a deal was set to take as much ore as the Joint Venture could produce; the NES group were instant millionaires, and Gina's petty cash tin was looking better, but......

 

 

[hihosland]

a mere 6 weeks later the whole fleet of iron carriers found themselves stuck in the channel at both Shandong and Tangshan because of "paper work" challenges. Meanwhile the African ore was piling up in the tunnel and the whole cash flow situation was looking a trifle grim. Spurred by this disaster Cap and Gina hopped in the Gulfstream and screamed off to sort "this mess out".

 

Cap mas not all that surprised to find Wu Fat leading the welcoming party flanked by two stunning brocaded  chong san-ed hench-persons each with a very large and very empty brief case.

 

"Welcome to China MR Captain" says Wu Fat "we do hope that you and the lovely Gina enjoy our hospitality while .................."

 

 

[turboplanner]

.....you think about how you're going to fill our pockets.  The Captain, who was notoriuouly slow on the uptake suddenly reognised WU Fat from a James Bond movie, and knew what he had to do. He....

 

 

[hihosland]

he needed to distract Wu Fat long enough for Gina to figure out a plan.

 

"Honourable Wu Fat we greatly distress to learn that the biosecurity department of the glorious motherland has discovered some E.coli var quokaenteris contamination in the ore deliveries. Never the less we also know that the furnaces of the Great Wall iron and steel corporation will instantly render such contamination in consequential.

 

"AH Mr Captain you do not need to instruct us in the art of steel manufacture, what you really need to do ..........." 

 

 

[onetrack]

".....is to ensure that the great iron ore mines of Western Australia are slowly wrested from Gina's control and full ownership is handed over to the Chinese Govt".

 

"The Chinese Communist Party Central Committee have set up various shelf companies in places such as Delaware, the Cook Islands, the Caymans, Liechenstein, etc, to ensure the ownership transfer is untraceable, and that no tax is paid on ore production, or assets transfer, at any time. If this arrangement is good enough for Google, Apple, eBay, etc., it's good enough for us!"

 

"This arrangement will ensure the Partys 50 year plan of the takeover of the Western World is complete, and we will be in a Monopoly position - and even be able to infiltrate and dismantle the U.S. Bureau of Competition!"

 

"This is a dastardly plan", muttered Mr Nice Rat, under his breath. "I have to do what I can, to thwart this scheme - and see if I can reap some cream off the top of the arrangements, while I'm at it!"

 

He held a quick conference with Gina in a room that he suspected was probably bugged. As a result, he made sure he spoke lots of key words of interest to the Chinese, loudly - while he wrote the body of his plan to thwart the Chinese domination aim, on a notepad, and handed it to Gina.

 

Gina read his note and looked shocked. "This is worse than my plan to defeat Rose getting her hands on all of Langs money and royalties!!", she gasped. "You're utterly ruthless!!"

 

"Yes, I know", smiled the Nice Rat, showing his toothy grin. "But you should see me in action on a bad day, when.......

 

 

[Captain]

Gina read his note and looked shocked. "This is worse than my plan to defeat Rose getting her hands on all of Langs money and royalties!!", she gasped. "You're utterly ruthless!!"

 

"Yes, I know", smiled the Nice Rat, showing his toothy grin. "But you should see me in action on a bad day, when.......

 

………… I weave my evil so completely and cheerfully, that it is just like I am doing it with religious conviction."

 

"XXXX "said Gina "You really are a bad XXXX."

 

"Oh, stop it with your flattering talk, darling" the ever so nice Rat replied, and what happened after that shall go unreported, save to say what happens in Hammersley stays in Hammersley.

 

This tempted bull (the most loyal liberal in the world), to ask Tubb "Where do babies come from?"

 

To which Tinky, an expert in this subject and in everything else uterine, replied "Well bull, it starts with the copulatory process and ...............

 

 

[turboplanner]

.......ends with a Ford Everest launching a boat. This caused much scratching of heads, but  Turbo and the Captain wouldn’t  tell......

 

 

[Captain]

.......ends with a Ford Everest launching a boat. This caused much scratching of heads, but  Turbo and the Captain wouldn’t  tell......

 

..... young bull that Turgid had skipped a few importent stages & that there are some wet & yucky bits prior to the boat being launched, but that's another ......

 

 

[turboplanner]

.......story best kept from the thousands of ears of NES readers and focus on the boat which carried.....

 

 

[Captain]

.......story best kept from the thousands of ears of NES readers and focus on the boat which carried.....

 

..... a reliable outboard, something that Turbo doubted, as he'd never experienced such a wonderous thing, but then again .......

 

 

[turboplanner]

.....just because three spat pistons out the exhaust. Two with rods through the side, one with plugs melted, two seized and one which threw props every time there was an off-shore wind, didn’t mean this one would have problems. Turbo was going out to rescue Gina from Wu Fat; he gave it full throttle.....

 

 

[bull]

Turdys whole experience with outboard engines ,[involved the little bumper boats at the show] so as he planted the throttle ,the bow [pointy end]rose up into the sky and the arse end become a submarine...………...Hey turdy !!!   shouted hilo and the rat as the water level down the back rose over their waists and they could  see...…………...

 

 

[Captain]

.....just because three spat pistons out the exhaust. Two with rods through the side, one with plugs melted, two seized and one which threw props every time there was an off-shore wind, didn’t mean this one would have problems. Turbo was going out to rescue Gina from Wu Fat; he gave it full throttle.....

 

..... in his 2 stroke Drifter (avref)

 

"They might drop their guts on the back of my boat but would never dare do that on an aircraft (avref) as .........

 

 

[turboplanner]

....I don’t believe in flying without an engine, especially.....

 

 

[Captain]

....I don’t believe in flying without an engine, especially.....

 

....... between Darwin and the Spratleys when Wu Fat (or Tubby to his mates) is .......

 

 

[turboplanner]

......shipping the bag money to honorable government, which......

 

 

[Captain]

......shipping the bag money to honorable government, which......

 

....... caused a problem for both bull and Singularroot as, unbeknownst to HiHo & the Turbulantone, this WA & Qld consortium were shipping commercial quantities of Krugerrands through the tunnel, as backloads on the ore trains, in an attempt to influence & distort the world's gold market, but with Fatty & Turbs doing the same thing between PNG & China, the world ......

 

Unitrack & bull have millions & millions of 'em

 

 

 

[turboplanner]

........The Krugerrand exchange rate these days is so bad you could hardly buy a Big Mac, and most people thought they were old useless coins, but the stopover in PNG, which Turbo and WF had agreed to,  gave them enough times to take a few bags up and bury them on the Kokoda Trail. Not many people knew that Krugerrand were stamped in pure gold, and nor did the Chinese Minister for Finance until........

 

 

[Captain]

........The Krugerrand exchange rate these days is so bad you could hardly buy a Big Mac, and most people thought they were old useless coins, but the stopover in PNG, which Turbo and WF had agreed to,  gave them enough times to take a few bags up and bury them on the Kokoda Trail. Not many people knew that Krugerrand were stamped in pure gold, and nor did the Chinese Minister for Finance until........

 

....... Tink and Cracka made the mistake of showing him the 1 oz fine gold stamp ("What dumb plicks are they, eh?" commented bull in his best manadarine).

 

"Stone the crows & FMD" said the Minister in Chinese, before he ........ 

 

 

[turboplanner]

........ordered and arrest warrant for Turbo and Wu Fat. They were coming in to land when Turbo saw the long line of Great Walls, lights flashing, beside the runway.

 

"friends of yours?"

 

"BUDDHA" yelled Wu Fat, someone must have watching us.!!!"

 

The Great Walls were now positioned across the runway, so Turbo went ahead and dropped down for a conventional landing, but he had read about a pilot on WreckFlying who did a big zoom with every take off, so just as the Drifter looked as if it would touch the bumper of a Great Wall he gave it full throttle and pulled the stick back.

 

The Drifter reared into the air and they were gone. "Now we have to ........"

 

 

[Captain]

The Drifter reared into the air and they were gone. "Now we have to ........"

 

...... somehow get this bloody thing to slow down enough for a circuit as he was PIC of the S version of the Drifter. Best I enter a 10 mile downwind so he gave his call "Splatrey tlaffic, Dlifter Xx-XXXX (Turbs always uses that number to avoid fees) is on a high speed downwind, presentry abeam Hanoi and intending to .......