The Never Ending Story

[turboplanner]

.......taste. His cooking was appalling and Turbo always kept his terrier under the table to chew his wild duck meat before he ate it, and....

 

 

[Captain]

.......taste. His cooking was appalling and Turbo always kept his terrier under the table to chew his wild duck meat before he ate it, and....

 

...... "Is that a euphamism?" thought Planey, about to push the objection button, but he stopped because of ......

 

 

[turboplanner]

....the context, and on a count back Hi Ho got the blame for drifting from the Cubcrafters STOL Competition when he had it in the bag.

 

"What's the penalty for drifting", asked ..................

 

 

[Captain]

....the context, and on a count back Hi Ho got the blame for drifting from the Cubcrafters STOL Competition when he had it in the bag.

 

"What's the penalty for drifting", asked ..................

 

........ Malamute when he spoke to ......

 

AS A SIGN OF THE POPULARITY OF THE NES, IMMEDIATELY THIS NEW CHARACTER WAS INTRODUCED, ONESIE HAD A CLOTHING LINE ON THE MARKET, SEE EXAMPLES BELOW. WHAT A CRAVEN SXUT HE IS.

 

 

 

[turboplanner]

....Mukamutt, who...

 

 

[Captain]

....Mukamutt, who...

 

...... was a member of the Scottish clan and who replied "Ye take the high road and I'll take the SportStar and ye'll be in Tooradin a'fore me, for me and my ........

 

 

[turboplanner]

......true love which Cappy’s dating mates tended to back out of very quickly, leaving the verse to read “me and my red dog” to walk the glens of Scotland for eternity, unless....

 

 

[Captain]

......true love which Cappy’s dating mates tended to back out of very quickly, leaving the verse to read “me and my red dog” to walk the glens of Scotland for eternity, unless....

 

.... this, dear reader is just a shameless cross-promotion (which I guess is more acceptable than his usual cross-dressing) for Turbo's recent book release, wtitten under his pseudonym of Normy Bridwell and called Clifford the Big Red Dog, for Normy was Turbo's favourite alias and readers will recall his period masquerading as Normi Rowe which all came crashing (avref) to an end when he ......

 

 

 

[turboplanner]

........was having a quiet dinner, and the band asked him to get up and sing. He noticed a few people making comments like "He isn't Normie", and "Where's the swearing and the bad temper" and suddenlt the audience realised he wasn't Normie Rowe, and started asking for encores - 37 of them, and he didn't get any dinner, or ......

 

 

[Captain]

........was having a quiet dinner, and the band asked him to get up and sing. He noticed a few people making comments like "He isn't Normie", and "Where's the swearing and the bad temper" and suddenlt the audience realised he wasn't Normie Rowe, and started asking for encores - 37 of them, and he didn't get any dinner, or ......

 

..... desert.

 

And it is all clear now to the Skipper, who has actually been inside Chez Turbo AND inside that hidden room where he keeps all his momentos (like the broken props, the G Meters that read 12 & Ron Casey's heart in a glass box) and the gold records with Normi Rowe scratched out and Turbo Planner written in with a penknife. But there were also shackles chained to the wall and several .......

 

TURBS DOING HIS BEST NORMI IMPRESSION.

 

HIS KNEES CAN'T DO THAT ANY MORE.

 

AND HIS ISN'T THAT LONG EITHER.

 

 

 

[turboplanner]

.......light aircraft hanging from the cables, including .... 

 

 

[Captain]

.......light aircraft hanging from the cables, including .... 

 

...... a Fokker Wolf and a Spitfire 7G.

 

And this is where Planey saw his chance and he submitted a written compliant demanding capital punishment which effectively said "Two airfix kits hanging from a roof do not an avref make" and while the contributions of Captain, Onetrack, HiHo & bull-from-bone have been exemplary, Turdboy's posts have consistently brought the NES into disrepute because of his numerous ......

 

 

[onetrack]

....references to his own indefatigable skills and exploits, rather than providing a decent continuing NES line." At that, a committee was drawn up to determine Turbwhines punishment.

 

Onetrack thought capital punishment for Turbs infringements was bordering on a little severe, even though it was likely to be based on CASA's style of ruthless punishment for minor infringements (avref).

 

But Cappy wanted to follow through on the capital punishment. He said, "I've always liked the idea of.......

 

 

[Captain]

....references to his own indefatigable skills and exploits, rather than providing a decent continuing NES line." At that, a committee was drawn up to determine Turbwhines punishment.

 

Onetrack thought capital punishment for Turbs infringements was bordering on a little severe, even though it was likely to be based on CASA's style of ruthless punishment for minor infringements (avref).

 

But Cappy wanted to follow through on the capital punishment. He said, "I've always liked the idea of.......

 

..... a public paddling of the Turbo's empennage, and a .......

 

 

[hihosland]

... his consequent rudderless (avref) condition should only be an improvement on his past attempts to keep on track as clearly displayed by his consistent reliance on low (cap ref) passes whenever he ....

 

 

[Captain]

... his consequent rudderless (avref) condition should only be an improvement on his past attempts to keep on track as clearly displayed by his consistent reliance on low (cap ref) passes whenever he ....

 

.... starts to type (or wakes up even).

 

"I agree" said Planey, who provided a 20 page stat dec describing how Tink was a clear and present danger to HF and to all things aviation, and he closed with the forceful assertion that Turbo is the equivalent to aviation that Ebola is to .....

 

 

[turboplanner]

..........Spiderman, who continues to go about doing his good deeds regardless of the risk and the intent of people who try to stop him helping humanity and the innocent people who were just doing it hard, like Loxy. This brought the committee to tears, and they said "Go in peace Turbo and continue to improve the world." so he went out and made for the airport and took his favourite aircraft up for an hour os stall turns, and then.......

 

 

[Captain]

..........Spiderman, who continues to go about doing his good deeds regardless of the risk and the intent of people who try to stop him helping humanity and the innocent people who were just doing it hard, like Loxy. This brought the committee to tears, and they said "Go in peace Turbo and continue to improve the world." so he went out and made for the airport and took his favourite aircraft up for an hour os stall turns, and then.......

 

..... for a quick spin & barrel roll in the ......

 

 

 

[turboplanner]

......Wingless (avref) Sprint Car.

 

Aerobatic pilots will note that on this occasion, after carefully hook a right rear tyre on the fence, Turbo was only able to produce 5 1/2 rolls.

 

The purpose of the Wingless Sprint is to produce more rolls so there is a greater chance of the driver bleeding.

 

Turbo has a good change of getting sponsorship from Red Bull next season, since his rolls are at a lower altitude than Matt Hall's.

 

Not many people know that a driver is still expected to go through the shut down procedure while rolling, so Turbo was busy turning the electrics off, fuel off and was a bit late with the magnetos as you can see from that burst of flame at Roll 4.

 

Attentive NES readers will notice the new New Zealand accent at our speedways. This was introduced because no one could ever understand what the late and great Mike Raymond was saying and also in a brilliant move to capture more Chinese visitors as the NZ accent is close to Mandarin, and......

 

 

[Captain]

…..... this initiative by the Speedway controlling body worked wonders as everyone knows that New Zuland is one of the world's great achieving nations "And if it wasn't for all those jolly tourists, we could huv been evun greater" said Winston "Thank goodness for Jacinda, eh, or we wouldn't have made the world news during the past 10 years."

 

And the Chinese too have taken to speedway in a big way, where President Xi had been famous (pre-politics, pre-arsehole & pre-dictator) as an ex rider (he had imported one of the first Jawa sliders into the country, before the design was copied and they were sold under his Wang Chung branding), for a while he was a mechanic for George Tattnell, a tyre pressure guru for Turbo and then gained fame as a driver under the name of Wong Dumsney.

 

As a result of all of these initiatives, Speedway was adopted as the official sport of the United Nations (a new mile track is presently under construction in Mogadishu as a joint Suni/Shia Muslim "No Bomb Chuckers Here ®© " peace initiative) and has been added as an Olympic Sport in the 2026 games where Turbo has taken a position as the Grand Marshal, to be certain that …………….

 

PS ……. It is a little known fact that Hitler used to swing on a BMW based sidecar with Goebels as his rider, so Speedway has been around the centre of world power for quite a while.

 

 

[Captain]

PPS ………. It is also little known that Hitler was last seen in a private box at the 2019 Argentinian Round of the Speedway GP and below is a photo provided by Eva Braun (or Eve Brown as she is now known while in hiding in Buenos Aires). Note also how The Big H looks younger than Turbo, but Turbo has the same mustache (spooky eh, but it does go some way to explain his right wing attitudes on Wreck Flying (atlastanavref)).

 

 

 

[turboplanner]

.......he gets a run, because the Chief Marsall has the final say, and Turbo's not getting any faster.

 

Speedway was invented in Australia at West Maitland in 1923; the Jawa engine Cappy mentioned was a single cylinder four stroke, magneto fired that could pull stumps started if you looked at it, and lasted for multiple seasons, slow revving, it would be worthy looking at for a small aircraft (avref).

 

The names bring back memories too; we had a Wong, a Wight a Schitt, a Wing, Clapp

 

Alby Dorning, the commentator, would often be confused as he called  "It's Wight from Wong who just hit Schitt and Clapp"  or

 

"Leading the pack is Wight, followed by Wing, Wong Schitt and Clapp"

 

It's amazing how the memories come back; there were a couple of older riders on a BMW at one stage; they kept to themselves but often got up to 5th or 6th. We never learned their names, thought they were gay, and the commentator just referred to "Number 5"

 

Turbo decided to put a Jawa in a Drifter (avref), but first decided to run the idea ion WF (avref) to see how much people knew, and......   

 

 

[Captain]

Turbo decided to put a Jawa in a Drifter (avref), but first decided to run the idea ion WF (avref) to see how much people knew, and...... 

 

……. all of a sudden the Drifter and Jawa experts came out of the trees.

 

"You can't do that" said One.

 

"That'll never work" said another.

 

"Turbo's a bit of a dick, making such a suggestion in public" said a third one "As it will encourage some pilots to be a bit silly".

 

"Yes, and it breaches Human Factors guidelines to have a 500cc semi horizontal piston sticking out of one side of a Drifter" said a 4th "Turbo should be given a holiday for even thinking such a thing".

 

And thus, the pressure increased to …………….

 

 

[turboplanner]

........ban Drifters.

 

"They're just a rag and bone relic from the past" said one plastic flyer, and then..........

 

 

[Captain]

........ban Drifters.

 

"They're just a rag and bone relic from the past" said one plastic flyer, and then..........

 

……. another mini GFC hit him and he was back to valuing the basic enjoyment of rag & bone aviation, plus the joys of flying backwards in a strong breeze.

 

But, alas, the full glass cockpit (FGC) (acronymref) of the Drifter GS (DGS) (another aviationacronymref) in a GFC (financialFupref) was having an …………...