The Never Ending Story

[turboplanner]

........Hiho when he had his nail polish on and a few whiskeys under the belt. "Would you like to come out for some low flying?" asked HH in one of the most commonly used phrases in all of aviation. "Oo!, it's small!" she said when they reached the airfield, "is this a model plane?" HH was understandably upset at this jibe, and was half inclined to.....

 

 

[hihosland]

remind Mandy she of the Miss Candy world princess competition that this superlative flying machine had one engine for every passenger, compare that to Samantha's 737 mini with 80 persons sharing the one engine.

 

How good is that??

 

shouted Scott from marketing

 

as he paraded his new fleet of water 737 bombers  still wrapped in their birthing green plastic wrap.

 

Scot then launched into his latest ditty ".....................

 

 

[Captain]

remind Mandy she of the Miss Candy world princess competition that this superlative flying machine had one engine for every passenger, compare that to Samantha's 737 mini with 80 persons sharing the one engine.

 

How good is that??

 

shouted Scott from marketing

 

as he paraded his new fleet of water 737 bombers  still wrapped in their birthing green plastic wrap.

 

Scot then launched into his latest ditty ".....................

 

…….. "It was a cold and stormy night, and the Captain said to the Mate "Tell me a tale", and this is the tale he told .... It was a cold and stormy night, and the Captain said to the Mate "Tell me a tale", and this is the tale he told ….. It was a cold and stormy night, and the Captain said to the Mate "Tell me a tale", and this is the tale he told. etc etc forever and ever …………."

 

Mandy gave it a scratch & rolled here eyes, looked at Scott, dry-reached when she saw Albo, glanced at Tink with a glint, but then chose HiHo because he offered ……………….

 

 

[hihosland]

... offered a break from Ofred

 

and jingled his jangles to

 

there was a young man from Canberra

 

he flew in in a silver  Sierra

 

cried "how good is that?"

 

from his floppy felt hat

 

'n promptly left for the Riveiera

 

"Oh Lordy lord" muttered Captain "what on earth was that"?

 

"That" retorted Albo "was

 

 

[Captain]

... offered a break from Ofred

 

and jingled his jangles to

 

there was a young man from Canberra

 

he flew in in a silver  Sierra

 

cried "how good is that?"

 

from his floppy felt hat

 

'n promptly left for the Riveiera

 

"Oh Lordy lord" muttered Captain "what on earth was that"?

 

"That" retorted Albo "was

 

………… what in future will be regarded as equivalent to Dorothea's "I love a sunburned Country".

 

"He is, he is" said Mandy excitedly "He is Dorothea the Hihoslanderer, the new threat to …...

 

 

[turboplanner]

.....droughts and fire and famine.

 

"Droughts no longer apply in Australia" said Dorothea

 

"Fire is caused by climate change, which encourages the youth of today to light them"

 

"Famine" is someting which cattle imagine, and can be trained out of"

 

And so began the legend of Dorothea, farming expert; the HighHoslander from Scotland who could play...............

 

 

[Captain]

.....droughts and fire and famine.

 

"Droughts no longer apply in Australia" said Dorothea

 

"Fire is caused by climate change, which encourages the youth of today to light them"

 

"Famine" is someting which cattle imagine, and can be trained out of"

 

And so began the legend of Dorothea, farming expert; the HighHoslander from Scotland who could play...............

 

....... the glockenschpiel with the best of them and sing his new words in a very effective manner (tears to the eyes and all that) such that the WWF gave him a grant & free membership, and the AUF, of course, issued him with ........

 

 

[hihosland]

a form to fill that when duly completed and notarised would permit .....

 

 

[Captain]

a form to fill that when duly completed and notarised would permit .....

 

.... our beloved HiHo to operate from the hundreds of AUF approved airports without a CAE.

 

And this dear readers was the 1st firm evidence of a cadre of AUF administrators operating within RAA, which is akin to the 5th Estate that has been operating within the FBI.

 

HiHo was wrapped as he is a natural rebel, but Turbo was .....

 

 

[hihosland]

ever so slightly miffed when he discovered that due to his advanced years his AUF form was twice as long as before and needed to be completed every year a situation that he considered to be .....................

 

 

[turboplanner]

....unnecessary, so he just flew without one like, as one person posted once, "about a third of us", and.....

 

 

[Captain]

....unnecessary, so he just flew without one like, as one person posted once, "about a third of us", and.....

 

…...….. this seemingly innocent couple of posts in the NES created a movement led by HiHo to bring back the AUF.

 

Protest groups were organised to glue themselves to the roads with dope from old Drifter kits, or left-over yellow resin and hardener from old Jabiru builds.

 

Rotax 2 strokes were rejuvenated all over the country in retirement villages by crusty old AUF types.

 

All AUF members wore ex-WW2 flying suits with captain's epaulettes, like the ex president dill used to, and there was guerilla warfare in the streets of Moorabistan as the RAA Plastic flyers used IUD's (see example below) to attack AUF members who were peaceably going about their business.

 

As was last week the case in Iraq, everyone was in fear of a drone attack as both sides had been down to the Toys-R-Us Xmas sale and bought hundreds of cheap drones (& typically for these flyers (avref), they were unlicensed), with which to ………. 

 

AN EXAMPLE OF A TYPICAL IUD EXPLOSIVE DEVICE

 

WHERE THE INSTRUCTIONS WERE SOURCED FROM THE INTERWEB.

 

 

NOTE HOW SMALL AND EASILY CONCEALED THEY ARE.

 

YOU COULD POSSIBLY EVEN FIT ONE UP YOUR XXXX.

 

 

 

[turboplanner]

................wage war (the WF forums had been flowing over with indignant cow cockeys demaning the right to fly over cities and into international airports in the Thruster Crop Duster MK IIs, fly with out a mediacal and all that sh!t, and carry a 500 lb bomb, but .......

 

 

[Captain]

................wage war (the WF forums had been flowing over with indignant cow cockeys demaning the right to fly over cities and into international airports in the Thruster Crop Duster MK IIs, fly with out a mediacal and all that sh!t, and carry a 500 lb bomb, but .......

 

..... the Thrusters still had W&B issues when loaded with the torpedoes plus the 500 pounder.

 

However Tink knew the solution (CAT engines aside) and went public with ........

 

 

[turboplanner]

......his Turbine Cannister Solution. For $2000.00 Turbo has agreed too supply a plastic bag with the requisite amount of hydrogen to take care of the weight. “Just remember not to light a match under it”, he said backing away from.....

 

 

[Captain]

......his Turbine Cannister Solution. For $2000.00 Turbo has agreed too supply a plastic bag with the requisite amount of hydrogen to take care of the weight. “Just remember not to light a match under it”, he said backing away from.....

 

... the bag so that he could lite one of his own (Turbo's standard party trick at civic receptions, but restricted during the bushfire season).

 

"But" said bull "That means that all the AUF pilots (avref) will need a turbine rating and a THPB (Turboplanner Hydrogen Plastic Bag) rating which will be more of a pain than Turbo is himself, although it will certainly.......

 

 

[turboplanner]

“........my ‘don’t know what to do’  approach.

 

Turbo later advised that if anyone was having difficulty with basic English or believed Australia was becoming a Nanny State, they could get an exemption certificate from Turbo which allowed......

 

 

[Captain]

“........my ‘don’t know what to do’  approach.

 

Turbo later advised that if anyone was having difficulty with basic English or believed Australia was becoming a Nanny State, they could get an exemption certificate from Turbo which allowed......

 

..... them access to all the Nannys that they want.

 

A lot of the Nannys thought that was a pretty good deal too & sales of flanelette bustiers went thru the roof.

 

Meanwhile membership of the revived AUF also went thru the roof, although almost all were over 75, paid their membership with pension cheques and remembered "the good old days", but had trouble remembering last week.

 

As a result, Bunnings ran out of Thruster certified aluminium tubing and rotax pistons were like hen's teeth, although ......

 

ONE OF THE LAST ROTAX PISTONS IN THE STH HEMISPHERE

 

NOW ON EBAY FOR $125.00. Note the C clips, which refer to Turbo.

 

 

 

[Captain]

APOLOGIES TO ALL NES'ERS FOR TINK'S CONTINUITY ISSUES A COUPLE OF POSTS AGO. THIS LITERARY CAPER ISN'T AS EASY AS IT LOOKS, EH? ..... MODERATOR #8.

 

 

[Captain]

APOLOGIES TO ALL NES'ERS FOR TINK'S CONTINUITY ISSUES A COUPLE OF POSTS AGO. THIS LITERARY CAPER ISN'T AS EASY AS IT LOOKS, EH? ..... MODERATOR #8.

 

MODERATOR #8 IS NOW ON HIS FINAL WARNING FOR BEING A SMARTAXXX. ...... MODERATOR #10 ...... (EVERYONE KNOWS THAT TURBO CAN'T HELP IT AND NEEDS TO BE GIVEN SOME LEEWAY)

 

 

[onetrack]

....there were found, some ancient, only slightly rusty, time-expired crankshafts and reduction gears, which most of the ancient AUF fliers thought too good to discard.

 

But all the old fliers wanted to know more about the THPB. It sounded like a brilliant invention. You could have a Drifter loaded up with 2 x 500 lb bombs and when you attached the THPB, the AUW came back to 300kgs, making them fully legal, and neither CASA nor RA-Aus could say a thing.

 

"We're gonna need these, in decent quantities", opined one crusty old flier. "It's becoming patently obvious, with the reliability of the F-35's being suss, and the F/A-18's becoming obsolete - and with another Middle-Eastern stoush brewing, thanks to Trump the Warmongerer - they're gonna need a fleet of armed Drifters, flown by grumpy, cranky old blokes with a grudge against Muzzie nutters".

 

"Just imagine, we could all descend on a Muzzie nutter base in numbers like a horde of March flies, and whack the crap out of them! They'd have every single one of their AA equipment and missiles tuned to greet armed drones and F-35's - but a fleet of armed Drifters would be the Shock & Awe we need to render them totally impotent within minutes!"

 

"But, but....", croaked another crusty old flier, "What about the required toilet stops every 50NM?".

 

"It'll be alright", said another, "We'll just hold on, and piXX on them too, when we drop the bombs!! They won't know what hit them!!"

 

"Hang on", said Turbo, "We could have a problem here. No-one's got enough........

 

 

[hihosland]

2 stroke oil

 

and oils ain't oils y'know

 

we'll have to hold a royal commission

 

for every prob there's a fine commission

 

to hold

 

so be bold

 

and launch a right royal commission

 

that'll keep the Muzzie nutters something to .......

 

 

[turboplanner]

......think about.

 

And so the Drifter Royal Commission, headed by ex Barrister, Sir Lunchalot Steakus SC began.

 

The Committee For The Homeless gave evidence for three days about the plight of the homeless, which began to irritate Sir Lunchalot, who asked "Why don't they just buy a house, then they wouldn't be homeless?" and sat back looking satisfied with themselves.

 

The CFT responded with "Because the Centrelink won't pay for a house", "and they're related to CASA, you know", and a surprising number in the audience nodded.

 

The Mazda Car Club Drifters Inc. spent four days complaining that the Federal Government hadn't built enough Drifter tracks around Australia. "For Example, there's no track in Wyong" claimed their representative, and Sir Lunchalot looked at the clock.

 

Backpackers Australia's Waffleon Splatt SC read a thesis for four days on the importance of subsidising more backpacker slums so drifters could travel around Australia on Harleys as Carers and there was enough left over from pooled Centrelink payments to buy the rellies hogs and take them too.

 

After three months of hearing from various bodies, Sir Lunchalot closed the RC and announced that a report would be submitted to Government in about two years time, but he felt it was important to reassure the poor and destitute of Australia that they would be looked after and......

 

 

[Captain]

....... while all at the RC look pleased & touched each other affectionately, The Age, The Sydney Mourning Herald, the ABC & the Greens, as they did with the live sheep & cattle export trade, paid photographers to infiltrate the hidden, filthy, desease ridden & sexually charged world of retirement villages ...... to expose the plight of senior citizens (some were even veterans who had served their country) without the means to complete their Drifter Kits.

 

"I've paid taxes as my life" said Clarry when interviewed by 4 Corners.

 

"This is a disgrace" commented Alan Jones when the issue featured on Q&A (Alan didn't disclose his 30 years of AUF membership at that time), but nevertheless the RC was reopened with bull given a $400,000 per year gig as Council Assisting and Mavis was paid $200 K to refill the water jugs).

 

The opening remarks by bull SC (and no, that is not an abbreviation for Silly XXXX) stunned the nation when he outlined ......

 

 

[turboplanner]

...how bone had been a thriving town in the gold rush days until a descendant of Captain Cook (and we all know that person very well)  started a still out on a sugar cane farm safe from prying eyes, and sold his "whiskey" to the miners. Eventually they all became so drunk that mining ceased, and the Queensland Government went over to the Solomon Islands and brought back Knackers to work the mines because Queensland was broke and needed the money.  Of course CC fed the Knackers his whiskey, and the Goverbment had to ship them all back again.

 

bul SC continued outlining the history of Queensland in a similar strain of honesty for another four days, until Sir Lunchalot bcame testy and said "Get to the point bull!", and bull said "All we want to do is fly our drifters!"

 

Sir Lunchalot retorted "Mazdas can't fly you fool!", and that got bull into full song with a capital C.

 

"Here!" said bull and showed a video of a Drifter doing loops, wingovers, beach beatups and landings, and cut the ribbon competitions.

 

"What's you're problem then?" asked Sir Lunchalot.

 

"I fly with RAA and our Ultralights are being squeezed out"

 

"No they're not" replied Sir Lunchalot, "I lunch with your chief frequently and he is pushing for more Cessnas, and...................."