The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

On vhf through my Bose

 

There's trouble with a nose

 

That got in range of Cappy

 

And his depends nappy

 

That 'll need more than a rose

 

To....... 

 

... get sufficiently close,

 

For the Professional Negotiator to propose,

 

That HiHo put down his poetry & step away from the ledge,

 

"It's just not worth it (to the rest of us) said Tink as the snipers lined HiHo up for a head shot.

 

Then the radio crackled with the sound of the sniper being violently ill.

 

"It's hideous" he said as he filled his microphone with .....

 

 

[hihosland]

the bits of carrot blended with some effusions from a Chrysler turbo encabulator

 

but never the less managed to splatter some prosaic prose for the benefit of the jedi rat who had put all his faith in a  flux capacitor surplus to requirements after the installation of a de lorean motor into the drifter a process that the had the unfortunate consequence of iambing his pentameter and ......................

 

 

[onetrack]

......causing his mixed metaphors to tumble erratically (avref) as they stumbled over their syllabic feet, and sought to align their flux capacitance with their trochaic and spondaic meters.

 

But the Jedi Rat wasn't done yet. He snatched the rifle from the sniper as he spewed over the mangled rhyming, and........

 

 

[Captain]

.... then there was a deathly silence.

 

"I want a fully fueled Citation and a book of sonets out at the airport" (avref) demanded HiHo with a lymeric held at Mavis's throat.

 

"I dont have time to organise that" responded IHN Turbo with an air (avref) of desperation in his voice, "But I can do a Drifter and a used Obelisc & Asterix book, or you are going to have to .....

 

 

[turboplanner]

.......strap an encabulator to your back and fly yourself out.

 

And so began the encabulator phase of human history. They were immune from CASA because as son as an FoI sidled up, they sidled out, but before long people were crashing into each other and falling on McDonalds at night because they didn't have lights and beacons, and there were so many people flying in so many directions that it took considerable skill to..............

 

 

[hihosland]

click the tongue and train the ears to echo locate Drifters drifting hither and thither,

 

meanwhile

 

And the prophet did bring coal into the temple

 

“How good is that?” he cried,

 

‘tis the favourite food for Puff the Marahini’s magic dragon that she keeps securely in her boiler house.

 

The dragon’s appetite did grow and as the dragon did grow , so trucks, trains and conveyor belts did grow to feed the magic dragon.

 

 But Spark the spawn of the dragon escaped the boiler house and became Ember who flew across the land seeking ever more dragon food.

 

And Ember did as the lord of the prophet commanded and went forth and multiplied, was fruitful and populated the earth abundantly.

 

The fruit of the dragon swelled to a torrent, a roaring, thunderous torrent, that crowned the trees and sacrificed, tree, plain, shed, machine and life itself to its insatiable hunger.

 

The sky did darken,

 

 the sun did dim,

 

the wind did roar

 

and smoke did smote the landscape.

 

Then all was silence, black stump, white ash and silence.

 

Silent with the stench of life exhausted,

 

Charred, tortured feather, claw and paw stark against the white ash.

 

And the silence was broken by steel shod boot wreathed by ash

 

toes speckled with tear drops.

 

And the prophet came forth from the temple scattering a billion or two

 

“How good is that?”

 

And the prophet did bring coal into the temple

 

 

[Captain]

STOP PRESS NEWS - LEGAL ACTION TAKEN BY LOONY TUNES AGAINST LOONY TURBO.

 

TURBO'S SO-CALLED "ENCABULATOR" IS EERILY SIMILAR TO MARVIN THE MARTIAN'S IMMODIUM Q-36 EXPLOSIVE SPACE MODULATOR.

 

"TURBO HASN'T HAD AN ORIGINAL THOUGHT SINCE 1944" SAID MEL BLANC.

 

AND TURBO SPEAKS LIKE MARVIN TOO ... OR HE DID DURING HIS TRIAL OVER HIS LAST BANNING ........... MODERATOR #3.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[onetrack]

The turbo encabulator phase of human history, was but a small passing phase in the history of turbo encabulators and flight power.

 

It was merely a stepping stone to the magnetic paradigm fluxurator power source, which was a spin-off from attempts to use hydrogen as a power source for flight.

 

Hydrogen was abandoned when it was realised that there wasn't ever going to be enough hydrogen available, particularly in remote areas, to provide enough flight power for the vastly-increased number of personal air-transportation devices.

 

Meantimes... back in the early 21st century, Hi-Ho was eagerly strapping a turbo encabulator to his back to make a quick getaway, whilst holding everyone at bay with a limerick.

 

Unfortunately, it seemed that Hi-Ho was beginning to lose it, as he tried to strap on the encabulator - with his utterings rapidly degenerating into a rabid prattling-on, about magic dragons, feathers and steel-shod boots.

 

Nobody could understand what he was trying to say - a condition possibly brought on by his frustration in trying to strap the encabulator on.

 

Because, despite getting overhaul and maintenance information on the encabulator, he didn't have the installation instructions - a serious failing on the part of the encabulator manufacturers.

 

Then, in the course of trying to help Hi-Ho, it was discovered that the encabulator he was trying to strap on, had been manufactured by a Chinese subcontractor, who had arranged for unauthorised suppliers to supply components for it.

 

This of course, led to a complete breakdown in the traceability of components - and even worse, assembly and installation instructions being provided in Chinglish on a single page document, using mostly diagrams - many of which were later found to be unrelated to encabulator assembly and installation, and which diagrams were finally identified as actually being for a Chinese Russell Hobbs toaster.

 

"This is unbelievable!!", screamed Hi-Ho, as his frustration developed into full-blown rage, and he started to...........

 

 

[Captain]

Your delighted Captain is pleased to share the below video from his personal library.

 

It shows Turbs during what the girls all call his "Rockwell Years" when they all thought he was hot, and swooned over his detailed technical descriptions.

 

It is irrelevant that his fly was partly undone during this recording and the little bird was close to falling out of its nest.

 

 

 

 

[turboplanner]

41 minutes ago, Captain said:

 

Your delighted Captain is pleased to share the below video from his personal library.

 

It shows Turbs during what the girls all call his "Rockwell Years" when they all thought he was hot, and swooned over his detailed technical descriptions.

 

It is irrelevant that his fly was partly undone during this recording and the little bird was close to falling out of its nest.

 

Rockwell was a great experience with some great forward thinkers. The Encabulators were ahead of their time and didn’t take off so I was moved to the truck axle department.

 

 

[turboplanner]

...encabulate, leaving a wet patch on the seat of the Drifter, but he got the engine started and rose sluggishly into the air, but.....

 

 

[Captain]

Rockwell was a great experience with some great forward thinkers. The Encabulators were ahead of their time and didn’t take off so I was moved to the truck axle department.

 

This led to several breakthroughs in truck design.

 

We all know about the splines that he invented to stop the axle from spinning on its own, including the "turbizoidal" © shape of his patented design of spline.

 

The legacy of the encabulator name can also readily be seen in Turbo's unique naming of his personal inventions, being the truck enCABulator, the never before heard of encabUlator-bolt and the radi-encabulATOR.

 

The result was that Tink was honoured with the Trucking Industry's highest civilian award, known as the ......

 

 

[onetrack]

....SHAFTING Award, which honoured him directly for his contributions to truck axle shaft design, encabulator shaft design, encabulator shaft bolt design, radi-encabulator shaft design - and which award also indirectly applauded him for his interpersonal and office skills, where he had an unerring ability to shaft everyone he came into contact with.

 

Meantimes, Hi-Ho was finding he was having great difficulty in controlling the Drifter, as the turboencabulator strapped to his back was making it extremely hard to operate the control column.

 

In addition, the frequencies emitted by the Chinese-built turboencabulator, were not approved, nor compatible with any aviation frequency in Australia.

 

As result, he couldn't use the radio; the static from the headphones was driving him mad; and the limerick he'd carried on board was fouling the flaps lever.

 

"MAYDAY! MAYDAY! MAYDAY!", Yelled Hi-Ho, which wasn't heard by anyone, not even those on the ground, within earshot. Hi-Ho had to make a critical decision. It was now or never.

 

He unstrapped the turboencabulator, and threw it overboard. The Drifter leapt upwards into the sky, and at along last, Hi-Ho could hear himself think - and use the radio.

 

But far below him, the turboencabulator was spinning and gyrating and gaining speed groundwards. Hi-Ho suddenly realised, it was heading straight for the roof of the Captains house!!

 

"No-o-o-ooooo!!!", exclaimed Hi-Ho. "Not Cappys house roof!! Anything but that!!" And the turboencabulator kept spinning and gyrating and gaining speed, until it........

 

 

[turboplanner]

.........almost touched the roof, but then it stopped and slowly started to rise on the stream of hot air that always came from the Captain wherever he was., but the crisis wasn't over yet, the encabulator ran out of hot air and arced down towards........

 

[Turbo was very proud of his Shafting Award, which was a Spicer 1800 drive shaft twisted up into knots, and he commends the Truck Axle Association (TAA) {avref} for its research. Years ago Turbo had loaned a Prime Mover to the Federal Government department responsible for road safety regulation to use on a tilt table. The Academic who tried to drive if off after the test didn't realise the spring brakes had been applied and put his foot down harder. The Cummins engine responded with a roar and twisted the driveshaft into history. Turbo will be chrome plating the Award and sending it up to the National Road Transport Hall of Fame in Alice Springs] https://roadtransporthall.com/

 

 

[Captain]

.........almost touched the roof, but then it stopped and slowly started to rise on the stream of hot air that always came from the Captain wherever he was., but the crisis wasn't over yet, the encabulator ran out of hot air and arced down towards........

 

...... an Iranian General who was having a coffee and a falafel while his mates where ........

 

 

[onetrack]

........setting up more rockets aimed at a large U.S. base in Iraq. Suddenly the turboencabulator landed amongst them with an almighty crash, scattering parts and components everywhere like confetti.

 

There was total and utter panic amongst the gathered Iranians, as they all dived under anything that looked like it might afford protection from an American attack, which they were convinced it was.

 

As the dust settled, and the Iranians slowly came out from under their hiding places, there was consternation amongst them, as to what this new American weapon could be.

 

It didn't seem to have any explosive mechanism attached to it, which totally confounded them. But it had arrays of mysterious unknown components, and a huge amount of wiring, thus meaning it was very high-tech.

 

They gathered up the remains of the turboencabulator and rushed it off to the Iranian Weapons Research Establishment, so it could be examined, dissected and analysed.

 

Most importantly, they had to translate the English writing on it into Farsi. The words "Turboencabulator" and "Chrysler" had them flummoxed.

 

This was obviously American high-tech equipment of the greatest secrecy, and an incredible find for them, to be able to recover one of these devices in an examinable state.

 

There was great excitement amongst the Iranian QUDS Force. Their CO got on the phone to Putin. "Vlad!", he exclaimed, "We've got something here we'd like you to see!! It's a new, secret U.S. weapon! - and we've dissected it!!"

 

Vlad couldn't contain his excitement. "I'll be on a plane to Iran within half an hour!", he said to the CO. "Make sure you......

 

 

[Captain]

There was great excitement amongst the Iranian QUDS Force. Their CO got on the phone to Putin. "Vlad!", he exclaimed, "We've got something here we'd like you to see!! It's a new, secret U.S. weapon! - and we've dissected it!!"

 

Vlad couldn't contain his excitement. "I'll be on a plane to Iran within half an hour!", he said to the CO. "Make sure you......

 

……. clowns don't shoot my plane down as I arrive."

 

However there was a noise of increased engine revs and they all looked out of the window in amazement to see Turbs and his wingman, bull, in a 45 degree dive, with the Rotax 1,000 rpm over the normal max and with their Daisy air-rifles fully loaded and ready to hit the Iranian Quds guy (who is not the full Qud) in the arse.

 

The Drifter strained and so did Tink (Because he hadn't been for a while) and he ……...……..

 

 

[turboplanner]

....fired both barrels at once, one being his own so to speak. A brown mist filled the air, and the Quds began screaming "Gas!!!!!!........Gas!!!!!!........Gas!!!!!!, and gas it was. They were all looking up and holding their noses and while Vlad was in that position bull hit him hard, knocking him out with the one blow. The Quds fled to their caves and had to wait a week for the air to clear enough to fly again.

 

In the meantime, as we know, Trump took advantage of the situation; "We got him" he said smiling, but looking at no one in particular except........

 

[hihosland]

the image in the mirror

 

to whom he chanted

 

"mirror Mirror on the wall

 

I'm the fairest of them all

 

the............... "

 

 

[turboplanner]

...........and the answer came back; "You.......sweetheart"  Trump smirked, then realised the voice was very deep, with masculine tones.........

 

 

[hihosland]

sounding very much like Turbo of the shafting award.

 

Trump called for his latest media secretary who reminded him that Turbo's award had something to do with an Eton transaxle. The mere mention of trans set the toddler in chief off on yet another tangent diatribe about making America great again, (grate again?)

 

"Those Pesky Quds" mumbled he "I'll......................

 

 

[onetrack]

.......soon sort out their rocket shee-nanigans!" "But you can't call the Ayatollah 'Rocket Man', whispered a Presidential aide. "You've already used that on that North Korean nutter".

 

"But it shut him up, though, didn't it??", retorted Donald. "You haven't seen him launch anything since, have you?". "Yes, we have", said the aide. "He's launched 11 more, since you called him Rocket Man".

 

"Nobody told me about them?" said Donald. "You sure on that? I don't recall any NK rockets since I roasted him like a Thanksgiving turkey! Well, at least he hasn't let off any nukes!"

 

"But what about these damned Eye-Rain-ee-ins??" said Donald. "We gotta get up a good name for them! - name-calling always worked for me! And if it doesn't - well, we still got those nukes, haven't we?"

 

"We sure have", said the aide, but no-one has let off a nuke since 1945, and we're all a bit reluctant to - particularly seeing as we've still got these millions of ordinary armaments to use up!"

 

"I gotta have a name for these pissant Eye-Rain-ee-in rocket hoods!! Gimme a good name, one that really stings those Muzzie SOB's!!", said Donald, whilst thumbing through his favourite comic book, looking for inspiration.

 

"Well, said the aide - "How about........

 

 

[hihosland]

..missile toad?

 

or

 

manic missile?

 

one thing is for sure with my new sanctions in place they will never get their sandy mitts on a Turboencabulator  nor any spare parts for the .................

 

 

[turboplanner]

....Roswell space ship which I use regularly to fly from Miami to my Golf Course in Miami, where............

 

 

[Captain]

....Roswell space ship which I use regularly to fly from Miami to my Golf Course in Miami, where............

 

...... this story needs to stop right now, as thru deft research Poiro-tain has proven that Turbo has his hand on it again.

 

The encabulator is really Turbs being all Walter Mitty-like and it actually just a rusty old cab and below is a candid pic from his back yard.

 

"We just can't accept a word he writes" said HiHo vindictively to Onesie and bull (Captain was left out again) "And we need to .......