The Never Ending Story

[onetrack]

....ensure that our Drifters are armed with a better grade of missile, because the Turboencabulators have improved their performance so much, we can now fit substantial armaments".

 

"Speaking of Turboencabulators" said Hi-Ho, "I find it quite amazing, how Turbo managed to get his name included in the Turboencabulator design! It can't be, that he had that much input, they would name it after him?"

 

"No, he didn't", said Cappy. "I have it on good advice, Turbo has pictures of his boss in bed with his secretary, and utilised them to get a promotion from a position of lowly truck mechanic, to head of the Design Dept - as well as his getting his name included on the Turboencabulator! Of course, he doesn't have a clue what he's doing in the Design Dept, everyone just covers for his disastrous errors!"

 

"Sounds just like CASA!", exclaimed Hi-Ho. "Well, he's apparently planning to move to CASA once he gets booted from the Design Dept", said Cappy. "He's got all the necessary skills now, writing up gobbledegook, making thousands of rules and regulations that no-one understands, you know, all that kind of thing".

 

Meantimes, Turbo had been fiddling with a Drifter, trying to make it fire-proof, missile-proof, and installing an automatic park brake. He had even bigger plans in mind, the next thing was........

 

 

[Captain]

"No, he didn't", said Cappy. "I have it on good advice, Turbo has pictures of his boss in bed with his secretary, and utilised them to get a promotion from a position of lowly truck mechanic, to head of the Design Dept - as well as his getting his name included on the Turboencabulator! Of course, he doesn't have a clue what he's doing in the Design Dept, everyone just covers for his disastrous errors!"

 

"It was actually a selfie that Turbo-the Secretary took" said the FlyingVision, and I know because ......

 

 

[turboplanner]

......expose him”. So they dragged him out to the old cab. Look at this you XXXXXX who liked playing the gangster. “Well bugger me!” said Turbo, I’d forgotten all about the Yeller Terror. I used so sit at the lights on Woodward Avenue, Detroit and wait for the Mustangs, Camaros, and Chargers to come along and then blow them away.

 

Hop in and we’ll go for a ride.”

 

Forget it, the battery will be flat for a start”, scoffed the Captain, who fancied himself as a car expert. “It has a Solar Charger” replied Turbo, and HiHo, a secret greenie, especially since the bushfires broke out, swooned in admiration at Turbo’s amazing foresight.

 

So they got in and heard a soft while as Turbo hit the starter. He  pulled it into a 3G climb (avref), levelling our at 9000 feet after Cappy had difficulty breathing.

 

”Did anyone check the fuel...........

 

 

[Captain]

"Did anyone check the fuel...........

 

..... for water?"

 

"Don't be a dick" responded HoHo who is well known as a rule bender (about which Planey made a note in his diaria) "Nobody actually does that any more before a flight, as it ..........."

 

 

[turboplanner]

..... for water?"

 

"Don't be a dick" responded HoHo who is well known as a rule bender (about which Planey made a note in his diaria) "Nobody actually does that any more before a flight, as it ..........."

 

.....might not have enough to avoid making that new Mayday call thingy, and....................

 

 

[Captain]

.....might not have enough to avoid making that new Mayday call thingy, and....................

 

..... anyway, water is part hydrogen, so HF can stick their fuel checks where the .....

 

 

[Captain]

"I might start flying again if they are using oxygen and hydrogen incorporated into their fuels" said Greta.

 

 

[turboplanner]

giving the Captain the eye. Cappy drew back. Greta moved forward.....

 

 

[onetrack]

....and got so close to Cappy he could see the fire in her eyes. "How dare you!" cried Greta. "You have been burning untold amounts of avgas for decades, and now you tell us you could have been using hydrogen and oxygen!"

 

Cappy gasped, and looked around like a trapped rat. There had to be some way of........

 

 

[turboplanner]

........shutting her up.......but she moved even closer. He could see the pieces of rotten meat between her teeth; she never wasted water to clean them, or wash. Cappy looked pleadingly across to Turbo for help, Turbo gave him a wave, and.....

 

 

[Captain]

...... acknowledged what Turbo had witnessed many times over the decades of their close friendship.  The Skipper was, indeed, irresistible to women.

 

"You may look like you are 76, Greta, but you are way to young for me" said the Skipper with great honour.

 

Greta was disappointed of course, but turned to Turbo and .....

 

 

[turboplanner]

.......Turbo turned to OneTrack and said “She’s all yours”, and stepped smartly back, but......

 

 

[onetrack]

......Onetrack was already two steps behind Turbo, having learnt from Army life, to be quick stepping back, when asked to step forward and volunteer.

 

Greta was now looking for another target for her natural hostility. Hi-Ho had been unaware of what had recently transpired, as he was examining plans for further Drifter upgrades.

 

Greta picked on Hi-Ho. "Hi-Ho", she said, "What are you going to do about........

 

(why is it, whenever I type "Greta", it comes out as "Great"?? This must be a Internet Climate Change Activist plot!)

 

 

[turboplanner]

.”........ Climate change for me.” Hi Ho was still looking at the grinning and missed the first two words but went weak at the knees when he heard the last two. He was in a dream......

 

 

[hihosland]

That his bushfire allegory so cruelly dismissed as incomprehensible (with possible justification,) had found an appreciative audience and.......

 

 

[Captain]

That his bushfire allegory so cruelly dismissed as incomprehensible (with possible justification,) had found an appreciative audience and.......

 

.... HidyHody went all dissapointed again when bull asked Mavis "Isn't allegory the stuff that they use to fix holes in your teeth?"

 

Mavis, who had been a dental nurse for 20 years, in order to meet men, laughed but with a ........

 

 

[turboplanner]

..........n ironic smile and gave HiHo a tissue. "No", she said, It's the name of a romantic song. Haven't you heard of 'Allegory Moon'?"

 

But Hi Ho, a redneck from the hills of South East Gipsland only knew hillbilly Bluegrass and was quickly rejected by Mavis.

 

he would have to return to Greta, who by now had turned her attention to.............

 

HiHo at the height of his Bluegrass career

 

 

 

 

[onetrack]

.......her smartphone, to deal with questions and comments from her fan club, which had reached just over 2000 members in number, making her actually smile a little (if that's possible from a face with a permanent scowl).

 

But Hi-Ho was still upset about his fire allegory being totally ignored. "I could be a potential Poet Laureate!", he exclaimed. "But no-one from around here would notice!!"

 

"There, there", said Turbo soothingly, "We did notice your careful word crafting and allegories, but it's lost on a number of people here, they're primarily flying types, you know".

 

"If you'd put your arms out, and moved around like an aeroplane in flight (avref), while you recited your prose, you'd have had an immediate and supportive reaction".

 

Meantimes, Cappy was still looking anxiously for his new Turboencabulator, which he'd ordered off AliExpress, but which still hadn't arrived.

 

This is typical of Chinese purchases, though. It was likely Cappy would end up receiving Chinese New Year lanterns, instead of his eagerly-awaited Turboencabulator, thus leading to major disappointment on his behalf.

 

Suddenly, there came a familiar engine sound from above. It was a sound they all recognised, and it meant......

 

 

[hihosland]

with a buzz and whizz the AliExpress drone delivering Cappy's much anticipated Turboencabulator was overhead and trying without success to get a fix on Cappy's vintage iphone2.

 

Turbo with ear firmly pressed to his Motorola brick was eying enviously the iphone just as the Ali-drone having exhausted its on-site time allowance soared skywards, took a fix on the nearest cell tower and ...................

 

 

[Captain]

...... received 2 rounds from the Skipper's shotty.

 

He had carefully reached into his ammo cupboard, ignored the normal 7s & 8s that he used on clay targets, and selected a pair of AA Super Handicap 4s which ripped into the drone like a a series of lead 4s into a chinese made drone, wherein his excellent .......

 

 

[turboplanner]

.........aim, which with the zero choke would have had the same effect aimed 20 degrees out in any direction, had no effect on the drone which was climbing like a homseick Angel.

 

Turbo has to step up with his full choke barrels (which required an expert shot but had three times the range), and Swan Gauge cartridges, gave it both barrels and blew the drone to bits. The encabulator started to fall and........

 

 

[Captain]

The encabulator started to fall and........

 

..... the NES went quiet in anticipation of ......

 

 

[Captain]

..... the NES went quiet in anticipation of ......

 

....... the Turbo AutoLand system kicking in, because as usual Tink was 5 years ahead of Garmin with his .......

 

 

[turboplanner]

.......Level 12 Autonomous control which can identify the Nationality or sobriety status of a driver, or even whether a millenial is on their phone, and fly their aircraft for them, usually out of his way, and if he's in a humorous mood, into a paddock full of cow pats, where....

 

 

[onetrack]

....the dung beetles can go to work, rapidly burying the wreckage, so there's no need to lodge any incident reports.

 

But the Level 12 Autonomous control is still riddled with programming flaws, and one of them is, that it can't find addresses where the street name or residents name, has a hyphen in it.

 

This turned out to be a huge problem for Cappy, whose real name is the Honourable Thomas John Montmorency-FitzHugh.

 

As a result, the TurboAutoland system bypassed Cappys house, and crash-landed right into a nearby paddock full of cow turds - and the dung beetles went straight to work, burying the.........