The Never Ending Story

[hihosland]

explained why he found such good company in a mob of galahs none of which seemed to know anything abour RAAUS or any other ...............

[turboplanner]

.....aviation issue, so the voters moved him on in favour of Darwin Chestnut who was a dairy farmer and descendant of the Man from Snowy River who once flew.....

[Captain]

.....aviation issue, so the voters moved him on in favour of Darwin Chestnut who was a dairy farmer and descendant of the Man from Snowy River who once flew.....

…… a Tyro over a Cuckoo's Nest, then on a whim, over Bass Strait before returning to Canberra and the …………

 

(A whim is the Mark 6 version of the Tyro GS, just renamed due to obscure but nevertheless important patent issues)

[turboplanner]

.....drudgery of Question Time where he as the first Minister for Aviation to parry every question he was even asked, and......

 

[Turbo respectively points out that it was a Tyro GS1 which made the Bass Strait crossing. As even the village idiot would know, the GS only had a half litre fuel tank, designed to keep pilots like bull close to the airfield under the watchful eye of the CFI. The GS1 had the necessary 200 litre long range tank which was formed for use as a seat, thus saving weight, and also had the MK IV wheel arramgement.]

[Captain]

and also had the MK IV wheel arramgement.

...... ,mind you, that was a Mk IV Cortina, where they were able to find .......

[turboplanner]

.......that the wheels were rotating as an oblate spheroid which gave the Cortina.........

[onetrack]

.... the same oncoming appearance as a B767, right after touchdown (avref). However, despite this, the size differences ensured that there was rarely a time when an oncoming Mk IV Cortina was mistaken for an oncoming B767.

However, the exception to this, was when Cappy went driving in the Jag, and forgot his driving glasses.

In a case of severely mistaken identity, plus some mind fogginess (reportedly due to early-onset dementia) on Cappys behalf - he forgot where he was, thought he was at the controls of his Jab on takeoff (avref) - and mistook the oncoming Cortina with oblate spheroid wheels, for a B767 landing (avref) in front of him.

He screamed out some fruity epithets, grabbed futilely for a non-existent microphone, and swerved off the road into a ditch - as the Cortina driver roared blithely past.

"You XXXXXXX XXXX!" screamed Cappy to no-one in particular. "What are you doing on MY runway?? I've already .....

[turboplanner]

.....[it has taken some time to establish that Darwin Chestnut who was flying the Cortina] "........ reached V1!."

"Tell someone who cares" replied Chestnut and was about to say something else when he heard the unmistakeable sound of thin fabric (avref) ripping; the Benoulli part of his wing skin was failing and he ............

[Captain]

And there, dear reader, is a prime example of what drove Planey crazy about most of Turbo's 15,424 post for so many decades.

His posts always sound so considered, great & sensible, but in this case here is Turbo exposed in all his savage & duplicitous glory.

Turbo's Benoulli should, of course, be spelt "Bernoulli".

There, I've said it.

Turbo might be my best & closest mate and I'll defend him to the end, but what an arse for leaving out the r, and misleading the public in this way.

[turboplanner]

Not many people know, and this clearly includes the dullard C. Cook, that there are two critical surfaces in an aerofoil, the upper curved surface which prompted Bernoulli to write his theorem about (since disproved by a panel of WF experts, 97% of whom said it didn't work, while providing no proof of their assertions, and the transitional surface on the hyperbole of the leading edge, which Turbo's flatmate Benoulli discovered while hang gliding in the Pyrenees, before he broke his leg in the..........

[Bryon]

Not many people know, and this clearly includes the dullard C. Cook, that there are two critical surfaces in an aerofoil, the upper curved surface which prompted Bernoulli to write his theorem about (since disproved by a panel of WF experts, 97% of whom said it didn't work, while providing no proof of their assertions, and the transitional surface on the hyperbole of the leading edge, which Turbo's flatmate Benoulli discovered while hang gliding in the Pyrenees, before he broke his leg in the..........

........Cockaknees which was Mavis's favourite place as she always loved a good.......

[Captain]

........Cockaknees which was Mavis's favourite place as she always loved a good.......

...... one (and sometimes even more than one), however a good one was getting harder & harder to find since she had started hanging around with the WF wrecks.

 

But suddenly she locked in (weaponssystemsref) on Turbo's flatmate (what's the sordid backstory there?), young Benny Oulli, who is a Somalian gang member from the hard streets of Moorabbin, but he also had a Wreckreational licence, a half finished Drifter, and a Jason Moran-like softer side that was also .......

Edited February 21, 2020 by Captain

[onetrack]

..... inclined towards ruthless thuggery towards anyone that offended him. In his nightmares, he was in his Drifter, when he was attacked with high velocity rifle fire from the ground, from an opposing Moorabbistan street gang.

But the nightmare ended with him diving the Drifter (avref) towards the gang, and scattering them as he fired from the cockpit (avref) with his trusty .40 cal S&W, recently stolen from a bashed VicPol officer.

At that point, he woke up sweating and crying out Turbos name. Turbo convinced him it was all a dream, and that no-one was going to shoot him out of the sky once he got the Drifter (avref) fully operational.

 

But Benny had real-life dreams - big real-life dreams. He saw himself as a leader in the African RA field, with an aviation degree specialising in aerodynamics.

He saw himself leading those cheerfully willing, backyard African RA homebuilders, into new designs that didn't rely on parts scrounged from 1962 model Toyota Tiaras, nor engines scrounged from cement mixers, and antique portable gensets.

He saw himself as leading the wave of new African kit-built designs, which would take the world by storm, with advanced aerodynamics, and advanced engines, and advanced airframe designs, made from new lightweight materials, all of Somali origin.

 

But the main problem Benny had, one of adequate money. As a result, to fast track his career, he had started up various clever scams (because you can't get anywhere as a Somali without a scam generating cash), and a profitable drug importation business, which he ran at arms length from an office in the Cook Islands, staffed by a corrupt accountant.

He had perfected a number of profitable phone scams and phishing scams, all relying on the fact that people love easy money in large quantities - or they're fearful of the ATO.

The ATO scam was exceptionally successful, particularly when he concentrated on those driving expensive new cars, when they were reportedly on the dole.

But amongst all this fast-tracking of his life aims, something was still missing from Bennys life. The one thing he greatly desired, was.......

Edited February 22, 2020 by onetrack

[turboplanner]

.........recognition. That little Italian Bernoulli had been handing out matchboxes at the BoB, while he, far more intelligent, but African American was prevented from entering by the Sudanese security guards. Just as he was once again being ejected Constable Doubtfire swung round the corner in the Land Cruiser. “What........”

[Captain]

....... the XXXX (milehighavref) are you doing ......

[hihosland]

.........none of your XXXX (milehighavref)ing business.

But since you are what passes for the law in these 'ere parts and you might have heard of the need for an ASIC card I'll tell what I am doing.

I along with Benny & Turbo and with the guidance (avref) of Mavis are here to exploit various loopholes in the ATO's grand scheme to slap a sales tax on the turboencabulator.

These holes when all lined up in the cheese will make us very very rich.

At this probationary constable Doubtfire's eye lit up and he sensing a potential slice of the cheese ............................

[Captain]

........... "Who cut the chesse?" he/she (nttiawwt) asked, but the question was cut short by the spectre of ........

[onetrack]

.....Turbo in a hooded outfit, skulking in through the back door of the BoB, whilst security was ejecting his Somali mate out the front.

 

Turbo always kept the hooded outfit handy, because it was on more than one occasion, he chose not to be identified. In this case, he wanted to get inside the BoB, to talk with a "person of interest" to CASA.

There was method in his modus operandi, though, even as it appeared he'd lost his marbles. But as he approached the bar with his hood pulled forward, he was spotted by..........

[turboplanner]

........Loxie who was dressed in Alpine leather shorts with braces, and had his hair slicked down with sewing machine oil. He knew he was guilty and panicked, bumping into.....

[Captain]

........Loxie who was dressed in Alpine leather shorts with braces, and had his hair slicked down with sewing machine oil. He knew he was guilty and panicked, bumping into.....

........ an unsuspecting young virgin (avref) (named Jack), the same way he used to on the trains in Sydney when Loxie specialised in packed carriages where he and the poor unsuspecting people around him would rock backwards and forwards, backward and forwards, rubbing, rubbing so suggestively as the train passed through Homebush & Bankstown.

 

"Zat ist why Ich always wear ze lederhosen" said Loxie at the RFS tribute concert where, as a gnarled and wizzened, contorted, deformed, wrinkled, distorted, dried up, twisted, bent, and bitter old veteran of the fires & of the crappy worn out equipment he was forced to use, he thought he would be able to easily crack onto a ........

 

A COUPLE OF RANDOM PHOTOS OF LOXIE IN HIS LEDERHOSEN

[ATTACH=full]50769[/ATTACH][ATTACH=full]50770[/ATTACH]

Edited February 23, 2020 by Captain

[turboplanner]

......member of the Firettes who had just bought an Extra to compete in aerobatic championships, and who knew plenty of sequences, but before she......

[Captain]

......member of the Firettes who had just bought an Extra to compete in aerobatic championships, and who knew plenty of sequences, but before she......

…….. could comment on Loxie's decrepit animal magnetism (albeit that the animal is a sloth), she made the very astute observation "How can chewing gum (albeit an excellent breath freshener to be used prior to smooching) be used in an aerobatic (avref) champion (turboref) ship (nauticalref)? (questionref)."

 

By coincidence, Loxie had several sticks of Extra in his leather dacks, which had been there for 20 years, so were now collector's items ready for discussion on the Antiques (Turboref) Roadshow, where he proposed to ……..

[turboplanner]

.....sell them for $10,000.00 each. Now NES readers might be a little cynical about that, but in fact these sticks were made from the last gum from the Eucalyptus-A trees which have now become extinct due to Climate Change, and it just isn't possioble to get that exact taste any more. Loxie........

[Captain]

…….. on the other hand, was a PK type of guy, whereas the Firettes were all Juicy ……...

[turboplanner]

...fruits, and prone to speaking and chewing gum at the same....