The Never Ending Story

[onetrack]

.... which reminds one of the description of a well-known WogWogistan identity, who has been affectionately described as a bloke who, "can't walk and chew gum at the same time".

 

However, there was also a hidden feature to the Antique Extra chewing gum made from the Euc-A trees. It had incredible adhesive properties, better than any commercially produced adhesive.

 

It was kept aboard the Drifters by their pilots, so they could fix major airframe fractures, anywhere, anytime - from Antarctic conditions, right through to the searing Outback heat, and the breathless humidity of the North of Australia.

 

But it had to be masticated carefully and thoroughly to produce maximum adhesion. Failure to follow the mastication instructions would inevitably lead to a disaster, as the optimum adhesiveness levels would never be reached.

 

However, the Captain, always one for poor reading and comprehension skills, was one of those individuals who failed to read the Antique Extra gum instructions properly.

 

He misread "mastication" as "masturbation", and as a result, the stickyness of the end result was poor, to say the least. "Well, at least you can say I tried", said Cappy, as he.....

[turboplanner]

.....attempted to talk his way out the embarrassing situation. Meanwhile Turbo was not slow to pick up on the potential of the gum from Eucalyptus-A, and through his subsidiary Turbine Environmental, had managed to clone some Eucalyptus-A, using the Thompson Metamorphic Ewe process. He followed the practice of the automotive industry to keep processing costs down and had the product masticated by 2,000 Pakistanis. He'd had no trouble getting labour at 57 cents per hour with 10,000 applying initially. There was an unfortunate misunderstaning in their reading of the ad, but it was all sorted out, and Turbine Environmental had just sent their first 3 tonne batch to Boeing [former avref] who, as we know, are always on the lookout for ways to reduce costs. TE was now in the process of planting 10 million cloned Eucalyptus-A trees in Pakistan, and Turbo had been honored by the President, who was now going to attend the next Paris summit not only with a Zero CO2 target for 2050, but shooting to the top of the world with a minus 30%! To celebrate this future event he called on......

[hihosland]

Julian Burnside to mediate in the emerging dispute between the Roman Curia and Turbo investments inc, a dispute that arose out of a slight miss translation where by the proposed mas mastication was confused with a mass breakdown in public morals and threatened to precipitate a pandemic of blindness in Turbo's halls of mass masterbation.

Turbo's frantic calls to the Fred Hollows foundation to refute this fear merely resulted in .........

[turboplanner]

.........a recorded message saying "Fred won't be in for a while", so.........

[Captain]

.........a recorded message saying "Fred won't be in for a while", so.........

…….. "Walk on by, there is nothing to see here" (said like Fred H doing his best Obi-Wan impression outside the bar in Star Wars).

 

Adam Bandt (a bit of a knob & another Juicy Fruit chewer) saw the Pakistani's claims about their minus 30% emissions target and thought that to be a worthy target for OZ, until somebody pointed out that the level of omissions from all those AK47's and suicide belts would make the Skippies a target.

 

"Hold on there Adam" Turbo ejaculated "I've always liked the policies of the Greens and I want to ..............

 

 

A RARE PHOTO OF TURBO STANDING IN AS OBI-WAN DURING A STAR WARS REHEARSAL IN COOBER PEDY

WITH ONESIE AS C3PO AND BULL AS R2. SALTY, HEIDI AND THE SKIPPER WERE INSIDE THE BAR AS THE CREEPY

BLOKES, WITH THE FLYINGVIZLA AS PRINCESS LEYA.

 

Edited February 25, 2020 by Captain

[Captain]

A STAFF PICKET LINE OUTSIDE TURBINE ENTERPRISES, WITH TURBO LOOKING ON DISAPPROVINGLY.

 

THE SKIPPER IS THE ST ON THE RIGHT.

 

[Captain]

In the above photo, note the encabulator poked up under Darth Turbo's codpiece (to make it look even bigger).

 

"I use the force, Lord Captain" said CodVader "And the ladies love it, because ……………….

[hihosland]

ladies are ladies, however Mavis being a bit more aware than most cried "there's only two greens showing" (serious avref) this calls for a Pan (avref) call and ...........................

[turboplanner]

.......a low pass [avref] to see if I can get a response before........

[Captain]

.......a low pass [avref] to see if I can get a response before........

……. going even lower (avref) (a Turdboy norm) and then a quick ...…..

[onetrack]

....pull back on the stick, to bring up the.....

[turboplanner]

.....encabulator power which provides anti stall, anti spin, as used on the new TurboProp ® aircraft soon to be released by Turbine Aircraft Corp.

The motor has Qvanes which reduce the fly by noise level down to 30 dbA, flies at 220 knots, and runs on peanut oil. So if you plant peanuts and extract the oil, its going to cost you peanuts to fly, and......

[Captain]

.....encabulator power which provides anti stall, anti spin, as used on the new TurboProp ® aircraft soon to be released by Turbine Aircraft Corp.

The motor has Qvanes which reduce the fly by noise level down to 30 dbA, flies at 220 knots, and runs on peanut oil. So if you plant peanuts and extract the oil, its going to cost you peanuts to fly, and......

"Oh you, oh you oh you, don't you worry about that" said Joh the peanut farmer from the peanut gallery "Are you from the ABC?"

 

But then he commented in all seriousness about how well Turbo would have fitted into the Qld lifestyle, into their unique way of doing business down in "The Valley" and how fitting Turbo's white shoes would have looked in Creek St, …….. plus the staggering royalties that Tubbs must be raking in each year from his TurboProp ® © (avref), TurboFan ® © (avref), TurboPower and TurboCharger inventions. "By crickey" added Joh, "If only I had …………….

Edited February 27, 2020 by Captain

[turboplanner]

".....you by my side, we would have been down in Canberra sorting those chooks out, and we would have had a monorail from the Gold Coast to Hobart." Turbo smiled modestly and quietly stepped away; he............

[hihosland]

been well briefed by Mavis and understood quite well when to associate and when to dissociate, and Joh did seem to be one that...........

[Captain]

…… would drag him down the Lutheran Church route (avref), which would clash with Turbo's own messiah (TurboRef) complex.

 

"I am a deity (turboref)" said Tink, based on his recent invention of the yet to be publicly released TurboWindFarm, TurboSolarPanel, & the TurboGoldfromWater process.

 

Based on this post in the NES, the shares in Turbine Enterprises were set to go through the stratosphere (avref) where Tink is ………..

[turboplanner]

...........planning to locate a Turbine SpacePaltform Hilton Hotel and hot water Springs Resort.

In response to an incredulous Guardian reporter, Turbo did concede there were still a few issues to resolve, but said "We hope to have guests sipping arrival champagne by 2050" in line with all the government promises of zero emissions by that year, and not only that, but we will be.......

[Captain]

....... serving Corona beers while issuing all guests with our patented Turbo endorsed combination Corona Certified Face Mask & ArXe Swab (the breakthru TCCCFMAAS) which then doubles as a disposable aviation (avref) noise attenuation headset after use.

 

The aviation community (AC) (avref) went crazy for these .....

[turboplanner]

......useful items which were selling for 20 cents each, but there was a slight disposal problem at the end of the chain, odour related.

Councils throughout Australia were about to introduce a Four bin rubbish collection, eagerly accepted by people living in Units, because they could save money building front fences, and once Turbo provided samples of the odour, the Councils were rapidly taking up Turbo's suggestion of a five bin policy, which.....

[Captain]

…… could be pinched (like 179 or X2 holden badges) and used as runway (avref) markers on private strips (wealthyacreageownerorfarmerref), where the colours of the lids of the 5 bins had the usual meanings in aviation (avref) circles (avref), which meant that ………...

 

Post # 12,000 coming up. Who will win the free gift (to a maximum value of $2,000) from the Pilot (avref) Shop?

[Captain]

……… the black bin lid can be located beside the run-up area to remind Jab owners to check for oil leaks, the red bin lid on the port side, the green bin lid to starboard, the yellow bin lid can mark the commencement of the takeoff area and the blue bin lid can be located to the side of the strip for anyone that is feeling a bit depressed. Then all bins can be lain on their sides as a makeshift but upmarket 3 dimensional set of piano keys .............. however that might be a bit of an issue for ………...

[turboplanner]

..........the tail draggers which come in like a Kangaroo Dog having a CXAP, or ......

[Captain]

..........the tail draggers which come in like a Kangaroo Dog having a CXAP, or ......

...... the tycoon from Turbine Industries doing his usual Richard Branson-like inspection of his realm, when, with the equivalent of a Virgin hostie on each arm, he would touch down on the keys to show that he was actually a ......

[turboplanner]

......Keyboard Pilot, one of those rare aces who can land an aircraft like a feather on the keys every time, make the first taxyway every time, never forget flaps up, give the correct SMC radio call, not hit the fuel truck, and park perfectly wing tip to wing tip the regulation 100 mm apart.

"How do you do it?" old Isaac once asked.

"It's nothing" said Turbo "just airmanship"

"What's that?" asked the Captain, who'd been taught to fly in Wagga Wagga where....

[Captain]

……. the "Near Enough is Good Enough" principals were always applied.

 

"Anyone who goes downwind (avref) on the correct side of that runway thingy is a bit of a woose" said the Skipper when he and Turbs were having a couple of $700 burgers in Alice Springs after they had each had a slab of XXXX at William Creek & then buzzed the tower in Alice in their …….