The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

………. dunny paper section at Woolies.

 

Then came the Quiltourbo, Sorbenturbo & Turbeenex brands of tissue in huge quantities to save the country, which were made from last year's sugar cane (bagasse) after processing through his latest design of Encabulator, which had proven itself to be multi functional and revolutionary for food & tissue production plus also for low cost power generation in remote communities.

 

"The plick must be making a fortune" said Nobu in an internet link with Scot, who had enlisted Tubb's assistance in balancing the National Accounts.

 

"I can lend it to you Scot, old mate" said Turdboy "If only you can ...……………..

[turboplanner]

..........cut just a little bit of my tax costs. Us business people are hurting now, and if we all want to bounce back to the point where we aren't going through 30 toilet rolls a day, we need a financial.......

[Captain]

..................… bagasse ...……………..

"Should that be bag-asse or big asse?" asked Mavis who had little knowledge of the sugar making process, despite having sampled the delights of the post sugar season rum drinking sessions in FNQ (when the rum has a direct adverse influence on the strength of knicker elastic) "And is that Skipper winker referring to me? If so I'll ……………….

[turboplanner]

"............step over and stand on his toe. At the Gumly Gumly RSL we have a Captain's corner where we send him every time he makes a pass. In that corner he's available for any of us, but I've never seen any of the female members take up the "prize" except......

[Captain]

"............step over and stand on his toe. At the Gumly Gumly RSL we have a Captain's corner where we send him every time he makes a pass. In that corner he's available for any of us, but I've never seen any of the female members take up the "prize" except......

……. for a floozy with a name something like Ahzalea Locks. She was a middle aged hottie who I hear had been flashing "them" and (then the "lot") as a marker on their bombing run to a fire bomber over west of Canberra, and who then blew in from the firezone with desperation in her eyes and ...………...

[Captain]

....... Ahzalea Locks looked just like her brother, Goldy, except that she didn't winge about the adequacy of her equipment, and let me assure you" said the Skipper "That her equipment was .......

[onetrack]

....fully certified by CASA (avref), and met all the necessary regulations and levels of maintenance. "Speaking of maintenance", said Turbo, "Cappy, are you still paying out on those 16 kids by 5 wives, that you were obliged to, under that Family Court order?"

"Nah", said Cappy, "I managed to prove that 14 of them weren't mine, and the other 2 were somewhat dubious as well, so I avoided taking a bullet on that one. Besides, it was.....

[Captain]

......... not a complete 7th Dayer marriage, as I'm a died in the wool, dinky dye Protestant agnostic where multiple wives are fine as long as they are reasonable looking (we are a very practical mob, exampled by Turdy being elected Archbishop of Moorabbin which is the seat of our religion wherin is located the sacred Stone of Vettes, but also where .........

[turboplanner]

........the Shroud of Onetrack is held in a bulletproof glass case.

Not may people know that Onetrack was a Methodist Preacher, and roamed the state of WA in a black 53 Customline with "Jesus Gives" painted pon the side. The cold hard fact is that Jesus never gave while OT was around, OT is never recorded as shouting in any pub, so he and his sermons were not looked forward to.

One night in Kununurra a few of the boys decided to play a practical joke, set up a rear projection screen semi hidden by bushed and lured him out of the pub for a drink in the beer garden. and then played a vidoe of a herd of cattle stampeding towards him OT went over backwards, got tangled up in his stubbie which hit a rock and was found to be bleeding at a great rate. A few minutes later his breathing stopped and the boys pronounced him dead.

The next morning, amrned with shovels a party arrived to bury him in the beer garden, but all they found was his bloodstained preacher's robe, and a note saying "I have rissen, your frend Onetrack, I will be baack!"

How the robe got to the Moorabbin Council Chambers and what happened to OT is another story, but......

[onetrack]

..... the robe of Onetrack is held in solemn reverence by the Moorabbin Council, as a sign in which Onetracks great esteem is held, throughout the width and depth of Australia.

What is not commonly known is that Turbo worships at the Shroud of Onetrack on a regular basis, and beseeches the Shroud for assistance with curly problems associated with Turbine Enterprises - such as the upcoming ASIC investigation into the propriety of recent fund-raising efforts by Turbine.

It appears ASIC is suspicious of the manner of the fund-raising and what the funds are proposed to be used for. It appears there have been many breaches of the Companies Act, and Turbo is not willing to provide the evidence that ASIC is seeking.

"I knew all along this bloke would run foul of the authorities", said Cappy. "It was only a matter of time before.....

[turboplanner]

"........he got caught." But Turbo, had been researching the Shroud of Onetrack, starting with some photos taken in the Bar of the pub on the night OT "rose". In particular, the sequence of photos showed a bottle of tomato sauce missing from the table in the beer garden. From there it was easy to get a sniff of the Shroud and confirm the "bloodstains" were tomato sauce. One night in the Parmelia, Alan Bond had told Turbo a long story about OT, and a long trail of missing money, other people's money. "Mrs Kelly wouldn't let her children play with him" Bond said, apparently forgetting the Century or so time difference.

From there it became quite simple for Turbo to turn State's evidence for no penalty in return for an additional propmise not to sell excess cat meat to the Sydney Restaurant trade.

Since this has only just happened, Turbo asks NES readers not to mention it as OT doesn't know yet, and.....

[Captain]

...... what's more, the holy relic in St Onetrack's Cathedral in Peppermint Grove is not his holy foreskin.

 

On forensic examination by Archbishop Turbine's Commission for the Doctrine of the Faith, the relic was tested and was found to be just a tomato sauce coloured cheesle, ....... plus it is way too big to be Onesie's.

 

This discovery led to ........

[turboplanner]

.....a Synod to decide what to do. 250,000 people travel to Moorabbin each year to pray at the Shroud, and that brings in important income to pubs, clubs, latte shops, and of course Moorabbin International Airport, along with the 32 Ha brothel precinct.

The decision was made to position OT so that he wasn't the real OT who had worn the robe. That would be necessary to "find" events the "shroud OT" had been seen at, and see if any miracles had been performed at that......

[Captain]

along with the 32 Ha brothel precinct.

.... known as the Turbine House of Pleasure, Pain, Miracles and Assorted Religious Relics, of which Onesie and Tubb were the most relic-ous (similar to the way that they are the biggest Wrecks in Wreck Flying), and the biggest users of the font where they often performed at that ...........

[Captain]

....... 6 am in an arial bold font.

 

"Did somebody call me?" asked Arial when ......

[turboplanner]

....he heard a noise, but it was only the water jockey filling another font who'd had too much worshipping.

Arial, while bold was only a 6 pt font, e refugee from proon who'd come in airing his knowledge but was quickly found to be only a flightsim player, so likely to get a dosing sooner or other. The Font of All Knowledge was flat out giving out advice on coronavirus and how that affected.......

[hihosland]

social distancing,

a concept that was causing some economic challenges at the Turbine House of Pleasure where formation flying just did not seem to be as rewarding as in the old days before the erection of and in the cathedral of st Patrick in peppermint grove where due to covid19 the green guinness celebratin on the 17th had to be cancelled leaving Turbo with 18 18 gallon kegs and an .................

[Captain]

Turbo with 18 18 gallon kegs and an .................

 

IT IS WITH REGRET THAT WE MUST SANCTION HEIDIHODY FOR THE USE OF IMPERIAL MEASURES, UNDER THE METRIC UNITS LEGISLATION OF 14.02.66 ……. MODERATOR 10 (Get it?) ……… and don't give me any grief about the continued use of Feet in aviation (avref).

Edited March 18, 2020 by Captain

[Captain]

social distancing,

a concept that was causing some economic challenges at the Turbine House of Pleasure where formation flying just did not seem to be as rewarding as in the old days before the erection of and in the cathedral of st Patrick in peppermint grove where due to covid19 the green Guinness celebrating on the 17th had to be cancelled leaving Turbo with 18 18 gallon kegs and an .................

……….. overhead similar to Virgin Airlines (avref) in a virous crisis.

 

"But" said Turbs with a start "I know what to do. I'll offer the Turbine House of Pleasure (THOP) to an AFL (AFL) club to use for their player's aerobic (almost an avref) training while in lockdown, and while we don't have any Thymosin Beta 4, we do have a picture of a Northrop Beta in the THOP's Aviation Room where the theme is ...…..

 

THIS IS THE VERY PHOTO ON THE WALL OF THE THOP'S "AVIATION ROOM" (BUT WITHOUT THE SMUDGES ON IT)

(AVREF).

Edited March 18, 2020 by Captain

[turboplanner]

Very few people know about the banning of feet in aviation. The new antics in RPT aircraft have been masked by closed security doors which replaced the previously open ones (to cut down the number of screams from hosties, but next time you go up with a light aircraft pilot watch as he reaches for the floor to apply rudder, or drops his.....

[Captain]

...……. undies, to expose a ………….

[Captain]

IT IS WITH REGRET THAT WE MUST SANCTION HEIDIHODY FOR THE USE OF IMPERIAL MEASURES, UNDER THE METRIC UNITS LEGISLATION OF 14.02.66 ……. MODERATOR 10 (Get it?) ……… and don't give me any grief about the continued use of Feet in aviation (avref).

 

And hereafter Heidi could be typically heard calling "Good afternoon Tyabb, this is Heidi cruising at 2,133.49588 metres bound for Sale".

 

But ………..

[turboplanner]

....... he hadn’t used his metric converter and he was cruising at 2.1 feet. Suddenly his windscreen filled with what he’d taken for two hills in the distance. He didn’t make it in between and finished up the the ample bosom of.......

[Captain]

....... he hadn’t used his metric converter and he was cruising at 2.1 feet. Suddenly his windscreen filled with what he’d taken for two hills in the distance. He didn’t make it in between and finished up the the ample bosom of.......

...…… a buxom "Little Person" who must have been about 2.9 feet tall.

 

"G'day" she said "Are you the world famous HiHo Slanderer with metric conversion dyslexia and the ………..

[hihosland]

was burdened with the mis conception that a D cup was for D caf and who bloody near D capitated afore said little person

who promptly D camped off towards Turbo's fine establishment all the while screaming ............