The Never Ending Story

[onetrack]

.......airlines, travel agents, tourism businesses, restaurants, pubs, casinos and gyms are being liquidated as we speak!"

"Never fear", said the Turbine, "I've got a heap of ideas that will blossom into profitable ventures, just as soon as self-isolation is over!".

"You gotta be kidding me?", said OT. "What make you think you can pull rabbits out of a hat, under the current disastrous circumstances?"

"Look", said Turbo, "People currently have a seige or prepper mentality, haven't they? Turbine Enterprises will capitalise on that, just as the firearms manufacturers have in the U.S.!"

"You mean?", said Cappy, that you'll take advantage of........

[hihosland]

.....community fears and panic?

"you bet" was the prompt reply "I have just perfected the first turboencabulator powered home generator which coupled with my newly patented microbial replicator will be snapped up by the preppies enabling them to ..................

[turboplanner]

.......train to become electricians and carry out emergency repairs to Retirement Homes.

Somewhat breathlessly Turbo appeared in the foyer and announced that effective immediately, he had appointed Planey to the position of CEO of Turbine Industries in order to keep encabulator production going at top speed, while he, Turbo focused on TurbineFood, a new enterprise based on rabbits.

 

It was really quite simple, the cat farms, which had been supplying thousands of tonnes of produce to Chinese Restaurants for years would be extended to breed rabbits, since they had the required Biosecurity (wire netting) approvals.

 

Residents trapped at home by the Coronavirus lock downs would soon be able to grow their own meat with the TurboPack, a pair of rabbits, which would be delivered to homes. In conjunction with Loxie, Turbo had arranged for the State Fire Services to deliver them, since they were classified as emergency transport.

 

In each box is a TurboLearning home school booklet; this may shortly be delivered separately due to the rabbits soiling the pages, but Chapter 1 teaches the children how to care of their rabbits. One pair of rabbits breeds 4 to 12 kittens a month, so you can start harvesting in 30 days, the amount depending on the size of your family, i.e. if you keep 2 pairs you'll have 8 to 24 kittens the next months and so on.

 

The TurboLearning book shows the children how to wring a rabbit's neck, skin and gut it, and prepare a delicous baked rabbit pie or another thousand or so recipes (if you've lived on a farm you'll see the humour in that).

 

The only tricky part is the gutting, where Turbo has recommended the Centrigual Swinging method.

 

Using this method you can skin and gut a rabbit without getting any blood on your hands. You simply make a slit up the stomach skin, grasp the rabbit by the front and rear paws and quickly swing your body around. The guts depart from the force. The two tricky parts are to make sure the arc is on the downwind side and don't stop swinging or you'll have a string of guts around your neck.

The Captain was intrigued by this as his family had always employed servants. "How........."

[Captain]

.......train to become electricians and carry out emergency repairs to Retirement Homes.

Somewhat breathlessly Turbo appeared in the foyer and announced that effective immediately, he had appointed Planey to the position of CEO of Turbine Industries in order to keep encabulator production going at top speed, while he, Turbo focused on TurbineFood, a new enterprise based on rabbits.

 

It was really quite simple, the cat farms, which had been supplying thousands of tonnes of produce to Chinese Restaurants for years would be extended to breed rabbits, since they had the required Biosecurity (wire netting) approvals.

 

Residents trapped at home by the Coronavirus lock downs would soon be able to grow their own meat with the TurboPack, a pair of rabbits, which would be delivered to homes. In conjunction with Loxie, Turbo had arranged for the State Fire Services to deliver them, since they were classified as emergency transport.

 

In each box is a TurboLearning home school booklet; this may shortly be delivered separately due to the rabbits soiling the pages, but Chapter 1 teaches the children how to care of their rabbits. One pair of rabbits breeds 4 to 12 kittens a month, so you can start harvesting in 30 days, the amount depending on the size of your family, i.e. if you keep 2 pairs you'll have 8 to 24 kittens the next months and so on.

 

The TurboLearning book shows the children how to wring a rabbit's neck, skin and gut it, and prepare a delicous baked rabbit pie or another thousand or so recipes (if you've lived on a farm you'll see the humour in that).

 

The only tricky part is the gutting, where Turbo has recommended the Centrigual Swinging method.

 

Using this method you can skin and gut a rabbit without getting any blood on your hands. You simply make a slit up the stomach skin, grasp the rabbit by the front and rear paws and quickly swing your body around. The guts depart from the force. The two tricky parts are to make sure the arc is on the downwind side and don't stop swinging or you'll have a string of guts around your neck.

The Captain was intrigued by this as his family had always employed servants. "How........."

...... the .......

[turboplanner]

"XXXX...."

[onetrack]

..... can you EAT rabbits??", exclaimed Cappy. "They're such lovely, cuddly furry, harmless little things! I couldn't ever imagine EATING one!"

Suddenly, a message was delivered to Turbo. His face fell, and he became withdrawn. "What's happened?", cried Cappy. "Has one of your parents died?"

"It's worse than that", said Turbo. "I've just been told the rabbit farm is infected with calicivirus. The rabbits all have to be destroyed, they can't be eaten! I'm ruined!!", he wailed.

"Oh, it can't be THAT bad", said Cappy. "Surely you can.......

[turboplanner]

.”.....make ventilators or something?”

“No” replied Turbo, it’s programmed to start migrating all over Australia every winter and gets all but the 2% of rabbits which have somehow learnt social distancing and self isolation. We tested it on humans, went through 500 prisoners before we got it right. How could I have forgotten?” The rabbit factory workers......

[Captain]

....... , who also breed like rabbits, came up with a solution without their Dear Leader's involvement, which was .........

[turboplanner]

........to breed from the 2% of Rabbits who practised social distancing and self isolation, and soon there were thousands of indestructable rabbits available for sale.

"What we need is a marketing campaign" said Herbie the Chief Breeder. "If we......"

[Captain]

....... brand our rabbits as Rabbit-19 & as a Virus antidote which taste great with a Corona (& the mandatory supository slice of lime), their sales will take off and we'll make a motza just like what Tink does".

 

However the marketing & mating meeting was brought to a standstill when .......

[turboplanner]

........the great and shadowy person himself, the Australian version of Howard Hughes, A. H. Locks himself, complete with tissues on his shoes stood in the doorway........

[onetrack]

..... surveying the scene with his normal degree of suspicion. "So, what's all this about?", he said. "Just another ScoMo-style marketing meeting, with no real substance to come out of it, I suppose?".

"And what's this rubbish about Rabbits and virus antidotes? I haven't heard a word about aviation, flying or piloting (3 avrefs), in at least the last 48 hrs! It's all about the money, isn't it, you bunch of dastardly schemers!"

"But ... but ... but!" ... said Cappy. If we don't scheme, and try to make lots of money, we can't afford to buy aircraft, and go flying (avref again), can we?!".

 

"I can't believe this!", said the Great Locks. "Around the world, 100 yr old airlines are collapsing, millions in the aviation industry are facing unemployment and financial ruin! - yet here you are, working on your personal money-making schemes!!"

"I'm appalled at the dreadful selfishness and greed being displayed here! You don't even understand, you can't even launch this scheme of yours, because it depends on people getting together and socialising! - which is no longer possible!"

 

Turbo chimed in. "You've got it all wrong. The profits from this money making scheme are designed to go towards helping our brothers and sisters in the aviation (avref) industry. We just failed to note that in the meeting minutes.

We'll correct that shortly. Meantimes, we also are working on a major plan to find......"

[turboplanner]

......work for the quarter million people who lost their jobs last Friday........his words trailed off because he knew from Loxie's glare that he wasn't getting through, and he knew what a mongrel Loxie was when he was mad (Loxie had become upset at the BOB a few years ago and threw a drunk through the front window, between a Prime Mver and its trailer and through the front window of the hardware store on the other side of the road.

Sticking to aviation grounds, he said "The reason the aviation industry is broke, is that they carry passengers (former avref)."

Loxie.........

[Captain]

………….. then came up with an interesting concept of Sheltering-in-Place and "Flying-from-Home".

 

"I can understand" said the Great Loxie "That CASA and the ATSB might be a bit sceptical, and I accept that there may be some issues if you have a 450 sq.m block and a 470 sq.m house on it, but I say … Where there is a great Aussie will, there is a great Aussie way. We are Aussies and Aussies always win ……. well ……..., except for Gallipoli, the great Kiwi-Underarm-Bowling-Incident (the KUBI), the great Encabulator Scandal of 2017 and …………………….

[turboplanner]

..............the Yarra River incident of 1955.

At that point the Great Loxie began to contemplate his navel, which all the team had seen before. There was not a breath in the house. Nothing sturred, not even a mouse, but when.......

[Captain]

...……… he rolled up on one cheek, with that far away gaze in his eyes (that have traumatised so many Gumly women over the years), the crowd gasped and rapidly (it was almost like a panic at a soccer game) took 2 steps back to be at least 1.5 m away from him, but then his eyes softened as he pondered how to make a quid from his Fly-From-Home concept, and he looked down at his pecker, which is the fun name that he had always given to his …………..

[turboplanner]

.......pet Beagle James, and said ".....

[onetrack]

..... Well, James, we have some work to do, to get this idea off the ground (literally - and note, subtle avref), and get people around to the way of thinking that our world as we knew it, has shrunk!"

"Accordingly, we have to shrink our aircraft, shrink our flying spaces, shrink our flight planning ideas (avref), all in the context of seriously reduced income - and all the while, continuing to practise good viral hygiene".

"I know this will seriously impact on many peoples lives, and lifestyle, and visions, but we will have to......

[hihosland]

.......KEEP CALM AND FLY ON.

At which poor James who had long experience of Loxie's "flying on" ...................

[turboplanner]

.......especially the day he flew down to Brown Bros in the Beercan and loaded up with six dozen bottles.

They found him six kilometres away by following the tracks and broken fences from the end of the strip, still on the ground at full throttle with his nose wheel collapsed and the mains stuck on the rail line, yelling "GetUp!, GetUp! I tell yer!".

There was the sound of a train whistle and around the bend........

[Captain]

.......especially the day he flew down to Brown Bros in the Beercan and loaded up with six dozen bottles.

They found him six kilometres away by following the tracks and broken fences from the end of the strip, still on the ground at full throttle with his nose wheel collapsed and the mains stuck on the rail line, yelling "GetUp!, GetUp! I tell yer!".

There was the sound of a train whistle and around the bend........

........... went Ahhlow, as he couldn't stand the sound of trains.

 

But after the the Gay Mardi Gras, Ahlox had also jumped the fence (nttiawwt), and not for the first time either.

 

Ahlow was therefore over the fence and around the bend (otf&atb) and was looking for support from the NDIS (ndis).

 

" I reckon that I can get him back over-the-fence (avref)" said Mavis and then Turdboy (nttiawwt) can try to get him back (nttiawwt) ready for next year's GMG.

 

Turbo started to prepare himself with essential oils & a candle (nttiawwte) while Mavis took a rather bewildered looking Loxy down to the ..............

Edited March 25, 2020 by Captain

[turboplanner]

......river to baptise him (well that’s what she told Turbo) but he jacked up and ran back into town where.....

[Captain]

........ his social distancing and personal isolation practices were questioned by a self appointed Citizen's Committee and occasional Lynch Mob.

 

"Hang on, you bunch of wankers" said Loxie, while going for their sympathy vote, at the commencement of his diligent defence opening argument "i am a Fiery, a hero of the recent conflagrations ..... AND, this will be a clincher, I know Turbo, the inventor of the Encabulator, who can also be useful as a ..........

Edited March 25, 2020 by Captain

[hihosland]

........ specialist consultant to the solo shelter in place citizens, especially now that he has thanks to the Captain's access to the government secret research defence labs where they have successfully miniturised the turboencabulator which much to Mavis's tingling delight gives off a stimulating vibration when activated.

 

Hearing of this new development Loxie and Turbo rushed off to the patent office .................

[turboplanner]

.....only to find a notice "Closed due to the Corona virus, be sure to keep your invention secret for the next six months.:

What could he do?