The Never Ending Story

[turboplanner]

.......closet Comic Reader. [Turbo probably shouldn't have revealed that, because he has never let his wife know, but this is an emergency.

To give NES readers some understanding of what this emergency has done to people only 11 hours into Day One of Stage 3, Turbo's adult cousin has posted a photo of himself with his partner forming eyeglasses with her fingers. Turbo was enthralled by this for a couple of hours.

Even more momentous, Turbo received a Like on Facebook for a comment he made 9 years ago in relationship to a political highway issue, and wept for a few minutes.

However this story is about more important things like Een's habit.

Turbo hesitates to write this, but his vaourite comic was Mickey Mouse. Not many people know this but he was a Downunder Mickey Mouse, and wenty on to be.............[these are nor full stops]

[Captain]

…………… a closet Annette Funicello groupie.

 

"Dont be ashamed of that Turbo" said the Skipper "A lot of guys had their 1st one (or 100) with Annette (and they still would …..… except that she sadly passed away in 2013), and then there was Jimmy, who was a ..............

 

 

"AHHHHH. I STILL LOVE YOU, ANNETTE" SAID ALMOST EVERY BOY EVER.

 

Edited March 31, 2020 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......big help to Walt, getting things started and carrying the burden of going on tours.

Turbo could only find this Wikipedia line about him: "Jimmie was seldom seen in the Mouseketeer production numbers in the later seasons,"

Not many people know that Jimmy came up with a plan to use the exciting new (for that time) Bensen Gyrocopters to take part in a spectacular dance ending to one of the shows. He, like everyone else had been reassured they were perfectly safe, you couldn't crash them because they just whirls their way to the ground and they were going to become the next Studebaker, but........

[Captain]

...……. then it turned out that Jimmie had more chance of flying by wiggling his patented Mouseketeer ears, and as a result, the owners of Benson Gyrocopters went on to make durrys, after teaming up with Charlie Fences (who changes his name accordingly). Although Roy (see below pic) would have had more problems (he had a weight & balance (avref) issue plus he had no eyes), but he solved it with a ………..

 

 

[turboplanner]

.....hastily cut cap which he turned into double eye patches, and.....

[Bryon]

.......a 12 month subscription to Lite-n-Easy.

"Cappy needs one as well" chortled Turdy. "I am sure that it will.........

[turboplanner]

........solve the problem of his shrinking Jabiru seat, and rigging "problem" he keeps talking about, not to mention....

[Captain]

......... that when standing, he hasn't seen "it" for decades.

 

"That's why I started the Turbine Mirror Company in the late 50's" said Turbo (who, with the TMC, considers Lite-N-Easy to be his mortal enemy, not to mention that bitch, Jenny Craig [although Turbo had been trying to use his wealth & shallow personality to crack onto Mel B for years) "As I realised that ..........

Edited March 31, 2020 by Captain

[turboplanner]

...........men were being disadvantaged by women who had the advantage of liposuction, plastic surgery (they called it that because they could make plastic faces) and a whole variety of lifting and containing equipment that left the shipping industry behind.

"I formed a movement called Men's Liberation and we used to meet at a cafe in Carlton every Friday night, while Germaine Greer had her group at the opposite end of the City. Out of those meetings came the name we coined for the aspirations of men; Diversity.

 

The first step was to see what the problem was, hence the mirrors; next .......

[Captain]

……… was to make convex mirrors that makes it look bigger, and then ...…..

[turboplanner]

........with the boost to self esteem, nature would take over.

Turbo doesn't like to give away private information, but for the comfort of other failures, he has to say that the Captain was a failure with this process. Mavis had been whingeing about it for years. "I might as well have been lying in bed listening to the XXXXXXX canary sing" she used to say to Turbo in the days before the blowup. What could he do?

[Captain]

……… was to make convex mirrors that makes it look bigger, ...…..

 

……… while at the same making him look thinner.

 

This led to the now world famous and Nobel Prize winning TTMCFFOP Mirror.

 

"I have been very pleased with my Turbine Mirror Company's sales of our patented Turbine Targeted Mirror Concept For Fat Old People (nttiawwt) where the sales in Renmark, FNQ and Perth have been particularly strong and I'll soon be unveiling our new design for the ......……...

[Captain]

........with the boost to self esteem, nature would take over.

Turbo doesn't like to give away private information, but for the comfort of other failures, he has to say that the Captain was a failure with this process. Mavis had been whingeing about it for years. "I might as well have been lying in bed listening to the XXXXXXX canary sing" she used to say to Turbo in the days before the blowup. What could he do?

but add a few dots ……….

[turboplanner]

........and here, dear readers you can see the poor man is in denial; Turbo thought perhaps a book might help, like "Cappy, the tiny shrimp who turned into a big crayfish" or.........

[Captain]

........and here, dear readers you can see the poor man is in denial; Turbo thought perhaps a book might help, like "Cappy, the tiny shrimp who turned into a big crayfish" or.........

……… loyal NES readers will see from the above, that while Turbo and the Captain have been close mates for decades (even though Cappy has baled him out a few times when Turbs' blind enthusiasm went too far ………... although to be fair, the Skipper must advise that Turbo has always repaid those debts in full (so he is indeed a great mate), ……… therefore the way that Turdboy has turned on his great mate in his above post can only mean that the poor chap is going stir crazy at home in isolation and without his usual ……...

 

Edited April 2, 2020 by Captain

[turboplanner]

........apres Ski Martinis in Aspen, and Sailor's Rum at the Portsea Polo Club.

He missed the trip this year, because of the chance of spreading the virus, and asked his mates to do the same, but they pressed ahead, and came back infected Portsea hase become one of Victoria's biggest clusters along with Toorak, and they are about as popular as the Rat's under the house.

Turbo has had to field numerous accusations at the Supermarket. Nasty things like "You horse floggers are gunna hill grandma", but soon shut up when Turbo responds: "I was here giving her food you flog!"

Then Turbo's RF Page was hacked, and derisive comments made about his best fried Captain. The fact that most of them were true was irrelevent, it hurt his feelings which you can see from his pathetic cry for justice above. Turbo is pleased to report that he traced the culprit and shoved his head down a sewer for a few minutes, and he's unlikely to do it again.

 

Not many people know this, but Turbo pays for the subscription for the Times to be flown in from London for the Captain who despises any other form of news.

 

Yesterday the Times ran an expose on a group of expat Australians, including the Captain (his name wasn't mentioned but you couldn't miss the description) who, when the Vietnam War was in full swing, were invilved in.......

[onetrack]

.... a blackmarket financial scam involving Vietnamese Dong, MPC, and US Dollars. The Captain barely escaped from Saigon with his life, with a Vietnamese blackmarket gang hot on his heels, when they realised they'd been conned.

Regardless of his NDE, the Captain went on to greater heights in the financial markets, becoming a big trader in CFD's.

Once again, he just managed to squeak (rat ref) out, just before the GFC hit, and CFD's became as valueless as a Melbourne restaurant at the present moment.

With his ill-gotten gains safely banked, the Captain looked around for more lucrative returns, and it was about then that he stumbled across Turbine Enterprises, which he helped finance.

Meantimes, Turbine Enterprises was looking at money-making opportunities in the Virus Age.

Turbine, with the sharpness of a long-standing con-artist, quickly realised there were great openings in the new Virus Age, for lucrative gains in dodgy fitness equipment, and snake oil products that were guaranteed to cure COVID-19.

Accordingly, orders were placed with the Wun Beig Long Con company for their outstanding range of el-cheapo fitness equipment, and Chinese live-long herbs, with added Tiger Penis.

Cappy, with his huge range of Asian "contacts", was placed in charge of ordering and logistics - and then came the horrible news. Ships couldn't be loaded for fear of virus transmission, and it was going to be........

[hihosland]

...... quite a challenge to manufacture, equip and mobilise a fleet of turboencabulator powered drifters to move the stock with in-house resources although Cappy did suggest that a quick call to Elon might ........................

[turboplanner]

.........solve the problem, but when he did his due diligence he reeled back in horror at the list of broken promises, so after insulting his best friend Turbo (NES readers have all the evidence they need above) he was forced to grovel, which he does frequently but very badly.

Turbo built an extra condensor module on the back of the turboencabulator, added vector-capability, widened the fuselage, and lengthened it six times, then fitted a high-lift wing. To avoid the problems Boeing had with the 737, Turbo took all instruments out. It was to be operated on the basis of "Fly like a man!" True to his word, he delivered the first aircraft within a week, and......

[onetrack]

.... not only did it perform better than the original Drifter, it also came with full-face masks, that doubled as virus filters, as well as oxygen masks.

However, Turbo neglected to mention the masks were also needed against the horrendous level of fumes the turboencabulator-boosted engines produced.

When Cappy complained that he could barely see where he was going for engine fumes (let alone the lack of instruments), Turbo merely retorted, "I told you this thing would fly as good as a 1915 Sopwith Camel fighter!"

Of course, Turbo wasn't referring to the handling abilities of Sopwith Camels, he was referring to the fact that most Sopwith pilots barely made it home without being asphyxiated, due to the castor oil fumes.

"But there's no intruments, either!", wailed Cappy. "I told you already, it would be as good as a Sopwith Camel! How many instruments do you think they had? - and they won WW1 with them!!"

About then, a call from the office came through. The Chinese herbs with added Tiger Penis were ready to be picked up - but the office girl advised that Border Security had been sniffing around, and had heard about a potential shipment of illegal Tiger Penis-boosted Chinese herbs, that were on their way.

Turbo was worried. This wasn't what he......

[turboplanner]

....had expected, maybe Border Force could smell the fumes?

So Turbo researched 23 hours a day, only stopiing to read the Bible, and on the third day, installed an automatic toothpaste dispenser on the turboencabulator, after remembering that the only thing that go him out of trouble for smoking as a kid was toothpaste.

It was quiet on the border tonight; Acting Sergeant Planey sniffed the air; after all these years he had almost caught Turbo, who wouldn't be so lucky next time. He revved up his Border Force operatives which now included 300 girls from Ingams Chickens. They'd been chicken pluckers but had been put out of work after people had moved to the 43 milion tonnes of rice and pasta they'd hoarded. Scotty from marketing had repurposed them to Border Force, giving them uniforms and full pay. They had been trained by Planey himself, although there had been several incidents which woulod be dealt with at a later date.

Planey now had them all on red alert.

Nobody knew precisely when it happened, but the Borderforce group noticed the smell of Oral B on the wind. No one realised that............

[Captain]

....... HidyHo, Brine, OT, bull-from-bone and the Skipper were engaged in a high security conference call.

 

"Planey will bend the rules & take out the big XXXXX" said Onesie "So I reckon we should align with Planey & the BF, put out the contract and get it done once and for all, as I'm sick of all the Turbo this & Turbo that which now pervades the NES".

 

"i agree" was the instant reply from bull, followed immediately by the others.

 

"Great, let's get it done" they chorused "Before ......

[turboplanner]

........he finds out, but Turbo's confidante, Loxie monitors everything, and the conspirators found, not Turbo sleeping as they expected, but a dozen detectives with face masks and pepper spray who arrested them for attempted murder, a crime which carried double penalties from midnight last night. "What are we going to doooooo? wailed Planey. "Shutup hissed the Captain, I'll try to.................

[Bryon]

.......find a solicitor (legalavref Kaz note) who is willing to accept donations in brown paper bags(turdref) to undertake a comprehensive research of the legislative requirements for a complete whitewash of the toothpaste requirements to give the Watsonia Rissole a negative test for the Encabulator virus. This was in response to .........

 

Please note that at this point, Brine has been only released from quarantine for 2 days and his mind has gone feral

[turboplanner]

.........a leak by Turbine Press which ran a story about five Chinese dissidents, Charlie Hi Ho, Wing Fat Bri, Wun Tak, Bak Bone and Crappy Cooky who had been cruising the country buying up Toilet Paper and Masks and sending them back to the People's Republic. This had enraged the resident of Orange, Parkes, Forbes, Bairnsdale, Castlemaine, Bendigo, Culgo, Vite Vite, Ballarat, Camperdown, Maount Gambier, Bordertown, and Port Ausgusta, whose residents were reduced to hopefully sticking their heads out of the dunny door, but would be shortly banding together in arms with a resolve which would make Gallipoli Veterans look like sleep walkers, and their target would be those five Chinese. Turbo would have escaped once again and ......