The Never Ending Story

[onetrack]

..... saying that everything in the Bible was literal - and besides the dates had already been changed a dozen times - and Easter fell on different dates of April each year, as well.

With the Churches right behind the CMO in saying that Easter needed to be moved to Christmas 2020, and Christmas forwarded to Easter 2021, the true believers were fully satisfied.

The only problem that remained was getting rid of 62,000,000 chocolate Easter eggs, that were now surplus. Once again, Turbo had his thinking cap on. "I've got a brilliant idea!", he said, to no-one in particular.

"We'll take those 62,000,000 Easter eggs, and re-melt them into Corona-virus shapes, and sell them on every street corner!"

"This will have the effect of re-inforcing all the Virus rules, by constant Virus reminders on every intersection."

"Additionally, part of the Chocolate Virus sales proceeds will go to Turbine Enterprises Homes for Virus Victims - and the kids get to eat the Virus, thus making the Virus seem a whole lot less frightening to them!"

"That is a stunningly simple and brilliant solution, all in the one go!" cried Cappy. "Why didn't I think of that? This will go down in history as.......

Edited April 5, 2020 by onetrack

[turboplanner]

........."The Great Crap" as the Chocolate virus take hold. On the seventeeth day the world ran out of toilet paper and the Chief Medical Officer declared an emergency. The Hyundai Car factory stopped making cars and re-tooled for toilet rolls.

우린 롤을 만든다 the flag proudly proclaimed, but some people walking past the factory said "and cars too".

On the twentieth day it seemed that the virus had abated, and then a new batch of chocolate came in and overwhelmed Brisbane's sewerage system.

Brisbane was renamed Sh!tsville. Some said that should have been done years ago because....

[Captain]

...….. it was so overcrowded with Queenslanders.

 

Through all this confusion and sewage treatment plant failures, Turbo and the Board of Turbine Industries (where Cappy is a non Executive Director and advisor) were coming up with new ways to make money. The best was from a presentation from Turbo which centred around the nostalgia of the Mextorian Green City Dweller and the fact that once the Covid-19 lockdown is over and perhaps 12 months later, the Socialist Green Left will be nostalgic for the extra Govt controls that everyone accepted. Turbo therefore proposed a dynamic and somewhat daring initiative to install thousands of remotely controlled encabulator powered incubators across the country, where the virus can be kept alive and where the little buggers could then be sold in souvenir snow globes for ….....

 

THE TE SNOW GLOBES WILL LOOK LIKE THIS ( COPYRIGHT PHOTO FROM TURDY'S POWERPOINT PRESENTATION).

PATENTS HAVE BEEN APPLIED FOR.

Edited April 6, 2020 by Captain

[turboplanner]

....50 cents each, provided the holder had a V Licence. V Licences were to be managed in parallell with gun licences as recognition for John Howards gun laws which saw murders transferred from guns to knives, and baseball bats within ten years. "It's been an outstanding success", said the Minister "and we now train people from the USA states, and Rwanda, Lesotho and the Galapagos Islands."

He went on to say "Like guns, seni-automatic viruses will not be allowed, and I want to stress that. You will also need a reason to have a virus; not feeling well is not a reason."

At the start of the program......

[onetrack]

..... it struggled to gain traction, then it was found the virus-filled globes provided much home entertainment for unemployed commercial pilots, stewards and stewardesses, and any other unemployed from the tourism industries.

The entertainment is provided by the virus putting on an amazing show, as it tries to escape the snow globe, bouncing around the interior of the globe, like a caged monkey.

Meantimes, the wrecked aircraft industry, a mere shadow of its former self, presents to Turbine Industries as a distressed business case, ripe for renewal and rebound.

Turbo, sitting at his huge, gilded office desk, surrounded by gleaming, polished symbols of his former airline industry career, is poring over the figures and facts of the wrecked aircraft industry.

"I've got it!", he announced, to no-one in particular. "I can guarantee to restore the aircraft industry to its former substantial percentage of the global economy, and it will only take one thing! - and that is.....

[turboplanner]

.......money. We'll base it on Mustang restorations, so if you can supply a Drifter serial number plate, we'll present you with a gleaming Drifter, complete with authentic wrinkles in the skin and one wheel higher than the other for $2.5 million.

For those not quite so fussy, the Cappy versions are available for.........

 

[One Track has fired Turbo's memory; not many people know the true story of Lasseters Lost Reef. In his ook, Ion Idriess fudged the ending so only he would know where the gold reef was, but Turbo had researched and travelled around following Lassters route. That wasn't productive, but he did come across a diary belonging to Jacky Jacky Smith, a native from the area who was there at the end when Lasseter died propped against a rock.

 

His final words were; "I fund it, tonnes of gold, there was a Gold Course out there. I saw all thes smooth areas, dug down and there it was. It was like sticking your finger into a haystack and crying 'sh!t!'

Following Tomos epic voyage in the NES in an R22 in reverse, towing a boat to the Antarctic, Turbo flew it to western Australia. Lasseters description was quite easy to follow, and he remembers seeing an enormous area of smooth areas, which he put down to seasonal flooding like you see in Queensland.]

[Captain]

……….. a XXXX job, but that's another story about to …………...

 

WITH REGARD TO THE BOTTOM 3 PARAS OF TURBO'S POST # 12256, ISN'T IT NICE TO SEE THE SENIOR MEMBERS OF WRECK FLYING REMINISCING AND RELATING THEIR CUTE STORIES IN PEACE AND SAFETY IN THEIR TWILIGHT YEARS - MODERATOR 10

[Captain]

WITH REGARD TO THE BOTTOM 3 PARAS OF TURBO'S POST # 12256, ISN'T IT NICE TO SEE THE SENIOR MEMBERS OF WRECK FLYING REMINISCING AND RELATING THEIR CUTE STORIES IN PEACE AND SAFETY IN THEIR TWILIGHT YEARS - MODERATOR 10

 

That's a bit cruel and anti Turbo. I wonder if Moderator 10 might actually be Planey?

[onetrack]

....hit the headlines, screaming - "Virtually Unknown Local Entrepeneur Produces Plans to Save World Aircraft Industry!"

As soon as Turbo sighted the news headlines, he grumbled, "Who reckons I'm an unknown? Everyone knows, I'm a legend in my own bathtime!"

Meantimes, Cappy was bringing up the cup of hot cocoa and soft slippers for Turbo, as he reminisced about the "Good Old Days" to anyone who would listen - which was only the care nurse.

"Do you think you should have let the journos know, you're actually in a retirement home?" said Cappy, with some concern. "This could affect your standing in the media somewhat, when it gets out!".

"No, I'd never let on, where I'm working from", said Turbo. "That would be a major embarrassment. It's all about keeping up the image, you know! I learnt this from politicians, long ago!"

"Ahh, yes, the image of prosperity and unlimited funding!", said Cappy. "That's a brilliant face and image to keep up, but sooner or later, you know, you'll be......

[Captain]

Meantimes, Cappy was bringing up the cup of hot cocoa and soft slippers for Turbo, as he reminisced about the "Good Old Days" to anyone who would listen - which was only the care nurse.

And don't forget, also Wanda who was always propped up in the corner of the sunroom in G Wing (avref) where Turbo spends most of his days (while occasionally frightening the RNs by yelling "Clear Torpedo" and mumbling something about Human Factors and the good old days in the AUF (Oldavref).

[Captain]

"No, I'd never let on, where I'm working from", said Turbo. "That would be a major embarrassment. It's all about keeping up the image, you know! I learnt this from politicians, long ago!"

"Ahh, yes, the image of prosperity and unlimited funding!", said Cappy. "That's a brilliant face and image to keep up, but sooner or later, you know, you'll be......

....... identified as the Christopher Scase (wankaref) of the 2020s and then the problem will really hit the propeller (avref) because of the ..........

[turboplanner]

And the exciting little fairy tale was over because Turbo came back to say goodbye Cappy's lip started to dribble, and his faded eyes became teary and started to drip all over his Davy Cocket pyjamas. "Don't go" he wailed "You've only just arrived."

"Well why were you telling all those lies about me being old" Turbo said "I'm so sorry: wailed Cappy, "I'll never do it again!"

Turbo knew all too well that Cappy would be canning him tomorrow, but made sure he was well tucked in bed, and went back to the n..........

[Captain]

"Well why were you telling all those lies about me being old" Turbo said "I'm so sorry: wailed Cappy, "I'll never do it again!"

Turbo knew all too well that Cappy would be canning him tomorrow, but made sure he was well tucked in bed, and went back to the n..........

.... ext nurse, for while Turbo was decrepit he was also a real stayer and even more of a goer, so the nurses (only those that were willing, you understand) were lined up to ......

[turboplanner]

........see if they could break last month's record of 23.

"That's impossible" said OT when Cappy phoned, but...........

[Captain]

........see if they could break last month's record of 23.

"That's impossible" said OT when Cappy phoned, but...........

..... the Skipper was 100% loyal to Turbs and he berated Onesie because of his terrible ........

[turboplanner]

..........grammar on Wrecked Fline. "Never start a proposition with a fart" he told Onsie who was known as the all-time record holder for clearing the front Bar at the Kalgoorlie Socks and Shovels. This new found loyalty was due to Turbo giving Cappy a treat of a Chocolate frog after yesterday's visit. And that reminded them of the Great Kalgoorlie .....................

[Captain]

..........grammar on Wrecked Fline. "Never start a proposition with a fart" he told Onsie who was known as the all-time record holder for clearing the front Bar at the Kalgoorlie Socks and Shovels. This new found loyalty was due to Turbo giving Cappy a treat of a Chocolate frog after yesterday's visit. And that reminded them of the Great Kalgoorlie .....................

…………. Chocolate Orgy (the GKCO), the raunchiest in the entire history of Questa Casa, where OT wore a pink tutu, no pants and tassels on his ankle bracelet, with Lindt dripping from his chin, as he sat behind Door #2 and attracted …………..

 

Imagine looking into Door 2 if you weren't mentally prepared for it. (Erky Perky).

Edited April 6, 2020 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......the likes of Cappy in his dressing gown and slippers with his $5 in coins for the tour.

Now NES readers, might be wondering where this might all be leading, and we apologise for any slight deviates on the track but it was right behind the Questa Casa in 2016 that a mint condition Thruster was found. Nobody knows who flew it in, but Cappy hired a pilot to fly it out, and perhaps he might explain what he did with...................

[hihosland]

... his $5.00 in coins behind the pink door that rendered him incapable of flying the Thruster out himself.

Although it is quite some time since Turbo signed off Capy as a fully certificated Thruster driver, when he sailed through the floats endorsement, and the warm chocolate on the stick endorsement there was some difficulty with the turboencabulator rating due to his persistent ...............

[onetrack]

....efforts not producing enough thrust to enable takeoff. Then it was found Cappy had jammed a large potato into the turboencabulator exhaust, thus stifling any serious amount of thrust, and ensuring Cappy stayed grounded.

 

There was method in his technique of course, it wasn't just a prank he was pulling on Turbo - it was a cunning plan to ensure he stayed grounded in Kalgoorlie, so he could sample more delights, such as those found in Questa Casa.

Then it turned out, that he was $195 short of getting real satisfaction behind the pink door - so he set about selling parts off the Drifter, to finance his personal enjoyment, and to ensure that he could stay in Kal, that much longer!

 

But alas - despite being fully funded with another $195 from the quick sale of a thyristor from the turboencabulator - it turned out that Cappy "couldn't get no satisfaction!"

This led to him being turfed unceremoniously out the pink door of Questa Casa, as the girls lost their patience in waiting for him to - ahem - "rise to their demands".

 

As he landed on the hard red soil outside the pink door in Hay St., it was fortuitous that Turbo just happened to be waiting there - as it appeared this exact type of scenario, had played out before!

Turbo dragged Cappy to his feet and said, "C'mon - Let's go and get......

[Captain]

...……. a drink, because as is usually the case with us both, now that the Questa Casa ladies have seen you and I, those girls will dump OT (who is still sitting forlornly behind door 2, now with his tutu off in an attempt to attract some action) and flick their other clients, to attend our place of drinks and offer their affection for gratis and a small sample of our …………...

[turboplanner]

............acting experience, both of us being Shakesperian bards with a high reputation in England. "Once more into the brink" said Cappy, and Turbo slowly shook his head and poured him into the Corvette. Six speeding and hooning tickets later they arrived ...................

[hihosland]

....sans kingdom

sans horse

and blending in as well as a Ramulet at a Capulet wake,

they were instantly recognized by Doubtfire who was trying to negotiate a round of drinks with the thyristor confiscated from one of the ladies in pink who she'd apprehended behind the bike shed where she was trying to trade it for...............

[turboplanner]

..........a Capulet sword used in the battle of Capul (now Kabul). The Pink Lady was suspicious about the Capulet man who looked familiar. He was wearing makeup and she realised it was Loxie from the BoB. She.....

[Captain]

.... was amazed at his noble Capuletesque appearance, as prior to this he had always looked like a cross between the Ancient Mariner and Forest Gump during his deadbeat running phase, but now he looked taller (but not yet tall) and even had a ........

 

This is how Loxie always looked previously and he was an embarrassment to have a coffee with.

Edited April 6, 2020 by Captain