The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

... "don't you Pell me!!!" barked Cappy gripping the thermometer in both hands and driving it into a rather vital area,

 

Turbo doubled over, executed his pest parachutist's shoulder roll, (historic avref) and lunged out with his left foot connecting Cappy's left foot and they both proceeded to roll entangled at an ever gathering speed down.....................

……….. and down, and …………..

[turboplanner]

....down until they came back to the previous post. A story best left to writers like Jack C U.

Time went by and no one had seen Turbo or Cappy at the BoB. Could they really have perished?

A lone hunter [in contravention of the Coronavisrus lockdown] was on the trail of a deer. In the distance he saw a wolf, and decided to follow it.

The wolf had killed a young deer and was dragging it deep into the hills. As it headed towards a cave, what appeared to be two naked, dirty men crawled out on all fours and ravenously started chewing at the carcas, fighting for the best of the backstraps. He called to them, and they both sat up and started growling, like a wolf.

Quickly he walked back into town and reported the presence of wolf-men. It was decided in the town that.......

[Captain]

………… those 2 were rabid before they disappeared, so great care was now needed to handle them in accordance with Australian Standards (or a couple of quick shots from a 22.250).

 

PPE was ordered, a Freightliner was commandeered (hopefully not one that Turbo had designed or been within 6 ft of), a 40 ft modular cage was fitted and a video team assembled to record the glorious nakedness of the 2 noble savages (not to mention which one of them crawled out in front and who brought up the rear (erky perky again)).

 

David Attenborough flew in, Jacques Cousteau was exhumed, & his imitator Jack Custard from Port Lincoln got ready to ………………..

 

TURBO IS THE ONE AT THE FRONT, GARGLING AND GENERALLY ACTING THE FOOL.

Edited April 9, 2020 by Captain

[turboplanner]

......talk about any marine aspect.

OT was overjoyed to be able to talk to them again, but Turbo just bared his teeth and snarled, and Cappy ran up behind Turbo and bared his teeth and snarled, then snapped at Turbo's leg, trying to hamstring him. Turbo spun around on all fours bending his body in two and went for Cappys throat, drawing blood. Cappy got Turbo's ear between his teeth and started to run, with Turbo screaming with pain. He had to turn his head sideways to keep a grip on the ear and misjudged the end of the cage, knocking himself out. A bystander noted a crudely printed notice hanging around his neck saying "Never Shoot Wolves".

OT tried some basic psychology; "How would you like to make 50,000 dollars? Turbo's head shot up, he spun round and raced to sit at OT's feet, his tongue hanging out, and ........

[Captain]

……… with all that movement in the cage, the chassis of the Freightliner cracked right where Tink had predicted it was the most strong.

 

Those still working in the transport industry gave a wry smile in a generally similar manner to the way Planey used to on Wreck Frying, and Turbo's PI Insurance went through the roof, but that wasn't all of his problems because ...…………..

[turboplanner]

..........while they were trying to work out how to fix it, Turbo hampered by (a) being in the cage, (b)his mother wolf arriving, biting her way into the cage and nipping both of them for leaving the lair, © having to explain emgineering actions in wolf and (d) trying to write after re-purposing his hand as a paw, wasted enough time for the RSPCA Inspectors to arrive, and if any NES Reader thinks CASA FOIs are rough, he's never met an RSPCA instructor. Before anyone including mother wolf could react he expertly netted them both and flicked them into the back of his van, and wrote out 15 tickets starting with cruelty to dumb animals, and gave it to .....................

[onetrack]

.....Onetrack, who protested they weren't his, and he'd never seen the wolves before today. But the RSPCA Inspector was adamant that he'd seen OT talking to the animals, so OT must be their owner.

The RSPCA inspector roared off, and then, while OT watched in amazement, the doors of the van burst open (Turbo had had major input in the van doors design) - and the wolves fled into the bush.

 

OT then decided to turn to the busted Freightliner, and examine the cracked chassis to see if it was repairable, and he could make it driveable and roadworthy.

With OT's longstanding jury-rigging skills, he soon had the frame twitched up with fencing wire, and associated lengths of star pickets, so he climbed into the cab to return to town.

 

No sooner had he got up to highway speed, than a set of red and blue flashing lights appeared in the rear-view mirrors. Yes, it was Constable........

[Captain]

With OT's longstanding jury-rigging skills, he soon had the frame twitched up with fencing wire, and associated lengths of star pickets, so he climbed into the cab to return to town.

 

No sooner had he got up to highway speed, than a set of red and blue flashing lights appeared in the rear-view mirrors. Yes, it was Constable........

........ Doubtfire who had a warrant for Onesie's arrest after he had admitted in his above post to rigging juries ................... in his instance it was nothing less than the Lindy Chamberlain trial & also the little known yet still serious Pell case.

 

These low profile trials meant .......

Edited April 9, 2020 by Captain

[turboplanner]

...........trouble for low lifes, and ..........

[hihosland]

........ low profile trials meant that low life Doubtfire saw herself on the front page of the Sun as the arresting officer of the serial offender Onesie, a jury-rigger from way back.

 

However Doubtfire in her enthusiasm to create an impression had left the red and blues flashing, all the radios humming, the siren sirening and her new Turbohorn roaring finally noticed an increasing quietude as the Landcruiser's 24 volts faded to SFA.

 

Contemplating a long walk back to the station while dragging a reluctant and recalcitrnt Onesie behind her, Doubtfire had a flash of inspiration and decided that jury rigging was not quite such a serious crime after all and hauling out the handcuff keys ..............

[turboplanner]

........keyed the beggar. "That should slow you down a bit" she said, "now start the Land Crusier"

Onsie who'd working on Stations in the Outback as well as his jury rigging course, walked over to the fence, and bit off two lengths of No 8 wire and jumped the Freightliner to the Land Cruiser knowing full well he was connecting 24 volts to 12. Doubtfire didn't have a clue; it looked ok, so when.........

[Captain]

........keyed the beggar. "That should slow you down a bit" she said, "now start the Land Crusier"

Onsie who'd working on Stations in the Outback as well as his jury rigging course, walked over to the fence, and bit off two lengths of No 8 wire and jumped the Freightliner to the Land Cruiser knowing full well he was connecting 24 volts to 12. Doubtfire didn't have a clue; it looked ok, and .........

…………. neither OT or CD really understood electrical stuff (as they had both been dumb prXXXs at school) and they had all sorts of trouble with normal electrical terms like amps, volts, watts, impedance, impudence and impotence.

 

So when the Freightliner was hooked up to the Cruiser through a 36 V to 276 V, 10,000 W Inverter (it was a pure sine wave unit so it was good sXXt), both Onesie and Doubfire proved that old Sparky's saying "One flash and you're ash" as they both ………….

Edited April 9, 2020 by Captain

[turboplanner]

......................began to levitate. OT looked and CD, CD gave a broad smile, OT gave a broad smile.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" OT asked. "probably not said CD, but Turbo and Cappy are always starting these businesses. Why don't we replicate this electrical system and sell flying cars?" OT didn't know whether to laugh or cry, but agreed to go along with.................

[onetrack]

....the idea of electric flying cars, thus combining two main ideas foremost in the minds of current car designers. "I know where we can acquire a stack of turboencabulators, with a bit of graft", said OT.

"Despite Cappys sneering at my electrical knowledge, I can boost those turboencabulators power output even further, with the addition of several MOSFETS connected in parallel, and these electric flying cars will virtually leap off the ground!"

 

"Graft?", said Constable Doubtfire. "As a NSW copper, I understand graft perfectly, it's taught to us as part of our training courses. What's it going to cost and whose palms do we grease to get these turboencabulators?"

"Well, Turbine Enterprises has a warehouse full of them, but they normally run into several thousand dollars each - but I can organise to grease the palms of the warehouse watchman, a close relative of Cappy known as Mustafa SXXX".

 

"I can run the jury-rigged Freightliner up there if you turn a blind eye to the repairs, and we'll be able to stack 188 turboencabulators in the 45 foot dry freight van, and they'll only cost us a few Samsung phones, plus a 55" Widescreen UHD TV".

"With skills like that, you're definitely NSW copper material", said the Constable in admiration. "Now, we also have to attend to.....

[hihosland]

....................our friends at CASA, they already have been well supplied with wide screens and cellphones.

The free "first time, short time" that vouchers the Cappy brought back from Questra Casa at K should do the trick, all we need to do is discover where that cunning chappy Cappy may have squirreled them away in his warehouse.

"first place that I'd look would be amongst his most memorable memorabilia especially those dating from his youth with the Turbohorn.F.C............."

Edited April 10, 2020 by hihosland

[onetrack]

......where Cappy got in an extensive amount of time playing with Club, and partying with his Horn, which was virtually a permanent part of him, in those far-off days".

The German girls would say, "Jawohl, Cappy! Zeig uns dein großes Horn!" - and Cappy would oblige by pulling it out, and showing it off, making the German girls squeal with glee.

Of course, large Horns have been a big part of German (and Swiss) culture for a long time, so this is what got the German girls excited. It wasn't often they saw a large Australian Horn, so that was extra special excitement.

Right about that point where Cappy was proudly showing off his Horn to the German girls, who should roll up - but none other than.......

[Captain]

......…. Planey who continued his/her (nttiawwt) campaign.

 

"You dirty, dirty, dirty boy" he/she said (nttiawwte) "You are continuing with your smut, even over the holy Easter (now transferred to Xmas under Covid Directive 201(a) i) weekend, your posts exhibit a lack of aviation (avref) references (refref) and you appear to be following the Turgidplunger down to the depths of depravity (plus, like him, you don't know a 470 from a 470A). I have spoken again with Eeeeeen (nttiawwh) as these threads, and all of youze on the NES, have no relevance to the underlying noble principals (headteacherref) of Wreck (oldpilotref) Frying, so I recommend that you all stick your ……………...

[turboplanner]

".............hands up if you have been naughty." Moderator 10 started to count the hands, but was interrupted from the back "What do you have to do to be good? asked Scratches. Before Morderator 10 could respond a hand shot up: "Where does it say I can't go down to the Chaff Shed, at 10 pm, at the Easter Monday Deni BNB, when we'd be going there by ourselves?" Moderator 10 stunned them by saying "All those who've asked questions will write out the last 50 posts by Cappy, and give an analysis of what he is saying, and what it means for the people in the post-Covid-19 epoch!"

Cappy smiled that Colonel Blimp smile but it quickly froze when a rabbit skinner from Skinners Creek said: "But he's worse than Karl Marx, and not only that, but .................

[Captain]

......……. what I can catch at the Deni BNB is much worse than ...………......

[onetrack]

.....any coronavirus. In fact, Cappys still carrying some disease from a Deni B&S ball, from 35 years ago! The docs don't know what to do about it, they've fed him every antibiotic known to Man, and he still has a permanent drip!"

Turbo gasped. "You mean to tell us, you've been diseased all this time, and you didn't tell us? That's incredible, you could've infected us all, without us knowing!"

 

"I can see, with these major disease problems the nation's got, I'll have to start issuing "Disease Free" Certificates! I'll get onto this, right away!".

They'll be fully backed by Turbine Medical Enterprises, and they'll be available for $125 each, as soon as you've been fully tested and declared Disease Free!"

"These will be better than a passport, they will ensure you can travel freely, enter any country, fly any aircraft (long-overdue avref), sleep with any Hostie, and be allowed into the Deni B&S Ball again!"

 

"But ... but ... but...", said Cappy, "The rabbbit skinner failed to tell you that..........

[turboplanner]

"..........he had fixed it with a quick slit using his razor-sharp pocket knife."

"Dunno why he carried a knife; Ter skin a rabet yer put yer thums thru the skin under ther frunt armpites an push the skin off ther frunt legs, then yer do the same with the head, stand on the frunt legs and rip the skinoff the body and backlegs.

To gutem yer take a bite outa the belly sking and graverty does the rest. Simples", said H. Billy, but...........

Edited April 11, 2020 by turboplanner

[Captain]

……….. Planey knew exactly what the metaphors mean in post #12,321 (erky perky naughty Turbo), and precisely what Turbo was describing doing to the cute little bunnies.

 

"It's filthy and he should be ashamed" said Planey "As that rabbit is actually going to be ...……………..

Edited April 11, 2020 by Captain

[hihosland]

......in isolation for 14 days and will miss all the easter bunny fun, with or without its furry skin, what a nasty notion that skinning story.

Smothered in creamy chocolate creates a much more friendly idea to the mind and does rather remind one of that night that Mavis and Cappy ............

[turboplanner]

...slipped on the molten chocolate and Cappy broke his.......

[hihosland]

.....what we don't talk about in public, and wished fervently that he had had the presence of mind to bring on this socially isolated Easter excursion a protective .........