The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

……….. then flew (avref) low (avref) and slow (avref) with the Drifter pilots (avref) yelling "Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah" (smartarsepilotref) and the Pan-African Mig 29 pilots (avref) calling back ……

 

PLANEY WILL BE IMPRESSED WITH THESE AVREFS, SO WELL DONE SKIPPER .......... MODERATOR 4.

[turboplanner]

......it was obvious that Cappy was high (avref) on his medication to believe thar Pan-African pilots ever call back. Its hard enough to get them to call forward, and even when they do the result is similar to Edith Piaf singing backwards in Lebanese. Speaking of Edith Piaf, not many people know that she was the inventor of the aileron (clever avref). It all started when........

[Captain]

......it was obvious that Cappy was high (avref) on his medication to believe thar Pan-African pilots ever call back. Its hard enough to get them to call forward, and even when they do the result is similar to Edith Piaf singing backwards in Lebanese. Speaking of Edith Piaf, not many people know that she was the inventor of the aileron (clever avref). It all started when........

…….. the Captain initiated 2 internet searches based on Tubb's above post.

 

The 1st was whether there was evidence of Turbo ever having previously having posted anything "clever" let alone a "clever avref", brackets or no brackets.

 

The other was a search for Edith's role in the invention or even just the development of the aileron. Turns our it was all just Phluff. (almost a clever (but failed) play on Edith's last name).

 

The bulk of NES readers were disappointed at Tubb's false assertions, but decided to …………...

[turboplanner]

.....read on, and it was just as well that they left Cappy there sucking his thumb and pouting in the dirt because before the internet was invented, and please note that, dear NES readers to avoid the trap that Cappy fell into, in the days of Beau Geste and the French Foreign Legion, the French were at the forefront of the world in aircraft design. They quickly realised that warping the wings was for wimps; when attacking and strafing forts they needed to be able to peel off at the last second to avoid hitting the fort walls.

Rather than muck up the walls of French forts, they practised in Morocco, becaise the Moroccans didn't worry about a gouge out of the wall here and there when bullets hit.

They used Italian markings on the aircraft, because everyone knew that Italians shout up anything, but they needed someone on the ground to infiltrate the fort and report on the number of hits.

Very few people know this but around this time Edith Piaf was a secret agent who would have left James Bond in the dust, and she was picked to dress up as a Moroccan fortress-person so she wouldn't be noticed.

Standing directly in the line of fire, she noticed that the French aircraft couldn't warp their wings enough to get in close, so she wrote to the RFA (Royal French Airforce) [avref] and suggested they use ailerons in the wings. "What's an aileron? wrote the wing Commander, and she was forced to delicately explain it was a part of Moroccan female dress. So they did and it worked and the aileron has been used forflying every since, and even......

[hihosland]

......still part of the Moroccan female dress utilised whenever there is a need to pull up short of a fort wall, cf the male dress in which flaps (avref) allow direct utilization of the wall surface under similar circumstances.

After being made aware of this situation Capppy extracted thumb and had a Turbo (NES ref) moment and........... .

[onetrack]

....decided to try pulling out his, just short of a wall. Unfortunately, what Cappy pulled out was also just too short, and he ended up with splashes on his shoes.

 

But meantimes, the French had made great gains in the aviation field, even managing to produce a French fighter that stayed airborne just long enough to self-destruct.

This led to the famous French Fighter Pilot joke, repeated ad nauseum, about Pierre "going down in flames".

It was all based on the alarming fact, that every second French-built Fighter went down in flames - even when there was no War on.

 

But I digress. There was a hurried meeting between the Moroccans under seige from the French, as to what to do about the regular French air raids.

"We don't have to do anything", said the Morrocan Captain Mustapha Adib. "The way our blokes are so expert at pilfering their fuel, they'll run out on the way here, and all we have to do then, is just pilfer the wreckage".

"But", said Lt. Hassam Aboud, "Our blokes are stealing so much of our fuel, we can't even get our fighters off the ground! So we have good reason to worry! One of the French Fighters just might........".

[turboplanner]

".....last the extra two minutes of overlap to fire a missile."

Captain Mustapha Adib responded "Perhaps the Australians would lend us some of those Drifters with the Turboencabulators, or we could pilfer some?"

"We'd be better to ask them" suggested Lt Aboud ruefully, "we tried pilfering them but that cunning Turbo had wired cattle wire around the perimeter and it automatically sets to "live" when the pilot gets out."

"Get him on the phone" ordered the Captain, and.................

[Captain]

"Get him on the phone" ordered the Captain, and.................

 

As has been noted by Moderator 12, this reference by Turbo is a bit vague (turdyref & no comment) but just to be clear, it refers to Captain Mustapha Adib and not our very own lovable Crappy Cappy.

[Captain]

".....last the extra two minutes of overlap to fire a missile."

Captain Mustapha Adib responded "Perhaps the Australians would lend us some of those Drifters with the Turboencabulators, or we could pilfer some?"

"We'd be better to ask them" suggested Lt Aboud ruefully, "we tried pilfering them but that cunning Turbo had wired cattle wire around the perimeter and it automatically sets to "live" when the pilot gets out."

"Get him on the phone" ordered the Captain, and.................

......….. let's re-examine the principals and details of wing twist, as we understand that this is one of the as-yet unmentioned issues with the 737 Max, where, to get an advantage on ……...……..

 

BREAKING NEWS - WE UNDERSTAND THAT TURBINE ENTERPRISES HAS BEEN ONE OF ONLY THREE COMPANIES WORLDWIDE

THAT HAVE ORDERED AN EX-STOCK 737 MAX (AS IS, WHERE IS AND UNMODIFIED) BECAUSE THEY ARE CHEAP AT THE MOMENT.

TE'S IS THE WHITE ONE NEAR THE TOP OF THE BELOW PHOTO.

THE OTHER 2 COMPANIES DID IT AS AN APRIL FOOLS DAY PRANK AND HAVE SINCE BALED OUT OF THOSE CONTRACTS

DURING THE COOLING OFF PERIOD.

[turboplanner]

.....the competition, Turbo, who had grown a moustache, beard and long hair like Richard Branson, and started and airline called Not Virgin, offering half-price flights and adding to the fine print. "Customers understand that at these prices there is no guarantee of arrival." It was one week to.......

[hihosland]

"Customers understand that at these prices there is no guarantee of arrival." It was one week to the much anticipated lifting of the travel restrictions when a customer advocate noticed that TE's mission statement as well as not guaranteeing arrival, did not guarantee departure, did not guarantee refunds in the event of any event whatsoever and completely failed to .......

[turboplanner]

.......guarantee anything but process tickets, and not only that...................

[Captain]

Turbo, who had grown a moustache, beard and long hair like Richard Branson,

A SMALL CORRECTION FOR OUR HUNDREDS OF NES READERS (AND OUR THOUSANDS OF PAYING SUBSCRIBERS), EEEN HAS ASKED ME TO MAKE A CORRECTION HERE, THAT WHILE TURBO IS PROBABLY A FAIRLY NICE BLOKE (ALTHOUGH WE HAVE SEEN OTHER WITNESSED AND SECONDED STAT DECS TO THE CONTRARY), HE LOOKS NOTHING LIKE DICKY BRANSON AND HE ACTUALLY LOOKS MORE LIKE NIKKI LAUDA ...……………………...…...…… AFTER THE FIRE ……......…………….…..... AND TUBBY'S NEW AIRLINE WILL BE CALLED "EVEN LOUDA AIR" …...…. MODERATOR 16.

Edited April 17, 2020 by Captain

[Captain]

.......guarantee anything but process tickets, and not only that, ...................

……. all prospective passengers must turn up with 2 X 20 litre cans of Jet A, plus a thermos of tea and 20 disposable cups for their ……….

[turboplanner]

............own waste disposal which is collected by Turbine Fertilisers inc. for use in growing green beans and............

[Captain]

………. tomatoes at Turbine Hydroponics and Hash Farm, which turned out to be ………...

[onetrack]

.....just a small sideline to the airline business. Even Louda Air got its name from repowering Drifters with turboencabulated 1200cc Harley Davidson engines, and adding 2 extra seats.

The noise from the unmuffled Harley Davidson engines was necessary to drown out the screaming from the pax, as the Drifters barely got airborne as they reached the perimeter fence at every airport.

 

The upside of all this, was the waste collected after the near-misses with the fences, was much more than your average airline toilet collects - thus improving the yields at the TH&H Farm.

"This is incredible!", exclaimed Turbo as the money rolled in. "With no-one else flying, I've got the air traveller market all to myself!! I'm going to be richer than Branson, before the year is out!"

 

"Hold on," said Cappy, waving an index finger. "There's just one little thing here, that is going to........

[Captain]

...……. even further improve our situation and that is that I have just been able to convince Scott that Even Louda Air (with its vital fleet of a 737 Max, plus its regional airline feeder fleet of Drifters) should receive $80 million of govt support (virusref), the same as Qantas (avref) and Verg'n."

 

Turbo was ecstatic (orgasmicref), and as is usually the case when that happens, he got a …………...

[turboplanner]

...........bill from his electricity company advising hime there was an additional $132,456.18 owing because he paid one day late.

At first he thought it was a joke from Cappy, whoe does that sort of thing all the time. [if you as an NES reader get one of these notices look down at the LH bottom corner for his trademark joke logo]

He told them to go and get stuffed, and received a new invoice for $164,743.23 being the original loaded amount plus a delay penalty, plus an admin fee.

He was ropable, and decided they could wait. A couple of days later the lights went out in all Turbine industries plants, so he bought a solar kit, which......

[Captain]

...………….. puts the lie to the usefulness of the Encabulators in an emergency.

 

However, as is usually the case with Turbo, he turned it into a winner by purchasing the largest solar panel maker in Wuhan and negotiating for access to the airspace over the Sydney Harbour Bridge, the MCG and …...………...

[turboplanner]

.....Chinatown. The hundreds of restaurants paid him several million per year for a guaranteed 20% blue sky per year after he showed them is access to airspace licence. TRue, he didn't exactly explain what it meant but they all seemed happy enogh, especially Wu Fat, who ................

[Captain]

.....Chinatown. The hundreds of restaurants paid him several million per year for a guaranteed 20% blue sky per year after he showed them is access to airspace licence. TRue, he didn't exactly explain what it meant but they all seemed happy enogh, especially Wu Fat, who ................

 

...…….. kissed Tubb on both cheeks, which was a bit of an issue, as Wu Fat Who was a member of the Chinese Mafia and who (WuFatWhoref) had been hiding behind his Corona virus face-mask since 2017 (it appears that he may have known something a bit in advance).

 

Wu Fat Who was also implicated in the corruption within the Vatican that was the source of the George Pell persecution, as Wu Fat Who was also making a run at being the 1st Chinese Pope after he completed his deal to sell the Sistine Chapel to Turbo for relocation to his joint in Moorabbin, where he ...……...

 

TURBO'S NEW POOL ROOM, DOWN THE BACK YARD BETWEEN THE GARAGE AND THE PIZZA OVEN.

 

WU FAT WHO IN HIS CORONA FACE MASK, GETTING READY TO RIDE OUT TO CHEZ TURBO

TO PRACTICE HIS FULL LATIN HIGH MASS.

Edited April 18, 2020 by Captain

[turboplanner]

......hoped to start a franchise chain selling dim sims and chop suey and branded Colonel Wu Fat's Manchurian Fly Chickens.

Turbo made the mistake of trying to help him, and it came out all wrong. He said "You're too late Wu, Colonel Sanders did that in Kentucky forty years ago!" and Wu Fat laid into him with a meat axe. Luckily Turbo had been wearing his BoB leather suit or he would have been short......

[Captain]

Luckily Turbo had been wearing his BoB leather suit or he would have been short......

……. er than he is at present.

 

Turbo used to be 6' 2" and always used to hit his head on the roof of the Vette, however since 2000 he has been in his old phart's shrinking stage, where the headlining in the Vette is no longer at risk, Tubb is now having difficulty seeing over the dash without sitting on his big custom whoppie cushion ………. but I digress.

 

Turbo's leather suit is well known at Fly-Ins around SE OZ and the particular part that saved him from Wu Fat Who's meat cleaver was his mask as shown below.

 

The SE OZ Fly-In scene had changed over recent years, partly because of their acknowledgement to and acceptance of the LMBTQXYZ community (and Turbo's resultant attendance), which resulted in the Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras having nothing for spectacular costumes and exciting liaisons on the weekly Fly-Ins, and that meant that ...……….

 

TUBB'S MASK, AS IT LOOKED PRE CLEAVER.

Edited April 18, 2020 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.........his suit was getting excessive wear. The community is tight knit, and what goes on in the Mardis Gras stays in the Mardi Gras of course, but it wouldn't be telling stories out of school (well it would be but names have been witheld) to say that some of the Ls, with short back and sides haircuts blue singlets and green baggy trousers can have nasty tempers, and Tirbo's helment has been designed to take a belt with a baseball bat swung by an L with muscles bigger than a champion axeperson, and he's escaped brojen jaws by the dozen when the enthusiasm for VB turns to a disagreement over a footy score. He'd bought a similar helmet [averf] with his first Drifter, but the maker had long since gone to that baseball park in the sky and he was reluctant to buy one from CXXXX on Ebay [You were lucky there Turbo; we let the other clown transgress 232 times but you cop it first time - MOD 3], so he asked a saddler to make him one, and it came back looking like a Western Roping Saddle. He put it on the saddler to show him where he went wrong, and unfortunately the saddler has declined to make an improved model, and is ............