The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

...…….. each one, and even in those days of no social distancing, the guys were lined up around the block while their lady friends just thought that they were ………….

[onetrack]

.....just lining up for the toilets. But the problem was, the local Gum trees were being stripped bare to try and meet the demand. The local Council and Environmental agencies stepped in and stopped the Gum-leaf stripping due to excessive environmental damage. That, of course, made the price of Gum leaves skyrocket, and they went to $30 each - if you could get one. Naturally, Turbo was quietly observing all this, and decided here was a marketing opportunity too good to miss.

 

He arranged, via Turbine Music Enterprises, to manufacture 15 million artificial Gum leaves in China, for immediate delivery. The landed price was 0.02c each, so the stage was set for Turbine Music Enterprises (a wholly-owned subsidiary of a Caribbean Holding company, which in itself was part of a larger Turbine Trust, based in the Cook Islands), was set to rake in millions overnight, all tax-free, of course - due to the Charity Status of Turbine Music Enterprises, which was registered as a producer of Gospel Music, so therefore a Religious Organisation.

 

But as soon as the Gum leaves were delivered, and budding Romeos tried their hand at producing, "Sail Along Silvery Moon" on the leaves, to serenade their girlfriends, it was found the leaves were.........

[turboplanner]

........Set to C# ("C Sharp) instead of E. There was a reason for this (there always is with the Chinese) and it was explained in the instructions which were printed in .005 font, and so could not be read thereby eliminating any legal claims for misrepresentation.

There's always a work around though, and turbo quickly matched E by coating the leaf with paw paw nectar, and the competition began, with ......

[Bryon]

.....mixed results, as Cappy had used the paw-paw nectar as a cunning hiding place for his cache of cannabis oil

What started out as a friendly competition to see who could seduce the ladies the quickest descended into a.............

[Captain]

The local Council and Environmental agencies stepped in and stopped the Gum-leaf stripping due to excessive environmental damage. That, of course, made the price of Gum leaves skyrocket, and they went to $30 each - if you could get one. Naturally, Turbo was quietly observing all this, and decided here was a marketing opportunity too good to miss.

THE ENVIRONMENTALLY ASTUTE MEMBERS OF THE MODERATTI HAVE NOTED THE ABOVE POST BY OT AND HAVE UNDERTAKEN A GOOGLE CHECK.

WE NOTE THAT THE ABOVE EVENT COINCIDED EXACTLY WITH A STEEP DECLINE IN KOALA NUMBERS (KOALA BODIES WERE SEEN FLOATING DOWN THE MURRAY LIKE THE BODIES FROM THE FUNERAL PYRES FLOATING DOWN THE GANGES), SO IT TURNED OUT THAT THE KOALAS WERE ON THE BONES OF THEIR ARSXS JUST BECAUSE OF THE TURBINE'S PROPENSITY FOR GUM LEAF MUSIC. WHAT A XXXX. WE THEREFORE HELD A VOTE AND CONCLUDED (AGAIN) THAT TURBO IS A SELFISH XXXXX AND SOLELY RESPONSIBLE FOR THE KOALAS BEING SKINT. .........…. MODERATOR 3.

[Captain]

What started out as a friendly competition to see who could seduce the ladies the quickest descended into .............

……… the type of debauched & sexually charged event that Renmark had been famous for since WW2 ….. and the main reason why Brine moved there, as there was not a lot of ………..

[Captain]

THE ENVIRONMENTALLY ASTUTE MEMBERS OF THE MODERATTI HAVE NOTED THE ABOVE POST BY OT AND HAVE UNDERTAKEN A GOOGLE CHECK.

WE NOTE THAT THE ABOVE EVENT COINCIDED EXACTLY WITH A STEEP DECLINE IN KOALA NUMBERS (KOALA BODIES WERE SEEN FLOATING DOWN THE MURRAY LIKE THE BODIES FROM THE FUNERAL PYRES FLOATING DOWN THE GANGES), SO IT TURNED OUT THAT THE KOALAS WERE ON THE BONES OF THEIR ARSXS JUST BECAUSE OF THE TURBINE'S PROPENSITY FOR GUM LEAF MUSIC. WHAT A XXXX. WE THEREFORE HELD A VOTE AND CONCLUDED (AGAIN) THAT TURBO IS A SELFISH XXXXX AND SOLELY RESPONSIBLE FOR THE KOALAS BEING SKINT. .........…. MODERATOR 3.

STOP PRESS

We are pleased to report that Turbine Enterprises have swept to the rescue of the Koalas around Renmark and have flown in 1500 breeding pairs (all stolen (by ninjas from Turbine Security) from Gunnedah, the Koala Capital of the World) using one of Virgin's laid up aircraft. TE's efforts can only be regarded as equivalent to the Billy Gates Foundation's relationship with the WHO, such that the grateful peoples of Renmark have recommended Turbo for an ORM and also the BIG prize, to be the River Queen at the next Murray River Festival. (It just shows that money can buy redemption …. but not class.)

 

NOT ANY MORE AS THEY NOW JUST HAVE THREE.

Edited April 23, 2020 by Captain

[turboplanner]

……… the type of debauched & sexually charged event that Renmark had been famous for since WW2 ….. and the main reason why Brine moved there, as there was not a lot of ………..

.........that type of activity in Dandenong these days.

"At one stage it was fun" Salty said "there was so much gang activity that the cops wouldn't go there, so the pubs started closing late, then run all night."

There was the 24/7 Club, but that went back to 12 hours a day and Sundays off after the employees found they couldn't keep up the the pace of Bros like Salty, and after a few weeks Salty was seen hobbling from venue to venue clearly worn out and only just going through the rutual and even that was limited to nodding his head with his eyes closed.

 

Then the Sudanese moved in and opened up afternoon tea rooms, and Salty was gone for good, the Commodore loaded with all the furniture and headed for the river.

 

Then the maoris started Bros' Dancing Studos and all the youths started collecting there and practising their moves, and hired the Sudanesed mums for the catering at the Annual Trophy Awards night.

 

As if the town wasn't in trouble, Turbine Enterprises sold the Council a Tree seeder, donating 60% of the price. It was built on a Land Cruiser cab/chassis and was quite simple really. It consisted of an electric fan and a hopper. You dumped a bad of seed in the hopper, and headed off down the streets using Google maps, and the seeds blew out the back when you reached 60 km/hr.

 

Dandenong was looking like a virgin forest these days, and Salty even thought of .........

[Captain]

.........…. rutual……...

…….. coming back to Dandenong for one, as everybody in the NES knew what Turbo was getting at with his above quoted smutty double entendre.

 

"I wouldn't mind a double one either" volunteered Salty as he rolled down the highway towards ...………….

[Captain]

...………… his destiny and a major clash with Turbine Equities, who had fleeced him of a small section of his savings and which, as a result, had delayed Brine from settling on his own F16 (avref) and his Enzo model Ferrari (porcupineref).

 

It was only a couple of hundred thousand $US, which didn't worry Salty more than a bite from one of those gigantic Murray Valley skeeters, but The Saltmaster is a man of high principals when he is ………….

 

BRINE, LOOKING A BIT GLUM, WHILE HEADING DOWN WITH HIS

LEGAL TEAM TO TAKE ON THOSE XXXXXX AT TURBINE EQUITIES.

[turboplanner]

.....on a mission.

He entered the imposing TE foyer where he was welcomed with soft drinks and cupcakes.

A secretary walked out in a tiny skirt and big boots and asked Salty how she could help him.

Three hours later and Salty was out in the street not quite sure why he had come to town or who.........

 

 

 

Salty on arrival at TE Enterprises

[Captain]

.....on a mission.

He entered the imposing TE foyer where he was welcomed with soft drinks and cupcakes.

A secretary walked out in a tiny skirt and big boots and asked Salty how she could help him.

Three hours later and Salty was out in the street not quite sure why he had come to town or who.........

…….. he was himself (which is quite common after he has hit the JW Blue Label and when his mosquitoe riddled form is often picked up down in the park along the Renmark waterfront).

 

But then he remembered his usual trick of singing Happy Birthday to himself ……. "Happy birthday dear Salty" ...… "It's Brine" he cried with delight "And now on to bleed Turbine Equities dry so that I can get back to turning up at Fly-Ins in an F16 and posing for all of the ladies before …………….

 

THE RENMARK MOZZIES ARE WORTH TAKING NOTE OF.

THE BELOW IS BRINE FIGHTING ONE OFF IN THE BEER

GARDEN OF THE RENMARK CLUB, DOWN ON THE WATERFRONT.

(The Renmark Club is now controlled by Turbine Registered Clubs Inc based in Vanuatu).

 

AN EXAMPLE OF JUST ONE OF TURBINE EQUITY'S SCAMS.

DONT EVER SHAKE HANDS WITH THE PXXXXS.

Edited April 24, 2020 by Captain

[turboplanner]

........selecting one on bowls night, when.....

 

[special Thanks: It's good to see social distancing and safety precautions being taken at such a high level on WreckFlyin, with some obvious effort to keep safe - MOD6)

 

 

1 Onetrack

2 Loxie - note the ear and thigh protection

5 Mabel

6 Captain

3 HiHo

4 Captain and wife

[hihosland]

on hearing on Fox news the Twitterrer in chief's promotion of iv disinfectant and internal sunlight as Covid-19 treatment.

Turbo had a Turbo/brainwave and immediately took out a patent on the Per/rectal Photon-emitting-Turbeencabulator as a presidential endorsed cure for the Covid virus.

 

However after receiving a phone call from the chief medical officer the branding was downgraded to merely a treatment for the Covid-19 virus.

 

Vigorously promoted on late night TV complete with bonus steak knives (if ordered on line that evening) TE once again started to rake in the $$$$.

$$$ that flowed MBN (avref) wards even faster when the new improved model was released with variable vibration levels, a market penetration that advanced ever further upwards when a bluetooth remote control was added to the mark iii model.

 

All was well until it was discovered that as a cost cutting measure (no surprise there) the complimentary lubricant packs had..................

[onetrack]

.....been omitted from the set, and great pain was being experienced by the users. Turbine Medical stepped into the breech and offered cheap painkillers to make up for the lack of lubricant.

"This is worse than riding a Harley Davidson for a fortnight with a busted seat!", exclaimed Cappy. "No it's not, I've done that, and the lack of lubricant is worse!", said Hi Ho.

 

Very soon, it was obvious by the number of users hobbling and crab-walking stiffly, the lack of lubricant was going to kill sales of the Rectal Photon-emitting-Turboencabulator.

"We'll have to cut back on the steak knives, and ensure the lubricant pack is added!", said Turbo. "Surely, we can still get sales with a rubber knife set?"

 

"No, that's been tried before", said Bryon. "We found that quite a number of people can injure themselves with a rubber knife, and the lawsuits nearly broke us!"

"I know!", said Turbo, with his usual flash of marketing brilliance. "We'll shrink the size of the Rectal Photon-emitting-Turboencabulator, charge the same amount, and because it's smaller, no lube will be needed!"

 

"You know", said Cappy, "You're not just a pretty face, are you? That is marketing gold, straight out of Coles and Woolies food portion sizing! Before long we'll .......

[Captain]

"You know", said Cappy, "You're not just a pretty face, are you? That is marketing gold, straight out of Coles and Woolies food portion sizing! Before long we'll .......

…. be "Down Down Deeper and Down" (sung with gusto as below).

 

But then the Skipper, who has been Turbo's best mate and closest advisor for over 50 years (and as a result had saved Turbine Industries from some terrible over reaches by Turdboy) noticed the fatal flaw in Turbo's Mk 2 design.

 

Turbo had seen the press articles about "Ultra-Violet" light being great for control of Viruses (Viri), but as usual Turbs was not listening and was partaking in an orgy with all of Karl Williams' girlfriends in his Moorabbin penthouse at the time, so Turbo designed the Mk 2 version of the Rectal Photon-emitting-Turboencabulator to be "Ultra-Violent".

 

"Rectum?" asked HiHo.

 

"Too right …. It ruined 'em" replied Salty who bought one of the ………….

 

TURBO AND THE SKIPPER FROM THEIR ROCKING DAYS IN THE UK BUT MORE

MONEY BEING MADE NOW FROM THE LICENCE TO COLES.

(ALDI HAVE OFFERED MILLIONS TO LICENCE "BIG FAT MUMMA"

Edited April 25, 2020 by Captain

[Captain]

ASTUTE NES'ERS, AND PERHAPS EVEN THOSE THAT ARE JUST PROPPED UP IN THE CORNER OF THE SUNROOM, WILL HAVE NOTICED THE CAPTAIN'S VERY CLEVER AND EVER SO ASTUTE AVREF IN HIS POST # 12466 TO VIRUSES (SEE PHOTO BELOW). HE SURELY IS A REAL DAG (SHEEPREF) WHEN HE POSTS ON HERE AND IS AN INVALUABLE SOURCE OF INFORMATION FOR THE MEMBERS …….. MODERATOR 7

 

[onetrack]

....Mk 1 versions, and who was now paying the price (literally) by continuing to use it. "I can trade your Mk 1 in a Mk 2 for a very good changeover price", offered Turbo, who was engaged on designing the further improved Mk 3 model, which was an even greater marketing idea, because of the increased potential to trade both Mk 1's and Mk 2's in on new Mk 3's.

 

Turbo had gained his insight into the excellent marketing opportunities in the Mk 1, Mk 2 and Mk 3 model naming, when he worked at International Harvester designing trucks that had increasing levels of unreliability.

The unreliability was addressed by adding a Mk 2 or Mk 3 decal, thus convincing buyers the original disastrous engineering problems were cured.

He'd also served time in GMH and Ford Australia, with his time there leading to the equally disastrous engineering flops in the Mk 1 and Mk 2 Commodores and Falcons.

 

"That Pipistrel Sinus (avref) is just what I need in this Virus Age, to go with the Mk 3!", exclaimed Turbo, as he spotted yet another marketing opportunity.

 

He gloated - "I could import a shipload of them, re-brand them as the Pipistrel Turbo Clear Sinus, and we'll be laughing all the way to the bank!"

"There's nothing like a 'Turbo' decal, and a 'Clear Sinus' name, to give you an air of authority and confidence!"

"In addition, we can advertise the Pipistrel Turbo Clear Sinus is fitted with a virus-free Turboencabulator, and we can also throw in a Mk 3 Rectal Photon-emitting-Turboencabulator for the driver, at no extra cost!!"

 

"It's a win-win situation for everyone! Imagine the happiness pervading the aviation scene (avref) when everyone in back in the air with all this latest technology! It's the only way out of this current aviation gloom!"

 

"There's just one little flaw in your Great Plan", said OT thoughtfully. "How are you going to get around..........

Edited April 25, 2020 by onetrack

[Captain]

"There's just one little flaw in your Great Plan", said OT thoughtfully. "How are you going to get around..........

……. the fact that the Pipistrel Turbo Clear Sinus is now known in the market as the "Golly"?

 

Turbo thought long and hard about these issues and his response was ground breaking (crashref) in the aviation (avref) industry.

 

"1st I'll take a leaf out of Gerry Harvey's book and offer no repayments and zero interest for 5 years and then I'll add the feature of those Global Shop Direct adverts on TV and we'll supply 2 Viri for the price of one (if buyers call in the next 30 minutes), plus you can return them before 500 hrs if not satisfied, for a full refund less $19 postage and handling."

 

The Viri went out the door like there was no tomorrow, with 10 or more then located at most CTAF airfields (doubleavref) and Turbo won another award for marketing excellence from the Mextorian Govt and form the People's Republic of Czecoslovakia.

 

There was just one little cloud (avref) on the horizon (edgeoftheworldref), and that was ……...

[turboplanner]

........the problem that they didn't fly.

"It's a minor matter, said Turbo. The designer, Lazslo Lochtzleinacker hated the Italians and never believed in the Bernouli effect. He's on the record for stating many times "I could cut a flat wing from a pine tree with a chain saw and it would fly better than a Jabiru eh."

But the problem was that it didn't, and ...........................

[Captain]

……. all of his thousands of wings (since downgraded in status to just be "planks") were snapped up by Turbine Merchandising Inc, and turned into skateboards, each with an endorsement from Zali Steggall, which meant that …………...

 

"The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist screams at others on the CTAF frequency so as to define the active runway." - West Aussie Wonsie

Edited April 25, 2020 by Captain

[onetrack]

.... they could be described in the sales literature as, "the skateboard that gives you wings!". Unfortunately, when the skateboard buyers found out that Steggall was a pollie, the skateboarders turned into political groups, with Left Wing and Right Wing skateboarders, and even a few Independents.

 

Things got really ugly whenever the Left Wing skateboarders and the Right Wing skateboarders arrived at the skate park. They started off slandering each other, then the skateboarding got really ugly, with near-misses and distinct head-on skating threats, along with threats to "run them over!".

 

It made the Mods and Rockers fights of the 60's, and Parliamentary Speech Time, look tame by comparison. The threats erupted into physical violence, with skates being used as weapons.

One Left Wing skateboarder suggested they arm themselves, as the attacks from the Right were beginning to get really vicious. Another dressed as Tony Abbott, intent on getting his "Steggall Revenge".

 

Turbo saw more sales opportunities in these class and political divisions, and set about manufacturing armaments for skateboards. He sprouted, "With my skills, this will be just a.....

[turboplanner]

......not only the aircraft didn't fly. but he had no planks for production (TE NEVER turned back; every plank had been committed to production until a MK4 could be built using Bernoulli design wings), so Turbo sold the fuselages as they came off the line in Banglasdesh as Commodore replacements. They were much faster and if the props chopped a few people up que sera sera, and ......

[Captain]

......not only the aircraft didn't fly. but he had no planks for production (TE NEVER turned back; every plank had been committed to production until a MK4 could be built using Bernoulli design wings), so Turbo sold the fuselages as they came off the line in Banglasdesh as Commodore replacements. They were much faster and if the props chopped a few people up que sera sera, and ......

...……. at the Skipper's suggestion TMI turned some of the planks upside down so that the skateboards worked in ground affect with 50 kgs of downforce at 50 knots (avref) which the skateboarders thought was great until they sped up entering the bowl when some of the TMI boards dug into the concrete and all of the lefty boarders did a face-plant ……...… for TMI had protected the right wingers with a ………..…...

[Captain]

Turbo saw more sales opportunities in these class and political divisions, and set about manufacturing armaments for skateboards. He sprouted, "With my skills, this will be just a.....

...….. doddle to ……...