The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

...….. doddle ……...

……… but the loyal Captain was wrong. Nothing Turbo or his conglomerate ever does in a "doddle", however he does "hobble" when he tries to walk, primarily due to the rash that he has had since he was 16.

……...… for TMI had protected the right wingers with a ………..…...

...……… a new encabulator powered and controlled skate board controller that TE had licenced to Garmin and which is now the rule in skate parks across the world.

 

When Turbo gave the keynote address at the World Skateboard congress in Prague, as he scratched his rash (which may be getting worse), he opened with "Who'd a thunk that we could have doubled our ……….

[onetrack]

......followers in such a short time?" But the speaker system of the auditorium, being of Russian origin, made it sound like Turbo said "hobbled our followers", and all the delegates started looking puzzled.

It got worse, as Turbo launched into a promotional spiel about TE, and the potential of TE skateboards to replace cars as a primary form of global personal transport.

 

Thanks to the crap sound system, the delegates heard "cars" come across as "czars", and "primary" as "primate", and "transport" as "trainspot".

Along with many delegates having English as a second language, their initial puzzlement turned to outrage, as they thought Turbo was taking the mickey, calling them a bunch of monkeys, and making fun of their fine European train networks.

 

They rose in a combined roar of outrage, and pandemonium ensued, as they advanced on Turbo, muttering colloquial threats in every second European language. The Russians were the most offended, and Turbo suddenly realised........

[Captain]

………… that his Szar Nicholas beard, sash, medals and cummerbund had not been taken in the spirit in which they were intended.

 

Turbo hadn't actual run anywhere in 40 years, but he jumped on the sample TE skateboard and ………….

 

TURBS LOOKED THE SPIT OF THIS PHOTO OF

NICK AS HE GAVE HIS KEYNOTE LECTURE.

[onetrack]

..... starting kicking it along to crank it up. But alas, if wouldn't start - because Turbo Enterprises had let the build contract for the turboencabulator go to the lowest bidder (in the finest free-enterprise fashion) - and the Chinese had won the contract, and they had then decided to save on material strength at every turn.

 

Not only had they saved on material strength, they'd eliminated a lot of the wiring as unnecessary, and shrunk the diameter of the remainder of the wiring.

This meant the turboencabulator would often fail to fire up at first kick - and if it did, it would often backfire - then self-destruct in a pile of burnt aluminium foil.

 

Turbo desperately looked behind him, only to see the angry crowd of delegates gaining on him. It was about then he became religious, and started singing this song to boost his hopes .......

 

[turboplanner]

.........God heard him and bypassed the undersize wiring with a jolt of lightning and the skateboard took off with the speed of twnety startled plovers.

For a moment it looked like Turbo would be left behind, but after sliding back he made a lunge for the handles and headed for Norway where........

[Captain]

......... the night are long in winter, even if Turds is not, but it suits his technique to speak like the Muppet Chef in .......

 

TURBO, CRACKING ONTO THE NORWEGIAN LADIES

[Captain]

RARE FOOTAGE OF TURBS WHILE IN NORWAY.

THIS IS ALSO TYPICAL OF THE WAY HE RUNS TE.

AND HIS FLIGHT PLANNING/FUEL MANAGEMENT

IS ALSO SIMILAR.

 

 

AND ALSO ONE THAT SHOWS HOW PLANEY

FELT THE SAME AS THE SPAGHETTI.

Edited April 27, 2020 by Captain

[Captain]

WE NOTE THAT THE NES HAS GROUND TO A HALT & BEEN INACTIVE NOW FOR OVER 24 HOURS.

 

EEEEN HAS THEREFORE ASKED ME TO FORMALLY ADVISE THAT HE HAS RECEIVED AN ATTRACTIVE OFFER FROM TURBINE PUBLISHING INC ……. AND IF THE CURRENT INACTIVITY CONTINUES (COVID RESTRICTIONS AND SOCIAL DISTANCING NOT WITHSTANDING), SUBJECT TO LEGAL ADVICE, EEEEN INTENDS TO SELL THE NES (ALONG WITH bull, HEIDI, SALTY & THE UNIROUTE) TO TPI, WHO HAVE STATED THEIR INTENTION TO PUBLISH THE NES IN A SERIES OF "JAMES BOND" TYPE BOOKS, WITH DANIEL CRAIG TO PLAY A YOUNG TURBO AND WALTER BRENNAN TO PLAY HIM AS HE IS NOW. …………….. MODERATOR 3.

 

(EEEEEEN FURTHER UNDERSTANDS THAT CASTING OFFERS HAVE BEEN MADE FOR bull TO PLAY pussy galore, ONESIE WILL BE PLENTY O'TOOLE, HIHO WILL BE THE SUMPTUOUS HOLLY GOODHEAD AND SALTY WILL PLAY OCTOPUSSY.)

Edited April 28, 2020 by Captain

[turboplanner]

ADDITIONAL NOTE FROM MODERATOR 3

George Burns, when he turned 100 was chosen to play the Captain, but he expired, and Ronnie Howard is now under contract.

.......The Muppets. It is unclear whether this Muppet is Norwegian or North Mongolian, and no one's going to find out because no one can understand him, or could. We are now using the past tense because TurboSound has produced an electronic sound capturing system that filters slurred speech (like Captain's every afternoon) and converts it to crystal clear English, so ..........

[Captain]

We are now using the past tense because TurboSound has produced an electronic sound capturing system that filters slurred speech (like Captain's every afternoon) and converts it to crystal clear English, so ..........

........... this claim by Turbosound went thru to the keeper until an investigative journalist took the below photo of Turbs testing his new invention.

 

As a result of that article, the shares in TurboSound, and even in Turbine Enterprises, took a hit that was ..............

 

[turboplanner]

........unprecedented in the history of the Stock Exchange.

Turbo was rattled for a moment, and thought that this time he may have made a slight mistake, so he made his way to the Stock Exchange and into the pit of traders stinking of perspiration and flatulation but still climbing over the backs of their peers for that last good deal. Finally he found his mate Cecil furiously writing out tickets. "How come you're writing down my price? he asked. "Didn't you hear Turbo, a guy who is a direct desecendent descendant of Captain Cook told us the invention was just made out of scrap tin, and if we could sell the shares down to 30% he'd take us all out for a weekend in the New Endeavour crewed by 40 pole dancers and sticked with pure malt whiskey......." Turbo........

[hihosland]

...thought about that for a second or two and then gave his favourite leaky News Corp person a call, who in turn called the BBC and asked of them was it true that the famous Turbo invention was nothing more than a cheap Chinese knock off of the original William Hartnell sonic screwdriver, and what's more that if one were to peel off the 'mark iii' sticker you will find revealed a 'mark ii' sticker.

 

At which the man from the BBC immediately rang Slacker and Grubier the esteemed attorneys at law who rounded up all the Dr Who fans and with the Pertwee family as lead plaintiffs launched a class action against Cecil and co of the Stock Exchange accusing them of causing a precipitous fall in the TE shares.

 

At this juncture Cecil and co remembered their economics 101 lectures and placed multiple buy orders for TE shares. the value of which shot up again, the class action collapsed and Turbo.........

[Captain]

………. thought his didn't stink ...…….. again.

 

But Gretchen, a disgruntled leading Barista, from a back room at Slacker und Gruber, had withheld some exculpatory evidence which set Tink back on his heels when he learnt that ……

 

TINKY WANK BACK ON HIS HEELS.

[turboplanner]

.....he had been seen gripping with Gretchen in the garden of Slacker und Gruber, and the shares collapsed again. Savvy buyers, after years of trust ijn Turbo knew it wouldn't be long before the buyers came in again, and jumped in early hoping to make a stockmarket killing. Cecil had made more commission in the past few hours than the last ten years, and reminded himself to buy Turbo a drink.

And the shares charge came after Gretchen explained that while it was true that she had been screaming "Oh God!, OH GOD!!!!!!!!!!!" it was simply because she was devoutly religious, and often prayed in...........

[hihosland]

... the missionary position while....

[Captain]

...…… laying back und thinking of ze Fatherland with ze lederhosen neatly folded behind the …………..

 

GRETCHEN ALL READY FOR COURT

Edited April 28, 2020 by Captain

[turboplanner]

..........kitchen door to avoid being stained as she made pancaken und crackers for Der supermeister Turboslager, whi lifted his stein to ensure..........

[Captain]

……. that Gretchen could fully appreciate its magnificent size (Turboschlager had always been a bit like zat).

 

"Oh Turboadolf" said Gretchen "Zat ist magnificent und the biggest Ich have ever seenen ............ but here, we don't call that a stein. Here that ist known as your ……….

[turboplanner]

.......Schteisenhauser Snitzell, and we don't...........

[Captain]

…...… think that somebody as handsome, wealthy, worldly-wise & vital to the planet's aviation (avref) industry as you (Turboadolph is presently consulting to Virgin OZ on how to get back into the air [$6 billion is debts is chickenfeed to Adolph {or Dolphy as Gretchen calls him}]) (3bracketsref), should be stuck in ......…….

[turboplanner]

........Norway displaying Schnitzell when you can be.........

[hihosland]

...downloading the app.

The TurboLocator app

All you need is to keep your blue tooth off

and all your other blue bits hidden else millions of Turbo fans fasten on to where you have been secretly and illegally exercising at your favourite ALA outside of your designated lock down zone.

If not they will find you and descend upon your ALA in their tens of thousands swarming like a Hillsong convention hyped up on................

[Captain]

…...… green cordial.

 

HiHo's post # 12497 has opened up a new can-of-worms as Tink had been a leading preacher at Hillsong conventions for the past decade.

 

He did it to cleanse his soul from his rip-off business practices and he had become a Hillsong superstar because he was always a …...…….

 

TURBO WHIPPING UP THE CROWD USING HIS

HILLSONG NAME, AS DISPLAYED BEHIND HIM.

[Captain]

He did it to cleanse his soul from his rip-off business practices and he had become a Hillsong superstar because he was always a …...…….

...…….. great fire and brimstone preacher who frightened little kids and old ladies, but who was beloved by the masses.

 

This is how Turbs got so close to Scott, and your wouldn't believe it, that Turbo and the Captain (now elevated informally to the rank of Lt General) met up last night over dinner at The Lodge.

 

The Cappy was there to advise on the diplomatic stoush with China (he had the Chinese ambassador waiting in an anti-room with a cup of green tea, in case he was needed), to give technical advice on whether to convert the Subs to nuclear power, plus to consult on the rebuilding of the economy post Covid and to provide his latest thinking (in order to update the Federal Chief Medical Officer) on progress worldwide with Covid vaccine development.

 

Turbo was there to provide Scott with spiritual nourishment ...…… to say grace ............… and to serve the wine …………… which he did very …...………….

Edited April 30, 2020 by Captain

[turboplanner]

........astutely, taking a teaspoonful out to the Chinese Ambassador and telling him the latest Captain joke. The Chinese Ambassador............