The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

...…….. cashews, rubbed his eyes, looked off at the horizon (avref) like the visionary that he is, bent down to Turbo's height (avref) and responded with kindness "……..

[Captain]

...…….. cashews, rubbed his eyes, looked off at the horizon (avref) like the visionary that he is, bent down to Turbo's height (avref) and responded with kindness "……..

....... "This development will make you the new Alan Bond".

 

"I don't think so" responded Turbs "Although my name IS Alan and I AM on a bond, ...... but don't tell the ABC or .......

[hihosland]

.....they'll get Barry Cassidy to do a "One on One" with me and truth to tell there is not ONE of me. Even a cursory glance (an/nav ref) at NES will show a multiple personality trait sufficient to make Freud..........

[onetrack]

....get that excited, he'd write up a whole new tome on personality disorders amongst the pilot and entrepreneur groups.

 

However, once Turbs heard the ABC was looking for him, he started to get excited himself. Not only would he increase his media exposure with an ABC interview, it would expose him to a whole market of ABC left-wingers, who wouldn't normally know he existed.

 

He began practising his facial expressions and most dulcet voice tones in a mirror. He'd heard actors and long-time TV presenters did this as standard to improve their presentation.

Next, he began to commit to memory, word-for-word, all the subtle advertising lines for the TE aviation products and housing developments.

 

It was going to blow everyone away, this ABC interview - and he hoped he could pull off the not-so-subtle advertising on the ABC for TE, without raising the ire of the DITRDC and initiating an inquiry.

Besides, if a DITRDC inquiry started, there was the problem that they also handled Transport and Infrastructure, and that could lead to some awkward questions, as to how TE got approval to develop that RAMSAR wetlands into a......

[Captain]

……… major aviation (avref) hub (wheelref).

 

Things moved quickly from there with 4 Corners undertaking a full blown expose, Media Watch criticising the TE media management policy, Turbo's appearance on Q&A being widely panned and ...……….

[Captain]

…………… Turbo, after guidance from Turbine Public Relations Inc (T-PRIC) went on a promotional tour of all major western commercial hugs, so having a 2-seater F16 was a boon, because he could put a change of clothes and some soap in the rear seat along with his tent, sleeping bag, a Crystal Set and a few packets of Gaviscon.

 

"I love sleeping under the wing (avref), it's just like being at an AUF Natfly (but without the petty politics), and the double-bunger F16 is a great little aircraft" said Turbo in a pre-written statement.

 

"Hang on" said Salty "Sleeping under the wing is a bit crass for someone with your class and wealth" … and Brine knew a lot about both.

 

"I normally stay at 6 Star joints" replied Turbo "But when you are doing a sweep thru New York, London, Frankfurt, Damascus, Doha then flicking back thru Honkers & then to Perth (the biggest wank centre of commerce of the lot) and to have a Shiraz with Onesie, the cost of a 747 for the mid-air refuelling over all those big blue oceany things really knocks a hole in your Visa card, but it's all necessary and ...……...…..

Edited May 9, 2020 by Captain

[turboplanner]

........anyway I write off to expenses.

It also helps in the African States where not everyone knows what a contract is, and if they act up with RPGs after finding out TE never pays bribes, you can come back over the Palace and drop a few Napalm Cans on the Palace to give them a whiff of authority.

 

The Four Corners failed after Turbo had them tailed, and managed to get copies of receipts as they were presented by the camera crew to the ABC, and as they were written by the hotels, and other dives they spent most of their time on.

 

The meeting was a short one; Ita made sure she was the last person in, and with a straight face asked "Mr XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (TE isn't vindictive enough to publicly identify reporters) "Thith retheipt from the Hotel Casablanca shows $4750 US dollars for the hire of a room, Camera equipment, lighting, and six crewmembers for a meeting with Mr Turbine."

"What's wrong with that?" asked the mildly irritated reporter. "Well, Mr XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX thith retheipt for 182 Bakseith, in your name, from HappyClapperth Inc. to the hotel ith for 6 pole dancerth; (and still with a straight face) "What ith a pole danther Mr XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX?"

She was met with silence. "And the video you brought back is thtock video whowing Mr Turbine thpeaking at a public gathering and working on his tax returns."

 

That was about it for Mr X whose contract was terminated and he left two years later with a $32 million payout.

 

Now it was Turbo's turn and he was to be interviewed by Ita herself. The cameras rolled but one of the crew, acting for Mr X failed to tell Turbo, and he could be seen picking his nose, telling the crew that "this XXXXXXX was melting and they needed to power him again, so Ita started with.............."

[Captain]

…… Do you have any knowledge of the four thouthand theven hundred and fithty dollarth retheipt from the Hotel Cathablanca, which theems to me to be thuthpect?"

 

Turbo, who had enjoyed been fithty since he was about 12 (you would think he would have run out by now), tried to take the quethtion theriouthly and replied with a thraight fathe "...………….

[turboplanner]

"........Thy Quethtione doth angth me thomewhat Thir, my good manne, nevertheleth I will try to anthwer it in the pothitiffe."

[Turbo is aware that Ita is a female, couldn't think of the word]

"I was thitting in me room filling out me tacth formth in full carre and attenthion notwithstanding a thore bunnion and have never foresooth have lain me eyeth on such an Accounte, and would theath and dethist from payment of thomething which belongth to you Ita" he said.

 

So Ita was stuck with the bill, and .....

[Captain]

........ thtuck thpeaking olde worlde englith too.

 

"I runeth the ABTHEE where I am the Chairperthon, which proveth that mine doesnth thtink either" she thaid to Thalty, who ..........

[turboplanner]

.......was about to do a stint in the stocks for taking yabbies out of season, But was deputising for Turbo.

 

It’s didn’t realise and came gushing forward; “Hello Turbo, it’s good to thee you!”and before he could stop himself, Saltie had replied and now there was no going back. Saltie began answering Ita’s questions, and there were a few raised eyebrows, but when...

[Captain]

Saltie began answering Ita’s questions, and there were a few raised eyebrows, but when …......

………. Planey submitted another complaint to Eeeeen about Turbo being his usual smartarxe prat, Salty knew that he had his Turbo impression down pat, even to the extent that he captured Tubb's arrogant ……..

[hihosland]

.. stance before the Powerpoint screen when he presented to Fox media his simplified attachment device whereby the original Mark 1 Turboencabulator could be attached to the DNA replicator in the search for a Covid 19 vaccine

a stance that so moved the audience that they petitioned the Bill and Melinda foundation for sufficient funds to enable the WHO to .........

[Captain]

……………. exonerate the entire Turbine Enterprises conglomerate that were by then operating in over 200 countries and on 15 continents (as you can see, they have a propensity for a little bit of exaggeration).

 

"WHOA (WHO joke)" said Bill "TE is harder to exonerate than China, about the false claims that they started this Corona shxtfight"

 

"Please don't swear Billy" said Melinda "Or you and your money will be out the door like a shot and I'm heading back to my true love in Renmark, who always knew how to make me ……………

 

MEL AND BRINE IN HAPPIER TIMES AT THE REMNARK RISSOLE

Edited May 9, 2020 by Captain

[turboplanner]

"......spell twelve words before breakfast and before I had to start picking XXXXXXXoranges for the next 14 hours.

"I really loved that life; sand in your shoes, thorns from the orange trees, red back spider nests, and a shower of brown Murray Water in the outside shower at the end of the day."

"Yes" said Salty, "but then.............."

[Bryon]

"......spell twelve words before breakfast and before I had to start picking XXXXXXXoranges for the next 14 hours.

"I really loved that life; sand in your shoes, thorns from the orange trees, red back spider nests, and a shower of brown Murray Water in the outside shower at the end of the day."

"Yes" said Salty, "but then.............."

........we did have those loverly pampers grass stalks to tickle your...........

[onetrack]

...... fancy when you went to the toilet. That made it all worthwhile". Meanwhile the media pounced on Turbo as soon as he presented his new simplified attachment device. They wanted to know what it was called.

 

"I'd call it a Charlie Foxtrot", said Cappy under his breath. "Because even the village idiot can see it won't work, it's on a par with a Chinese puzzle, and it's been built using a Arabic ruler, that reads from right to left!

 

"Well", said Turbo, with furrowed brow, in response to the media question, and ignoring Cappys mutterings, "We have yet to name this terrific invention, it took our team several months to put this together, using all our facilities and faculties, and working around the clock; so we haven't had time to name it yet. However, it's been suggested a suitable name would.....

[turboplanner]

.........give it more impetus than just having us stand around at Press Conferences telling people we don't know what to call it.

"We'll call it 3D" said the Head of Turbine Movies and set to work on developing a whole new line of movies based on.........

[hihosland]

.. the "Eicher diecher" TE's latest innovation and reality distorting device, sales of which went skywards when it was reported that Mike Pence used his personal example to modulate his boss's dissertations into something that Fox news could broadcast without precipitating yet another incident in the South China Sea or ..........

[turboplanner]

........yet again irritating Kim Jong-un who was shacked up with a new chick, and didn't need helpful publicity from fatso.

Turbo was summonsed to Pyongyang. "How much you charge me for miniature Eicher Deicher we can sew into Tlump's ear?" Kim Jong-un asked

"For you, we'll do it for free", said Turbo, but unfortunately his hearing wasn't as good as it used to be and an ED was sewn into the President's rear.

It had been programmed with popular North Korean marches, hit songs and speeches which Jong-un could select as he chose.

 

The Whitehouse press group saw it first; the President was asked a question about whether his support for opening all the restaurants was a mistake.

He started to speak, but then broke into a Gangman style dance, looking behind him with a bemused stare.

 

Then President Trump ..........

[Captain]

...………… called his Senior Security Advisor for the Asian Region, who has been on assignment under deep cover in bone for several years (a bit like one of those Japanese soldiers in the jungle after WW2) where he ...………...

[turboplanner]

........was flown by the CIA corporate jet to CIAPAC for training four times a year. He often reported on those flights in Wreckfline but disguised them as Jabiru or Tyro flights but he never discussed them at the bone RSL.

 

He was one of the CIA’s best sleepers, often not rising until early afternoon.

 

 

In this occasion the flight was to Langley; the suit felt scratchy, and the 357 Magnum was heavy on its strap. He was to be on “Trump Guard” to find out what was going on with these outbursts.

 

Unbeknown to the CIA, Turbo had slipped him an ED controller and......

[hihosland]

......was sharing a tinny or two in the back of the corrigated iron shearing shed with Barnaby, his major source of info on all matters OZ.

Information for which when telegraphed US wards via Pine GAP he was amply rewarded with shares in various Trump golf enterprises.

Shares which greatly surprised Randy the SSAAR when he examined the latest tranch of Trumpster shares to find that TE enterprises held a covenant over the shares such that they could only be traded..............

[Captain]

……….. under the condition that George Pell would be cleared and become Pope.

 

It was little known, dear reader, that the entire attack on George had been orchestrated by Turbo as part of his quest for acceptability, because if he could replace George in the Treasury, it was just a hop step and a jump to bounce into the fancy white robes and the skull cap that would cover his scaly bald patch.

 

"If I become Pope Dickhead the 1st" said Turbo in his Moorabbin pronouncement number IXV "I will buy all the plonk from .............

 

(In true TE fashion, Turbs was having 2 bob each way, as he also had plans in place to become the grand mufti of the Moorabbin mosque and then be catapulted into power as the Eye-atoll-a in Iran as an Ass-armour Bedlinnen lookalike).

Edited May 10, 2020 by Captain

[turboplanner]

..........our winery in the Ovens Valley

Turbo had become concerned about the Captain's health. He was letting out too many secrets about Turbo's business interestes and hedging strategies, and he was beginning to make mistakes, such as the time he introduced Ita Buttrose as the Miley Cyrus of Point Piper, and the tweets he was sending nightly to President Trump. Unfortunately for world democracy Trump was picking them up and tweeting them on, and only last night the Captain had started a massive catfight by trolling Barack Obama that Trump thought he was a girl. Obama had hit straight back at Trump, and Trump started firing tweets at midnight and hasn't stopped yet, bull doing a masterful job on controlling the ED implant to distract Trump.

 

He decided to have a garden party, where Captain was sure to try to crack on to ..........