The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

...………. Michelle, who he had always thought was totally hot, however the fact that Barack had been there a couple of times was a bit of a turn off.

 

Seeing this discussion, bull thought back longingly to the time where he was Principal Technical Consultant and also the National Tactical Advisor, plus he was also Chief of Staff in the Pentagon for President McGovern.

 

"But George McGovern was never elected President" commented Brian when he had a few beers with bull.

 

"oh crap" said bull "no wonder it was pretty quiet during those 4 years ….. and I always had trouble finding my office".

 

Salty sighed and thought …………...….

[hihosland]

Yikes here I am stuck with yet another NES wannabe world leader.

Once they get a few likes and a thumbs up or two they think that the whole world is in love with them and put themselves forward for the Democratic plenary convention believing in their delusion that if any one can trounce the tweeter in chief theme the one completely forgetting that...

[Captain]

....... Twitter is now owned by Turbine Communications & Social Media Inc (TCASMI) and Twitter is named after its developer, and chief Twit, ..........

[turboplanner]

............Colonel Cook. The Captain's promotion was sudden, arising out of some Aerospace and Defence issues which came up requiring Turbo's full attention. The Captain had always aspired to the rank of Colonel, but never had the chones to go into battle and earn military rank, the closest he ever got being the Bronte Police Boys Club. He was now going to be..........

 

 

 

[We apologise for not advising NES readers of the changes in Turbine Industries earlier, but the press release occurred at 3 am from the Cayman Islands.]

[Captain]

He (our glorious new leader, that is, the wondrous and hot Captain), was now going to be..........

………. the subject of great interest and the guest on hundreds of national and international business TV shows (Maria Bartoromo offered him more than just an interview).

 

"We are so pleased that TE is now to be controlled by somebody without Turbo's personality failings, faults and frailties" said a fawning Laurie Oakes.

 

"I second that" said Scott, who had always thought Turbo to be a bit of a dick, and who had asked to appear beside the Cappy so that some of the limelight could fall on him too. (John Howard [the ex-PM and not the actor] had also asked to be on the TE Board under the Captain's leadership, so that John [or Jack as the Skipper calls him] can continue his learning experience).

 

Then Alan Jones and John Laws both chimed in "We have voted with our cheque books (whatever they are) and have pumped all of our dough into TE to back the Skipper."

 

Turbs was dumb-founded (well, the 1st bit anyway) as the shares went stratospheric and the Skipper's 900 billion options (that indicates how desperate Tubb was to have the Skipper sign on) propelled Cappy into the top 5 rich-list (worldwide).

 

The Skipper was modest and self effacing as usual as he humbly said "...………………..

Edited May 12, 2020 by Captain

[turboplanner]

"...........Where do I find the key to the executive washroom?"

 

"You don't get one" said Turbo, and Cappy realised that you could work your heart out for decades and rise to the very top of your industry, but they STILL managed to put you down.

 

He started to hatch a ........

 

[Of course this doesn't happen in the real life, we're only trying to portray the other half. In reality we've put notices up not to steal biscuits, wash your own coffee cup, and clean up the toilet after you, but Cappy just goes on as if we weren't there.]

[Captain]

He started to hatch a ........

....... cunning stunt (at least that is how I think you spell it) that would .......

[turboplanner]

.......include a Piper Tripacer, 20 metres of rope, three buckets, a length of hose and a police constable, who was good at .......................

[Captain]

.......include a Piper Tripacer, 20 metres of rope, three buckets, a length of hose and a police constable, who was good at .......................

....... quick draw, framing the innocent (vicref) and realistic body painting of .........

[Captain]

.......include a Piper Tripacer,

 

NOTICE - With the approval of the Board of Turbine Industries (Piper Aircraft (avref) Manufacturing Division).

Following the untimely slipup by Turbs in the premature announcement in the above quote from his post # 12,583, ASX rules require, and we feel compelled to, disclose the imminent release of a Piper Bi-Tri- Pacer (patents pending).

The below photo was planned for a worldwide announcement via a Webinar on July 1st, (so as to avoid 2019-2020 taxes).

We are certain that this new design and the seductive name "Piper Bi-Tri-Pacer" will catch the eyes of all GA Pilots plus we expect thousands of sales to crusty old AUF types, who long for redundancy, for their engines, but also for the bits that are starting to drop off themselves.

"Don't you think it looks great" said Turbo "It's like a poor man's P-38 Lightning, and this announcement will make me an even bigger legend & entre-pre-noor than Dicky Branson (What wanker really want to fly into space anyway?)."

"I agree" said Salty "I, for one, can't wait to simulate an engine failure as I climb out of Renmark in my Bi-Tri-Pacer (order placed and funds transferred)"

Technical note - A miniaturised & hydrogen powered version of the world famous TurboEncabulator is used to synchronise the props.

 

THE LONG AWAITED PIPER BI-TRI-PACER

Edited May 13, 2020 by Captain

[hihosland]

Shouldn't it have a rainbow colour scheme? demanded Loxie.

NESers must remem ber that Loxie had become quite enarmoured of the rainbow flag since..............

[turboplanner]

......that terrible day Mrs Williams had gone to Sydney for an op, and the first day she was out, there was Loxie, walking along......

[hihosland]

...in high heels, twirling a parasol and wearing sandwich boards declaring .........

[Captain]

News Update - The Piper Bi-Tri-Pacer has set new records on Twitter and Tinder social media platforms today under the #Pi-Bi-Tri-Pa moniker, and as a result, the aircraft (avref) has reached cult status in the LMBTQFCDX-Bi-Tri community.

 

TE shares have now streaked past BHP and the Elongated Musk-sticks little car and space company.

[Captain]

...in high heels, twirling a parasol and wearing sandwich boards declaring .........

...…………. "I am not an animal" (but he was) and "Give me decent firefighting equipment or give me death" (which some volunteers offered to arrange).

 

"Beauty" said Loxie "As apparently I have some volunteers organising to get me and my loyal crew a new Fire Truck."

 

"Oh" said volunteer Onesie to volunteer Heidi as they both put their garrottes away "We need to …………..

 

THE ACTUAL GARROTTE THAT HEIDI HID DOWN HIS UNDIES, AND WHICH DID HIM

SUCH TERRIBLE DAMAGE. IT IS NOW HOUSED IN THE WRECK FLYING HALL OF FAME

AFTER BEING CAREFULLY CLEANED.

Edited May 13, 2020 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.........kid him along because the next volunteer is 87 years old and has trouble even......

[Captain]

....... undoing his fly before he .........

[turboplanner]

.........turns the siren off at the Station to..............

[Captain]

………. have his wicked & depraved Firey's way with her, before Salty ...……...

 

LOXIE'S SIREN (He reckons that he will not end up like the blokes and

blokettes below her, that have been there before.)

[turboplanner]

....could make it to the station to be shocked, appalled, disgusted, yet amazed, intrigued and excited at the sight of Loxie and the Mermaid (sson to be made into a film by Turbine Roadshow Entertainment, a RoadWay production in association with HorseDrain Inc and NutsnBolts, a division of VegasStar Entertainment brought to your by Livux, and ...............................

 

[Note to NES readers; Turbo is doing online school, Grade 3 and is learning how to put adjectives into sentences]

[onetrack]

....financed by Backyard Lenders Inc., a division of the UAW, and run out of an office in a strip joint in Hoboken. N.J. It was no surprise, of course, that the strip joint owners were also on the BOM of TRE.

 

However, Salty soon realised that what was happening at the Station, was Turbo was absolutely mesmerised with a painting of a Mermaid on the wall, to the point where he couldn't be dragged away from it.

They had to drop a curtain over the painting, to break the Mermaids spell on Turbo - and then drag him away. Even at that, he threw a tantrum, and it was 10 minutes before he was back to normal.

 

Meanwhile, back at the airstrip (long-overdue avref), there were mutterings over the Turbine Enterprises takeover of Virgin Australia, just beating the QLD Govt offer by $360,000.

"This is completely unacceptable", moaned Loxie, "He's taking over everything, and before long, TE will be......

[Captain]

....... running the RFS in each state & Territory (in addition to recently taking over the tourism ooerations at Ayers Rock {note the renaming}, the Olgas and owning the full length of the Great Ocean Road), and then we'll really be in the .........

[turboplanner]

"..........box seat to take in millions of Chinese per year."

"They aren't coming any more" said OT; we upset the Chinese by demanding an investigation on how Coronavirus started and they aren't going to allow any tourists out here"

"We already thought of that" said Turbo, "which is why we just bought Wagga Wagga Airport and two thousand hectares to the north to build the world's first International Airport Theme Park. Chinese Airlines will fly into WW direct, and every visitor will get a free pass to BoB, and I guarantee that not even Xi Jinping will be able to stop them."

"What's Loxie going to do about....................."

[Captain]

"..........box seat to take in millions of Chinese per year."

"They aren't coming any more" said OT; we upset the Chinese by demanding an investigation on how Coronavirus started and they aren't going to allow any tourists out here"

"We already thought of that" said Turbo, "which is why we just bought Wagga Wagga Airport and two thousand hectares to the north to build the world's first International Airport Theme Park. Chinese Airlines will fly into WW direct, and every visitor will get a free pass to BoB, and I guarantee that not even Xi Jinping will be able to stop them."

"What's Loxie going to do about....................."

...….. opening a TE franchised Wet Market at Gumly Gumly?"

 

Suddenly the number of dog and cat missing adverts ("Has anyone seen Fluffy?") in the Daily Advertiser went through the roof, and the Flying Fox colony at The Rock were shxtting themselves (which they always do anyway).

 

"That's a very interesting question of physics and geometry" said bull, who was the Julius Sumner-Miller of bone "How do the little buggers defecate when they are hanging upside down, and not fill their wings up with it?" he postulated. "They must …………...

 

bull has just won a Wreck Flying literary award for his use of the word "defecate". So much classier than the Skipper saying "shxtting". - MODERATOR 17

Edited May 14, 2020 by Captain

[turboplanner]

... have a way of achieving it."

"They do" said Turbo sadly "They have an inbuilt accumulator; their muscles flex when they are hanging on a branch and this is used to build up air pressure which is released when they defecate. The defecation [let know on say Turbo doesn't know how to pick up brownie points] then shoots out side ways and arcs down clear of the body, and most particularly the head."

"How do you know this bristled bull", (almost as if Turbo had mentioned Ben Chifley.)

"I lost $3.5 million when I decided to farm bats as part of my cat operation" said Turbo

"It was fine for that cats to eat the rats and the rats to eat the cats when I was just selling skins, but once I got into the wet market and cut back on the rats I needed a better flavour, and the beats eat fruits, see" [Turbo was using see hoping that bull would understand it would sweeten the meat.]

"The problem was that I set the Bat poles at the same distance as the cat perches, not knowing the defecation range and the bats defecated all over each other all night, which didn't look that good in the Wet Market the next day with defecant spreading all over the walkways and ...................