The Never Ending Story

[turboplanner]

.....Gary, "be a man!" and that's when the tears started to flow, which confused Jamelia, who was also curious about how his skin colour could change so dramatically, so fast.

Turbo tried to be helfull and said "It's probably the sun; all meat goes black in the sun", but this only brought on more tears and......................

[Captain]

Turbo tried to be helfull (he was, & still is, a lovely bloke who is 100% loyal to his friends [and to Planey]) and said "It's probably the sun; all meat goes black in the sun", but this only brought on more tears and......................

...…….. an awakening that he/she had been locked away in self fladulation and social distancing for the past 6 months (since well before the Wuhan virus stuck up its head), so had not seen the sun, nor flown his/her 2 aircraft in all that time.

 

On this news, the sleeping giant that was CASA awoke and somebody called a meeting. "Wakey Wakey hands off Virgin" said John Casaboss "Now that the airlines & all forms of commercial aviation are comatose we need to prove to the Govt that we are useful & worth staying fully paid. It's a big ask, I know, so I propose that we blitz Recreational Aviation and rip the heads (and some other bits) off those old blokes that have paid our salaries for all those years. So I reckon that we should …...….

[turboplanner]

"..............do an audit of the Flightaware tapes for the last month and prosecute a few. Should bring in a handy amount of funds to ......"

[Captain]

....... buy a couple of thousand crossword and puzzle books for the office and for the 90% of us that work (the room erupted in titters & guffaws) from home, but don't make them too difficult or .........

[turboplanner]

...include hard words like......"

[Captain]

...include hard words like......"

...... empennage (avref), Twiggy, canetoad, mosquito, Vicpol, corruption, abattoir, Daniel, and ......

[turboplanner]

....Loxie who had once put the Beercan (aluminium avref) up on the roof of the...........

[Captain]

....Loxie who had once put the Beercan (aluminium avref) up on the roof of the...........

......... world, about 1,736 m south of Mt Kosciusko, which is just north of .......

Edited May 19, 2020 by Captain

[Captain]

...……… Melbournistan and the caves at Omeo Bora.

 

"Fair suck of the sav" said Ahlox defensively "I thought I was in the Whitsundays and all that white stuff was sand, so it's not my fault (although I must admit that I did think that my planned 8.6 hour flight time to Whitehaven Beach went quickly …….. and the beach was somehow a long way above MSL).

 

[Do any of our crusty NES reader recognise the similarity of Ahlo's performance with a young whipper snipper from a few years ago, who wandered the Snowies in his little green home-built, and was lucky to get away with it (plus copped a banning from Eeeen back when he was at his power hungriest)? "If'n we don't learn from history, we are bound to repeat it" said Loxy, (channelling his best George Santayana ….. or was it by Turbo Churchill?) to nobody in particular "But it wasn't my fault (pilotexcuseref)."

 

One of the Casa inspectors came to visit Loxie, wearing his snowshoes and made him ………….

Edited May 19, 2020 by Captain

[turboplanner]

......a cup of tea. “We’ve got you this time” he said.

“Putting the beer can down on the highest peak in Australia when you were aiming for the Whitsundays is a classic!”

“What beer can?” asked Loxie “I’m a hiker on my way to Snugger Bugger.”

The CASA inspector had heard it all before.

“We’ve got your DNA” he sniggered “ and we.......”

[Captain]

...….. know where your sister lives."

 

"Listen mate" responded Loxie indignantly "I've been told by better than you that I Don't No Anything, so you can stick your DNA abbreviation where the ………….

[hihosland]

..... spray tan don't stick, and in any case Jamella is not my sister nor anyone's sister. You should take your perchant for DNA sampling down Moorrabbinstan way and check out the lovely Jamella, you just might be in for bit of a surprise.

At that the CASA inspector ceased interrogating Loxie, packed up his DNA kit in the sidecar of his 1942 Indian Scout saddled up and headed off in a great cloud of dust and attomised oil and determined to complete a DME approach on his way to ................

[Captain]

...…… Phillip Island's Turn 1.

 

"Watch that you don't go arxe-over (avref) as sidecars are always an issue under brakes into Turn 1" said Loxie (beercanref) & (sportstarref .. although he is not a sport star) "And if you keep sniffing Dimethyl ether (cleverDMEref) as you approach (DMEapproachref) thru San Remo (pastaref) you'll be in even more trouble (CASAthreatref)."

 

The Inspector du CASA, whose real name was Jaques du Clerk, had been hiding out in Canberra for 40 years (not hard in CASA), as he had been a bookkeeper (clerkref) in the French Not-so Secret Service (led by Pierre Ducont (rudewordref) when the Rainbow Warrior incident occurred (they were high (avref) on DME (avref & chemicalref) when they blew the backside out of that little ship too (aswellref), as they …………...

Edited May 19, 2020 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......took their perceived revenge on some slight that some Kiwi had caused (NTTIAWWT), and showed that CASA could reach you anywhere in the world, and break your fingers.

Someone in the barley Trade Board was having trouble with some people in China, and picked up the phone to CASA.

The Insp du C nodded, said "I'll take care of it" and booked a flight to China. The booking was rejected because of the Cironavirus so he went across the Chinese Embassy instead.

"Where's that little XXXX that thinks Australia is a joke, he asked.

All seven girls on the desk looked back inscrutably indicaying they had no idea who he was talking about.

"OK, I need to talk to the Ambassador" he said but was met with silence.

"This is as bad as trying to interview a Wreckflyne pilot" he thought, and went to Plan .......

[Captain]

"This is as bad as trying to interview a Wreckflyne pilot" he thought, and went to Plan .......

 

...…… ey to see what he (or she, NTTIAWWT) could do.

 

This resulted in ………...

[onetrack]

.....Planey hatching a plot to assist the Inspector to give China and its two-bit bully of a leader, its comeuppance.

 

The plan involved warning China that the RAN would shortly be moving into the South China Sea with a group of RAN frigates and Patrol craft, to assert Australia's rights to International Navigation.

 

This would result in China adopting its standard bully boy tactics and sending the carrier Liaoning into the South China Sea at full speed - whereupon it would promptly break down (due to serious translation errors in the move to Pinyin, from the Ukrainian operating manual).

 

Once it was determined the Liaoning was immovable, the RAN ships would then be able to zoom past the carrier, with the entire RAN crews baring their arXXes at the Liaonings crew in passing, and all fully recorded by........

[turboplanner]

......a complete cleanout of Moderators. No one knew what had happened, just that the Insp du C had arrived and the Ms had departed and P was standing there looking.........

[Captain]

......….. at the shocking behaviour of Victoriahan and Westernxi Australiahai, where the rocked up lesidents rushed for personalised plates & aircraft regos with the Chinese characters for "Wang King".

 

And after the cleanout of Mods, Leck Frying was full of Modellators from the Moolabbin Confusious Institute, where they ...............

[Captain]

......… arranged for Danny Andrews to have 王金 on his Drifter and 王克尔 on the plates of his government supplied Great Wall ute.

 

"I have another couple of capital works programs to shut down partway through, so can I have a couple of $ billion?" Danny asked Turbo once he could get an audience "As the Belt & Road caper has copped a pounding and apart from The Twiglet or Onesie, you are the next biggest XXXX with ...…….....

[turboplanner]

...........funds. Appreciating Dan's honesty, Turbo just said "how much do you want?" Dan curled his top lip over the bottom in that characeristic elephantine manner and said "31 million".

Turbo sneezed causing the Victorian lockdown to be extended for two weeks. He said "I'll see what I can do", and.......

[Captain]

………………. that was the commencement of the Moorabistan-han-hai Covid cluster (XXXX).

 

The shares in TE took a tumble so he called a Trading Halt (he's a cunning bugger, NTTIAWWT), and the cost of oil worldwide went to minus $75/barrel.

 

Wreck Flying members ordered 2 stroke oil by the 44 gallon drum load and pocketed the cash-back, some even did a 100 hourly oil change at 83 hrs (which is previously unheard of) and …………...……

 

PS .............. Few know it yet as the announcement is still embargoed, but Tubb has been offered a Doctorate and the Chairmanship of the WHO (DrWhoref). "He can't be worse than the present clown" said Donald "Or can he?". Planey quickly put his hand up.

Edited May 20, 2020 by Captain

[onetrack]

....the queues to buy Avgas and ULP stretched around the block. But Turbo wasn't about to lose out. He bought 16 oil tanker loads of crude, and then rang a News Corp operative and told him to run a story about War breaking out between Saudi Arabia and Israel over some perceived religious slight.

The price of oil went back up past US$70 a BBL, and Turbo was walking around with a grin like a Cheshire Cat, while punching numbers on his calculator, as to how much profit he'd have to shift to the Cook Islands, to avoid the tax bill in Oz.

Meantimes, the Chinese boycotts were hitting the Australian economy hard. First it was barley, then it was meat, then it was ........

[Captain]

Turbo was walking around with a grin like a Cheshire Cat,

But it turned out just to be a fur ball and some wind. Both ends are now fine.

Meantimes, the Chinese boycotts were hitting the Australian economy hard. First it was barley, then it was meat, then it was ........

…… those little things that fit on the end of your ……….

 

AS USUAL TURBO HAS TURNED HIS FURBALLS

INTO PROFIT MAKING TOYS. THEY ARE UNWASHED TOO.

Edited May 20, 2020 by Captain

[onetrack]

......car aerial, the modern equivalent of a 60's foxtail. Turbo's furball business was in deep manure, with plummeting sales.

The Australian Govt had retaliated against the Chinese tariffs on Australian barley and meat, and had put an 80% tariff on Chinese furball toys. The sales graph of the furball toys promptly fell off a cliff.

 

But worse, the furball toys relied on imported cat fur - from no-one else but the Turbo Enterprises Cat farm. The cat fur imports had a 50% tariff slapped on them by the Chinese Govt, in more tit-for-tat retaliation.

 

Then the Chinese Govt stopped the importation of cat meat from Australia. But the main supplier of the Australian cat meat was - yes, you guessed it - Turbo Enterprises. Turbo went grey overnight. This was worse than COVID-19.

 

Then the Shanghai Food Retailers Index dropped like a stone, as the realisation that the cat meat supplies were going to dry up, hit the traders.

There was nothing the Chinese enjoyed more than a Chinese Claypot Cat meal - with Australian cats greatly preferred, because of Australia's good reputation as a high quality food supplier.

 

There were mutterings of revolt within China. It was bad enough that it was the anniversary of Tiananmen Square - but stopping the Chinese from getting their Claypot Cat delicacy was a step too far.

The PLA were sent out in force to quell the impending rebellion. Then the news came in that the Liaoning was adrift in the South China Sea, and the RAN frigate crews had all mooned the Chinese sailors on the way past.

 

The Liaoning couldn't fire any shots over the bows of the Australian Frigates, because it was found the Ukrainian guns, and the Chinese ammunition on board, were incompatible.

A translator in the Communist Party had mistaken "сто сімдесят міліметрів" for "一百八十毫米", and this was a huge 错误. Heads would roll over this, and the cat meat supply problem became a non-issue, as.............

[Captain]

The Liaoning couldn't fire any shots over the bows of the Australian Frigates, because it was found the Ukrainian guns, and the Chinese ammunition on board, were incompatible.

A translator in the Communist Party had mistaken "сто сімдесят міліметрів" for "一百八十毫米", and this was a huge 错误. Heads would roll over this, and the cat meat supply problem became a non-issue, as.............

 

………… the Turbine Weapons Corp (Ukraine) Pty Ltd and Turbine Munitions (GuangJo) Inc (both of which are subsidiaries of Turbheed Martin, Turbs Royce and TinkBus Industries) came under additional pressure.

 

Turbo was apoplectic, plus he had a rash that was ………….

Edited May 20, 2020 by Captain