The Never Ending Story

[hihosland]

....causing bubbles to appear distorting his spray tan and diverting his attention away from the South China Sea debacle where various arms of his enterprise were throwing tweets at each in lieu of the ammunition that would neither fit the guns nor fire when they did fit.

Concurrently the tit for cat fight over the fur ball Vs barley tariff conflict had president Xi desperately seeking.................

[Captain]

Concurrently the tit for cat fight over the fur ball Vs barley tariff conflict had president Xi desperately seeking................

………. solace in the arms of an unknown concubine from the Gumly Rissole.

 

But this was all complicated & overshadowed when the Turbine Whaling Corporation launched 40 of their new whaling ships and set their sights on …………….

[turboplanner]

........New Zealand waters.

Greenpeace were not the force they used to be so.......

[hihosland]

.......Jacinta marshaled the Ngapui to collect and reassemble all the scattered bits from the Rainbow Warrior and upgrade it to the Mark iv version armed with TE sourced gatlings firing frozen kiwifruit.

 

Kiwi fruit because the wharehouses were full of them since Xi's minions slapped on an 80% tariff citing association with Aust barley producers and because the caliber of TE gatling barrels would not accomodate any other munitions especially nothing even close to NATO standards for equipment equivalence.

So armed, equipped, manned, and commissioned in 15 years less than it took for the JSF to be ready for service the Rainbow Warrior was tasked with............

[Captain]

…….. leading the fleet of TurbineWildlife Fund For Nature (the TWFFN), the Tubo Cross, Turbine Rebellion, & Save the Turbos, as they marshalled their forces & hundreds of vessels against the might of the Turbine Whaling Corporation (the TWC is the modern equivalent of the mighty Dutch East India Corporation).

 

It was about this time that Turbs said to The Skipper, "I think that my ideas about fostering interdepartmental competition through the vertical integration of our corporate structure might have whiskers on it, and have been a bit of a .................

Edited May 21, 2020 by Captain

[onetrack]

But the Turbine Wailing Corporation was already in trouble. The Japanese heard about them, and decided to send an increased fleet of Whaling vessels to the South Pacific to combat this new threat.

The Aboriginal Corporations heard about a new Wailing Corporation and decided that name was an affront to Indigenous Culture and they launched a lawsuit to stop the Corporation operating and using that name.

Then Greenpeace massed their forces and set off to intercept the new maritime operation. Turbo was in a bind. He was being attacked on all sides, and it was starting to look like.......

[Bandit12]

.......the AGM of the Victorian Speedway Association. Accusations of inappropriate behavioural touchpoints abound, Turbo took to the podium, drew a deep breath and said.....

 

(PS hello chaps, long time no see!)

[Captain]

AS AN ASIDE TO THE RIVETING (AVREF) THREAD OF THE NES, ALL READERS WILL BE INTERESTED TO LEARN ABOUT THE BELOW …..

Turbine Whaling Corporation (the TWC is the modern equivalent of the mighty Dutch East India Corporation)

Down Moorabisthan way, the wags know Tink's Dutch East India Co as the "Eastern Dutch Oven Co" which gave Turdy an idea of getting immediately into the White Goods caper, while at the same time going into Methane trading. Isn't it interesting to delve into the minds of our great entrepreneurs ……………. but, unfortunately, the rash is still there & perhaps getting bigger.

[Captain]

(PS hello chaps, long time no see!)

G'day Bandy.

[onetrack]

Unfortunately, Turbo made a serious error when someone mentioned "bun in the Oven". He thought that he was being blamed for the office girl getting knocked up - when it was a customer enquiring about whether they could cook bread in the Turbo Dutch Oven.

Turbo started a spluttering explanation about "bun in the Oven", which thoroughly confused the client. It got worse, as Turbo went on to .....

[hihosland]

...exclaim that the failed rubber must have been part of that dodgy shipment of PPE that came in from Wuhan in exchange for four tons of Turbine Enterprises class A furballs.

 

"Just what in the name of Jamella the First has leaky rubber got to do with bread?" spluttered the client backing towards the exit.

 

A distracted Turbo however busily searching for the right response failed to understand the question (ATC ref) hearing instead .............."

[Captain]

…………. "Do you want a Pee Pee (PPEjokeref)?"

 

"Too right" he said "As men (debatableref) of my tender age (and with a nasty rash) need to ………...

Edited May 21, 2020 by Captain

[Captain]

…...…. have one before each Board Meeting (even though he is a business legend, Turbo still gets nervous when he chairs big corporate events) and every 45 minutes when I fly cross-country.

 

That means that he always needs to …………..

[turboplanner]

....think of other people, such as the Captain who continuously says "Are we there yet?" [avref] after 15 minutes.

He opened the hatch onece and invited Cappy to pee out but that just resulted in a terrified look and...............

[Captain]

…………… a locked sphincter that needed 3 hours of manipulation by an expert nurse.

 

But that, dear reader was nothing, compared with the deepening crisis in Melbhan, in the province of Victorihan, where Belt & Road was on everyone's lips and Chairman Dan had a big photo installed on the front of the remodelled Flinders St Station, and the Politburo had decided to ………..

 

THE REMODELLED FLINDERS ST STATION

WITH CHAIRMAN DAN'S PHOTO

(The Twigster thinks it looks great)

 

MOORABHAN PARTY SECRETARY TURBO OUT

OF LOCKDOWN ON THE BEACH AT ST KILDA.

(The wealthy party hacks can

get away with it. What a scandal)

Edited May 22, 2020 by Captain

[Captain]

and the Politburo had decided to ………..

…...…….. , and this is where your dedicated Captain suggests that all readers brace themselves and sit down for some shocking news.

 

This applies particularly to those freedom loving rural Chinese peoples who access the NES as one of their few sources of unbiassed western news.

 

Your Skipper has learnt, through whistle blowers within the Chairman Daniel administration (one of whom was found shot in a botched and faked suicide, in a lane off Lygon St yesterday morning, where it was claimed that he committed suicide by shooting himself 5 times and stabbing himself twice [reliable sources suspect Turbo did it, as this is typical Turbs overkill (killingjokeref)]), that Turbine Prisons and Gulags P/L, together with the Twiglet's Forcetoscrewyou Dungeons Inc (both registered in Transylvania thru the same accountant) have constructed 300 acres of "ReEducation Camps" between Horsham & Nhill where the population will be ………….

 

A SMUGGLED PHOTO OF JUST ONE OF THE CAMPS

TAKEN FROM THE TOP OF THE GRAMPIANS WITH A LONG LENS

 

A RARE PHOTO FROM INSIDE THE CAMP WITH THE TURBINE P&GPL

AND THE FORCETOSCREWYOU DI HEMP UNIFORMS WHICH ALL "RESIDENTS"

ARE FORCED TO WEAR (WITHOUT UNDIES). GUESS WHERE THEY ARE MADE?

(THERE ARE 3 UNI PROFESSORS AND 5 AUF MEMBERS IN THE 1ST 6 ROWS).

Edited May 22, 2020 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......invited to flog inmates montly in return for generously agreeing to have such an institution in the wheatbelt, where the young UteMen...........

[Captain]

….. engage in circle work outside the wire and in plain view of the inmates re-educate-ees.

 

"That's not circle work" said Bluey from Halls Gap "We are writing a message of support for the inmates poor buggers who Danny-the-Dick-Tator is re-educating, and our message says ……...…......

 

PLEASE USE PRUDENT LANGUAGE IN YOUR DESCRIPTION OF DANNY-THE-DICTATATOR, AS EEEEN LIVES IN VICTORIHAN AND DOESN'T WANT TO HAVE TO TRAVEL UP TO HORSHAM IN THE BACK OF A VICPOL DIVI VAN ........ AS PEOPLE HAVE BEEN KNOWN TO KICK THE BUCKET IN THOSE THINGS ...…...... MODERATOR 2

 

Edited May 25, 2020 by Captain

[Jerry_Atrick]

Brings back memories... (of the song.. not me doing any of that!)

[turboplanner]

.” ......bring your stash with you; we’re sick of having to carry it.”

Turbo became all tears as he saw a young Cappy reacting to the pressure-point management techniques of the Kennett era, and the closing footage of a younger Turbo before he hid his face from the public.

It seemed like only yesterday that......

[Captain]

....... Turbo turned .........

[turboplanner]

.....:to the assembled Vicghanistan Press and said “I had been re-educated for the day and was taking a shower when I dropped the soap and.....

[onetrack]

...... before I knew it, 24 other inmates had pounced on it, and started a brawl over the soap bar, because this re-education camp was run by a Pommy company under a 5 yr contract - and as we all know, Poms don't use, or buy soap.

In fact, a former well-known PM was noted as saying, "dry as Pommys towel", at one important event - which the media picked up and ran with, ignoring the important issues of the day.

 

In the meantime, the news was out that COVID-19 restrictions had been relaxed, and the internees in the camp were allowed to associate in groups of 3.

This figure was picked because most of the inmates couldn't count past 3 - as they were either former politicians, or simply products of the Victorian Education System.

 

"What are we going to do when the virus restrictions are relaxed further, and the internees are allowed to play games?", said the Captain - who had applied for, and been given, the Camp Commandant job.

"It just won't happen," said Turbo. "Firstly, there's the problem of a Camp Commandant who........

[turboplanner]

.”......rightly or wrongly is suspected of being odd.” It has to be said at the outset that OneTrack was totally innocent in triggering what became known as the Ahmed Truong matchbox incident when......

[Captain]

Brings back memories... (of the song.. not me doing any of that!)

Welcome to the NES Gerald HatTrick. Your forum name fits in well with the other contributors here and you may be able to now benefit from access to the TE subsidiary, Turbine Prosthetics and Electric Wheelchairs Corporation, which uses the famous & suddenly very relevant marketing catchphrase "The world's largest producers of non Chinese products for old pharts".

Edited May 25, 2020 by Captain