The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

……….. just using me to receive your various payoffs (VicPolref) and as a subject of ridicule in the NES."

 

Cappy was offended and stood up to tower over Turbo (who had always been a bit of a weed [you need to be to fit into a Sprintcar] but who was now shrinking even further as he reached his advanced years), with fists like steel and arms like pistons, Cappy then suddenly recalled the money and the payoffs, so stretched his fine shoulders and patted Turbo on the head, before he …………….

[turboplanner]

..........woke up from the dream and found he'd wet the bed, and ..........

[Captain]

……….. almost mortified with embarrassment, he is ashamed to say that he resorted to ………………..

[Captain]

……….. almost mortified with embarrassment, he is ashamed to say that he resorted to ………………..

……….. Tepends, (where the Cappy has taken on a high paying gig as "The face of Tepends", as he is suitably equipped to make them look good, see photo below before the name change) the new super absorbent camel hair and dingo fur fitted pant that is taking the world by storm since the takeover bid by TE, which originated from ………..

 

THE SKIPPER'S NEW GIG.

Edited May 31, 2020 by Captain

[turboplanner]

........the Davy Crocket hats made out of bear hair and sold in the Southern States of the USA where debate still rages about the reason Davy was in bed inside the Alamo instead of ......

[Captain]

........the Davy Crocket hats made out of bear hair and sold in the Southern States of the USA where debate still rages about the reason Davy was in bed inside the Alamo instead of ......

………. cleaning up Santa's blood (Ana, not Claus) out of the Alamo's entry porch.

 

"You have me mixed up with Davy Jones, as I don't clean stuff up (although I do note that Turbo has bought 60% of the freshly renamed Turbine and Johnson corporation" responded Crocket "As I am a famous Indian fighter (feather, not dot) and I have neither a monkey nor a locker, but the ladies at the Alamo were alavasudden alaquiver at the opportunity to …………..

 

FEW KNOW THAT SANTA ANA LOST THE BATTLE AT THE ALAMO BECAUSE HE HAD ARM PUMP AND WRITER'S CRAMP FROM DOING THE ARMY'S ACCOUNTS AND SIGNING CHEQUES ALL MORNING BEFORE THE FIGHTING STARTED ....... AS, TO CUT DOWN FRAUD, THE BANK REQUIRED HIM TO SIGN HIS FULL NAME AS Antonio de Padua María Severino López de Santa Anna y Pérez de Lebrón. JUST PROVES HOW YOU CAN NEVER TRUST DUDES WITH MORE THAN 2 NAMES.

 

A PICTURE OF SANTA (ANA NOT CLAUS)

WITH HIS ARM TEMPORARILY OUT OF ITS SLING.

Edited June 1, 2020 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.....meet Santa Ana, but little did they realise that cutting out their kidneys would be uppermost on his mind as he .........

[Captain]

………… had a giblet fetish, which he though went well with beans and ………….

 

Santa's family moto was … Beans can compensate for lack of giblets but tacos never compensates for lack of fajitas.

[turboplanner]

.....curd.

Not many people know that OneTrack's grandfather, Colonel TwoTracks was in what became the US Army, but at the time of the Alamo was just a collection of men who got things done (GTD),

like Davy Crocket, Jim Bowie, Colonel Travis, Colonel Turbine, Captain Dickens, Colonel HoHo, Indian Scouts sitting bull, Bandit7, Jerry_Atrick 1, Old Kiwi , Old OneTrack, Een Soars Like An Eagle and 180 more.

 

Most of Texas at that time was inside the Mexican border, which was good for the Mexicans becaise they didn't have to climb over a wall to get into the United States, but some people are never happy and started complaining about the US food or something and General Santa Ana was sent to sort things out. He knew Texas was only defended by 184 troops, so he took along an army of 5,000. "Will that be enough?" asked a nervous Sergeant Gonzales. "I THEENK so" replied the General whose English wasn't so good.

 

Some more history. Some people think it was unfair that the US had invaded Mexican land, but in fact the two most ferocious Indian tribes lived there, the Commanche and Apache, and had made a habit of razing whole towns, scalping the men and taking the women off to breed more Indians. Geronimo was the most ruthless chiel, so there were no Mexicans left in Texas and only a few hundred frontier settlers who managed to survive by hiding in gopher borrows.

 

Colonel TwoTracks could see there was a problem from the cloud of dust coming, so he invited them to dinner at the Alamo, a kind of early Caltex Service Station without the gas pumps.

 

The Mexicans couldn't all fit in and that started a fight and under cover of the fights Santa Ana..........

 

[Captain]

EEEEN WISHES ME TO ADVISE HIS THANKS TO TURDBOY FOR THIS POST, AS WIKIPEDIA HAVE PURCHASED IT FOR BIG MONEY, TO BE PUBLISHED AS THE DEFINITIVE HISTORY OF TEXAS AND THE BORDER SKIRMISHES. SO THANKS AGAIN TURDY ......... MODERATOR 8.

[turboplanner]

I SECOND THAT; TURBO HAS ALWAYS BEEN A MODEL OF ACCURACY AND HIS BOOK ON THE HISTORY OF TEXAS, 100 PAGES LONG IS A MASTERPIECE, PARTICULARLY HIS INCITEFUL DETAIL OF GERONIMO'S HISTORY .........MOD 9

[Captain]

SANTA ANA IN LATER LIFE WHILE

GETTING INTO THE XMAS SPIRIT

WHEN HE WAS A BIGGER TARGET,

HITTING THE TEQUILA AND CUBANS.

[turboplanner]

SANTA ANA IN LATER LIFE WHILE

GETTING INTO THE XMAS SPIRIT

WHEN HE WAS A BIGGER TARGET,

HITTING THE TEQUILA AND CUBANS.

[ATTACH type=full" alt="external-content.duckduckgo.com.jpg]53640[/ATTACH]

It was after this photo was taken that the US Government realised he was an ongoing bad influence, and Presidenty Bush changed his surname to Claus and banned alcohol and tobacco advertising on Santa photos. Up until the Santa had outrated every scantily clad model in history.

[Captain]

I SECOND THAT; TURBO HAS ALWAYS BEEN A MODEL OF ACCURACY AND HIS BOOK ON THE HISTORY OF TEXAS, 100 PAGES LONG IS A MASTERPIECE, PARTICULARLY HIS INCITEFUL DETAIL OF GERONIMO'S HISTORY .........MOD 9

 

This is an excellent and fitting testament to Turbo's history on the NES and elsewhere, for being a stickler for accuracy.

 

It is certainly thirded by his great mate The Captain and all other contributors and readers of the NES. Let it be recorded here that only Planey abstained.

[onetrack]

Meantimes, it seems the NES has completely derailed in the last 50 posts, as regards Avref. Onetrack set about correcting the problem by wheeling out his latest version of the flying car.

With both the automotive industry and the aviation industry in the greatest sales and activity slump since 1903, it was obvious there was a need for a huge boost to make a vastly increased number of people turn to the skies (avref).

Onetracks flying car was outrageous in its styling, and exceptionally advanced in its engineering - particularly the power plant.

 

OT had taken a Turbine Enterprises Turboencabulator and had crossed it with a 1.2L Miller cycle engine from Nissan, and added the latest Li-ion battery packs, to produce a power unit that was staggering in its output and performance.

Best of all, due to OT's cunning use of finite analysis, he was able to pare the weight of the entire unit to less than 100 kgs. The motoring and aviation media were ecstatic.

Here was what was needed, a shot in the arm for both industries, a huge increase in travelling by air (avref), and low-cost to boot. OT was lauded by the media as a combination of Henry Ford and the Wright Bros, of the 21st Century.

 

"It has been a long time coming", said OT in a national media interview - and he went on to graciously explain - "But I can't take all the credit, there has been a huge team effort here, apart from a couple of persistent knockers who......

[turboplanner]

.......claimed that through bolts (avref) should always be free to stretch.

But the adoring crowd of journalists weren't interested in minor details and asked him to continue; this was vintage ET materialm no one worrying about range or cost or lifecycle, just carried away by the...................

[Captain]

Onetracks flying car was outrageous in its styling, and exceptionally advanced in its engineering ……....

...……. particularly for WA.

 

As has been picked up (see above) automatically by Eeeeen's wonderful Search and Destroy (SAD) software, thru cross referencing Onesie's IP address with the angle of his dangle (AOHD) & a cross-check of his DNA (DNA), the algorithm has identified Onesie as Ralph Sarich's brother (or sister NTTIAWWT) and it is feared by all well meaning Wise Men from the East (WMFTE) that Oneie's concept might go the same way.

[Captain]

.......claimed that through bolts (avref) should always be free to stretch.

But the adoring crowd of journalists weren't interested in minor details and asked him to continue; this was vintage ET materialism no one worrying about range or cost or lifecycle, just carried away by the...................

...……. the glistening of the slide rules, the majestic sweep of the compasses, the telexes to & from China, the clinking of the abacuses (or is it abaci?) and the …………….

[turboplanner]

..........rustling of the grey coats as.....

[onetrack]

....a sudden horde of Japanese engineers swarmed over OT's invention, seeking out the fine details and taking notes and surreptitious photos, whereby they could copy it precisely, and then label it a genuine Toyota invention.

 

Then suddenly, there was Turbo, taking to the stage, claiming major patent infringements in OT's flying car design, and stating loudly that Turbine Enterprises Aviation & Testing Services (TEATS for short), had a nearly identical product on the drawing boards (well, in 3D computer programmes, anyway), and it was obvious there was industrial espionage involved on the part of OT and the West Aussie team.

 

"This is positively outrageous", claimed Turbo loudly. "This is taking food from the mouths of suckling babes (hence the TEATS acronym), and Turbine Enterprises won't stand for this! We'll be launching a lawsuit tomorrow, claiming major intellectual theft ("if that's even remotely possible, given the combined intellectual capacity of Victoria", said OT under his breath), numerous patent infringements, loss of income, and anything else the lawyers can think up!"

 

So, the stage was set. It was going to become War between East and West of the country. OT set about finding a top QC with extensive Aviation knowledge (avref). It wasn't going to be easy, seeing as Gina had all the top Australian lawyers on speed dial, but OT wasn't dismayed. He set about calling on some old friends who......

[Captain]

…….. had become naturalised beauty bottler Aussies (and would do anything for Onesie as he has "fixed up" their papers), but who had retained their bomb chucker credentials and still had the map of where the body belts were buried.

 

A plan was hatched to ……...…….

[onetrack]

.....utilise one of OT's flying cars to carry out the making of a viral video, involving some sinister-looking Middle East types (who were just your normal dinky-di naturalised Aussies), who would fly into a gathering of rich Jews celebrating the '67, 6-Day War - and then have them jump out of the flying car, armed to the hilt, before it even stopped rolling.

 

The idea was to make the video look like an Arab version of Entebbe - but with a twist, as there'd be no hostages, and the Middle-Eastern looking blokes would all promptly break out with, "G'Day!!

 

However, before anything could be put in place, there came news from ....

[Captain]

However, before anything could be put in place, there came news from ....

……………. Victorihan that "G'day" doesn't cut it any more and they needed to yell "Nǐ Hǎo" and hold up a little red flag plus an even smaller book entitled "The Teachings of Dan", before singing the Victorihan national anthem "Oh Danny Boy".

 

Even the Bomb-Chuckers were nervous, as Dan's ears were locked & loaded …… and the ………….

 

ALL STAND PLEASE AND FACE THE DAN.

Edited June 3, 2020 by Captain

[turboplanner]

......assembled media were standing a cople of metres further back this morning. They knew very well that once Dan's ears started to glow the spit wouldn't be far behind.

"I make no apologies for this" he began, and once again Turbo wrote down those immortal words in his note pad. They'd worked for Chairman Dan over and over again as he introduced draconian measures that would have seen other Premiers out on the streets.

Chairman Dan went on to lay out his plan for ..................

[Captain]

...... not making any apologies for .....