The Never Ending Story

[turboplanner]

.......Glen Waverly, a City without people; every house sold to an offshore Chinese who has never seen it, the Waverley rays, starved and forced to live with the homeless, Dan’s Dim Sims sold throughout Victoria through a combined initiative where Dan provided a school room in every town and Turbo stocked it, the local CWA ladies personing it. Anyone who has been to Dan’s office knows they get a fortune cookie with a suitable co operative message in English and Mandarin, and...

[Captain]

...………. a life sized corflute cutout of Johnnie Farnham, which were left over from Johnie's 7th Farewell Retirement Tour and had been donated to the newly formed "Belt & Road Initiative" Department (now called a Bù Mén) of Government by Glen Wheatley from Glen Waverly.

 

Dan made no apologies for the 6 tonnes of corflute that clogged his office as he made his way to a reception at the ………..

 

THE TOP PART OF THE FARNSEY CORFLUTE CUTOUT

Edited June 6, 2020 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.........Flower Drum Restaurant in XXXXtown. He nearly choked, as Turbo once had, when he received the $1200.00, which priced each dim sim at roughly $62.50, but he felt Victoria must make this litte extra effort, The Belt and Roads policy of the XXXXXXX Government was simply XXXX barreling to get rather simple Leaders to turn away from the USA and fall into the clutches of XXXX, but as soon as the roads were built there would be a rush of XXXXXX immigrants setting up market gardens and Colonel Lee's fried Dim Sim outlets.

 

"I make no apology for that" Dan said to himself, but no one was listening; out on the streets of Melbourne there was a huge .............

[Captain]

...... sigh, as the inner city luvies collected money to build a huge Sadam Husein-like statue of Danny in the middle of the intersection outside Flinders St Station.

 

But CASA (eventual avref) objected, as the ears created turbulance issues at Tyabb in a westerly, and CASA always look after ..........

[onetrack]

.....themselves, at the expense of the flying fraternity - and producing objections to anything affecting aviation and pilots, is their forte. However, they were over-ruled by the Statue Committee, and the plan was approved.

 

Then the Public Transport Users Group objected to the location of the Statue, as they claimed it impeded orderly progress of the hundreds of thousands of commuters who used FSS every day.

 

Right after that, the Local Govts Association claimed the Brilliant Red colour chosen for the statue wasn't in accordance with the planning rules for the FSS area.

 

All this was over-ruled, too, as the Statue was deemed "Artwork" and the planning rules were designed to apply to buildings, not Artworks.

 

Furthermore, the Statue Committee decreed that the Statue had great appeal to the Chinese-Australians, who now made up 51% of Melbournes population, and who also owned 67% of the metro area property.

 

It was deemed to be extremely comforting for the majority Chinese-Australians to see a large statue of a Dear Leader on their way to their work in the factories, so this fitted in well with........

[Captain]

....... their red handcuffs and the Victorihan Republican Guard & People's Security Network (the VRGAPSN for short).

 

But the Vic peoples were basically a happy non-aspirational group and didn't really hanker for golf or AFL or pubs or swimming or anything much else, as they just hunkered down under Chairman Dan's leadership, happy knowing that they qualified for a mouldy turnip and 3 oz of bread each Monday morning.

 

The rest of OZ looked on with interest, except for WA, who didnt give a stuff, because they were also .......

[turboplanner]

..... subject to the 2021 Act when was introduced after someone found the 2756 tribes which made up the Kulin Nation now owned 96% of the land in WA (the other 4% being owned by Turbine Holdings Ltd (Incorporated in Panama) and it was decided the quickest way to fix it was to declare all Western Australians Aboriginal whether they thought they were or not, so everyone owned the land and everyone got a share of the Centrelink rorts and everyone ate venison for dinner (from Turbine Deer Farms Inc. under Royal decree from the Hutt River Prince.

 

It wasn't long before people in the other States became jealous and started writing to Centrelink saying they thought they were Aboriginal and did they get a Landcruiser when they turned, which they did in the millions until there were only three..........................

[onetrack]

......unsold Landcruisers left in the whole of Australia. So, orders were put in to Toyota to increase Landcruiser production to meet the massive demand.

 

"We can't do that!", said Akio Toyoda - "We'll end up with everyone driving Landcruisers, and they'll lose their pose value and resale value, and they'll end up like Hyundia Accents!"

 

So, the Govt was stuck with a thorny problem. Excessive demand for a high-quality product, which was in short supply. Dan called on Turbo. "Turbo, we have a problem, and I know you're the man to fix it".

 

"How about you start a manufacturing enterprise here, producing Australian-built Landcruiser equivalents, to meet this huge demand? It will solve the problem of a lack of bogan Commodores and Falcons, and fix the unemployment problem!"

 

Turbo scratched his chin. This was an entirely new challenge. Speedway and trucks he could handle, but 4WD's were a whole new manufacturing arena that he had to learn fast. Then there was the patents and registered designs problems.

 

There was only one thing to do. He put in a call to his West Aussie mate, Ahmed Al-Quokka. Al-Quokka was known as the "Fix-It" man, whenever problems needing smoothing. The phone rang, and it wasn't Ahmed who answered. It was......

[Captain]

........ Alli Mohamed Marbo, who's previous name had been Gerard White, before he realised the lerks & perks that were available by working both sides of the .........

[Bryon]

....gender divide (NTTIAWWT). Alli (AKA Gerard) had made a living performing as Geraldine in the various rissoles around Wagga area for years. The only person who knew his real identity was Cappy who made a living as his PIMP (Personal Image Management Professional) or as others called him, the old pro. Cappy had no idea of the latent religious leanings of his client, but when he found out about Alli, he............

[turboplanner]

.......nearly fainted because he had taken Geraldine out three times when he was, let's say, ginned to the teeth, and couldn't remember whether he had crossed the line.

How would he find out?

He put in a call to Alli and.......

[Captain]

……………. recalled the night, through a dreamily remembered vision of pleasure and loveliness, where he (NTTIAWWT) and Geraldine had parked his Kingswood (with triple SU's … but he hadn't yet saved up enough for the extractors or Waggot cam) down by the Bidgee, and Geraldine spread out her soft warm blanket and then spread her/his (NTTIAWWTE) ………...

[turboplanner]

.....Turbine margarine on her/his toast freshly browned by the Turboencabulator.

Cappy.....

[Captain]

Cappy.....

....... likes toast a lot and ........

 

A PIECE OF TOAST (TOASTREF)

[onetrack]

.... also smears huge amounts of margarine on it - which melts and runs down his chin, on a regular basis. As a result, he's not invited to too many social gatherings, because his table manners are just a little too repulsive for the genteel folk.

 

But fortunately, Cappy is welcome at most club BBQ fly-ins (avref), because he brings a lot of food with him. However, he cunningly ensures it's food only he likes, and no-one else likes - with the result being, he can have a feast by himself, without sharing anything.

 

However, at one of the Club BBQ fly-ins (avref again), Cappy made a right spectacle of himself, when he lit the BBQ and promptly........

[turboplanner]

..........put on his "I love Lucy" apron with decades of margarine stains and an odor that could kill horses. The fly quickly turned to a fly out with the grind of sprag clutches (15 avrefs) followed by the whine of Rotax engines and the quite starts and softer sounds of Jabirus, follwed by a few chainsaw-like noises as the rag and bones brigade got mobile.

 

The BBQ scene became quite with the exeption of the beating wings of a few crows desperate to get away from the smell.

 

"What did I do wrong?" asked Cappy, but ..................

[Captain]

THE VERY APRON THAT CAPPY WORE,

SEEN HERE IN PRIDE OF PLACE (POP)

AT THE AUF HALL OF FAME AFTER

CLEANING. IT IS ONE OF THE MOST

POPULAR EXHIBITS AT THE AUFHOF.

[onetrack]

Dear NES readers - It's unfortunate that Cappys memory is so faulty nowadays, it's probably due to years of sniffing Castor Oil fumes, from the period when he flew biplanes.

 

The apron picture he has chosen to display, and which is the one he recalls wearing, is not the one he wore on the day of the Fly-In.

 

The apron he actually wore, which led to a mass exodus from the Fly-In - thereby making Moses Exodus out of Egypt look tame - was this one, below .....

 

[turboplanner]

............the belt. Cappy's true friend, Turbo came to his rescue.

"That's not true" he said "OT's trying one on (not tha apron), you can clearly see that's a WA apron by the oversize hips displayed, after all, you can always tell a girl from WA because her bra straps are always worn above her dress. " Cappy turned to OT and curled his........

[Captain]

……….. moustache in a devil-may-care flyboy WW2 fighter pilot way, which the ladies so love.

 

The Skipper's "tache" looks like this …...………….. ……... as does his smug smile.

 

"I have to admit" said the Skipper "After considering the UniRoot's picture in post # 12,743, that I do have a memory of looking down thru the valley and seeing that little red bow, all ready to be undone …………………....…. and so was I."

 

"Erky Perky" (or "āi ěr jī · pèi ěr jī" [埃尔基·佩尔基] as the Victorihan's say) was the cry from the huge NES audience as ……………...

Edited June 9, 2020 by Captain

[Captain]

A VIDEO OF MODERATOR 14 COMING IN TO ATTEND THE SKIPPER'S LITTLE 200 AIRCRAFT FLY-IN (AVREF)

LAST WEEKEND. THE BIDGEE IS OFF TO THE NORTH NEAR THE FEEDLOT AND THE GUMLY RISSOLE IS JUST

ON THE RIGHT IN THE SHADE.

 

[turboplanner]

.......yet another Colonel Blimp type story was about to emerge from the Captain. Turbo always used Smope to check the Captain's stories, many of them direct smatches from the Bible, and more lately the Q'ran.

 

The most significant thing about the video in #12746 is the shock reaction of Moderator 14 as the Captain strategically snatched a biscuit from his snack pack just as they were touching down. Captain's cattle property is 200 km north of The Rock and you can see that he's slack when it comes to mowing the lawn.

 

The fly in was a big success though, with everyone showing off their latest builds. Missing rivets were diplomatically ignored, some of the fabric looked as if it had been patched with the wife's knickers, but they were a happy lot and talked cattle prices and .........

[onetrack]

......swapped brag stories about how much rain they'd had on their properties. The winner was Cappy, of course, he told how the rain was so heavy where he was, he had to get his Blaxell Surfrider out, to get to the front gate from the house - then added that, "Of course, it's 15 kilometres from the house to the front gate, and I did hit a couple of sandbars on the way!"

 

At that, there was general agreement that Cappy had won the bragging rights competition for rainfall, and the conversation then turned back to the parlous state of the light aircraft industry in Australia, and what could be done about it.

 

"I think we should start a protest march on Parliament", said Turbo. "Let's demand a major reduction in the size of CASA (avref), a reduction in aviation regulation (avref), and let's have a protest chant of 'PILOTS LIVES MATTER'! (avref). That should get us the attention we so eagerly seek!".

 

"There's just a couple of problems with that idea", said an old cow-cocky, who owned the Hughes Lightwing with all the torn fabric in the wing coverings. "There's still ....

[Captain]

...……… a need for us to play on the sympathy of the general public, so I suggest we modify the name to "Suntanned Pilot's Lives Matter" or the very catchy SPLM" said Howard. "Plus we can also have one of the Uni's prepare a paper on Pilot's Deaths in Custody (P-Dick). And in addition we can do an expose on the drug and alcohol issues associated with the well known aviation (avref) saying "Ten scotches & a reefer, bottle then throttle (TSAARBTT)".

 

(As a result, Collins St in Melbornhan was renamed "SPLM Freedom Square" and tanks were positioned in Little Collins St ready to run over some protesting students).

 

But Brine's (rennyref) razor sharp intellect and wit came up with a much improved name that captured hearts & minds, which was ...………….

Edited June 12, 2020 by Captain

[turboplanner]

........,apparently, invisible to those who did not believe. To help those people, Turbo advises the name Brine coined was SOMP, Sum Of Many Pilots.

Turbo thinks it's a bit weak, but..............