The Never Ending Story

[turboplanner]

.....copped another egg right on the knuckles. "This public life isn't for me" he thought, and decided to go into seclusion and..............

[onetrack]

.....tell everyone he had picked up COVID-19 and was in quarantine. At the very least, it would keep the crowds baying for his blood away from him, and also slow up any AUF branch-stacking investigations that might become uncomfortable.

 

While he was in hiding, he received a text from his manager at Turbine Industrial Cleaning Inc, that there were more interesting waste removal contracts in the pipeline. There was the huge Federal Parliament waste removal contract up for tender, the CASA waste removal contract was also coming up (as both places produced more XXXX than anyone could imagine, for their size) - and there was also a possibility of overseas contracts. The Sky was the limit (avref), the text ended.

 

Turbo was amazed. This was getting bigger than Ben Hur. He would soon be able to afford his own personal Lear jet (avref) - and he'd likely need it, with the amount of work and projects in the pipeline.

He needed help (many would say he's needed help for years - but this is different). He cast his mind around for an able assistant to aid him in his time of need, He had to be.......

[turboplanner]

.........blond, shapely, and good at making coffee. Turbo has won several Diversity Awards through the years making a good recovery when, during the Bra-burning Germaine Greer period when he walked into the office, looked around and said "Gee it's cold in here!" and saw 20 pairs of arms flash up at the same time. So he was smart enough not to specify a sex or age; he'd simply say "I don't think this job is right for you" or ....

[Captain]

There was the huge Federal Parliament waste removal contract up for tender, the CASA waste removal contract was also coming up (as both places produced more XXXX than anyone could imagine, for their size)

STOP PRESS ..... Turbine Bovine Cleanup & Insemination Corp (TBCAIC) has been awarded this contract & they have ordered more trucks to handle the ever increasing flow from the CASA (notreallyanavref) offices, as this outfall is particularly fluid & toxic.

 

PS ..... (Turbo's insemination activities have decreased markedly over recent decades.)

[Captain]

.........blond, shapely, and good at making coffee. Turbo has won several Diversity Awards through the years making a good recovery when, during the Bra-burning Germaine Greer period when he walked into the office, looked around and said "Gee it's cold in here!" and saw 20 pairs of arms flash up at the same time. So he was smart enough not to specify a sex or age; he'd simply say "I don't think this job is right for you" or ....

...………. "G'day Germaine, I have always thought that you were hot, I love your mind and I hope that you still don't shave your armpits, so come to Turbo (CTT) and give me a big ...…………….

[Captain]

.......hug.

 

"Don't be a germ, eh Tubb" said Germaine "And make sure that your next post is germane to this aviation (avref) forum, and not more crass promotion of the Turbine Industries Conglomerate (The TIC) which .........

[turboplanner]

"........, which while being a stunning example of Corporate perfection, particularly the policy of two females to every male, we really should be ignoring Cappy and getting back to Avref subjects."

Turbo looked at her and said "I found Amelia Earhardt's aircraft." There was a stunned silence and Germaine, who had a history of promoting aviatrixes..................

[Captain]

........ promoted Amelia from Pilot (avref) to .........

[turboplanner]

........legend. "As you know Germaine" he said in a diversity-sensitive way, "I've taken a great interest in what happened to Earhardt's aircraft over the years, finding seven exploration trips when asked by various explorers. I'm not saying they were dills, but why would you be looking in the Alutians, Chile or Quebec; I'm afraid I did my money so I decided to fly the route she flew to the Island she was headed for, and there, stuck on a reef was the .....................

[Captain]

........ is the hulk of the ship that belonged to The Ancient Mariner, (TAM) with whom Amelia (avref) had been living in sin after being captured by the Japanese ("Hurro NESers" said Nobu "Ameria had to rand as she had bloken 6 thru-bolts (avlef)) and because of this, Turbo Coleridge (Victoria's Poet Laureat) rewrote the poem with a more contemporary message of sex, drugs, rock&roll, statue desecration, avrefs and .......

[Captain]

STOP PRESS ...... We are sad to report that the 3 Victoristan statues of Turbo have been damaged overnight. The one outside Tullamarine Terminal A was hit by a stolen Lada, the bronze outside the brothel next to Moorabbin Airport was signwritten as "Lacist" (so obviously by a Japanese Antifa member) and the one outside the Trucking Hall of Fame (THOF) was fitted with a pink dress. AUF members (and Planey) are outraged.

[Captain]

STOP PRESS ...... We are sad to report that the 3 Victoristan statues of Turbo have been damaged overnight. The one outside Tullamarine Terminal A was hit by a stolen Lada, the bronze outside the brothel next to Moorabbin Airport was signwritten as "Lacist" (so obviously by a Japanese Antifa member) and the one outside the Trucking Hall of Fame (THOF) was fitted with a pink dress. AUF members (and Planey) are outraged.

"So he only has 3?" said Onesie, rather aggressively, "What a lightweight!".

 

For the Uniroute had been taking pottery lessons and had made full size busts of himself from clay & ocre and had superglued them on the windowsill outside every consecrated Town Hall in WA, of which there are about 6, that are classed as "major towns" with populations of more than about 1000.

 

ONESIE'S HANDMADE BUT SPOOKILY LIFELIKE BUST OUTSIDE THE OODLAWOOPWOOPUP TOWNHALL

Edited June 21, 2020 by Captain

[turboplanner]

The Captain's actions in publishing an image of OneTrack caused three immediate Extradition requests from Queensland, NSW, and Victoria Police. Queensland's arrived last because the computer needed to do four passes on 60,000 very similar looking people before finally deciding they had their man. The offences all related to impersonating .................

[onetrack]

......a certain pilot who was known to wear rank insignia well above his normal level. However, this pilot regularly slipped through security and ID checks and is still being sought in relation to illegal low-flying, entering controlled airspace without authorisation in a Turboencabulator-powered Drifter, and other highly dangerous aviation manouevres.

This pilot has been sighted in Moorabbistan, Kapookistan, Wogga Wogga (where all the Wogs come from), and various other centres of aviation activity.

However, authorities are unsure if there's just the one offender, or if there are more than one, or if one offender is posing under different disguises in different locations.

"It's very difficult to nail this imposter and regular offender", said a CASA mouthpiece, speaking off the record. "But I'm sure we'll soon.........

[Captain]

......... be able to identify & victimize him (or her [NTTIAWWT]) as per our usual procedure (See Form 293.iv.a.iii.vict).

 

And in parallel, Griffith raised an objection to Onesie's mention of Wagga being the sole source of .........

[turboplanner]

...........Covid-19. "Our cell is much bigger than that" they said, but were sworn to silence by the...............

[Captain]

........ President of the Black Hand Ultralight Flying Club & Casino, where ..........

[turboplanner]

.........we've had a CASA FoI running through the orange groves looking for a reported low flying aircraft. It's been reported by tourists travelling through the town for years - a miltary style aeroplane beating up the place and ...............

[Captain]

.........we've had a CASA FoI running through the orange groves looking for a reported low flying aircraft. It's been reported by tourists travelling through the town for years - a miltary style aeroplane beating up the place and ...............

 

…….. it has a propeller that ……..

[turboplanner]

......whines after the engine shuts down, and it’s unsettling the good people of Griffith, Mal, Merle and Mike, who could....

[Captain]

……… always hear the aircraft sound increase ahead of each beat-up.

 

"It's not a beat-up" the Pilot claimed "It was a missed approach."

 

And all the NES'ers nodded knowingly, as all had used the age-old "missed approach" every time they wanted to pose to their mates with a high-speed beat-up, which is always a great way to impress the ladies and thereby to ..…………...

[turboplanner]

........sell them tickets to the Booligal BNS where what happens on the Hay Plains stays on te Hay Plains, or used to before it was shown live to 83 million people in Eastern Europe, who could watch the girls killing the steers and cutting them up for the BBQ and the men laying out the thousands of stubbies, into a pyramid ready for the Stubbie Slide where the ........

[Captain]

........sell them tickets to the Booligal BNS where what happens on the Hay Plains stays on te Hay Plains, or used to before it was shown live to 83 million people in Eastern Europe, who could watch the girls killing the steers and cutting them up for the BBQ and the men laying out the thousands of stubbies, into a pyramid ready for the Stubbie Slide where the ........

...…….. Stubbies are all counted after the slide to ensure that none have disappeared up the Stubby Slider's ………...

[turboplanner]

......pitot tube [avref].

The five youngest on the BNS Committee were expected to bring their chainsaws along and cut down a few trees for the six huge BBQ pits, but it was getting harder and harder each year to find suitable trees, as you can see from the photo taken from Captain's J230.

Some NES readers will have noted that he doesn't fly it any more, doesn't even talk about it any more; it all started with the 2016 30th BNS, when Turbo and Captain were on firewood duty. Captain took Turbo in the J230 with the Stihl strapped down behind the seats. After walking for hours they'd been unable to find a single tree.

This had happened frequently in the past and when it did one of the guys had to forfeit his ute which was ceremoniously torched to cook all the steers. Most of the steaks were half raw, but we were tough in those days.

On this particular year nobody found any trees, so the BNSP (President said "Who's going to sacrifice their ute?" No one put their hand up.

What happened next has never been proven, but has been the subject of many pub fights and arguments. In the momen t after the question a fly settled on Turbo's nose and he tried to brush it away, but others said he pointed at the Captain and the J230 was quickly dragged across to the pits and torched. It broke the Captain's heart; he'd built the thing up from a kit. Never mind that it was said to have 130 kg of bog in it before he managed to smooth the skin ripples, and the baffles were put on inside out, which gave him the coolest engine in the park, or that the undercarriage had been mounted at a slight angle which had you touching down like a crab, it was his work, his pride, and now it was ashes. It was a long walk home, not much was said, but Turbo had to carry the Stihl all the way to Wagga Wagga, where.........

[Captain]

...…… where they reminisced, as The Skipper & Turdy were great mates over several decades (it all started when Turbs was a tiny urchin that first begged Cappy to pay for him to get into his 1st Speedway Meeting). And this all led to a stellar & dynamic Speedway career by TinkyWink (who was always a crowd favourite).

 

"I have to say, mate, that your 230 was one of the best I have ever seen and I got a little aroused by the acceleration, climb (avref) rate, and smoothness of the 6 cylinder engine, but geeez don't they also burn as well as they fly, eh?" said Turbs.

 

Turbo and The Captain had a few more gins and then agreed that ………………..

 

TINK AT THE TRACK WITH HIS PITCREW.

Edited June 24, 2020 by Captain