The Never Ending Story

[turboplanner]

.....Urdu printers, when we could have used Hmongs.

Turbo's thoughts came back to the Tyro (possible avref), and that huge puff of smoke in Take 1. What had happened; what could have gone ......................

[Bryon]

......into the previous nights curry to give the pilot such a reaction. Could it have been........

[Captain]

....... an excess of saffron, some manky coconut milk, or just the usual ........

[turboplanner]

.......squashed cockroach flavouring otherwise known as Renmark Soy which.....

[onetrack]

....can be used as aviation engine oil (avref) in cases of emergency. But the origins of the smoke were more interesting. What generated the smoke, and what was that curious smell? "I've got it!", cried Turbo. "It's a mixture of.....

[Captain]

....... Castrol R (ohhh the memories of that delightful odour) and the usual sign-writing oils, for the yellow Tyro had been hired to signwrite a gigantic BLM sign at 10,000 ft overhead Flinders St station, then flick up to Sydney, Brisbane then across to Perth and do the same, before ........

[planedriver]

The Tyro made it to Sydney the other day and wrote "Gary ❤ Doris" for all to see, and all you could hear was WTF is Doris?

[Captain]

There were knowing sniggers rippling amongst the AUF Membership with regard to this "In-Joke", as all recreational pilots (avref) know that "Gary" is the dark-web code for the AUF and Doris is the code for CASA.

 

Turbo nearly dropped his pink gin when he saw the joke (and that Paney had posted here again …. & without an avref either), but Brinylon killed the mirth when he advised "...….

Edited June 28, 2020 by Captain

[Bryon]

......."dont eat the yellow snow"......

[onetrack]

....but of course, no-one knew what he was talking about, because snow is rarely seen in Australia, and "yellow snow" is a standard American joke.

 

Meantimes, CASA was onto the sky signwriter for unauthorised acrobatic flying without the proper endorsements, and the suitably certified aircraft.

 

As soon as the Tyro landed and the prop stopped spinning, a CASA operative was standing right by the cockpit, clipboard in hand.

 

But Turbo had already ditched the hand-operated smoke generator overboard, just prior to landing, to ensure there was "insufficient evidence to prosecute".

 

However, what he didn't know, was the smoke generator had landed right on the roof of the CASA operatives car - thus, not only increasing the CASA operatives fury - but generating an additional damage bill as well.

 

Turbo was facing the most difficult moment of his flying career - and when the nearly-apoplectic CASA operative started to furiously unload on him, Turbo knew that.......

[Captain]

....... the jig was up ................... and the CASA operative looked uncomfortable as a result.

 

"Oh, sorry" said Turbs "As I didn't mean for the jig to be all the way up THERE ........ as I just .........

[turboplanner]

.........coated it with Castrol R." The CASA operative looked even more uncomfortable, but Turbo reassured him that there was an antidote. His pleading eyes told Turbo that the fix was in, and he explained that it was lucky they were in bindii country because the bindii seed was the only thing to reduce Castrol R necromation. The whole camp could hear the Operatives screams all night and by morning he was gone.

Turbo said to Planey "Didn't you tell him palm oil dissolved the spikes, but with a knowing grin planey said "No, I ................................................"

[planedriver]

believe it's the smell of burnt Castrol R that really get's the results, especially with older more experienced chicks blood pumping. Palm oil only reminds them of some sleaze they met on a South Pacific holiday who offered an all over rub in exchange few a few Winnie Blue's (smokes).

After all, all CASA staff are encouraged to support social distancing even from anyone who supports their cause, otherwise you might have to use two hands to count them. So the thought of any palm oil remedy's are out of the question.

Edited June 29, 2020 by planedriver

[Captain]

Mind you, the Aussie aviation (avref) community had been trying to keep CASA inspectors at a distance since Turbo was in short pants (longlonglongtimeagoref).

 

Whereas, for all that time (milleniaref), CASA have been trying to ........

[turboplanner]

....rip his pants off. This is where Castrol R has been so important to Turbo who has always used nothing but Castrol R in his race cars, not for improved performance, but so he could sniff has last lap every time he went around, which inspired him to ..........

[onetrack]

.......think about using palm oil to pull the babes, as it seemed the glamour of his speedway outfit didn't pull the chicky-babes like it used. Or maybe it was just his age.

Was that a grey hair or three, he could see in the mirror?

But babes were supposed to be drawn to men with the maturity of a few grey hairs? He pondered what to do about erasing them. There must be some products on the market that would.....

[planedriver]

nose around for a few extra laps after the others had packed up and gone home. Turb's was overheard saying that while many had resorted to vaping, he was secretly "hooked" and had spent many hours researching Dr Goggle to find some relief from his snifter obsession. ................

[turboplanner]

........which he doesn't apologise for. "Castrol R is not a prohibited drug" he explained to the news media. "It prolongs life, cures all types of diseases, is a lubricant with many different applications and produces a measurable increase in power in an engine by freeing up components, particularly pistons, which run much cooler."

Not all the press were convinced. Jacques Le Droit an earlt AUF member who had been deported from France, and was also expelled from the AUF mischievously asked ".....

[Captain]

....... "So it's good for coughs, colds & sore holes, is it?"

 

"Mais oui, Mademoiselle Jaques" said Turdy, showing off his command of the lingua franca.

 

This incensed Le Droit, to the extent that he ......

[Captain]

THE SKIPPER IS PLEASED TO ADVISE THAT HE AND TURBO HAVE JUST ANNOUNCED A NEW RELEASE OF 100% AUSTRALIAN OWNED AND MANUFACTURED PRODUCTS UNDER THE "MON CAPITAIN" BRAND ...... NAMELY CASTROL R SCENTED JOSS STICKS, HAND SANITISERS, DEODORANT, AIR FRESHENERS, BODY POWDERS, CONDOMS & A COMPLETE FEMININE HYGIENE RANGE.

Edited June 29, 2020 by Captain

[turboplanner]

....wrote an Opinion piece for one of the City Newspapers.

"We don't want stuff about Cessnas" said the Editor, "get us some real news"

And this was the way Le Droit found out about the Cat farm. He'd flown over it many times, but hadn't seen the cats fior the trees.

Turbo, always responsible in animal husbandry had planted shady trees to give the cats a more comfortable life, but there's always one, and Turbo had to call out the fire brigade at least once a month to rescue a cat from a tree.

He solved the problem after watching a cop show, and these days keepers get them down using the Winchester method.

Le Droit .................

[planedriver]

had it explained to him that a small piece of lead placed between their ears, was an effective way of causing them to overbalance and come down unassisted. A local farm labourer who spends most of his day digging fence post holes offered to dig one near the base of the tree. This way we can see if the keepers can get a hole in 1..........

[Captain]

......... had responded involuntarily (NTTIAWWT) to the earlier mention of Turbo in short pants, and he was even more intrigued when he learnt that Turbo required all staff at the Cat Farm to wear slightly undersized shorts (NTTIAWWTE). (However it should be noted that a Class Action is pending.)

 

Please see examples below of the Employee of the Year from the Cat Farm annual report.

 

"He's a Keeper" explained Turbo, a little defensively.

 

"Oh darling, is he ever" replied Le Droit, and he immediately..........

 

GET THAT CAT DOWN.

 

AT A CAT FARM MANAGEMENT MEETING

Edited June 29, 2020 by Captain

[Captain]

It is noted that Planey and the Skipper were both in the pattern (avref) at the same time this morning.

[planedriver]

The Skipper obviously had a sleepless night worrying about having to wear the undersized De Troit shorts, and who could blame him for that.

What a load of bollocks that is, said the girl from the adjoining village. I know him so well and can just imagine what he is feeling.

He has a well earned reputation you know, and I can vouch for that. He deserves a lot better than to be ridiculed in that way.

The fact he used to be a regular at the Blue Oyster Bar was only to pick up his rent money.

Our capitalist Captain has been known to have his finger in many different pies, A man of integrity, who has a saying "never monkey around with another monkey's monkey".

So De Troit needs to book himself an appointment with a taxidermist.............................