The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

....... "Did Planey just tell me to get stuffed?" asked .....

[Captain]

MODERATOR 9 IS LOOKING INTO IT, AND INTO WHETHER PLANEY NEEDS ANOTHER HOLIDAY FOR PERSONAL ABUSE.

[planedriver]

Nah!

De Troit is really an alias for the fashion designer Ivor Biggen, who's stretch of his imagination shows through in some of his revealing creations.

Planey would never insult our revered Captain who also goes back to Ford Prefect days. However, after a few samples of his mate Luigi's home-made plonk, he has been known on occasions to stir the pot a little...........................

[planedriver]

.......think about using palm oil to pull the babes, as it seemed the glamour of his speedway outfit didn't pull the chicky-babes like it used. Or maybe it was just his age.

Was that a grey hair or three, he could see in the mirror?

But babes were supposed to be drawn to men with the maturity of a few grey hairs? He pondered what to do about erasing them. There must be some products on the market that would.....

overcome the problem. I'm sure he would never really need it to maintain his debonair appearance. However, rumor has it that he's even tried sump oil from a 1956 Morris Oxford that has never had an oil change. The reports on it's success are still with RaAus so we may never know whether it is worth trying ourselves.

[Captain]

"I'm-a usin Grecian 2000" said Turbo "As-a that's how many ladies you have-a to fight off afta you use it, plus you then automatically become a Grik cab driver in-a Melbourne and-a get a stall at-a the markets, before you ......

Edited June 30, 2020 by Captain

[Captain]

STOP PRESS ...... THE NES HAS BEEN TAKEN OVER BY PLANEY. ONESIE AND SALTY CAN'T GET A WORD IN EDGEWAYS, AND TINK IS IN SHOCK. BULL DOESN'T GIVE A RATS, AS USUAL EH. MODERATOR 9 IS CONTINUING HIS INVESTIGATION AND WILL REPORT TO EEEEEEN ON THE 10TH.

[planedriver]

Don't worry about EEEEEN said Planey, He's too busy working out what to do with reams and reams of credit notes from all his cancelled flights with Jetstar...........................

[onetrack]

......which he's thinking, he could put towards investment into a major upgrade to WreckFlyin', which would allow forum users to expand their aviation knowledge and communication abilities, to levels previously unheard of - except that.....

[Captain]

........ the original concept was for Eeeen & Turbo to partner on this, as they were close friends, plus Turbo was keen to give back to the Recreational Aviation community and finally get his AO.

 

However, it turns out that Turbine Enterprises is a substantial shareholder in Virgin (a big irony as Turbs has been sowing his wild oats for well over half a century) and until the interests of the bond holders are resolved, TE may well replace Bain Capitol as the ........

[turboplanner]

.........operator of "Virgin Down Under For Good", so he was going through the on-board food menu to make sure each item was priced correctly, and .......

[planedriver]

all the while his claimed good mate EEEEEEN struggles in a state of quandary as to what to do with all his credits. He was even considering getting the paper recycled to print a new edition of Encyclopedia Britannica.

In business it is normally prudent to check on potential partner gains, before lining their pockets and you having to wait in the que at the local soup kitchen.

The CEO of Turbine Enterprises is a good businessman however, and knows how to make a quid or three, a bit like Paddy at The Flying kangaroo.

Disgruntled that he has not already been nominated for an AO, it's been suggested that a few plain envelopes distributed amongst the members of the Australian Anti-Progress Party might resolve a few issues and speed up the selection process.

Mention has also been made that he should receive a knighthood, and wear it while entertaining the local lovelies

[onetrack]

.......but Turbo was then appalled to find that airline food is now ceasing to exist, in the COVID-19 era. This removal of food from Virgin aircraft, of course, will help the bottom line no end, once Virgin starts flying again in numbers.

Hungry pax are light pax, so it's a win-win situation. No food costs for Virgin, and a reduced fuel burn. In addition, the toilets won't be used much, so half the toilets will be removed and replaced by more seating.

"I had no idea!", said Turbs in amazement ... "that airline food was such a drag on Virgin!"

"It's a drag on the pax, too", said Onetrack, as he surveyed the pathetic menu list, and pondered about the many unidentifiable items he'd gnawed on, whilst warming the park bench Virgin seating for free.

"Now that you mention this", said Turbo, "there's a whole range of savings to be extracted from pax, from here on in! First, we'll install .......

[turboplanner]

.............a seating layout first mentioned by Charlie Sitch who owned 105 buses servicing Melbourne's Sunshine area. The Bus Operators were complaining about an upper limit on seating capacity of 41 not being enough. "I've taken seats out of mine" said Charlie "They're all now 28 seaters, which costs me less in licenseing fees. I've put stanchions in them for people to hang onto, and now in peak peridos we carry 100. I can't help it if people keep getting on." Not many people have noticed and the press hasn't commented, but the Virgin fleet has been quietly moved from the mothball area to Engineering and B-Doubles have been seen delivering light gauge stainless steel tube. Once again it seems that Turbo has produced success out of failure, and the new Virgin ticket, at $9.99 Sydney to Brisbane is going to .................

[planedriver]

bring a few previously unseen charges. To make use of the reduced number of toilets available, there will be a "convenience" fee and paper will have to be purchased from the new wall mounted machines at $1 a sheet. BYO paper will be a strict no no, as a supply deal has been struck with the Asian organisation in Hurstville who have been busy stripping the supermarket shelves again in readiness for Virgins proposed return to the air.

Frequent users will be able to get brownie points (spelt incorrectly for the need to maintain decency) which will count towards an increase in the miserable gains available in loyalty points.......................

Edited July 1, 2020 by planedriver

[Captain]

...... and "Frequent User" became the new marketing catchphrase being suggested by Turbine Aviation in their attempt to oust Bain, by coining the catchy jingle "F U .......

[turboplanner]

.........this all fitted very well with the millenial dudes who'd stand for the whole flight provided they had two thumbs free and were allowed to use their Iphones.

and Virgin FU was almost ready for launch when Diversity stepped in and ................

[Captain]

........ demanded that the Virgin name be removed because it is sexist against anybody who has never had any nooky (like many in the cancel culture) and that the kangaroo be removed from the Qantas tail as it was a "trigger" for many urban aboriginal peoples.

 

Turbo, who was always responsive to pubic (& public) pressure, called his PR consultants together and started the meeting with .........

 

PS ..... REX has also been renamed because it is too blokey.

Edited July 2, 2020 by Captain

[turboplanner]

........a tribute to the original owners of this land, the Coast Salesh tribe from Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada.

There was some rumbling within the meeting until Turbo explained the local Aborigines referred to themselves as "First Nations" and this was the name of the tribes of which the Coast Salesh were members. Being Canadian, First Nationals were automatically disqualified from taking over any Australian land, least of all the offices of FU.

Since that applied in every State, FU were able to lower their rates even further to the point where it was likely they would replace Qantas as Australia's Airline and they could now use their catchy little tune "FU Australia;., In there and fight ...........................

[Captain]

……….. for the over-privileged white folks in OZ.

 

Following a detailed study by some over-privileged white University, they came up with 2 ground breaking recommendations.

 

The 1st was that the AUF is predominantly (and therefore excessively) white and at least half of the memberships (and aircraft (avref)) are therefore to be provided free-of-charge (FOC) to any aboriginal person who can demonstrate they are hot for a Drifter (HFAD) (and who can spell dihedral and empennage (dual avrefs)).

 

The 2nd was that all aboriginal or 1st Nations statues should be pulled down and then all aboriginal persons should be charged with the crime of killing off all of the diprotodons during their irresponsible feasting & gluttony once they crossed the bridge into OZ. The WWF, Green Peace (GP) and Save the Diprotodons (STD) all saw the merit of this initiative & piled on to sponsor the Court Case, which had the aim of ...…...

 

THE LAST EVER DIPROTODON (NAMED "LONELY") TRYING TO MAKE FRIENDS

WITH AN ELDER, WHILE ACTUALLY BEING SIZED UP FOR A BBQ.

Edited July 2, 2020 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.............making it illegal to kill Diprodons in Australia.

The STD movement upset the plans of Turbo, who had located the museum where the Diprodon was kept, sent in an operative from TIA (Turbine Intelligence Agency), to obtain a small sample of DNA, and this week at the cat farm a big and nasty Tabby had give birth to six baby Diprodons.

 

The logic was simple for Turbo; if you can export 200,000 tonnes of cat meat, for the same wages cost you can export 2 million tonnes of DMeat, which was the proposed product's new name, and would be marketed with pictures of rolling green hills studded with Hereford cattle.

(Some people might call this misleading, but consider that we eat Chines pig meat from our Australian supermarkets which label it 2% Australian content).

 

Realising he was going to lose his battle with STD, Turbo had managed to secure a deal with Kim Jong Un to build a 20,000 Ha DFarm in North Korea. Kim was so excited about it that he bought the first ten years' production; a total of 20 million tonnes.

 

Turbo had scaled up the cat meat volume, and now all he had to to was find a pair of giant Rats to breed for the DFood, and who would be better to advise on this than ...............

 

 

 

KIM JONG UN COMING OUT OF SECLUSION TO ANNOUNCE THE EXCITING NEW VENTURE.

[Captain]

Realising he was going to lose his battle with his STD,

......... Mavis was alarmed when she read this. "I'm pretty sure that I didn't give it to him ....... but conversely, Turbs was never up to Jeff E's standard, but he WAS always a philandering stud, so could he have given it to .........

 

Unitrack was also concerned. "We have all noticed a deterioration in his mental acuity but surely these days some of the newer antibiotics could help Turbo."

Edited July 4, 2020 by Captain

[Captain]

Turbo had scaled up the cat meat volume, and now all he had to to was find a pair of giant Rats to breed for the DFood, and who would be better to advise on this than ...............

........ one of his long term, best & most loyal mates, ........

[turboplanner]

...........The RAT, who...................

[Captain]

A STATUE OF "LONELY" UP IN QLD.

I HOPE HE DOESN'T GET PULLED DOWN, AS 60,000 YEARS AGO HE OWNED 3 WOMBATS WHO USED TO CLEAN OUT HIS BURROW. (ONE OF WHICH DID HIM CERTAIN "FAVOURS").

Edited July 4, 2020 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......had told the story of "Lonely" and the wombats many times before. Lonely had a brain comparable to ours and had built himself a giant Drifter (avref) from plans. It was actually Lonely who invented sand casting aluminium, and the propellor, but he hadn't tthought of ailerons and had to twist his wings with his hind claws.

Bur, and let this be a lesson to all readers here, he started a movement called BLM and showered the main street of Longreach with propaganda, but God was watching and turned him into a pillar of stone which didn't do much for the W&B of the Drifter and he finished up in the main street of Eulo where the Drifter....................